Voted for other. I had eaten soup with crushed lentils, the next day I was on the toilet leaning forward with horrible cramps. I let loose a huge cow plop that splashed up out of the rear of the toilet and on the back of my t-shirt.
Back when I was hooked on laxatives, I use to splash my butt pretty frequently. I also made the mistake of leaning forward which caused me to spray and splatter all over the rear of the bowl. You have to sit up real straight to aim at the center of the bowl.
I was once caught out by my IBS, and ran into a bar to use the facilaties, only to find out that the one toilet, had no seat. Not wanting to contaminate my plums or my ass, I proceeded to 'hover'. Unfortunately, the act of hovering above the bowl, meant I really had to lean forward. Only around 50% made it into the bowl, the rest was sprayed up the wall behind me. I attempted a hasty retreat, but a queue was forming, as I left, I could hear the groans of disgust from the next occupant. I've never been back to that bar._______like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.
I chose "other" as well. I always have to shower after a deposit...to get the shower off. At least the stuff I can't reach with the cat.
I had to vote "other," because once, feeling an extremely urgent movement coming on, which I was fairly sure was not diarrhea, I sat down on the seat and pushed. Unfortunately, I misjudged two things: the angle at which I was seated, and the force of the expulsion. It was soft, and came out with an explosive POW! all at once. Some of it merely splattered the bowl, the seat, and the back of the toilet; but some, wetter than the rest, used my crack as a ski-jump and shot almost straight up, ending up on the wall. Quite a clean-up.
I am amazed that with the rich diversity of life on this planet from spiders to elephants to fish and birds, and how ever different and alien somethings appear one thing remains constant to us all.. We all shit.. Thoughts?Comments? Favorite species-feces?
Check the bottom of every page in the forums, Crapatoa. Everybody poops. It's our mantra!
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
I'm a little confused as to the meaning of this poll. Does it mean how far up the water splashed after a turd hit the water, or how far up the poop itself splashed while you have the runs?
Think of liquid shit, bursting forth with the power of a small jet engine, how high up does it splatter_______like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.
The worst episode of splatter left my backside looking like a little girl who rode her bicycle thru a mud puddle. _______Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!
Once, after a night of very heavy drinking I, like some others have mentioned, misjudged my angle and let fly a stream of liquid shit that ricocheted off the toilet-seat and splattered the toilet lid, the back of my shirt, the floor and the walls of the stall and floor to the side of me. Quite possibly the world's worst job: the person who has to clean the bathrooms in SUNY dormitories.
With a bunghole as dangerous as mine YES I have splattered the seat bottom many times. Even when I was a kid my dad would holler let that DUMP OUT OF YOUR ASS SLOW you dont need to lean into it. But even letting a fart out slow can still make a mess. So I blast a way. What can I say I am a dirty sharter too._______The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!
Ah, fond memories of hard drinking days years past...The rotgut vodka suddenly explosive squirts are the worst. I recall a couple occasions where I didn't quite plant my ass on the seat before the floodgates opened, splattering the seat, tank, floor, side of the sink. Helluva cleanup after that! Other noteworthy high splashers are often large solid turds that are propelled by gaseous afterthoughts. Not just a gentle kerplunk, but a violent "fire torpedo outta chute number two". Those splash the underside of both seats (mine and the toilet's) but at least those are fairly self-contained. ----Captain Craptastic!!!
Postman, I think that it does mean how far up the water or the poop splashes. The second the poop hits the water, the poop and the water become as one. MSG, your comment is really funny!!- "explosive POW" Very funny.
Lol it was funny the POW comment
this didnt happen to me personally thank God, but working a a janitor in a grocery store i had to clean the mens room with a garden hose! shit was spatterd a good foot and a half above the bowl about where the pipe goes into the wall. i dont know how he did it!
Was when I was first introduced to Bok Choy soup. I was too much in a hurry and kinda sat too far back... Well needless to say, the seat acted like a pressure sprayer nozzle and helped the steamy dookie make its way all over the tank, outside of the bowl and floor. In the midst of cleaning it up, I stupidly flushed the paper towel down the drain, causing blockage in the house, my parents were pissed with me when I did that. _______beans beans the magical fruit....
BVC, I just splattered at 41,000 feet. Is that a record?
Who's feet were they? 41,000 feet is a lot of shoes!
_______like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.
I've shit a few bricks in my day and got a good splash on my ass. But dam I never had doodoo go up my back omg! I'm the poop master so its always a clean cut and a nice thunk. I take pride in my healty BM's.
i once crapped a turd that looks like a bassoon/ 66% of a saxophone! also with "accompanying instruments" :D that was the coolest thing ever!
What? somebody lame that last post... PLEASE!
BVC, I would like to lame it, but I am still running it through my enigma machine to try and crack the code.
Hmmph... you and your crack. Cant you think about anything other than the furry groove?
once i was at a party i got drunk and had to shit and before i could get to the bathroom i shit all on my self so i sat in my poop all night because i could not see straigh the worse thing is it came through my shorts and got on my girlfriends couch i lost that girl
AC, I can't understand women either. You sounded like a real keeper. Her loss.
What is Greg Louganis' favorite dive?
The can opener.
hehehehe... can opener! My favorite dive was the "AB" - the "ass breaker". The can opener sounds very similar. _______Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!
this is the most hilarious shit i've ever seen, people get poop on their back- that's hella sick & who craps their pants and just sits in it? y not just wash off and go naked jeez..if that seriously happened that dude's freakin retarded
It's not a regular thing, but I have been unfortunate enough to create a few tsunamis in the bowl. The worst was the day I dropped a large butt potato. Water splashed up behind me, between my ass and the toilet seat, and struck me in the hair (and I had a short pixie cut). I don't wish to repeat that experience in the near future. _______Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.
TSV, you must sometimes (like me) sit fairly well forward on the seat. I find that does two things: it helps any pushing I have to do, and it often leaves the poop where I can see it instead of down past the bend. I have learned, though, to sit further back if I feel diarrhea coming; in that case, I try to cover the bowl so I won't repeat the experience I told above. I, too, have had water splash me, including up on my back a couple of times, from the power propulsion of hard turds.
Shitting has become so complicated. Sit here for shit, sit there for diarrhea. I just shit wherever my ass lands. On the rim, on the tank, on the floor, doesn't matter.
i agree i sit where ever my butt ends up!
What's with all this leaning forward? I always lean back. Sometimes I put one foot on the stall door.... For extra leverage. No sir. You won't see me with shit on my back.
MSG, I think it is the result of losing so much weight so fast. (Not that this is an issue at the moment with Baby #2 [har har] on the way.) I was so used to having a fat ass that I moved forward a little bit to make room. Now suddenly there is nothing in the way of splashage. I'll remember after a while. _______Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.
PD, of course pooping is more complicated now than it used to be. If I were squatting in the forest or the cornfield, my only concern would be to prevent fouling my clothes; but a toilet gives opportunity for any number of positions from hover to squatover to various sitting angles. We all usually have the privacy to decide in which attitude we prefer to eject, and a toilet is amenable to a wide variety of postures. Our choice.
All this shit talk makes me have to go shit.
Other - I had been taking Pico-Salex (a harsh laxative) before my first colonoscopy a few months ago. Little did I know the effect this would have on my 115-pound 15-year-old body compared to the fleet enemas I had taken before. Well, there I was, sitting in that position we all know too well--knees bent as far as they go, clutching at your thighs, and as bent over as humanly possible. Of course, this position is only reserved for moments of sheer pain as we all know what happens when you lean forward on the commode--you get the splash.
A few minutes and a volcano eruption later, I had managed to splatter on the back rim of the toilet, the top of it, around the floor, under the seat, and even a bit into the nearby tub.
Luckily for the other people in my house, we have two bathrooms.
Pooper Woman, do you still have two bathrooms or has that one been boarded up and abandoned?
That bathroom is known as the scope bathroom around here (I come from a family with poop issues). It takes more than a little splattering to shut that sucker down.
"scope" bathroom? Please elaborate.
Dullard, its the bathroom used for pre colonoscopy evacuation...you really are starting to lose it, LJ, you are scaring me...what will I do with out you?
STARTING to lose it? Essential parts have been falling off me for 20 years now, and you're just beginning to notice? As to the more serious question -- you'll do fine without me, buddy. I'm holdin ya back.
By the way, there's just no excitement anymore in derailing threads. I seldom have an idea of what the story at the top is anymore. And I get a little irritated when someone interrupts our disruption with some relevant comment about the story. It's like, "Huh? Whadya talking about? That story and what anyone thought about it is so yesterday." We should start laming "relevant" comments posted 3 days after the story.
Join the Poopreport. Travel to exotic distant comment threads. Read interesting unusual comments. And lame them.
Moderating. The only job you'll ever love.
*head pops up* Lame? Where?... Oh, damn it! _______Born right the first time.
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