Okay, Dumpster, here's your poll. Take this poll and multiply it times the last poll and that's how much time per day you spend on the shitter.

I usually shit every other day, unless I went to KFC.

I usually go twice a day, but sometimes it can be three. However, here's a question for all of you. Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say that someone who goes two or three times a day (or more) is NOT full of shit because of the fact that he or she gets rid of it efficiently? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say that someone who goes, say, three times a week, is actually the one who is full of shit?

Hmmm?

I was trying to come up with a witty little sentence after each option (credit went to Dumpster for the idea, but I do the legwork), and that was what came to me.

I disagree with your comment though, TBW. Unless the person who goes a few times a week is bunged up, that is their normal crapping frequency and they do not produce as much shit as someone who goes 2-3x per day. Remember that pooping experiment I did with Dave ages ago? Dave crapped like a fiend and I shat little midget turds and we ate exactly the same amount. So Dave was more full of shit, until he expelled it. Whatever.

Sheesh, TBW. Picking on my polls. I'm starting to think that you are in cahoots with Logjam. ;)

AB2K, maybe I'm not looking in the right place, but I don't see the "current" poll; just the last one.

And I think we should ban KOC from this site until he stops teasing us about KFC and gets off the pot with his story!

By TBW's definition, I am less full of shit than anybody you know. In fact, since mine hardly ever gets solid, you can count on the fact that I am shitting you not!

Never mind, AB2K, I finally puzzled out what is going on here. You multiply How Many Times a Day Do You Shit by How Long Do You Spend on the Toilet, and the result is gross time related to ass production. And some of mine is pretty gross, too!

Thank you for pointing this out to me. To paraphrase Shakespeare, my grasp of the obvious is now secure.

Wonderful poll. Timely idea, perfect wording of options. And don't either of you pay any mind to that Nattering Nabob of Negativety --TBW. He just likes to cause trouble.

If I had to pick a story that has intrigued me more than any other on the site since it began, AB2K, it would be that experiment you did with Dave-O. I truly found it fascinating that you both ate the same things and the same amounts and such disparate results occurred. We know where Dave-O's shit went--down the toilet. But it really does make me wonder what happened to yours.

Do you think there's a possibility you have Immaculate Digestion?

And how does the Law of Conservation of Matter play into this?

I read the story with Dave and AB2K's quest for poop and it got me thinking about if you ate the same food every day over and over would your shit always be the same. I had a stretch where I drank the same beer everyday in excess and my turds began to get very yellow, but when I changed beer the colour changed.

I picked 2 - 3 times a day.

Whenever I have talked to people I know about there shitting habits it seems that most people just shit once a day....

Yeah, but doniker, what kind of people do you know?

Okay, Logjam, I see how it is. You're using TBW as a scapegoat to make yourself look good. You cheating bastard.

And TBW, as I stated in the original experiment, that is why I have a fat ass and Dave does not. I'm no expert, but I would think that I metabolized the food differently. Dave shat out what his body couldn't absorb, and I turned it into fat.

"A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips"?

AB2K, you are YOUNG--your body will burn it up. Get my age and everything you eat goes straight to your gut--and stays there.

Ooh, you flat-bellied young people drive me NUTS!

You must mean fat-bellied young people. There is no flat belly here.

Hey, Im fat, which is why I cant get off the pot.

Since you seem to be so angry, maybe I shouldnet tell you, but I was unable to send dave my story today (Sorry) Blame Gmail.

See other posts for snippet of story (Poo Lane)

I'm once a day, but I take my sweet time........oh that's a different poll.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Did some one remove Dumpster's post below mine? I remember that he replied to me

The holiday season has not been kind to my GI tract. Since late December I've been pooping smaller poops about four/five times a day. It's a literal pain in the ass.

It depends on if I've been hitting the bourbon or not.

Bourbon = more poop

It's like e = mc hammered

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Don't you mean e=BMc squared, daph?

I'm like the vitamin. One a day.

_On a good day 3 times in the morning after my first coffee...on a bad day there are surprises on the road.______
3flusher

2 or 3 times a day usually starting with the morning chute cleaning then nature takes it's course throughout the day - THAT IS, of course if i don't eat Rotten Ronnie's! if i eat that kyfe, then i shit for each time i eat something (usually 2 bacon and egg mcmuffins and 3 hashbombs), something akin to one of Beethoven's symphonies - 5 movements in the key of "thhhhbbbbbb".

I'm not a doctor, but i'll take a look anyways
Brown Eye of Satan

If I were able to give points (Damn you Dave/system) I would give you .5, TSV.

I typically dump seven or eight times a day.I might as well eat all my meals sitting on the shitter. One time I was camping and I reached for the t.p. and it wasn't there. Here it had rolled down the bank and into a creek. I had to to rip off all the wet t.p. to get to the dry stuff in the center of the roll.

Just once a day does the trick here.
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It's not nice to fool mother nature.

i'm just the regular ole' shitter...i've been crapping 5 times a day on average...for reasons i dont know why?

This was the first poll I ever posted. AB2K should get all the credit for making it funny.

I appreciate the attention she paid to me back when I was new on the site. It encouraged me to stick around and make a pest of myself.

Usually twice a day. I cannot remember a time where I sat down and shat and didn't end up almost wiping my arse away afterwards due to the amount of shit still left up there. I do horrendously sticky loud farts and nearly always have skidmarks in my underwear.

I do everything reasonable (diet wise) to try to have some turds ready and waiting soon after I finish my coffee every morning. I very rarely go more than that, but coincidentally, I did today. If I had known what was coming, I would have tried to save the first batch of nice firm turds for the messy batch of watery floaters that arrived an hour or so after.

Right now it's been two weeks +. Just took some magnesium citrate..

Usually though, I take dulcolax every three or four days.

So, I guess, technically, it's two to three times a week, generally speaking.

I'm amazed there are so many people who shit more than once a day!!! I'm up to three or four times a week - having been once or twice a week for years.

I am usually once in the morning and once at night and sometimes I get a two minute warning after lunch. You can pretty much set your watch by me.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I'm 17 and play high school soccer. On most days I shit about a half hour after I arrive at school in the morning. Usually, it's before 1st hour so I don't have to get a pass. However, when we are in season immediately after coming in from practice and immediately before reporting to the field on game days, I have to take an additional crap. While there are more stalls in the locker room than there are in the regular bathrooms, the problem is that they are doorless. I just hate sitting there on the toilet while others are dressing and watching me. Also, most of the schools we play at have the open stalls, too. Why that is I don't know.

SSS - it amazes me too! You just would not find that in England. I've been told that it is to deter 'unsociable habits', but I think that only serves to drive them elsewhere. No way would I want to 'shit in the open' so to speak.

To deter unsociable habits!? I gotta tell ya Hammy give me an audience anytime anywhere. If that stall has no door YOU ASKED FOR IT as far as I am concerned. Now of course the fairer sex I dont think could pull it off but you never know. First I would begin with Tarzan like moaning as my ass hits the seat. I would then do play by play on each and every fart I emit. If its particularly runny then watch out I will force it out and everyone will know whats going on. Will it chase people out? You bet it will! Is it unsociable? Yes of course how else can you expect to get privacy in an open stall bathroom without a performance of sorts.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I shit every other day normally. Like right now I am starting to feel the urge. The last time I clogged the bowl was on Sunday. I will probably hold off until I really need to go.

You sound just like me Turtlehead!! What was it someone said, 'never go at the first alarm'?? Or something like that!

Thunderous - I just don't think I could do it in full view. Full respect to you - you're obviously far more shameless than me. I'm happy to 'play to an audience' behind a closed door, but ....

I generally have to shit within 30 minutes to an hour of a meal. As a college student, that means I generally don't make it out of the dining hall in the morning without sittin' & shittin' and by 1:30 p.m. I'm waiting for my Intro to Business lecture to get out so I can get onto the stool and relieve myself. Usually I'm in the library about 7 p.m. each evening when I again have to sit and shit. It's not that much of a hassle on campus because the restrooms are pretty clean, but when I'm traveling I do worry about sitting on the much more heavily used toilets at places like Interstate rest stops and gas stations. My boyfriend, who shits once or twice a week and usually in his dorm, laughts and says I'm paranoid. I don't think I am. I just see no reason to hold it in and later get myself constipated. A couple of times last year in high school I tried to hold my crap in until I got home and I got so constipated that I had to give myself an enema. I found that even grosser than sitting down on public toilet seats.

Just once a day for me. Pretty much the same time everyday, too. Now that's REALLY boring.

My average is once per day. I'll go in streaks, if you will. Noon seems to be the current streak.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

S&SS - you are right, of course. Holding it in does lead to constipation. And I imagine an enema is gross too! Needing to shit three times a day seems OTT to me - but, as I always say, we are all different. I'm much more like your bf in my pooping habits, but I don't think you are paranoid.

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teddy Well this is definately a shitty subject.To Bigwiper i can answer your question.You are both winnes in this.Now if you dump 3 times a day,then early of a morning you are full of crap but at the end of the day you are empty.Now the person who dumps 3 times a week is full till he dumps depending on the time say its at nite.Well at nite you have had 3 dumps he has had his one so i would say your equal at this point.But excuse my pun here but as a daily check to see whos more full of crap he is definately loaded on the days he don't dump as to your 3 times everday so your both empty at times but he is full more time than you are.

if you poop less than 3 times a week, your colon is in bad shape, those who poo one or more times a day have on average a lifespan of 2-3 years longer than those who poo less than 3 times a week

What if you poop 5 times a day?

yes what if you poop 5 times a day?

So I'll live 2-3 years longer, but over 70 years, I'll have spent 6 years on the toilet instead of 3 weeks? Plus I'll have killed hundreds of trees from all the T.P. I use.

I shit 1-2 times a week :P

i dont have a naturalcycle so 3-4 if im lucky, im a bit sad these days without the best nutrition. i think its because my colon is clogged from previous constipation so the all bran aint gettin through, im gonna do a "fast" to clean things out in 2 days.

I shit at least three times a day and often as many as five (even six). I don't force my shit but I just can't stop shitting. You could say I'm a shitting machine.

It seems the more beer I drink, also, the more I shit.

3 times? A day??? WTF?!? I'm lucky if I shit once a day!!!
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Dr, Creepy............I think you have confused
egress orifices. Beer should ultimately come out through the bladder and food through the anus. There will be some overlap of orifice responsibility but not that much. I speak from the experience of a lifetime of overindulgence.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

My output varies, usually two or three times a day, occasionally once in a day. Almost always I have an early morning movement, say between 5 and 6:30 a.m.; then sometimes another one (like today, shortly before church, at the church building) later in the morning. On about half the days I will have either an afternoon or evening movement as well. They are all normal, well-formed poops. Yes, I admit, in my 66 years I have probably pooped over 50,000 times, possibly a lot more than that. I enjoyed most of them.

I crap at least once daily. It's usually between 9 a.m. and 10 a.m. or about 90 minutes after I've finished my breakfast. However, that will unfortunately change again next week when I start my junior year of high school. Just like Sittin* & Shittin' Sadie posted (10.02.07), I, too, don't look forward to using the bathrooms at my school. They suck. Just as Sadie said she did while she was in high school, I try to hold my craps until I reach my after school job which is at the mall. The seats and toilets at Target are much cleaner than at my school and I have time to relax a little so I can completely finish my shit. About 2 or 3 times a month I'm forced (a few seconds away from an accident!) to sit down at school, but I just hate sitting on those toilets. I've tried to shit standing up over the bowl but I'm not able to produce. I'm able to squat though to pee and I've become quite good at that. My older brother (2 years) use to tease me when I'd ask him to hurry when he was driving me home from school because my ass was ready to explode. He craps every day at school and even with no doors on the stalls, he thinks nothing of it. Must be nice!

I usually go once a day but when I had amoebal dysentery in Asia I thought about 96 times a day would be better.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I usually shit twice a day. There are some times that I even shit 3 or more times a day. That is always dependant on which direction the IBS goes that day. Sometimes, there is a day that I do not shit at all, needless to say I really feel it until the relief comes. I always shit anywhere that i may be when the urge hits. I am a shameless shitter, and not afraid to go wherever and whenever the need hits. Truth be known, when I was in high school, I rarely shit during school hours, instead when I got home, I bee-lined it to the upstairs toilet.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

I can always count on at least one horrific morning diarrhea, almost always immediately after breakfast. Then, it's guerilla warfare for the rest of the day, with a very unpredictable and erratic shitting schedule.

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"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

What is it about so many people--on this thread--and others being reluctant to take a shit whenever they need to when they are away from home? I prefer to shit away from home. First, my wife doesn't complain about the smell and I don't need to use the plunger (about 50% of the time because of the Jimmy Carter-era toilet in our apartment). Second, I'm not about to go out of my way to hold my shit until I get home from work or my evening college classes. I simply find the first bathroom, select the first stall and I'm down for the dump. Sometimes I'll even go in and sit in the bathroom at a Subway or a 24/7 coin operated laundry before I go to the bus bench. I've had close calls a couple of time when the buses are behind schedule or stuck in traffic. In fact, about five years ago I met my future wife while waiting for a unisex toilet at a convenience store. I take as many shits each day away from home as needed. To me, the complaints listed by some of the other posters just don't add up.

I have a septic system at my house and it will hold just so many shits before it needs to be pumped.I consider any dump taken away from home a victory. Money in my pocket if you will.

woman poop... i for one poop at least 3 times a day

LIAR!

Heeheehee, going back to the Brown Line of silence, are we, PD?
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

Actually GPT, if you read one of my poems, in particular in the 2 girls one cup thread, you'd know I'm kidding.

I really don't want to revisit that thread, I'll have to soak my eyeballs in acid again.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

i shit two times in week, i am skinny

You must re-enter that thread greengrasshopperpooper. Don't forget to remove your contacts before the acid soaking.

Thanks for the scratchy toilet paper tip greenpoopertrooper, I have been using it in place of masturbation.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I always shit in the morning then again in the evening. I am very regular. As soon as I arrive at work then before I go to bed. Just always been that way for me.