How often you make noise when you poop

// 39 Comments
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Never. I shit as quietly as a church mouse.
21% (170 votes)
A little. Sometimes I just have to grunt.
26% (214 votes)
Sometimes, because they can't all be easy sliders.
31% (256 votes)
Always. I scream for mercy from painful poops.
14% (119 votes)
Sometimes/always, but not because of poop. I sing or talk while I shit.
8% (69 votes)
Total votes: 828

39 Comments on "How often you make noise when you poop"

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Okay, so I hate to be the first to comment on my own poll, but it's Friday night and I'm home alone, so whatever. I almost never grunt or anything when I poop. I guess it's a habit from pooping at work and having a husband who works night shift. But when we were vacationing in Florida, we ate quite heartily, and our shits were consequently the same. Mr. Blaster's cousin who we were visiting has a small apartment, and once when we got back from dinner I made a beeline for the shitter. Mr. Blaster and his cousin were either waiting for the shitter or I was that loud, but the one time I go "Urnnnnngh!" to get that stubborn Cosby kid to go into the pool, they are right there and hear me. When I come out, both of them go "URRRGGGGGGHHH!" in unison to try to make fun of me. They kept doing that to me all night long; perhaps they were trying to embarrass me but I thought it was pretty damn funny.

I also sometimes grunt a little when I have a really violent fart. Mr. Blaster thinks it's hilarious. Does anyone else get those, the farts that blast out so hard that they hurt? (Hey, I chose AssBlaster for a reason!)

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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I'm really quiet, aside from a little gas sometimes when no one (as far as i know) can hear.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Blaster Caster's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Dear AssBlaster2000,

Guilty on the painful farting. I too have been known to feel the burn.

In my case, sometimes it is caused by the chemical makeup of the gas itself. (Sub-standard Mexican food is a common cause.) Other times it is just because of the terminal velocity attained during the expulsion. Most often it is a combination of the two.

Whatever the reason, I've learned through experience that I must tread lightly for awhile following a blast that's really dynamic. Too much sensitivity for my own good, if you know what I mean.

As for noises, etc. during my deliveries, I'm not one to grunt or strain. I do, however, rarely 'go' without making some sort of comment on the activities at hand. Maybe a 'Wow!', or a 'Mama Mia!', or an 'Aye Caramba!'. And it's not uncommon for me to let loose with an 'Oy Vey!' even though I'm not Jewish.

Once, in a restroom at the top of The Reunion Tower in Dallas Texas, I did the deed and sealed the deal with a 'Jiminy Christmas!' which brought chuckles from a number of other stalls. I was glad to be of service in such a situation.

The comments I make are never planned out. I just let whatever pops into my mind come out of my mouth.

Blaster Caster

____________
Vini, Vidi, Poopi.

Veni, Vidi, Poopi.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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I gotta know--do Mexicans get gas and the shits after eating Mexican food? Are there any Mexicans on the site or people with Mexican friends who might can tell me?

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

pope of poop's picture
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i hate painful farts, i call them anal explosions due to the explosion of gas and pain in my anus, or maybe my rectum...perhaps both!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I asked a Mexican buddy this same question back in seventh grade. He told me that, no, he has never heard of this problem. I suppose because he is used to eating the food and grew up doing so.

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Don't question authority. It doesn't know either.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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Thanks, TSV. That even makes sense to me! I miss your old sig "Cream floats to the top. So do dead fish." Universities pick the cream of the crop, and well I rose to the top of my class too, but I'm not doing so well at the university. Today I'm moving back to the university to retake some failed courses over the summer. There will be a free cookout tomorrow and I risk food poisoning. I shall report back after the cookout.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Northy's picture
l 100+ points
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I must say that I don't grunt or anything when I shit but the mix of the pre-shit fart, the shit itself all echoing in the bog make a pretty loud noise. Sometimes if its needed a cry of 'Jesus Christ' will be heard if its a ring ripper.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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I'm pretty quiet.

The only exception was during the first few weeks after each of my kids were born. Those were hunch-over-and-whimper craps!
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Santa Caca!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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I'm in the new dorm and the urinals have motion sensors but... thank goodness... REGULAR SLOAN FLUSHERS ON THE TOILETS! I can still double flush! Problem is there's a communal bathroom for the whole floor with just 3 stalls. Sucks quite a bit. Also I have a really small room. It's just for summer. I'll get over it.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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GGG, you're scaring me. I am not looking forward to the after-Gordon shits.


_______
Don't question authority. It doesn't know either.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Your midwife can probably advise you how to prepare your system somewhat beforehand. It's just something about post partum that makes your system back up a bit.

My pain was compounded by the episiotomy (sp?). If you don't have to have stitches, it probably isn't quite as bad.

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Santa Caca!

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I'm very gregarious and sociable on the pot, which is frequently in front of my significant other. We treat the bathroom as a common room in our daily lives, and if we have to make a noise, we do it without shame.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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DF writes, above, "I'm not doing so well at the university. Today I'm moving back to the university to retake some failed courses over the summer."

I'm damn glad there was no such thing as PoopReport when I was in college, DF, or I'da probably flunked some stuff, too!

Hang in there, man. You're smart, and all will be well.

To all you student types out there in PR-land, an assignment from Professor Dumpster: One hour of serious study for every hour on PoopReport, and you're a cinch for the honor roll.

BTW, there are some really funny comments in this thread. Thanks, AB2K!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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I have a lot of D-s and Fs to face, so maybe I need more than just one hour studying for each PR hour... Still, thanks for keeping me going!

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Fearsome Flush's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I often have full conversations with my wife while I do the deed. She isn't so receptive to conversation on the can... she puckers as soon as I get near the door, then can't go for about five minutes after I leave. She's a shameful shitter, but I'm working on allieviating her fecal fears.

Once I topped off a satisfying shit at a movie theater bathroom with "It's a boy!" My dad, who was three stalls down thought it was funny, but the guy sweeping the floor wasn't amused.
Also, part of the ass gasket must have ripped off and stuck, because it was hanging out of my pants when I left. That was a little embarassing.

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points
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Sometimes I make a great sound of relief. Generally after a big anus burning log it's the ever favorite "Holy Shit" and after looking at the bowl "Oh My God". I usually to not vocally grunt while pooping, but it will happen sometimes. Occasionally I will wimper like a puppy when it's a real big turd, but I'm usually quiet!


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Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

Sir Poopalot's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Being that my wife is Mexican and cooks mostly authentic Mexican foods, my shit is HOT! The day after a good meal my ass burns like all hell. But the food is so damn good its worth while. Even on the days my shit chute bleeds a bit from it.

So I make a bit of noise. Especially when the ass wiping takes place. Good thing there is a fan on. Hides the "Oh's" and "Ah's" along with the stench.

Sir Poopalot

Dave-o's picture
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Hey, as I was googling "taking a dump" today, multiple search results popped up and I was graced with this site. Now I'm hooked, this is absolutely hilarious. Anyway, I don't make grunting noises when dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool. However more often than not, a series of violent farts erupt from the outer limits of my digestive tract multiple times during a dump. These farts sound like a symphony orchestra in that there are so many crescendos/fortes throughout the farts that I should have a conductor standing in front of me to conduct this piece.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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Dave-o, are you by any chance related to THE "Dave-O"??

Diarrhea Diva's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I don't usually make much noise. I often read or play Animal Crossing for the DS. It's my quiet time - heehee ;)

Our bathrooms share a common wall and the toilets are right next to each other. My husband and I will sometimes meet up this way and make comments along the lines of, "We have to stop meeting like this!" and "Was it good for you?"

Regarding Mexican food: I'm ethnically Heinz 57 but I've been eating Mexican food all my life. I was born in San Diego and went to Mexico frequently. My first job at 16 was as a cook in Fidel's Restaurant in Solana Beach. I think that the high fiber content of beans, plus any peppers, is what causes problems for people. I usually have no prob, unless I haven't had enough fiber that week or the food is VERY spicy.

Mmmm, we're cooking lobsters Ensenada-style with tortillas, rice and beans for Father's Day.


_______
~Happiness is a warm squirt (and a puppy)~

~Happiness is a warm squirt (and a puppy)~

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I am split between A and B. When I am not constpated, I drop my load pretty quietly. But, When I am constipated, I do tend to grunt a bit.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I forgot. When my hemmorhoids flare up, and the turd stops cold, halfway out my ass, then the foul language and blastphemy sets in.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

freddy krueger 16's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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When I take a shit, my normal ones tend to come with some farting or grunting, as I usually have to push to drop the turd. My dumps never come out by themselves, they require assistance from me, so I do tend to grunt, and farting during a dump is simply a given.


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fred kruega!

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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jumpin jack flash ive got gas gas gas and when i do its loud and proud
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

pro pooper's picture
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I am a pro pooper i go anywhere. i dont make noice and it takes me about 30 secs to a mintues to do everything i gotta do! it's so funny i always tell my friends and they just laugh.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
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Some times I find myself grunting slightly if I have a stubborn turd to deal with, but fortunately, that doesn't happen often.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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I moan mostly its like a sound made of complete relief. Sometimes I make comments like OMG that one came out sideways. OR Cripes now I have to LEAVE my house.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Use The Force...'s picture
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I am usually as quiet as a mouse but i try to make a sound as loud as possible.. Which never really happens :(

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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Sometimes I go in fairly complete silence, especially if the turd is long and enters the water while still attached to me. Other times, however, especially early in the morning, I do have to grunt, sometimes at length. Also, most of the time, I have more than one turd, and most of them splash when they hit. I don't fart that often while on the pot, but occasionally that sound joins the rest. I do enjoy hearing others on the pot making noises, such as in the mall toilets.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I usually sing "I'm a Little Teapot" or "The Ittsy Bittsy Spider"...helps me concentrate.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

poop cheerleader's picture
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I almost never grunt when I go poops. But whenever I have a Bowel movement, I find my self making little sighing sounds as the poop emerges from my butt-hole. anyone else do this?

15 year old female's picture
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I am a 15 year old girl in my 2nd year of high school and I have to say i make quiet alot of noise when pooping. I suffer from really huge and dry turds and i always make noise because its the only way to help them get out. my immature older brother always makes fun of me for it. whenever he sees me he'll mock me like "ungh...oooooh!! UUUUUGH!" ugh i swear it gets on my nerves. thank god i dont use the toilets at school.

Big Papa Poop's picture
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I laugh when I poop because I'm usually reading Poop Report on my Blackberry. Sometimes I cry if I have an especially painful one or a wet one that takes 30+ wipes to clean up.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Dear 15 year old female ... Not using the toilet at school could be part of your problem, if you have the urge at school let it out, otherwise you are letting it harden in your colon and it will be harder to get rid of later.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Toxic Waste's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Very funny thread!

I run the gamut -- from silent, streamlined torpedos that slide right out of me and slide right into the water, to literally "throwing up" with my butthole and blasting a couple pounds of poo shrapnel into the bowl.

Vocally, the loudest I've ever been was a time I struggled to release something that was nearly the diameter of a baseball bat, and had hard lumps all over it. Everyone in the house knew about. It was similar to giving birth to a cactus.

push push push's picture
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im actually very silent when I poo even with the poos that are big and hard and that just come half way out and get stuck. I silently grunt. I'm a pusher, mostly every time I poo I have to give a little push to get it flowing. Sometimes it just slides out but when I get those hard poos, which is every so often it depends on my fiber intake, then I'm a definite pusher rather than noise maker. I push and push till I go completely red in the face. Usually when its like that I cry as I panic.

There was this one time and I was in the middle of music class and I felt myself needing to go for a poo so I went to the toilet and sat down thinking I'll be done in no time. I gave a push to get it started and it did until it got stuck so I pushed and pushed but nothing happened. I then started to panic as I realized it was one of those horrible things so I kept pushing but nothing, so I tried every thing from wriggling, to holding onto the toilet as hard as I could, to sucking it back in then giving a forceful push, to squatting on the ground away from the toilet and pushing(I'm sorry if this is really gross its just what happened) to spreading my ass apart while squatting on ground and push then to leaning right back on toilet so my back is fully against the toilet and lift my legs up onto seat and push, to standing up and bending my butt over the bowl and pushing, and even after all this nothing happened. I was crying my eyes out by now and just gave up, sat back onto the toilet and sat there crying, then decided to give one more big push and it slid out and all that time I never grunted once out loud only pushed, probably to busy crying
I never want to go through that again!

pusher's picture
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@poop cheerleader: I also make small little sighing sounds when pushing out the solids...

ANUS APPLAUSE's picture
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Actually I am having a dump at this moment, tryin to make it as silence as it could be. CUZ IM on my hoonymoon trying not to scare my wife. So as far as I know u can help reduce the noise by splitting ur