When your fingers accidentally contact your anus, you

// 66 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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Get another handful of TP, and wipe it off.
13% (173 votes)
Get another handful of TP, and just keep going.
7% (95 votes)
Wash your hands. Poo is icky.
38% (485 votes)
Smell your finger (quit hanging around with monkeys, wouldja?)
36% (456 votes)
Other. Please specify.
6% (74 votes)
Total votes: 1283

66 Comments on "When your fingers accidentally contact your anus, you"

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I had to go with washing my hands. Just thinking about TP breakthrough and stinky fingers is making me wipe my itchy hands on the desk as I try to type this. Ew! Ew! Ew!

It is especially vile and nasty if, in the process of contacting your anus, you get it under your fingernails. Just simply using liquid soap doesn't get it off, either. I have had such accidents and washed with liquid soap, only to find my hand still smells shitty until I scrub it off really hard with regular bar soap. And I mean hard, like, so hard my skin turns red.

Poop on the hands is SO nasty!

_______
I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I voted other....I'd pet the cat vigorously...
reality, I would finish wiping (might break through a second time) and wash thoroughly when finished.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I voted wipe it off, and keep going. I'm going to wash my hands after I am done anyway, why do it twice?

Though I do say it is kind of nasty when it happens. If I an't get the poop smell off of my fingers, I scrub them with an Brillo pad until the smell is gone.
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points
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Shit happens, and when it does you just gotta keep on keeping on.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points
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This happens so rarely for me but when it does occur I make the most out of it. While many people here have called farts the "Butt Trumpet" few have mastered actually playing it. Like any normal guy I'm more "attuned" to the lower registers so I attempt to push as much gas out as possible all the while using said poo smeared finger to act as a damper much like a saxaphonist will trill notes by depressing the lever.

While this has been a rare occurance it has led to some spectacular performances if I say so myself. I've mastered imitations of the oboe, contrabassoon and have even had a short but piquant rendition resembling a sousaphone. I just had a spicy dinner of tacos and should things go poorly in the protecting the finger department later I will try yet again to perform "Flight of the Bunghole Bee"....in F....sharp!

the log of hazzard's picture
l 100+ points
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I voted I smell my finger. Doesn't everybody?

Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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Okay, so I voted to wash my hands, but if it happened mid-wipe, I'd probably just keep going and finish the wipe and THEN scrub my hands. I'm not going to stand there and wash my hands with my pants down and my butt still not all the way clean. And when I do wash my hands, I SCRUB them. I'm talking hot water, soap, and lots of friction and a little brush I use for my nails.


_______
An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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I went with washing my hands as well, but here's the real scoop. I'd wipe it off with some paper, finish the job, and then wash my hands. I bite my nails off all the time, so there aren't any there to get poop under.

_______
I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

[Insert witty banter here]

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Bilgepump (264) -- 10.21.2006
"I voted other....I'd pet the cat vigorously...
"

Only to have that cat curl up on your pillow.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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You know, now that I think about it, I should have chosen "other", only since there was no "all of the above" option, because what I do is closer to the following:

1. Grab another handful of TP and wipe it off.
2. Smell my fingers and gag, saying "Gross, gross, gross" repeatedly.
3. Grab another handful of TP, push out the rest of my mess, and wipe it up. Say repeatedly, "Man I hate this cheap TP! Ew ew ew ew ew!
4. Flush and run over to the sink. Wash vigorously with bar soap, nail brush, and steel wool until every particle of contaminated skin is removed from my body. All the while screaming, "yuck, yuck yuck!"
5. Other- bandage my wounds and walk out whistling, never admitting that I just beshat my hands. (Which PR came up with the word "beshat"? I love it!)
All of the above.

_______
I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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GottaGoGirl (1594) -- 10.21.2006

Bilgepump (264) -- 10.21.2006
"I voted other....I'd pet the cat vigorously..."

Only to have that cat curl up on your pillow.

You're just plain mean, Lady....

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I left out the smell my fingers part. Ok, now I've came clean.

Who wouldn't smell their fingers. Truthfully now?
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points
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Really, I'd just look at my fingers to check out the damage, wipe it off with some TP, finish the job, and scrub-a-dub-dub whatever I could get off my fingers. I'd have to sniff my fingers after washing them to be sure I won't be eating any poop tasting food in the near future.

On another note - I don't know why it is I get so grossed out about getting my own poo on my fingers when I get shit on my hands a lot when I change my son's diaper. Maybe I just love every little thing about him, including his poop?


_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Anal Seepage's picture
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I would wash my ass if something as nasty as my fingers came into contact with it.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I think that is maternal instinct, shitwit. I'm a germophobic and my little Gordon's shit still doesn't bother me as much as my own. That, and I suppose part of it has to do with the fact that we know every place and everything our little babies have been doing, so we know what is coming out in his poop.

_______
I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points
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As opposed to NOT knowing where ourselves have been?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I'm not entirely sure what AB2K meant, there, but it has to be funny, cuz I'm giggling.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Northy's picture
l 100+ points
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I only tend to sniff my finger when I'm not entirely sure whether full contact was made with the old A-Hole - if contact is made then I wipe it off with TP & keep going finishing off with a thorough wash

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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What you have on your fingers when they contact your anus may determine the answer. If for instance you have superglue on your finger, you will be walking funny for a while. If you have Bengay you will be running verrrry fast. If you have poison ivy....you will be scooting your butt on the rug like a dog.

juicyturds's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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_______
juicyturds
i smell my finger then wipe it off

juicyturds

Poopgirl's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I finish wiping, then wipe it off, then use hand sanitizer to get the invisible poop particles off.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Poop on!

-Poopgirl

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I think what I meant to say is that our babies are not always exposed to the same things in the outside world that we are. They don't use public restroom toilets, go to work or school, or otherwise get exposed to filth and germs. It is not as easy for us to tell what we have been exposed to on a daily basis, where as, unless our kids are older and at a daycare center, it is easier to tell with them. Therefore, it is not always as gross. Cleaning up a kid's poop becomes gross, in my opinion, after they have grown a little older and go off to daycare and school, where we are not as certain of things they have been exposed to.

That, and as adults we tend to try to be more clean, and getting shit on one's hands is most definately NOT clean. A baby can't help it and needs someone there to clean it. Grossness becomes irelevant.

_______
I was a category five! Category five, I tell you! Get it right or I'll be back to PROVE IT!!!!- Katrina

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Poopgirl (78) -- 10.23.2006 "I finish wiping, then wipe it off, then use hand sanitizer to get the invisible poop particles off."

Hand sanitizer takes SEVERAL MINUTES to become effective (so don't pick up that sandwich just yet), and it only kills about 98 - 99% of the bacteria. The bacteria left have a resistance to the sanitizer and will not die from it. These bacteria multiply and pass on this resistance. Therefore you are left with a whole bunch of bacteria that cannot be killed by the sanitizer and are more harmful then before. So basically hand sanitizers are fine to use when you simply can't wash them but they should definitely not be used as a substitute.

WASH your HANDS.

Now, go eat your sandwich.

sharty mcfly's picture
l 100+ points
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question, the poll specified accidentally, wouldn't it be worse if your fingers contacted your anus intentionally and you didn't wash them? for the record, i don't intentionally touch my anus with my fingers.
usually if breakage occurs i wipe off, finish wiping, and then hobble to the sink steps away from the shitter with pants either around the ankles or clumsily pulled up with the non defiled hand. the defiled hand is held as far away as possible... and then washed vigorously, i don't want shit on my clothes. then after i have raw red hands i finish dressing and go. obviously this isn't the same routine i use in a public bathroom.

yours in time,

Sharty Mcfly

Fecal Follies's picture
l 100+ points
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Sharty has an echo. (Mod's note--Sorry, I saw the extra post and deleted it before I realized someone responded to the duplicate. Oops.)

I vote for "more TP and just keep going". If there's been one breakthrough due to cheap-ass quality TP or Horrible Wipe-Resistant Cement Poop, there's very likely to be another.

Those hands are going to get the heck washed out of them when the wipe-ola is done, though!

This actually happened to me Saturday night at an SCA event while someone was waiting around for me to come out of the bathroom ... argh ...

And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I think all of those who mentioned smelling their finger are telling the truth and nothing butt. (Not a typo.) Who hasn't smelled their finger after wiping from time to time as a precautionary measure?

Did I miss? Did I hit? Do I stink? Let me think. Let me sniff. Get a whiff. Yes, it's true. That's an ewwww.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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I've been thinking (that always spells trouble)....contacting your anus. Hmmm, does one use the telephone, shortwave radio or semaphore. Once contact is made, how is a relationship formed? Once formal contact is established with your anus, is it socially acceptable to seek contact with other anuses? Please elucidate on the societal mores and norms involved.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Contact with the anus is usually made through BM, not AM or FM.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I recommend not contacting the anus of a stranger. It hurts when she turns around and belts you in the mouth. Owwwwww

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Ew. Just ew. I not only wash my finger, I smell if AFTERWARDS to make sure there's no poopysmell on it.

Ack.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points
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Sharty, that was no accident, call me a prude but we don't really want to hear from people who are contacting their anus intentionally. I figure if you have a legitimate reason to touch your asshole (suppositories, manual disimpaction, and the like) you're probably going to wear rubber or latex gloves or wash your hands a freakin' buttload afterwards. If you're touching it intentionally for a non-medical reason, take your mouse, move it up to the top right-hand corner or your screen, and click the "x."

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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Honestly, I think it's pointless to get up and wash your hands if you're not done wiping. Just finish up, then wash your hands well with hot water and soap, and you're good to go.

It's very rare that I get my own poop on my hands. I can't remember the last time that's happened, but I do get poo on my hands more than I would like. You see, I have a very wiggly child that is still in diapers. Sometimes, it's unavoidable. I wash my hands several thousands of times a day.

I like how you felt the need to add a disclaimer, Sharty, so that everyone knows you don't intentionally touch your anus. To use internet speak, I lol'd.

sharty mcfly's picture
l 100+ points
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hey, i don't want people thinkin funny things about me FP, and ab2k, i didn't mean to ruffle your feathers if i did, haha i just thought it was funny that the question explicitly pointed to unintentional contact with the anus. i'm really surprised no one else is as concerned about getting shit on their clothes as i am. if contact occurs, that is what i am most worried about, not having a shitty finger or whatnot,m that'll wash off, but getting poo on your shirt or jeans, that would just be a day ruiner for me.

yours in time,

Sharty Mcfly

Northy's picture
l 100+ points
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When I had the dreaded 'roids I had to apply cream onto it - this tended to mean running my finger across my a-hole a few times to make sure I was creamed up. This was followed by a good 5 minute washing of my finger then sniff to make sure I got rid of any dirty germs

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points
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There is no "x" at the top right of me screen, just a magnifying glass. I guess that means that I don't touch my ass intentionally (phew, caused I was worried there for a minute).

Thanks for the heads up AB2K, I wasn't sure how to tell intentional from accidental. Now I know.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

monkey boy's picture
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i actually do a lot of those. first, i smell my finger (i have accidentally hit my own nose with a poo finger trying to sniff it). on a rare occasion or two, i've even had to do a double whiff becuase of the unique aroma. after the initial sniff, i'll get right back to work cleaning up the ole back door. once that job is finished i'll grab some more TP and wipe the dirty finger down and flush my bizness, butt TP and finger TP away forever. then i wash my hands - thoroughly. and to wrap the whole process up, i'll go into my den and sit naked on the couch and bite my toenails. i love tina craft.

Willy Belldne's picture
0
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Am i really the only one? I love a good deep dig, then do the "Scratch & sniff" ummm! there really is nothing quite like a good deep breathed lungfull of my own unique warmed "brown diamond" sigh i like the smell of my farts too. i can go deeper into it ,cough, if you like?

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
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I assume this question refers to touching the butt-hole during the wiping process. I've never done that, but when I finish wiping, and the last piece of paper is clean, I always check my butt-hole and surrounding territory with my fingers just to double check. Works good for me.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
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Other: I like it clean

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Sometimes when I wipe my finger goes through or past the paper and touches my anus. Not a big deal; a little bit of poop on a finger is easily washed off. I continue with my wiping until I am finished, including wiping the finger that touched my anus, then I wash my hands thoroughly. In fact, after every bowel movement, whether I touch my anus or not, I wash my hands thoroughly _before_ flushing the toilet so as to avoid getting bacteria on the flush handle. I do not intentionally touch my anus while wiping, but it has happened, one way or another, hundreds of times, and I'm still here. Just wash thoroughly; it's OK.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Hey, why isn't "Pick your nose" one of the options?
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

chocolate finger anyone?'s picture
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well when my finger accidently slips right up my anus i would smell it then clean it off with soap and a scrubbing brush even then your finger still smells of raw fart so you gotta wait 3 days or so till it dont smell anymore!
and try not to bite your finger nails -.-

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Anyone who enjoys the smell of their own farts would, I am sure, smell their finger.
Cheryl Crow's recent comment about wiping with one square of paper makes me think that she must smell her finger quite often.

--------------Eat chiles and feel the burn!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

crysta1544's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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It just seems instinctive to sniff the fingers after coming in contact with anus.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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DP, "picking your nose" was such an obvious choice it would not have made sense to list the rest. Nothing like a hairy nostril to scrub off the butt butter.

Rim Runner's picture
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Obviously I haven't finished wiping yet, so I usually wipe it off on the next wad, remembering which finger/thumb caught it and which side, and then continue wiping until I draw more blood than poop residue. At that point I flush and then proceed to wash my hands. First concentrating on the aforementioned digit which had the point of contact and then doing an overall cleansing with soap and water. I do however try not to sniff the fingers in case I find it appealing.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I find that steel wool and bleach work wonders when my finger touches my hiney hole. I feel that if I scrub until the first 2 layers of skin come off I can be halfway certain that I got the poo germs off.....but just to be safe I'll scrub till I see bone next time.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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That's a good household hint there MMC. I'm sure people across America will be walking around with bloody (but germ free) nubs tonight. I would go one step further and splash them with some aftershave as a final touch.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I prefer a salt and lime juice scrub to keep the bones white and lemony fresh.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

prarie doggin's picture
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I like to do "man shots". Drink a shot of tequila, snort the salt and squeeze the lime in my eyes. It really gets you going at happy hour. But soak my bloody fingers in it? That's plain crazy.