At this point I'm not even sure lactose intolerance is even the term to describe my pooping woes. I seem to shit as often as I piss, and it's WAY too easy coming out!!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Some of you guys are very strange. Personally, I never need a hard-on to take a shit.

Thunderbox, I think you have it all wrong. The survey didn't imply that you would need a hard-on to poop, just what would you do IF you had one when pooping. My trick is to place a wastebasket on the opposite side of the room just in case I have to pee while on the can.

Somehow I think the ladies are going to have a field day with this.

I voted for just sit and out it comes. Even though I will teter between one push and just sit. The experiences have been in the favor of just sit. Today however was neither of the two. Today, I really had to push to get things moving. I got my relief, but with difficulty, and the time spent on the toilet, and the stools themselves prove it. My IBS has the tendency to go both C and D. It depends on the day.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

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Chocolate Rain!!!!

I used to have real constipation problems and still do occasionally. However, since I've added a huge amount of dried fruit to my diet, I can usually get by with just a little push-start.

Of course, the by-product of so much dried fruit is a huge amount of gas as well, which is probably why I don't get invited to long meetings at the office. And I have my own office, too, which surprisingly doesn't seem to bother my peers who work in the cube pasture.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

What? That was not supposed to be there.
Anyhoo, that's what comes out most the time, sometimes urgent sometimes not. RARELY, do I strain, and the odd time I do, it feels like there is a giant log back there, and out comes something that looks like Puppy chow. All that straining and grunting for that? I dunno.

"My IBS has the tendency to go both C and D."

I've never heard anyone compare their turd's size with battery size? Is this something new? "Yeah, Dude, that was a totally nardly 1.5 volt alkaline D cell"

Personally, I hate it when I drop 21 volts of AAA cells.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Battery Sizes???...No Deja, I was referring to Constipation vs. Diarrhea...Get it C and D, although, when the D happens...it seems my turd explosion is powered by 220 volt AC...

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In search of the ever evasive BM

I chose D. Vegetables and fiber, baby, all the way.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I'd settle for a couple of 9 volts.

This morning I felt the urge right after breakfast, farted a steady succession as I walked down the hall (tooting like a brass band, as I say), got to the bathroom, sat down, and--nothing. Gone. So I decided not to push then, but wait till I got to work, maybe an hour later. Sure enough, just as I got to my room, the urge hit, and I could tell it was the real thing. As usual when I feel like that, it was one nice, easy sustained push that sent out probably half a dozen healthy plops. Had I persisted with the first urge an hour earlier, it would have been lots of pushing, only to end up half empty.

Still talking batteries??? I thought we are supposed to talk shit on this site? Gee wiz...one misconstrued comment, and the whole kit n kaboodle goes awry...

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In search of the ever evasive BM

Yeah, threads never get derailed around here. Imagine that. :)

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I'm so hurt that you guys don't want to talk about something that interests me. I think I need a hug daphne.

Your just in time, Bunny, I'm out of cats, and just had a colonoscopy...and I need to wipe all the grease off my ass.

Hey, Bilge when you are done, can I borrow it. My dog just puked.

If my poops were powered by electricity it would be a very hazardous place to be anywhere near my ass. Think of it as the "third rail". Wicked fucking DC current! Watch out, it'll grab ya!

I think I shit greased lightning.

Hey Bilge, we just got 2 new kittens....

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

id be so proud of myself if i could muster a 6 volt dry cell out of me.

i didnt vote cause all apply to me, it just depends what what my BM decides to be that day.

A 6 volt dry cell!! We call those lantern batteries. They have the coiled wire electrodes on top. That would hurt like hell, especially if the electrodes caught flesh.

My turds slide out real easy when I drink enough water. However, when I don't, I end up with a bunch of sticky turds that are a nightmare to deal with. Sometimes I have to use a small bottled enema to get them out.

Rarely is pooping an easy task for me, I always get the deed done though. Slow and steady wins the race. But I have a mother in law who often stops in on her way to work to use the john. My john. She'll knock on the door and politely ask to use the bathroom. I can't refuse her. Once I was in the shower when she was in need. She lives 4 miles down the road for god sakes. Turn around and shit in your own house. She doesn't even clean up the poop splashes that end up on the rim.

She's walked 4 miles and has not reached work yet? If you turn her away, then that is 4 more miles, then she needs to walk 4 more to reach your house again. Thats 12 miles walking and she is still not at work. How far is the coal mine from your house?

There are inlaws, and there are outlaws. Only the outlaws are wanted.

No problem...as soon as I get vertical in the morning, do not be in my way. I feel really great if it's the morning after a couple bowls of fifteen bean soup!

gg

Hey guys, i was reading all ur comments, and, well, NOW I GOTTA POOP!!!!!AND ITS 2:39AM everyone else in my aparment would wake up to if i went now(or die in there beds from the smell) well, cya later, i ganna try to hold it! lol

I feel bad for the people that have that much trouble shitting. For me, it's always been a slight push and everything just slides out. I just have two words for those of you that have to work that hard- raisin bran.

if u want to talk size and pain im probably the king of pain and size u try to crap out a jumbo yule log and im serious for me craping is a nightmare

I take it punctuation is an even bigger nightmare.

Its so easy for me to poop that I can barely hold it. If I hold on too long the poop sometimes tries to make a new hole to escape through.

To me pooping is like masturbating. Depends on my mood. I mean have you tried maste4bating when you're pissed off, so uncomfortable and hard to succeed the release. Pooping is the same for me when I'm pissed off. It's like my body stopped the function to poop like its a natural survival instinct to not poop while running or fighting.

i've joined the masses and gone for the "just one push" option. however, this is not always the case. i don't have the strictest of diets at the best of times and find that after a week of maccas its like tyring to push out a small child. on the flip side you'll find me on the porcelin throne on a sunday morning after a hard night on bourbon & coke

It used to be hard for me to poop because I was ashamed of what my roomate thought. I would hold it in for too long and end up clogging the toilet. She got aware of this and tried to make me more comfortable by forcing me to poop in front of her. I loved it so much that now I literally crap in front of her while she is behind me pooping out her own logs. i am so comfortable now that the poop just slides out with no pushes.

It really depends on the situation. Most times it's not hard at all. If I don't drink enough water and eat too much cheese, it's virtually impossible. On the other hand, if I eat fried, oily foods... Let's just say I'm the Olympic champion of the 300 yard toilet dash.

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Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

There is some variance on this question between answer choices C and D. It depends largely on poop consistency and time of day. The "Good Morning Poop" is usually solid and takes a good push of encouragement to emerge. These have been hanging around the sigmoid colon and rectum all night with plenty of time for colonic epithelial water resorption action along with peristaltic movements. These wait patiently in the rectum for me to awaken. Once I am awake, the poop KNOWS it is time to mobilize and graciously allows me a twenty minute head start before insisting on entering the world. The "Mid Evening Poop" can be either solid or semi-liquid and usually emerges with little encouragement. I recently suffered from a bout of intermittent diarrhea that had me guessing for a couple days: "Will it be solid and slow moving or liquid and explosively unpredictable on exit?" I am glad that it is over now and I can once again fart without fear. I hate farts with wet conclusions!!!
----Captain Craptastic!!!

Really, without Miralax it doesn't come out no matter how hard I push. And the cramps were so bad I thought I would die on the toilet like Elvis Presley.