How often you take a shit

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185 Comments on "How often you take a shit"

AssBlaster2000's picture
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Okay, Dumpster, here's your poll. Take this poll and multiply it times the last poll and that's how much time per day you spend on the shitter.

KeepOnCrappin's picture
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I usually shit every other day, unless I went to KFC.

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

The Big Wiper's picture
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I usually go twice a day, but sometimes it can be three. However, here's a question for all of you. Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say that someone who goes two or three times a day (or more) is NOT full of shit because of the fact that he or she gets rid of it efficiently? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say that someone who goes, say, three times a week, is actually the one who is full of shit?

Hmmm?

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

AssBlaster2000's picture
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I was trying to come up with a witty little sentence after each option (credit went to Dumpster for the idea, but I do the legwork), and that was what came to me.

I disagree with your comment though, TBW. Unless the person who goes a few times a week is bunged up, that is their normal crapping frequency and they do not produce as much shit as someone who goes 2-3x per day. Remember that pooping experiment I did with Dave ages ago? Dave crapped like a fiend and I shat little midget turds and we ate exactly the same amount. So Dave was more full of shit, until he expelled it. Whatever.

Sheesh, TBW. Picking on my polls. I'm starting to think that you are in cahoots with Logjam. ;)

The Dumpster's picture
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AB2K, maybe I'm not looking in the right place, but I don't see the "current" poll; just the last one.

And I think we should ban KOC from this site until he stops teasing us about KFC and gets off the pot with his story!

By TBW's definition, I am less full of shit than anybody you know. In fact, since mine hardly ever gets solid, you can count on the fact that I am shitting you not!

The Dumpster's picture
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Never mind, AB2K, I finally puzzled out what is going on here. You multiply How Many Times a Day Do You Shit by How Long Do You Spend on the Toilet, and the result is gross time related to ass production. And some of mine is pretty gross, too!

Thank you for pointing this out to me. To paraphrase Shakespeare, my grasp of the obvious is now secure.

Logjam's picture
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Wonderful poll. Timely idea, perfect wording of options. And don't either of you pay any mind to that Nattering Nabob of Negativety --TBW. He just likes to cause trouble.

Logjam

The Big Wiper's picture
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If I had to pick a story that has intrigued me more than any other on the site since it began, AB2K, it would be that experiment you did with Dave-O. I truly found it fascinating that you both ate the same things and the same amounts and such disparate results occurred. We know where Dave-O's shit went--down the toilet. But it really does make me wonder what happened to yours.

Do you think there's a possibility you have Immaculate Digestion?

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

The Dumpster's picture
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And how does the Law of Conservation of Matter play into this?

Bunga Din's picture
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I read the story with Dave and AB2K's quest for poop and it got me thinking about if you ate the same food every day over and over would your shit always be the same. I had a stretch where I drank the same beer everyday in excess and my turds began to get very yellow, but when I changed beer the colour changed.

doniker's picture
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I picked 2 - 3 times a day.

Whenever I have talked to people I know about there shitting habits it seems that most people just shit once a day....

The Dumpster's picture
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Yeah, but doniker, what kind of people do you know?

AssBlaster2000's picture
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Okay, Logjam, I see how it is. You're using TBW as a scapegoat to make yourself look good. You cheating bastard.

And TBW, as I stated in the original experiment, that is why I have a fat ass and Dave does not. I'm no expert, but I would think that I metabolized the food differently. Dave shat out what his body couldn't absorb, and I turned it into fat.

The Dumpster's picture
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"A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips"?

AB2K, you are YOUNG--your body will burn it up. Get my age and everything you eat goes straight to your gut--and stays there.

Ooh, you flat-bellied young people drive me NUTS!

AssBlaster2000's picture
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You must mean fat-bellied young people. There is no flat belly here.

KeepOnCrappin's picture
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Hey, Im fat, which is why I cant get off the pot.

Since you seem to be so angry, maybe I shouldnet tell you, but I was unable to send dave my story today (Sorry) Blame Gmail.

See other posts for snippet of story (Poo Lane)

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

SamDamnit's picture
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I'm once a day, but I take my sweet time........oh that's a different poll.

SamDamnit!
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The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

KeepOnCrappin's picture
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Did some one remove Dumpster's post below mine? I remember that he replied to me

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Fart Poopie's picture
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The holiday season has not been kind to my GI tract. Since late December I've been pooping smaller poops about four/five times a day. It's a literal pain in the ass.

daphne's picture
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It depends on if I've been hitting the bourbon or not.

Bourbon = more poop

It's like e = mc hammered

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Big Wiper's picture
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Don't you mean e=BMc squared, daph?

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

The Shit Volcano's picture
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I'm like the vitamin. One a day.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

3flusher's picture
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_On a good day 3 times in the morning after my first coffee...on a bad day there are surprises on the road.______
3flusher

3flusher

Brown Eye Of Satan's picture
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2 or 3 times a day usually starting with the morning chute cleaning then nature takes it's course throughout the day - THAT IS, of course if i don't eat Rotten Ronnie's! if i eat that kyfe, then i shit for each time i eat something (usually 2 bacon and egg mcmuffins and 3 hashbombs), something akin to one of Beethoven's symphonies - 5 movements in the key of "thhhhbbbbbb".

I'm not a doctor, but i'll take a look anyways
Brown Eye of Satan

KeepOnCrappin's picture
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If I were able to give points (Damn you Dave/system) I would give you .5, TSV.

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

software downloader's picture
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I typically dump seven or eight times a day.I might as well eat all my meals sitting on the shitter. One time I was camping and I reached for the t.p. and it wasn't there. Here it had rolled down the bank and into a creek. I had to to rip off all the wet t.p. to get to the dry stuff in the center of the roll.

healthy 1's picture
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Just once a day does the trick here.
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

crapshoot4123's picture
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i'm just the regular ole' shitter...i've been crapping 5 times a day on average...for reasons i dont know why?

The Dumpster's picture
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This was the first poll I ever posted. AB2K should get all the credit for making it funny.

I appreciate the attention she paid to me back when I was new on the site. It encouraged me to stick around and make a pest of myself.

Crunchy Frog's picture
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Usually twice a day. I cannot remember a time where I sat down and shat and didn't end up almost wiping my arse away afterwards due to the amount of shit still left up there. I do horrendously sticky loud farts and nearly always have skidmarks in my underwear.

turdfan's picture
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I do everything reasonable (diet wise) to try to have some turds ready and waiting soon after I finish my coffee every morning. I very rarely go more than that, but coincidentally, I did today. If I had known what was coming, I would have tried to save the first batch of nice firm turds for the messy batch of watery floaters that arrived an hour or so after.

Stephen's picture
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Right now it's been two weeks +. Just took some magnesium citrate..

Usually though, I take dulcolax every three or four days.

So, I guess, technically, it's two to three times a week, generally speaking.

Hamster's picture
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I'm amazed there are so many people who shit more than once a day!!! I'm up to three or four times a week - having been once or twice a week for years.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
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I am usually once in the morning and once at night and sometimes I get a two minute warning after lunch. You can pretty much set your watch by me.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Soccer Star Stacey's picture
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I'm 17 and play high school soccer. On most days I shit about a half hour after I arrive at school in the morning. Usually, it's before 1st hour so I don't have to get a pass. However, when we are in season immediately after coming in from practice and immediately before reporting to the field on game days, I have to take an additional crap. While there are more stalls in the locker room than there are in the regular bathrooms, the problem is that they are doorless. I just hate sitting there on the toilet while others are dressing and watching me. Also, most of the schools we play at have the open stalls, too. Why that is I don't know.

Hamster's picture
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SSS - it amazes me too! You just would not find that in England. I've been told that it is to deter 'unsociable habits', but I think that only serves to drive them elsewhere. No way would I want to 'shit in the open' so to speak.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
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To deter unsociable habits!? I gotta tell ya Hammy give me an audience anytime anywhere. If that stall has no door YOU ASKED FOR IT as far as I am concerned. Now of course the fairer sex I dont think could pull it off but you never know. First I would begin with Tarzan like moaning as my ass hits the seat. I would then do play by play on each and every fart I emit. If its particularly runny then watch out I will force it out and everyone will know whats going on. Will it chase people out? You bet it will! Is it unsociable? Yes of course how else can you expect to get privacy in an open stall bathroom without a performance of sorts.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Turtlehead's picture
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I shit every other day normally. Like right now I am starting to feel the urge. The last time I clogged the bowl was on Sunday. I will probably hold off until I really need to go.

Hamster's picture
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You sound just like me Turtlehead!! What was it someone said, 'never go at the first alarm'?? Or something like that!

Thunderous - I just don't think I could do it in full view. Full respect to you - you're obviously far more shameless than me. I'm happy to 'play to an audience' behind a closed door, but ....

Sittin* & Shittin' Sadie's picture
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I generally have to shit within 30 minutes to an hour of a meal. As a college student, that means I generally don't make it out of the dining hall in the morning without sittin' & shittin' and by 1:30 p.m. I'm waiting for my Intro to Business lecture to get out so I can get onto the stool and relieve myself. Usually I'm in the library about 7 p.m. each evening when I again have to sit and shit. It's not that much of a hassle on campus because the restrooms are pretty clean, but when I'm traveling I do worry about sitting on the much more heavily used toilets at places like Interstate rest stops and gas stations. My boyfriend, who shits once or twice a week and usually in his dorm, laughts and says I'm paranoid. I don't think I am. I just see no reason to hold it in and later get myself constipated. A couple of times last year in high school I tried to hold my crap in until I got home and I got so constipated that I had to give myself an enema. I found that even grosser than sitting down on public toilet seats.

Postman's picture
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Just once a day for me. Pretty much the same time everyday, too. Now that's REALLY boring.

Deja Poo's picture
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My average is once per day. I'll go in streaks, if you will. Noon seems to be the current streak.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Hamster's picture
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S&SS - you are right, of course. Holding it in does lead to constipation. And I imagine an enema is gross too! Needing to shit three times a day seems OTT to me - but, as I always say, we are all different. I'm much more like your bf in my pooping habits, but I don't think you are paranoid.

Teddy's picture
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_______
teddy Well this is definately a shitty subject.To Bigwiper i can answer your question.You are both winnes in this.Now if you dump 3 times a day,then early of a morning you are full of crap but at the end of the day you are empty.Now the person who dumps 3 times a week is full till he dumps depending on the time say its at nite.Well at nite you have had 3 dumps he has had his one so i would say your equal at this point.But excuse my pun here but as a daily check to see whos more full of crap he is definately loaded on the days he don't dump as to your 3 times everday so your both empty at times but he is full more time than you are.

teddy

Anonymous Coward's picture
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if you poop less than 3 times a week, your colon is in bad shape, those who poo one or more times a day have on average a lifespan of 2-3 years longer than those who poo less than 3 times a week

Anonymous Coward's picture
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What if you poop 5 times a day?

Scared Shit's picture
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yes what if you poop 5 times a day?

Anonymous Coward's picture
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So I'll live 2-3 years longer, but over 70 years, I'll have spent 6 years on the toilet instead of 3 weeks? Plus I'll have killed hundreds of trees from all the T.P. I use.

Colin's picture
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I shit 1-2 times a week :P

Cloggy's picture
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i dont have a naturalcycle so 3-4 if im lucky, im a bit sad these days without the best nutrition. i think its because my colon is clogged from previous constipation so the all bran aint gettin through, im gonna do a "fast" to clean things out in 2 days.

Dr Creepy's picture
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I shit at least three times a day and often as many as five (even six). I don't force my shit but I just can't stop shitting. You could say I'm a shitting machine.

It seems the more beer I drink, also, the more I shit.

LeandraCullen's picture
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3 times? A day??? WTF?!? I'm lucky if I shit once a day!!!
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

The Original Grasshopper

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Dr, Creepy............I think you have confused
egress orifices. Beer should ultimately come out through the bladder and food through the anus. There will be some overlap of orifice responsibility but not that much. I speak from the experience of a lifetime of overindulgence.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
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My output varies, usually two or three times a day, occasionally once in a day. Almost always I have an early morning movement, say between 5 and 6:30 a.m.; then sometimes another one (like today, shortly before church, at the church building) later in the morning. On about half the days I will have either an afternoon or evening movement as well. They are all normal, well-formed poops. Yes, I admit, in my 66 years I have probably pooped over 50,000 times, possibly a lot more than that. I enjoyed most of them.

Caitlyn's picture
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I crap at least once daily. It's usually between 9 a.m. and 10 a.m. or about 90 minutes after I've finished my breakfast. However, that will unfortunately change again next week when I start my junior year of high school. Just like Sittin* & Shittin' Sadie posted (10.02.07), I, too, don't look forward to using the bathrooms at my school. They suck. Just as Sadie said she did while she was in high school, I try to hold my craps until I reach my after school job which is at the mall. The seats and toilets at Target are much cleaner than at my school and I have time to relax a little so I can completely finish my shit. About 2 or 3 times a month I'm forced (a few seconds away from an accident!) to sit down at school, but I just hate sitting on those toilets. I've tried to shit standing up over the bowl but I'm not able to produce. I'm able to squat though to pee and I've become quite good at that. My older brother (2 years) use to tease me when I'd ask him to hurry when he was driving me home from school because my ass was ready to explode. He craps every day at school and even with no doors on the stalls, he thinks nothing of it. Must be nice!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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I usually go once a day but when I had amoebal dysentery in Asia I thought about 96 times a day would be better.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

shitake boy's picture
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I usually shit twice a day. There are some times that I even shit 3 or more times a day. That is always dependant on which direction the IBS goes that day. Sometimes, there is a day that I do not shit at all, needless to say I really feel it until the relief comes. I always shit anywhere that i may be when the urge hits. I am a shameless shitter, and not afraid to go wherever and whenever the need hits. Truth be known, when I was in high school, I rarely shit during school hours, instead when I got home, I bee-lined it to the upstairs toilet.

_______
In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

Vanilla Dolphin's picture
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I can always count on at least one horrific morning diarrhea, almost always immediately after breakfast. Then, it's guerilla warfare for the rest of the day, with a very unpredictable and erratic shitting schedule.

_______
"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

Lance's picture
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What is it about so many people--on this thread--and others being reluctant to take a shit whenever they need to when they are away from home? I prefer to shit away from home. First, my wife doesn't complain about the smell and I don't need to use the plunger (about 50% of the time because of the Jimmy Carter-era toilet in our apartment). Second, I'm not about to go out of my way to hold my shit until I get home from work or my evening college classes. I simply find the first bathroom, select the first stall and I'm down for the dump. Sometimes I'll even go in and sit in the bathroom at a Subway or a 24/7 coin operated laundry before I go to the bus bench. I've had close calls a couple of time when the buses are behind schedule or stuck in traffic. In fact, about five years ago I met my future wife while waiting for a unisex toilet at a convenience store. I take as many shits each day away from home as needed. To me, the complaints listed by some of the other posters just don't add up.

prarie doggin's picture
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I have a septic system at my house and it will hold just so many shits before it needs to be pumped.I consider any dump taken away from home a victory. Money in my pocket if you will.

woman do it's picture
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woman poop... i for one poop at least 3 times a day

prarie doggin's picture
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LIAR!

LeandraCullen's picture
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Heeheehee, going back to the Brown Line of silence, are we, PD?
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

The Original Grasshopper

prarie doggin's picture
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Actually GPT, if you read one of my poems, in particular in the 2 girls one cup thread, you'd know I'm kidding.

LeandraCullen's picture
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I really don't want to revisit that thread, I'll have to soak my eyeballs in acid again.
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

The Original Grasshopper

Anonymous Coward's picture
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i shit two times in week, i am skinny

prarie doggin's picture
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You must re-enter that thread greengrasshopperpooper. Don't forget to remove your contacts before the acid soaking.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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Thanks for the scratchy toilet paper tip greenpoopertrooper, I have been using it in place of masturbation.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

LeandraCullen's picture
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Not needed, Chief. Hahaha, JK, it rly wasn't but... prarie doggin- in my abcense I have been studying stealthy ninja-things...heehee :D
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

The Original Grasshopper

Lubriderm's picture
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I go twice a week. My shit just flys out of my ass in an orderly fashion. Actually, I could probobly win a contest on the "longest piece of shit" because I only go twice a week. That way, it gets really really long.

Fat Sister inlaw's picture
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My sister In law is on the thunderbox every hour having a dump and at night she gets out of bed every 2 for one.I know if she don't cus she will have a shower in the morning as soon as she gets up cus she has shit the bed.I confronted her about this and she just went quiet and wouldn't say any thing.She also will not go and see a doctor.She is 5foot 3" and about 190KG.We go through over 4 rolls of paper per day(260 sheets per roll)Do all fat people shit like this?Or is she just full of shit. :)

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I take a shit three times a month

vegetarian pooper's picture
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_______
I like poop coming out as much as food coming in

I have been pooping 3 times or more a day since I stoped eating meat over 4 years ago before that I only dumped a small amount once a week and back then it took me 20 minutes to push out 4 inches now it only takes 5 to ten minutes usualy 5 to dump a foot of poo and it don's stink nearly as much as back then

I like poop coming out as much as food coming in

hayley's picture
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I poop once or twice a day. As soon as I get to work in the mornings I gotta poop. Then sometimes again in the evenings I gotta poop.

deuce dropper's picture
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That friend who is soiling the sheets needs to see a doctor. Anal leakage is not only gross, messy and stinky, it is unhealthy. I personally poop after every meal. Used to poop at most once a day until I had my gallbladder out, now it's like clockwork. Don't know why.

daphne's picture
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It's because without your gall bladder, you are passing the food more quickly. In, and out!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

cute_fuckin_2-m's picture
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I'm actually taken a shit while I'm writing this lolz :-)
I shit once a week.. That's if I'm lucky ! I don't know why thoo & I'm so skinny. By the way, I'm a girl also. So is that bad?

woahHAI's picture
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I always used to take a shit like 2 times per week until early this year, around March, when I had to get an enema up me to help get it all out because I was really full of shit, constipated, I had bad stomach aches everyday (the pain went around to my back), and whenever I touched around the right side of my stomach I felt this really sharp intense pain. So after that I straight away made the decision to go at least once everyday, and it's goin cool x]

Ryan D.'s picture
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well im 14 and i find myself in the bathroom stalls at least 3-4 times a day, and at least 20 mins during my lunch. does anybody shit this much?

Corporate Crapper's picture
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Everyday, usually post morning coffee. Oddly, often on Fridays, I get the need in the afternoon. If I get in early, my office's bathrooms are still nice and clean. Later in the day they get the used feeling and smell. Nothing overtly nasty, most of the time, but just not that clean feeling.

The toilet water has a light blue tinge after the cleaning crews clean it. It is a very modest joy, but I do like it when I get in early enough to use a "blue toilet".

El Scumbag's picture
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Well I certainly shit an awful lot, and enjoy it enormously, so I consume a lot of high-fibre foods, like muesli, oats, bran flakes, wholemeal bread, vegetables, fruit, cereal bars and the like, in order to crap more. Food moves through me quite quickly and I suppose on average, I shit an average of 4 times a day, although it can be as little as 3 and as much as 5 and still be fairly average for me. There are occasions when I have had only one or two, but on those occasions, there's usually something wrong, like I've been ill or something. For instance, the last time I crapped this infrequently was 3 weeks ago, when I was in hospital having surgery on my teeth, so the morphine in my system affected my pooing rhythm for a day or so. Generally If I have less than 3 a day I start feeling strange and grouchy, so I need to crap lots in order to maintain my sense of well-being.

I usually have to poo shortly after I wake up, and rarely get a chance to go back to sleep if I wake up too early, because soon after I open my eyes, the need to defecate follows the need to urinate. The next one usually comes mid-to-late morning, followed by another around lunchtime (or just after) and another just after dinner. Other shitting episodes may occur at various times of the day, depending on what I've eaten.

My record, without diarrhoea, is 8. This isn't nuggets but full-on logs. It was after 24 hours eating nothing but a couple of bowls Swiss-recipe muesli for every meal.

If I ate less fibre, no doubt I'd crap less, but I fail to see why I should. I love shitting and I love farting, and fibre enables me to do this as often as I wish. I consider shitting to be virtually a hobby.

KingofTundra's picture
0
0

I shit ATLEAST once a day...i work out every day and eat fibers....i get rid of my food!! thats why im in excellent shape...i have a nice glass table and a plasma in my bathroom....get stuck on my laptop for atleast 30 min when im shittin in the bathroom...ilove shitting its so peaceful...i also have a separate heater/ac in my bathroom....i cant shit when its cold no fukin way...shitting is good, very good..alright peace

cyemore butts's picture
0
0

whoouldn't it be more propper to say your leaving a shit then taken a shit couse your not realy taking it anywere right well least i'm not taken a pice of shit anyware get my point .

Anonymous coward's picture
0
0

I take a shit often four times a day. Its not unusual for me to shit more than 6 times a day. Its not very convenient and my butthole always hurts from wiping so god damn much

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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6 times a day? Do you have time to do anything else?
_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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I assume if AC's a male, he will also have time for beer, ball scratching, and thinking about naked women.

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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Isn't that all you males do?
_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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0

Christ, isn't that enough? Thats a full day!!!
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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Shouldn't you guys....IDK...have a job, sleep...read....do normal activities?
_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

prarie doggin's picture
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Hmmmm, never gave that much thought Leandra. Too busy thinking about....uh other thoughts.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Leandra, when it comes to ball scratching, we guys are thorough...it can take up to four hours for a good ball scratch. Major league baseball players with their little "cup the sack and shift" aren't real guys...
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
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And when you get to Chief and my ages, it takes even longer, 'cause we have farther to reach.

Daphne, melon baller for the young lady.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

In my case, I tend to forget whether I just started scratching my nuts, or if I've been doing it for a while.
Rather than risk only giving them a short scratch, I give them the benefit of the doubt, and scratch 'em a while longer.
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
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Y'know BM, you bring up a good point. With all the complaining women do about their periods and stuff, they should try having our ball problems for a day. I know you'll agree........ Well I'll agree for you......

help

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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You really don't want to trade...trust me...there's a reason it's called the curse.
_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I don't know Leandra. I timed the mister once and he scratched his balls for 10 minutes before he noticed I was staring. I asked him about it and after a strange TMI conversation I am convinced I would rather have a period than have to deal with my precious organs hanging and swinging all about down there.Sounds dangerous.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

prarie doggin's picture
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Ever wonder why most men can't dance. Just try dangling two sweet potatoes between your legs and you'll see why.

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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0

...I don't know how to respond to that...scared...
_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Hey, yeah!
*Light bulb goes on above head*
Thats why Michael Jackson was such a good dancer!
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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0

Oh my shit...I just urbandictionary-ed Angry Cullen...jesushchrist.
_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

Amy's picture
0
0

I typically poop once every 3 days. When I was in my teens and college years it was more frequently (maybe twice a day), but age (45) and the stresses of life put me where I am today. Thinking about it, I would frequently ignore the urge at work and was able to wait until I got home. Since then my body has adjusted to where it is now and I get the urge, on average, every third day. But with less frequency comes larger and more time-consuming bowel movements, and also with more urgency. It takes a good 5 minutes on the toilet with on-and-off pushing and is usually very solid, but gosh it feels good to be rid of it. Sorry, TMI, but this is the place to explain and its not that often I can talk about my bowel movement habits.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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Amy, your first mistake is waiting till you get home to poop. If you have to shit while you're at work, go for it. Damn, more than likely they don't pay you enough anyway, so if you get that urge while you're at work, do it.

There's nothing like sitting on the pot, squeezing out a dookie, and getting paid for it. You and everybody you work with is making all the money for your company anyway, so don't feel like you're screwing your company because you have to shit. Fuck them.

Did I happen to mention I'm a union steward?

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

I shit three times a day. Sometimes, I'll take four dumps a day. And sometimes, if I eat Dominos pizza, I get the Screamin' Shits!

Russell the shitting queen

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

i poop once a week

Knowmy Shit's picture
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Food in food out 24 hour transit time 3 meals 3 poops (i wanted to answes that "Mr Hanky")

prarie doggin's picture
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Russell, after my pilonidal surgery I had a few cases of Screamin' Shits, but I don't recall any Dominos pizza being involved.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
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I don't know why that pizza gives me the shits but pizza hut or other companies don't give me the shits. Maybe Domino's is just bad luck for me
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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0

Forget about those chain pizza joints. Stick to the hometown pizza places. Order a large with pepperoni and jalapenos. You'll be blowing fire out your ass the next day.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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One time per day assuming no trips to the Mexican restaurant ! If so, two trips to get rid of chaco tacos.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I am taking a shit now as I take this poll. Talk about irony.
(BTW for the record, I voted for the "two to three times a day" option)

yoyoyo's picture
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I take a shit every morning around 10am..i drink two cups of diet coke and does it.. i feel the urge ,hit the toilet and slide right out..sometimes my turds are like 8 to 10 inches long..man it feels so good

Anonymous Coward's picture
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found this by accident when doing research from another site, that claimed people who received pleasure from taking a shit, had psychological damage.
I can't imagine even putting into order the amount of psychological damage i do have, but i still seem more together than every US president since IKE.
anyway, i go three or four times a week.
but, i eat only once a day, in an effort to look anorexic and scare people, because people in this world need to be shaken out of their reverie of shit worship!
---another brown world---

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I can honestly say I have NEVER taken a shit in my life. I have left plenty of them, though.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ashlyn63852's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0


_______
ok wow i was totlay shocked and by the way that was gross ok i was in my cozey 1 bedrom apartment with a bathroom right across the hall. i was sitting there and i felt the erge to poo i havet pooped in about 2 weeks and i wanted to see if it was finaly time to drop a load. yea i dont like to eat lots of fiber so i have a hard time on the comode. so i went in and shut the door and began my work (alest tryed to) so im sitting there and all i am doing is farting farting farting and farting.with major butt cramps !!! so then after mabe 2 hours i dicited it wasnt coming so i went to sit in my living room and continue to watch tv. the nextday i had a date with my girlfriend.we went to the steakhouse i had rice with black beans and steak with some chilli. it was dilishoue.so we ate and i was in the car to take her home i felt the erge to crap !!!! really bad !!!! so i started to drive fast and preying to god to hit no trafic or bumps !!!!!!!!!!! so then i finaly got her home and i manged to hold it so far i drove back to my house with a filled butt hole of gass and who knows what else in store !! (poo poo and more poo) so i ran upstaires and sat down and just farted farted farted and farted. god was i mad !!! i wanted to crap!!!! so i dicited to just let it coe when it needed to come ! so the next week i felt the erge again i thought if it dosent blow i dont know what i will do. i ran up ther and i just farted farted farted and farted ! i was ticked of ! i want to POOP !!! now i didcited to go to the docter. the next week i arrived i went in the room and asked me to drop my pants i thought he was gay but then again doceters are suposed to do that so hes not. so then he go this glove and put jelley on it and told me to bend over in a football position he touched my testicles and told me i had a nice size (ok now he is gay) but mabe he int it in a heathey way but aneyway then he got blue jelly stuff and put it on his finger and showved his finger up my butt crack !!! it felt not very comerotble. while he was feling around he rold me to lay me down and told me i had had the poop in my rectum to long so he had to go up my butt and pull poo out. i got wided eved and he got this thing and i poped open my butthole he got a needle thing but he told me it wouldent hurt he then i fent a jerk and he told me tostay calm then he told me to stand up and squat dowm then he told me he was putting a silverlineing around my butt hole so i felt my hole fell air around it then he gave me a smock and told me to try to go poop in the bathroom i went into the bathroom i had to walk like a pinguen and there about an hour later a log came out from heaven above ! i pooped !!!!! yea yeSSS!!!! i went back to the room and told him i pooped he toled me to lay back down i thought he was going to take those thing out of my crack but no he got his finger and felt around somemore and said well your not done pooping yet. i need an x ray so i went to the x ray room and he told me to squat he took pictures of my but and my dick.... i wonder why aneyway he told me i needed to go back to the room i did he told me to lay down he took the lineing out and told me to squat again i did my butt burns by the way then he got this opening think and open it bigger then he mesured the size of my hole. then he took everyhting off and out of my butt and told me to go in this room with him it was empty with nothing in it just a bench and a sink and a table the doctor reached in the cabnet and told me to walk over to the table and hold on to t and squat like i was going to poop on the floor then he got his gloves on and got that opening thing again and opend my butt hole so big then he was holding the butt crack holder hing and told me to push ! i felt like i was giveing birth !!!! thenhe let it go my butt crack colapsed closed. he told me i was the most difficult paitent he ever had the we went into this room with a chair and it was above this back tunel thing it was emberising. i dont know about you but i like to crap in privacy. then he told me to squat in feldial posiston he got this thing and it was metel it felt like he shoved it in m butt crack and took me to the bathroom not the same one as before he told me to st on the tolit and try to poop but nothing came then he told me it squat and push really really really hard i did my but hole finaly became open on it own and he showed the opener thing up it aganin ! he told me to sit likeypou are on the tolit in thin air then he tolf me to try to poop i didn want to do my doodies in front of him but i had o i pushed and pushed nothing then he said fine he put to of his fingers from each hand on each side of my but and then told me to barley push i did and a log fell out and another and another abnd then one was big he then took his hands outand said do ypu feel better i did he put a ring up my but and told me that my butt hold was o small ! so know i crap everyday and its always a huge log sio yea

ok wow i was totlay shocked and by the way that was gross

prarie doggin's picture
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Chief's gonna have a heart attack.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Fuck, I couldn't get past the first line, I felt my IQ diminishing drastically, so I bailed out.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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0

School's about to start. I teach high school English. If I had Ashlyn's post, I could mine it for errors for at least a semester (I use error detection exercises in my classes). I can't really do that, so I guess I'll use the next Nigerian windfall letter. To return to topic: I've been pooping once or twice a day most of the summer; two good movements today.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

I was glad to see that post was lamed, I got a headache trying to read it.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

phew likeIthogt Iwasther only ome who colden tunderstand a friigern thing that pervius postsiad.
We Aussies might seem a bit thick, but at least we can string a sentence or two together.
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
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0

...when we're not busy watching dogs vomit. :)

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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MSG, do you ever send one of those scam letters back corrected in a reply? I have to admit - I've been tempted.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

prarie doggin's picture
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How to steal an Aussies beer:

Hey, look over there maite! It's a Groit Daine abowt to gak a wallaby cahcass.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I voted as I'm a shit machine.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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0

Due to miralax, of course.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

*catching breath from laughter*
Thanks again, pd. Laughter is truly the best medicine.
Our Red Heeler hasn't gakked anything lately- he's not much fun at all.
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

ashlyn63852's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

i think i dont fart till i have to poo i will fart and then i will fart again and i realize i have to poo i just keep passing gass till i eventuly make it to the tolit or poo in my pants :) :p

ok wow i was totlay shocked and by the way that was gross

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

ashlyn, please keep in mind that most of us on here are old farts who aren't into texting or Twitter. And also, the "Shift" key is on your computer keyboard for a reason.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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prarie doggin said, "Chief's gonna have a heart attack.

I apologize for the delay in replying to this thread but I was hospitalized with severe angina. I think I am OK now but my doctor tells me I should avoid reading posts totally devoid of any semblance of syntax and imbued with nasty spelling and punctuation. Gasp!!!!!!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Every morning, about 7:15. I'm so regular I bore myself.

prarie doggin's picture
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So that's your secret Postman. Do you bore yourself with an auger bit or one of those spade drills?

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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No, I prefer to use a cordless drill. It's a lot more portable.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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0

Chieffie, you got your angina attack while reading an illiterate post?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ashlyn63852's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

wow you peole or a bunch of farts i guess u come out of the ass

ok wow i was totlay shocked and by the way that was gross

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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0

ashlyn63852, thank you for reducing the size of your posts while maintaining the same level of incoherence. It must have been difficult.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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0

Chief, you take a break from grammar officer for awhile. PD has demostrated that he is qualified in policing the illiterate crowd. It is a very difficult job to read unpuctuated capital letterless runon sentences. I personally get a headache from it, so I just don't read the long ones. So rest that big heart of yours so it won't stop ticking and listen to your doctor.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

5 days no shitting

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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ashlyn63852 on 08.31.2009 said, "wow you peole or a bunch of farts i guess u come out of the ass"

I checked your profile and saw that you claim to be 25 years old. Can you tell me how, in a quarter of a century, you picked up virtually no abilities in written expression?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

Daphne, it never occurred to me to try to send a corrected version of one of the Nigerian letters; I have been too afraid of letting in some virus or access to my accounts for some scam. But it would be intriguing.

To bring this poll up to date: The one choice it didn't have is "once or twice a day." That's what I'm doing now. Two today, just one yesterday. If I poop twice in a day, the next day's first (likely only) poop will be later than usual in the day.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

I shit once a week it's like taking the cans to the curb for trash day....if those cans were giant logs of fetid putrid shit that is.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

prarie doggin's picture
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When you make that trip to the curb with your cans, do you also bring out the garbage?