I had to pick #2. (Unlike Logjam, who picks up #2.) That's one of the important requirements for an efficient crap. I'm always ready with TP, though, since the acquisition of the Butt Washer and the Feline Bathroom Invasion of 2005, that priority has fallen a bit. Occasionally my hands will find themselves positioned at the ready to spray water on my ass, or petting the cats.

This poll is considerably improved from what I originally sent in (thanks, AB2K!), but I will have to confess that sometimes, my hands are either wiping the sweat from my brow, or the tears from my eyes, or else they are clasped in prayer and supplication to the poo gods.

(But never have I given myself a Dirty Sanchez!)

Sorry Dumpster. And I thought those choices were "unrealistic." I guess some of us don't have as easy of a pooping time as others.

No problem. I usually wind up looking like Rodin's The Thinker by the time I get through, anyway.

I almost always take a book in with me. Sometimes, if I get absorbed in the book, I'll forget the time and what I'm supposed to be doing!

I'm with GGG here. Nearly always take something to read and just zone out for a while. It's just a nice escape from everything around.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

I put in option 4, because both my sister and my son hold their nose while they sit on the pot! (Well, at least Sis did growing up. I've not been in the bathroom with her under those circumstances for quite a number of years now.)

I went with Other. Rarely do I take my laptop with me anymore, meaning I have to at least fiddle with an mp3 player or my fingers. I can't stand to be perfectly still and have to keep my hands moving or I'll go nuts.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

"Positioned to help the poop come out"...mmmm, bizarre thought. Mine either just rest on my knees or, if it`s a mighty log, are braced against the stall walls.

I take a book/magazine, because that's the only place I'll actually take the time to read

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I poop because I am...I am because I poop.

my bathroom is so small my knees almost touch the vanity so my hands are usually resting on the sink.

But if my dog is with me I will pet her or if I'm horny I with stroke my rod.

Usually I'm reading a book. However, there are times, that I raise my arms like a marathon winner, and sprint through the tape of a successful shit. After this moment of joy passes, I must admit that I fully expect to be asked for an interview.

"Yeah man, that shit was what I've trained for my whole life! Yeah! I'd like to thank my mom and dad. There are so many I should thank. Thank you, thank you all!"

I picked other. I'm squenching my fists.

I either read of pet Gator, since it has been about 6 years since I've pooped without 4-legged company.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

My parent's bathroom has a contemporary Reader's Digest library and a current copy of the Old Farmer's Almanac - sometimes you just need to know whats up with Life in These United States or see if they predicted the weather correctly for that day.

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You quickly become a shameLESS shitter when there's a 3 year old around barging in on you all the time.

My cat usually stares at me from a safe distance in the adjoining bedroom. She usually won't come in to be petted, but she has come in and sniffed the back of the tank and walked in circles. Even after six months of witnessing the grand event, she seems to wonder what I could possibly be doing in there. I picked "positioned to help the poop come out," because lately I've been massaging the gut due to cramps.
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Today's weather: Heavy downpours with intermittant thunder and pervasive smog. Air quality low.

Well, no one has brought this up yet, but I think I should, since it's been discussed on the site before on the Forums.

Many men 'take a tuck' with at least one of their hands. That is, they are holding down their equipment so it will not spray. We've had several threads before about 'tucking.'

But it wasn't an equal-opportunity option for both genders, so I guess that's why it wasn't mentioned.

I do the tuck, but just when peeing, otherwise I let it hang there out of harm's way. I do have to watch how I sit.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Myself included in the tucking. Normally just in public bathrooms though because the one at home is large enough and designed with a small lip on the front to minimize the "pee over the rim" phenomenon.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Yeah, we're trying to potty-train the boy, and "tucking" is not a concept he's ready to adopt. He's lucky to tell us in time that he has to poop.

Good point on the tuck. I do the famed tuck, and then hold up out of the water move. Forgot to mention that, kind of an automatic thing.

I find tucking doesn't work. I just have to throw it up over my shoulder until I'm through.

Looks like we're gonna have to 'hose' you down, Dumpster.

Spare a thought for poor old CEP and his extraordinary set of Navy tackle.

No wonder he hasn`t posted here.

i read the magazines i get in the mail... about cars and videogames. usually i don't tuck at home, becase i'm big enough that generally i don't shoot the gap, but not big enough that i touch the water at home. it has happened in public toilets and caused ocd fueled super freak outs, where i'm not shameful i am remarkably ocd and germophobic, hence why i usually avoid public shitters. so i picked the book option. speaking of which i usually hold my mag or book and prop my elbows on my knees. a friend of mine commented that he puts it on the floor and reads it there, any other techniques out there?

I chose the TP prep option. Damn, I'm so OCD!

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

My hands are usually in my lap. It is just a comfortable position for me.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

I become lost in my book and will sometimes forget about going to class.

First I perform the tuck. Then, when the poop is ready to come, I reach back and pull my cheeks apart until the turd is actually sliding forth. After that, I lean forward with my hands folded until the poop is all down in the water.

I am not on the pot long enough to worry about my hands. I have a magazine handy but seldom use it.
I am very regular, go when I feel the urge (within one hour of rising) sit, shit, wipe and leave.
The whole operation seldom exceeds more than one or two minutes.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

My hands are usually on my ears in order to muffle the horrible death cries rising up from the rest of the house.

I will read on the throne. Because I lean forward with my forearms on my thighs, my feet will fall asleep if I get too deep into the book.
The ex-wife and I would call this "Bowl-butt" and smile as the other one would try to walk with both feet semi-responsive.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

That's funny. I've had the same problem when I've gotten too involved in a magazine or newspaper. You should probably submit this to the American Medical Association as an actual ailment.