How many times you usually wipe

// 73 Comments
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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One is all I need
4% (80 votes)
Two or three
18% (330 votes)
Four or five
21% (397 votes)
More than five
48% (908 votes)
I use a bidet
2% (43 votes)
I don't wipe, because I'm gross
7% (124 votes)
Total votes: 1882

73 Comments on "How many times you usually wipe"

Volleyball Chick's picture
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ugh this is a GROSS site plz people lol

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Yeah, how about you're a loser, lol.

scatoman's picture
l 100+ points
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Definitely more than five. I'd say that on most days I double that, and add a moist wipe (e.g. Cottonelle)...then dry wipe again.

I'm anal about anal hygiene.

Basically, I wipe until I bleed!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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It really depends on why I've eaten. If I eat out or eat crappy junk food I wipe five or more times. If I eat meat or nothing but veggies I end up with a single wiper.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Dr. Love's picture
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Usually I have to wipe around 20-25 times.

I don't really know why.

Potshot's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Depends on how much shit is on the first wipe. I don't want to ruin the boxers I got for christmas :) happy new year

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points
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*Sigh of relief*
Wow, I'm glad im not the only one to get boxers for Christmas. For some reason, I gotta wipe about ten times and use about 25% of the roll. Otherwise I'll get skid marks, especialy after excercise. (Anyone else have that problem?) If its a liquidy poo, it uses bout 90-130% of the roll (requireing 2+ rolls) as we see here

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I clicked on the four to five option, but in three or four more months, I'll be adding the bidet to my wiping routine when I move into my new house with my Ultimate Bathroom. I can't see myself eliminating wiping, however.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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KeepOnCrappin. Working with the numbers you've given us, you sometimes wipe up to 50 times, doing in a roll and a third of paper. So many questions to ask. Are you waiting until you're finished to wipe, or are you trying to clean-as-you-go? I don't think I'd have an asshole left if I wiped that many times in a sitting. How do you hold up down there? When you go shopping, how many rolls do you buy at a time?

Logjam

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points
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like the majority I wipe 4 to 5 times.

I usually flush after the first 2 or 3 wipes so not to clog the toilet.

I would like to hear from the 9% that don't wipe; unless these are just punks that posted that to act funny.

AssBlaster2000's picture
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TBW: With the bidet, I find I usually have to wipe once for the dual purpose of drying my ass and getting off the last residue.

I think those who are wiping 50 times should totally invest in a butt washer. The attachment I have retails for about $80, but that would probably be made up in TP savings soon enough.

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points
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Ass blaster I ain't got $80 im a teacher, remember?

Logjam I'm just estamateing. (Know I spelled that wrong) Hell, I had about five mins., so like in that Simpsons episode I estamated 5 rolls of TP instead of three. But I do ocassonaly wipe 50 times (I can remember about 3 times I did)Ya wonder where it all comes from, but we saw it happen in Camp Chalupa

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points
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Also I usually clog the toilet (From using too big a wad of TP, thats why it would take 2+ rolls)

I keep a plunger near all my toilets, but I do enjoy taking huge dumps in porta-crappers becuase I can't clog them up.

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

ass_bandits's picture
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Yeah, my wads of tp are HUGE...i'm weird. I hate clogging the toilet.... and don't let me get in a hotel...if they don't have power flush, then basically i'm screwed.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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Checking with a plumber friend of mine, the modern toilet is only designed to flush 5 handsful of paper at a time. Thus, those of you/us who may need to wipe more than that, need to flush more than once. Remember, it is a long way to McDonald's.

Goodness, how I miss my friend Kevin! He would go through a roll of Charmin every time he shat (or so he said). He lived in a house with a septic tank, and they wound up having to have the tank cleaned about once a year because he filled it up with shit and paper. Poor Kevin--had an accident with his shotgun last year and killed himself. The planet is a lot lighter and cleaner, but there are those of us who miss him.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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2 or 3, unless the wiping tickles my bung in to producing more poop.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

L Wrong Hubbard's picture
l 100+ points
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When available, I use a bidet, but if it doesn't have a dryer you still need to wipe. 4 or 5 is the answer, and who the hell can do it just once??
Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

log_blogger's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I selected 2-3. I'm pretty ritualistic in my wiping: pull off about 12 squares, fold in the middle twice, wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe. If I'm not clean by then, I either do it all again or just leave it for the chonies.

www.mydailypoop.com

www.mydailypoop.com

mott the poople's picture
l 100+ points
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4-5 for me....the day after a taco hell 2am run however...double....

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Wendy's uses an entire roll. Nasty, nasty stuff!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

super clogger's picture
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depends on how big a shit it can be up 2 2 rolls becouse i take so much and have a very shity arse 1 is a bout 2 come out ill tell u later how much keep the crap comn

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Normally 4-5 for me to clean up after the daily post breakfast dump.

Wiper - I can`t see that hosing out your ring with the bidet (unless you had scary pressure) would really help to clean it out properly.

Log blogger - you need a shrink.

The voice of sanity

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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well, assuming that one wipe means one handful of TP, i'd have to say 2-3 times, depending on the type of poo. i wipe at least twice always--once for the poop hole and once for the pee hole--but sometimes i have to wipe a couple times in each area to get it all.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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I wipe at least 4 or 5 times, sometimes more. I really wish I could be one of these wipeless poopers I hear about occasionally (apart from the higher forum users) so I wouldn't be clogging up Raleigh's tunnels with huge wads of paper.

_______
Um, yeah. My sig. So, about that... I'm not doing one this week.

[Insert witty banter here]

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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i have wipeless poops sometimes, but you still have to wipe in order to find out that you didn't have to wipe! so it's not really all it's cracked up to be.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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"All it's cracked up to be."

LOL, Ms. Pance!!

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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ha! i didn't even do that on purpose.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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Two or three usually does the trick. I am usually blessed with a wipeless shit once or twice a week.

Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Betty Poop's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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It's so good to know I'm not the only freak with obsessively wipes too much. But geez, who wants to go around all day thinking they have skid marks? It's just unsanitary and leaves one feeling dirty all day.
I'm assuming the poll writer meant after a poo...they were not specific, though, and I had to pause. Because the amount gets cut in half at least if it's pee.
By the way, question-guys don't wipe after they pee, right? So how do you keep from dribbling?

_______
poop poop eee doop!

poop poop eee doop!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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Well, Betty Poop, let me answer your last question with a little rhyme:

No matter how you shake and dance,
the last drop always ends up in your pants!

It takes quite a few wipes for me. Most of my poops lately end up being either clean or a Million Wiper.

_______
Damnit, someone stole my signature!

[Insert witty banter here]

Betty Poop's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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really, DF? isn't that annoying?

_______
poop poop eee doop!

poop poop eee doop!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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Well, since I've always been a guy, I guess I'm used to it. It doesn't bother me at all. It's just something we accept and generally overlook.

_______
Damnit, someone stole my signature!

[Insert witty banter here]

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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Three times. Attention spam too short for more. And I must hum my favorite clean up song, "Wipeout".


_______
"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

Anal About Poop's picture
l 100+ points
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As many as it takes. Could be 2. Could be 14.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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"...And I must hum my favorite clean up song..."

Damn it, Lousy. Now I have the ACTUAL "Clean Up Song" stuck in my head!

"Clean up, clean up, everyBODY, everyWHERE!
Clean up, clean up, everybody DOO your share!"

Betty Poop's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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very interesting, DF. thank you for the insight. :)

_______
poop poop eee doop!

poop poop eee doop!

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
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If I drop some normal turds, two or three wipes take care of it. However, if it's those damn sticky turds, it might take eight or ten.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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Did you guys know that if you wipe really a lot, then your asshole starts to hurt. Then, your asshole hurts so much that you can't fart anymore so then you smell really really bad.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I fold 4 sheets into 1 square, then wipe. I inspect, then fold the square in half, then wipe again. Depending upon how much brown is on the rewipe, I take 3 or 4 more sheets, fold into 1 square, then wipe. If very little is left on the paper, I fold it again, dab some salve on it, and do my final wipe with that; 4 wipes in all. If more is left, I get a third set of sheets, 3 this time, fold into 1, and wipe. Then I refold, put on the salve, and do the final wipe; 6 wipes in all. Basically 4 or 6; seldom any more, very rarely any less.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Usually about 3, maybe 4 times. My rule of thumb is, keep wiping until you don't see anything on the toilet paper.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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I generally do as my postal friend above with one exception. In my continuing effort at being "green", if the paper comes clean on the last wipe, I will recycle it by putting it back on the roll.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Similar to PD, I recycle as well, but have a hell of a time getting the edges to match up, so I don't try to put clean squares back on the roll, I just stuff them in the Kleenex box.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Postman, could you teach that rule to my husband?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points
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Recycle? *shudder* my mom used to tell me to use both sides of the sheet (singular).

It's no wonder I have OCD.

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Just remember - brown streaks in your underwear means you're not doing it right.

Wicca Jenny's picture
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Double Flush said above that guys generally accept a wet patch in their underpants after pissing, but I just don't believe you can get used to it so much that you don't feel it at all. For example my 16 yo brother, who is really clean in every other way, and wipes for minutes after every poo, usually has long pee stains on his boxers because he doesn't do anything with the last drops. He says that his classmates never shake it off in the urinal and he don't want to be laughed. They are in soaked underpants in the coldest winter too, I think their dicks almost freeze into their crotches. So if there are some guys here who don't shake well/at all, please tell me: don't you find the wetness annoying?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Jenny, for god's sake, don't pay attention to anything that furry suit wearing freak has to say (Double Flush) He certainly doesn't speak for me, and I'll warrant he doesn't speak for the majority of the male members of Poopreport.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Wicca Jenny's picture
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Dear and honourable Bilgepump! Don't harm poor Double Flush, please, at least he shake it well as you can see above, he just have a small spot even this way. If you red my previous comment soundly, you would know that I wrote about my younger brother and his high school classmates, who made him give up shaking his willy after urinating. Double Flush just said the same what my kid brother answered when I once finally asked him about his usual half-dried, heavily stained boxers, which was covered by yellow zones from the fly to the legs. He said that boys just get used to bear this, it usually doesn't bother him, and his friends have the same stains. (He's right, I could see the patches even on their PE shorts when they played basketball). Otherwise, Bilgepump, I never say it's common for men, I asked only guys who (sometimes) don't dry themselves in the urinal, or anybody who know similar men, or any boys who were teased by other guys because they wipe or shake etc.

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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No matter how you shake and dance,
the last two drops go in your pants.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Jenny, for god's sake, never refer to me as either "Dear" or "honourable". I am neither.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)