Certainly at home.

I had a salad and all you can eat Chineese last night, and for some reason got well cleaned out from it. Whatever caused this bout of the shits, required four courtesy flushes to keep the stench down.

As a result, I have not had my first New Year's poo yet.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

I picked at home, because I'm boring and I don't party. My idea of celebrating the new year was to read an entire article on calderas. So I read in the new year talking about the collapse of Yellowstone. Sort of reminds me of my bladder. My first piss of the year was major, yellow (like sulfur), and, according to Gilbert, very loud.

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I picked at home, too. We sat at home last night, flipping the t.v. channels. Today, we watched the parade, walked the children and dogs to the park, and now GottaMan is watching the Rose Bowl. I haven't visited the Brown Bowl, yet.

I already took my morning dump which is always preceded by four ice cold glasses of water. That is like a switch for peristalsis. Still awaiting the second dump of 2007! Made new years resolution to teach my niece to say "I feel five pounds lighter after she poos"
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Without a doubt, it will be right here in my new house. BTW, down here in the South, we have black-eyed peas and cabbage as 'good luck' foods on New Year's Day. Do other parts of the country observe this?

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

My late step-mother used to always serve that! She wasn't from the South, but she was part Irish, and claimed that "Hoppin John" was from the Old Country (of which I'm not so sure), but on New Year's Day, EVERYONE had to eat some, for luck.

My boyfriend and I made a last-moment decision to drive down to the Cotton Bowl game because he's a UNL grad, tickets are cheap, and the rooms weren't filling. We both thought the stadium was a dump compared to many of the other large stadiums we've visited. By 9:30 a.m. I knew I would have to take my BM and because it was an hour before game time, I expected the ladies room to be a lot cleaner. Out of about 20 stalls, several were overflowing. I checked about seven of them to select the cleanest and to make sure I'd have toilet paper to wipe with. The seat was cold and didn't get any warmer during my five or ten minutes on it. After a full stool, it took me three flushes to get all of it down, and there was a steady leak from the piping the flusher handle was attached to. The water in the sinks was only marginally warm and the soap dispensed was sparse. So much for my first poop of 2007. I'm looking forward to the rest stops on I-35 on the trip back. And my boyfriend says they suck. What does he know!

Never had those black-eye peas, but I managed to gag down half a spoonful of menudo once. Very traditional Mexican fare on New Year's Eve. My friends tell me it's the ultimate hangover cure, as well. Of course, once you're done puking your guts out from the taste of the menudo, a little thing like a hangover fades to insignificance..... I mean, they put intestines or something in that menudo! Looks like a warmed over mini Loch Ness monster floating in that pot, and I can only imagine what it looks like the next day when it's done swimming through your bowels.
Ugh.

Looks like most of us take care of our business at home. Somehow, I would have thought PoopReporters would have been a more lively lot!

Who voted for "In Jail"? We'd sure like to hear from YOU!

My girlfriend and I went to the movies. She had to shit before the feature because she had a large softdrink with her popcorn and she drank it pretty fast. I had a hotdog plus a large pop also. Although we both went down at 11:45 p.m., I was back in my seat for the midnight show when it started. She said the lines were eight and nine deep for the ladies room and she didn't get back until 12:20 am. It sux being female at the AMC Grand on New Years Eve but her shit counted for the PR survey! What's her prize?

TBW says: "Without a doubt, it will be right here in my new house. BTW, down here in the South, we have black-eyed peas and cabbage as 'good luck' foods on New Year's Day. Do other parts of the country observe this?"

Around here we do, but it's pork and sauerkraut. Apparently it's good luck to have smelly farts.

My first poop was this morning and consisted of smelly liquor-induced diarrhea as soon as I woke up, so it was at home, of course. Mr. Blaster had an impressive bowl-filler after we came home from his parents' house, where we had the aforementioned pork and sauerkraut.

To The Thunderous: You wrote: "Made new years resolution to teach my niece to say "I feel five pounds lighter after she poos".

After who poos? Are you trying to get the kid to vicariously enjoy the crap achievements of others? What if her teacher, for instance, is seen exiting the women's room and your niece outs with "Gosh, I feel five pounds lighter after Mrs. Klingenshitz pinches one out."

I would try to confine myself to being a better role model to my niece, if I were in your place. As a suggestion, please try this one: "Hey! Pull my finger!" Adults will fawn all over the kid when she says that, especially if she's one of those little kids with big blue innocent-looking eyes that stare up at you and imply that you should go ahead, give the kid's finger a tug, she's not really going to lay down a shit mist.

Thanks for sharing this with us so we might offer a bit of guidance on your role as an uncle!

I assume that whole "good luck food" thing is really meant for anyone who follows your visit to the crapper after eating it. Good luck breathing or not gagging.

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Livin' La Vida Caca!

lol Recto Magnifico.

Though I ended up going the whole day New Year's without a poo, Good Karma has fallen upon me. I had my first poo of '07 today, not only was it a great one, it was a wipeless one too.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

My first was at home. I spent New Year's visiting relatives in America (Kansas to be exact) and since I can't crap in a hotel bathroom (I had a traumatic experience once, but that's another story) I went at least four days without crapping before I was able to go at home. I must say, the trip from Transylvania to Kansas and back is hard on my bowels. All that digested lobster and crab cakes and whatever else I ate stopped up the toilet, and I intend to submit the full story soon.

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...and they all lived crappily ever after!

At least nobody has claimed that their first poop was in a dumpster! Heh, heh--get it? In a Dumpster??

TBW, do black eyed peas give you as horrible gas as they give me?

I'd never had the things before last year, when Heather's slut friend cooked them. She had this obsession with beans and cooked every kind imaginable. The BIPs were good but I had the loudest, hottest, rankest gas for about three days after eating them! Great fart fuel.

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

There was a gal at work Sunday who told me she was making Hoppin'John "for good luck" on New Year's Day, but she doesn't like black eyed peas. She asked me if I thought she'd still have good luck if she substituted white beans. "I have the hamhock!", she declared.

I didn't have the heart to dash her hopes, so I told her "I'm sure the luck people will understand..."

GGG. Hoppin' John? They sould have called it Poppin' John or Poopin' John.

I have never heard of Hoppin' John before, and I am part Irish and familiar with Southern cooking.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

I read somewhere that MOST Americans whose families have been here more than 100 years are probably part Irish.

Anyway, I think the whole black eyed peas thing is an invention of the immigrant Irish, and not actually from the old country. It started here.

My first poo of the year was in a dumps... er... at home. Yeah. It happened at home. ;-)

The "in jail" option reminded me of this gem.

My 5-year-old daughter couldn't wait to go to Wal-Mart this morning to use the $50 gift card grandma gave her. As for me, the two cups of coffee I had did their job as usual within the hour and I had to poop. All four Wal-Mart stalls were clean and I chose the second for my first poop of the year. Ass-gaskets were available in the dispenser but I almost never use one. Vanessa, who will start kindergarten this fall, likes the go in the stall next to me and at least pretend that she's producing. She had her first poop of the year last night at a holiday tree of lights festival. She hated the cold porta-potty but loves using the Wal-Mart toilets.

I had to work on New Years day, so my regular poop schedule was in effect; bright and early every morning at home.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

Werewolf Poopin...: My Christmas was made a little more special when I heard that gifts I sent to Bucuresti arrived in time (and weren't even opened by Customs!). The father of someone who means much to me is suffering from an incurable cancer, and knowing the gifts I sent arrived at a time when they were all feeling a little down made my day!
The sister of a friend there was spending New Year's in Transylvania, and I told her to see if anyone there knew a Werewolf pooping on trees.
Congratulations on joining the EU!

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Livin' La Vida Caca!

TSV: I not only had black-eyed peas on New Year's Day, but I had enough left over to have them for two more meals. Not a whole lot of gas, however. I would think the cabbage would be more gas-producing than the black-eyed peas.

Brussel sprouts, cabbage, broccoli--they're all in the same family--and can be noxious at times.

Glad to hear that others around the country follow a good luck dietary regimen. I routinely follow the one my mother handed down to get the New Year off to a good fart (er...start.)

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

i picked at home because it is going to be a very messy poop.
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gabrielle

It's the 4th. You mean it hasn't happened yet? So you haven't left the house since Monday? You're trapped at home until you poop? Yikes.

Mrs. Poo went out with friends on New Year's Eve, so I decided to stay home with the Papoopse. While I was watching TV after Papoopse went to sleep, I had this wonderful idea that maybe -- just maybe -- I'd try to celebrate the New Year with a dump. So, I turned up the volume on the TV so that I could hear it in the crapper. At a couple of minutes to midnight, I park my butt, listening to the televised countdown from NYC.

Of course, a good shit comes in its own time. It can't be forced. Nothing happened. Nada. The Times Square Ball didn't fall from my butt in spite of my good intentions and best hemorhoid-inducing straining. I was bummed out, so I went to bed. Alone. Unfulfilled.

The next morning, Papoopse and I went to IHOP for a quiet breakfast and then to a playground while his mother slept. That evening, after dinner, my ass did ring out a sorrowful, belated Auld Lang Syne. If only the urge had come 18 hours earlier.

(I'm really starting to develop a love-hate relationship with this website.)

My first poop came was in our hotel room at the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas. It wasn't until the second though. My friends and I drove to Phoenix to watch the Fiesta Bow(e)l (GO BRONCOS!!!!) and decided to stop in Vegas on the way back up. Since we didn't have much of a new years celebration we decided to make up for it while in the city of sin. I tried it all, beer, wine, liquor, and even (gasp) seafood. Sadly for PR, but fortunatly for me, no major poopage beyond the typical hangover shits.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

"Papoopse". That's the best new poopy term we've had in a while! Kudos for "papoopse"!

Recto Magnifico- glad to hear about how well things went with the gifts. You sure got lucky that Customs didn't open them; I'd think they usually would...

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...and they all lived crappily ever after!

Yeah, customs sucks.
They made off with two wheels of cheese and some chorizo (all well packaged and sealed) last time I had to deal with them. I can understand them taking the chorizo, but cheese isn't against any rules, the jerks.

F.P.: I'm at a loss on this one: Trying to get chorizo through customs? Is it really so scarce where you're going that you're willing to smuggle it in? I'm truly amazed, stunned, bewildered. I had no idea the chorizo shortage had led to people trying to sneak it across the border. Where does it all end, I ask you? Are we going to see people concealing cow tongue and tripe in fake sculptures? Really, I just don't know what to say...... the world has started wobbling on its axis or something...

AB2K, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this about the most one-sided poll we've ever posted?

Well, it is nice to know that PoopReporters all agree on one thing: When it comes to taking a dump, there's no place like home!

I'm used to seeing "ggg" in IRC, meaning "good good good". After several confusing comments, i finally realised that people here are addressing GottaGoGirl. ;P

WMM: Your little one loves to poop at Wal-Mart? Well, that's close enough to "poop on Wal-Mart" for me. ;)

One of my top moments? Being able to be the very first one to take a dump in our new toilet. Nothing like starting the new year by being in your own house, reading your magazines on your very own "throne".

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Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

'Hanus Anus (19) -- 01.06.2007
I'm used to seeing "ggg" in IRC, meaning "good good good".'

That correlation has been made, as well. Either is correct. I'll answer, either way.

I had been doing well. For just over two months I had been able to avoid pooping in public. If I'm just shopping down the street, I go home to poop. Since I operate a home-based business, most, if not all (well almost!) of my poops are in one of my two bathrooms at home. However, we had a foot of snow and I was stuck in some pretty conjested traffic when the urge came on. A Sinclair station was my salvation. My husband, however, doesn't understand why it's such a big deal to me not to use public bathrooms. He drives a UPS truck and thinks nothing of it.

at home buy the time the night is over i sure as hell don't need to be reminded of what i have done buy leaving a bowl of soup in some places loaf hole and then having not go down for some god forsaken reason

Well, it's a long time until New Years, but I know I'll be a home, and my first poop will probably consist of a couple of major turds since I eat lots of black eyed peas on New Years. I'll also probably throw in a few significant farts while I'm at it.

Did anybody have an interesting "first poop" of 2008?

Dumpster, I wouldn't say mine was interesting, but at least it was at home. It was a little mushy, and all I had last night was one rum and coke.

Cant chance it. I will poop in the home shitter. Last thing I want to wake up to is having to shit in front of some drying out crack heads in a jail cell.

Me and my boyfriend were at an all-night dance club downtown. Since we're minors, we couldn't drink the alcohol but there were a lot of other beverages we drank. I had to go in and pee three times during the five hours we were there and each it time sucked: 3 stalls, no doors, cold as hell because a window was partially broken, cold seat, stools didn't flush and there was a waiting line. OK, I peed fine, but was plenty embarassed to have the audience, if you know what I mean.

I hadn't shitted in 5, perhaps 6 days. Don't know why but I sometimes do get constipated, especially over the holidays when I eat more. About 2 a.m. both me and my boyfriend were getting tired and decided to leave. I felt a shit coming on but I rationalized it would wait until later in the morning: four times down in one night under those deplorable conditions would suck worse than anything. Well, as we were walking about three blocks to our car, and stupid me I wore heels, I slipped on the ice crossing a brick steet and fell pretty hard on my butt. I wasn't really hurt, but it did dirty up the back of my coat.

When we got to the car, I could feel my much- anticipated shit coming on...fast! At first we stopped at a 24/7 gas station which would only take electronic transactions, but I noticed that while the office was locked, the restrooms were located on the side of the building and were directly accessible from the lot. Although the bathroom lights weren't on and the door was probably locked, my boyfriend drove right up to it within a couple of inches so that I could have the advantage of the car lights. He thought that perhaps an employee had neglected to lock it. No such luck! I was starting to feel a little nauseated too--probably from the fall. My boyfriend also got out and tried to jiggle the mens room door, which opened. It was my lucky day when he turned the light on for me and took my coat so that I would have less of a load with me when I sat down for business.

The seat, like the whole room, was frigid. I pulled down my new leather pants for the fourth time that evening and quickly introduced my butt to one sub-frigid toilet seat and as I was starting to spread my legs wider to let the beast out, I got to thinking that I probably wouldn't make it as an Eskimo. Within 30 seconds down, my next thought was if my butt would stick to the seat just like I had read about some young boy taking a dare to lick a light pole and then the para-medics having to come and extricate it from the icy surface. I stood up two or three times, not only to assure myself that I wasn't going to need the paramedics but also to give some extra push to my shit which was there, smelling perfectly normal, banging against the door, but quite reluctant to put me out of my misery. My boyfriend knocked on the door and asked if I was OK, but I explained the situation and he went back to the car to stay warm--a concept I had abandoned about 10 minutes earlier.

I tried rocking myself backward and forward--a procedure that had served me well under warmer conditions--and I spent about another five minutes on the stool before relunctantly, and after several sneezes, giving up. When I came out, I was surprised to see a police cruiser parked behind our car. The officer was answering a "suspicious activity" call, checked our IDs and sat while we drove off. My boyfriend was getting more agitated now and admitted that this predicament was a first for him.

We were about two miles from our muny airport and we could see the runway lights in the distance. My boyfriend offered to stop by there and see if I could be more successful in one of the terminal restrooms. Knowing that we were at least 45 minutes away from my house, I was hurting enough to agree to try the option. We pulled up to the short-term parking area and I walked in as fast I could to find the closest restroom. Only my heels held me back from a faster trot. The entry-way sensor turned on the lights and illuminated 20 some stalls, and I took the first one I laid eyes on. It was modern, exhibiting a spotless white seat which I covered with a seat protector (I rarely use them, but I needed every advantage to unload my demon), and I took my seat for the 5th time that evening. Within 30 seconds, two loud farts and to somewhat of a surprise on my part, I unloaded almost a complete bowl full. There were at least four well-formed pieces--each at least two inches long and 1.5 inches wide.

I wiped, flushed, pulled my pants up and thought to myself that I was greeting 2008 with probably two or three less pounds. It a little past 4 a.m. when we got home. My parents were already asleep but not worried because we had expected to stay at the club until it closed.

I guess my resolution for 2008 should be to more carefully keep track of my bowels, which apparently under cold winter conditions, do like to rebel.

My first poop of 2008 was here at home at 5:30 this morning; it was OK, but not quite as big as I expected, so I was disappointed. But then, a couple of hours later, I felt the urge again. This time the movement was much bigger and more satisfying. So I can say I started the new year right, at least from the b.m. standpoint. Today we had two meals with beans in them--one with navy beans, the other with black beans, and both of these after a breakfast that included shredded wheat. So I am now full of fiber and await tomorrow's results.

Pretty good, Shiloh; why not submit that as a story?

Yours truly just enjoyed the old home place alone, and managed to put out several pretty solid logs, whilst doing some moderator work on ye olde site.

Aaahh, the joys of home!!

First the ball dropped.
Then my shorts dropped.
Then ... a short walk from my can to my own bed.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I love the posting by Shiloh. If that were to happen to me today, I would feel so helpless. My boyfriend's a nice guy, but I doubt he would have gone that extra mile, if you know what I mean. I can particularly identify with the jiggling of the doors of the closed gas station because that's what my friend and I would do some 10 years ago when we would stray too far on our bikes and then need to pee. This was especially true on Sundays and late evenings when so many of the stations would be closed. Luckily for us, the employees would forget to lock up the bathrooms, especially the mens, which I doubt we ever locked. I remember Stacie telling me she got a certain sensation the first few times she used the mens toilet. She was always depending on me to be the look-out in case anyone else were to come along.

Shiloh doubts that she would make it as an Eskimo and worries about her butt sticking to the ice-cold toilet seat. Like her, I've heard of children taking up dares to lick a aluminum power pole when it's frigid out and getting their tongue stuck on the pole. I don't, however, know of anyone's butt sticking to a frozen toilet seat. I do remember my mom telling me, however, when we went sledding one cold day about 20 years ago that I should let her take me home when I had to pee. I wanted to be a big girl (I was about 7 or 8) and use the one nearby in the park. The place had no heat whatsoever, the bowl water was partially frozen, but I gingerly sat on my sweats and underwear over the front of the
seat because I didn't want to be proven wrong. I don't remember, though, whether I caught a cold from that experience or not.

My first shit of the new year was a good one. I was not even at home in my own bathroom, which is where I prefer to be when I drop a deuce. I was actually at my in-laws house of all places, and we stayed the night from new years eve, because my wife and in-laws felt that is was safer to stay, especially with shitake baby now in the picture. I watched the ball drop, had a little champagne, and then called it a night. I woke up at 5:30am new years day to have my first shit of the new year, and it was not even in the comfort of my own home. Fortunately, I am a shameless shitter, and I made doo with what I had available to me. I was actually on the stool for 30-45 minutes because my bowels got a sudden case of "stage fright". Well, needless to say, I really had to go, and I did. I filled the bowl and then flushed. The problems started when I flushed. I frantically started looking for that ray of light called a plunger, so that I can correct this critical shituation with ease. But to my chagrin, there was none to be found. As a result, I reached in the bowl with my hand to try to further break up the toilet paper plug in the bowl. That did not work as well as it normally does, and I caused the toilet to overflow. Now I was truly up shit's creek. I surely couldn't wake up my in-laws to ask for a plunger, for they would know the crime I committed. I couldn't wake up my wife, and I had my pants above my knees, and was not fully wiped up. I had no choice, but to pull my sweats up, and go to the kitchen. I quickly gathered paper towels from the kitchen , and wiped the excess water off the floor. As we were leaving to go home, my grandfather-in-law made mention of the toilet being stopped up, which would explain the sudden appearence of a plunger 2 hours later when i went in to pee.

The rest of my day went more smoothly, and I successfully shit another three times that day, in my own toilet, filling the bowl each time, and best of all flushing without incident. The moral of the story is don't shit in your in-laws' bathroom on new years day, without a plunger close at hand.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

Shiloh says this about seat protectors at the airport while she's having a shitting emergency: "I rarely use them, but I needed every advantage to unload my demon." This doesn't seem entirely logical to me. After unsuccessful attempts at sitting directly down and trying to shit multiple times at the night club and service station, why would she want to complicate the process by putting paper down so she can get out a long-standing and painful shit? If I were in her situation, sitting on a clean seat would be my last worry!

I'm a middle aged male who urinates standing up so the only time I sit down is to crap. Because there is less use of a bathroom in a gas station and a club, I would be more inclinded to put paper down first in a heavily used bathroom such as the airport. Even if I was constipated or in pain, I would do that, although begrudgingly. Actually, my first poop of 2008 came at 12:10 a.m. New Year's Day at Miami airport. There was very little toilet paper left in my stall, but I made due with it for both covering and wiping. As my 10-year-old son says "Public toilet seats can be evil!"

I think the police officer let Shiloh off rather easily. As a college student, majoring in criminal justice, I would have wanted to physically see the bathroom, checked for any burglary tools they may have had in there and any evidence of damage they may have done. Offenses such as loitering may also apply here. Also, one article we read in class on theft trends would apply: thieves strike in the middle of the night to literally take plumbing out of abandoned homes, rental properties, and yes, such businesses that leave their doors ajar. On the other hand, my wife feels sorry for Shiloh and says the problem she was having is quite common. When Shiloh opened the door to the police lights flashing, too bad that didn't cause her to unload her "demon."

I'm 22 and frequently out with my boyfriend just like Shiloh at that time of night. And depending on what part of the city we're in, the bathroom options get slim and slimmer. I'm pretty good about going before we leave the restaurant or club, but my boyfriend--even though I remind him often--doesn't heed my warning and we have been in situations where he has had to shit at 2 or 3 in the morning and there is almost nothing available. Just a couple of weeks ago we were in that situation and we stopped at a closed Sonic (he had worked there briefly six years ago) and sure enough the bathroom door was unlocked. He came back about five minutes later looking very relieved and said something about needing to give some extra attention to his ass when he showered. I guess the toilet must have been filthy! I wish I could think of more options for him at that time of night because holding it isn't realistic for him.

"needed to give extra attention to his ass when he showered"?? Sounds to me that there was no tp in the Sonic bathroom.
I'm not sure where you live, but there are billions of 24 hr gas stations and convenience stores in this country. While the facilities may not be the best, you shouldn't have to resort to closed businesses. Besides, you can always grab a hot dog, coffee, and maybe a magazine to take in with you.