Who wouldn't want a bunghole of steel? From Superman on down.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

I've been on a roll for several months, and I wouldn't change a thing. Since getting with the high fruit/vegetable diet and less read meat, my craps have been too perfect. I'm spoiled. The only thing I could ask for would be if they came out a little more slowly so I could relish the event even more. Too soon - like children - they are out of the house and on their own.

I wonder if I should be photographing them, because I know this streak can't last forever, and I'd like to cherish the memories. I mean, I'll probably take a dump some time this year where I actually have to wipe more than once, or where the texture isn't quite up to snuff, or where the odor is actually noticeable, or....well, the list of terrible things just seems to go on and on.....
I know, it's shameful to boast, but damn it, I'm having the greatest poop of my life and I want the whole world to share my joy!

(Wow! Having a drama major for a roommate in college really must have rubbed off on me. Even I find the foregoing a bit over the top. I apologize. Especially to those of you who have had the runs, the gassy bowels, the bloody stools, the constipation, the overflowing toilets, the out of paper crises, the cat that won't use the box, the shart just before an important presentation at work, the guy peering up at you from below in the pit toilet, the worms hanging from your anus and nesting in your colon, the razor stubble in your crack, the seedless grape sized hemmorrhoids, the dry turd that required manual disimpaction, the cold digit of Dr. Jellfinger at your first prostate exam, the burping airplane toilet, the vomiting of feces, the toilet stall without a door ....I could go on, but I think I've made my point...I feel for every one of you and wish you all the colonic happiness a person could ever possess ...)

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Livin' La Vida Caca!

Recto, what does your meat read and why do you want it to read less? Just kidding. And colonic happiness back to you.

I would like a bunghole of steel also. I am not getting any younger. Nothing like thinking of the future.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I'm with you Recto.

I wouldn't change a thing about my bowels, except having more time to enjoy pooping.

If I spend three minutes in the bathroom total, that is a long time.

Since I have overcome IBS, it is almost like my bowels don't realise that I am nearly 30 years old. Bowel movements are quick, solid, enjoyable, and easy. Wiping is a snap, and not messy.

I hear so many stories about peoples bowels changing after 25, that I feel like I'm from another planet, with my teenage like system.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

I wish I had a meat grinder instead of a stomach. I could eat everything never get stuff up.

I've overindulged a few too many times on spicy, greasy, and over-processed foods, booze, cigarettes, ganja, coffee, and soda that I now have to be careful about what I put in - it's gotta come out somehow, and sometimes it ain't pretty! Although I'm not smoking or drinking and have cleaned up my junkfood habit the abuse to my system has its lingering effects. I once had a bunghole of steel and I'd give nearly anything to have it back again!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Daphne's first paragraph made me reflect....

I think that all Poop Reporters should greet each other with a standard line, such as "Hail, Sphincter!" followed by a mutual sniffing of fingers.

When parting, we should all say, "Colonic Happiness to You," rather than "Have a good day." After all, how can one not have a good day when one's colon is content? Is not the colon the mirror of the state of one's soul?

Yours in Colonic Brother/Sisterhood
Deep Dooty

That is so Spock. I love it.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I wish I could get it all done at one sitting. It usually takes two (sometimes three) squats to fully clear the pipes.

I wish my craps smelled less nasty. Since I came back from India w/that parasite/virus, they have been absolutely beyond the grossest of diarrhea smells. They offend my nose, which used to be immune from any of my bowel odors. Luckily I don't give a damn about smelling up my bathroom or public bathrooms.

How did you "overcome IBS," Healthy? I'm 20 years older than you, and I have yet to figure that out.

I know my "wish" of healthier dumps would come true if I just drank more water... except I don't like having to pee every five minutes. Maybe if I ate more fibrous vegetation instead, it'd be as effective as drinking water.
My dad used to have horrible bowel issues for years and years after a trip to Vietnam, but he had to go on antibiotics recently for something and he's not had any problems since-- no more stomach aches, no more horrible diarrhea, nothing. (All this is from my mom's scintillating conversation re: the Queen's father's dumps)

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Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

Obviously gathering the courage to shit in public bathrooms.

fred kruega!

To me, I'm not sure everyone agrees on what a "public bathroom" is. I have never had a problem taking a shit at a K-Mart, restaurant or gas station. One toilet, two or three stalls, maximum, don't seem to bother me. I don't necessarily consider those to be high traffic and there's less stress on me. I check to make sure there's wiping paper (and it does help if I don't have to use the paper immediately to wipe off the seat--the hover pissers should be shot!)and I flush if necessary (unless it's a child under five or the stool is clogged more ammo might be needed)and simply sit down. I prefer the a blue seat (reminds me of home) but white or black will do and I'm usually done within two or three minutes. Completely done--full bowl!

My problem is the larger bathrooms and all the things that piss me off in using one. Large lines, and it doesn't matter whether it was 10 years ago in high school or now at large arenas, are a challenge for me. Waiting for a stall with a full stool to drop is stressful, and finally being next up and then opening the door to find urine on the seat and no/very limited toilet paper pisses me off. Twice this past month at NBA games I've patiently waited my "turn" only to find three sheets and tinkles. In both cases I've saved the final three for my wiping. To me, the large 15-20 stall-plus restrooms are evil and I've never able to FULLY COMPLETE my shit. I find flushing, noise from slamming doors, even idle talk from those waiting to be distracting. Most recently, in the stall next to me I had a whining girl that wasn't able to produce and her mother yelling at (actually cussing her out) because she was taking too long and next fall in kindergarten she's going to have to do a lot better! How's that for confidence.

There are times under such circumstances where I will partially produce and have to go back once or two times to complete the process. It frustrates me! When I was steadily dating this one salesman, he would tease me and call me his "Anal Annie". Of course, that didn't help either.

If peeing under such circumstances is not problem for me, I don't understand why a simple poop has to be so complex. As little as a half hour later back in my apartment, I have no problem. What's the answer?

I so want much stinkier poop. I want folks retching three days after one of my B.M.'s.
Since I'm not likely to go down in history as one of the world's movers and shakers, let me at least claim the most rancid butt chunks known to mankind.

The Dumpster (2279) -- 01.06.2007
How did you "overcome IBS," Healthy? I'm 20 years older than you, and I have yet to figure that out

There is a product on the market called Digestrol. I took the Digestrol, and I did a Dr. Natura Cleanse.

I also take Sonne's #7, twice a year. This is a detox.

I hope you try this and it works as well on you as it did me. IBS is terrible.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

Well, at least I've overcome bulemia (yuk, yuk!).

And, Bilge, great comment! Should your ambition be realized, why WOULDN'T you be known as one of the world's great, uh, "movers"? Look up, man!

I keep reading about people that have done the Dr. Natura cleanse and raving about it like it's the best thing in the world. I did it about a year ago, followed it to the letter for 2 months, and it didn't do anything besides give me diarrhea for the first week. Stupid me bought 3 month's worth of the stuff, so I have a month's worth of useless crap sitting in my cupboard.

There should have been one more option, a good hard packed crap. Softer stools? Got plenty of 'em. Let's have some consistancy.

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

Whoa, be careful what you wish for, this morning I let go a splendiferous slimy creation that stunk to high heaven. A shitmist started forming on the mirrors above the sinks, and I was three stalls down from there. I never heard such vulgarity thrown in my direction as I made my exit with a big grin on my face!! The sad part is the fumes were thoroughly ensconced in my clothing, so hitting on the cocktail waitresses was out of today's activities.

Wow bilge I am in awe. Sounds like NYC wasnt the ONLY place that had a gas odor today!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I hate having to sit on public toilets to try to do something that takes me so long and makes me so frustrated. Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! When I'm at a concert or pro sporting event, I feel the need coming on. If I was home I would sit right down and have my complete BM within two minutes. I feel really victimized in public when I have to sit down, and no matter how hard I push, reposition myself on the seat, and even read the grafitti to try and take my mind off the pressure, I can't seem to get it out. After five or ten minutes or so, I get so frustrated that I pull my pants back up and go back to my seat. Sometimes, even 15 or 20 minutes later I feel like I can go, but, with the long wait in line, its another ten or 15 minutes before I can finally get on the stool. Last week at a pro hockey game it happened three times and each time I couldn't produce. Finally, immediately after the game I went back down, and with no line this time, was able to choose my stall, sit immediately and took the shit of the week. Then I went to wipe and found there was no toilet paper! How can I win? Am I jinxed?

And at a "pro HOCKEY game," Linda! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!

I'm 17 and a senior in high school. First, I would prefer to be able to go to the bathroom at home in the morning before I go to school. I've sat down and tried a few times right after breakfast before I drive to school but I'm unable to produce. Second, if I absolutely have to have my BM at school, why can't it be in the morning. It would be nice to be the first person in a stall each day, lower the seat and sit down and fully unload. The problem is that my BM comes about 6th hour at a time when the bathrooms are messed up pretty bad. Urine on the seats, stacks of shit in the unflushed bowl, toilet paper out or almost completely gone are real turn-offs for me. When I absolutely must sit down I stay down for only the shortest time possible, wipe if there's toilet paper available, wash my hands and then get back to class ASAP! So many of the other girls don't seem to think there's anything wrong with the conditions of the bathrooms. However, a few of the girls--especially underclassmen are really abusive of the toilets. On top of that, sinks get plugged up, several of the door latches don't catch properly, and I've had two toilet paper holders hanging by one screw from the wall. Like Linda, I almost lose my desire to use the facilities at school. Peeing isn't as bad because I can do it without sitting directly on the seat! I wish I could do that at shit time but I can't.

After graduating from college five years ago, I got a job working for a large multi-national corporation at its corporate headquarters. Because there are several hundred persons on each floor using the bathrooms, and that includes members of the general public coming in to apply for jobs, attending meetings, and working in our building on a wide variety of projects, last year I made the decision to start using the toilet seat protectors when I have to have my bowel movement. The problem is that I often have to have my BM immediately when I leave the parking garage and come into the building. That's between 7 and 8 a.m., just about the time 3,000-some other employees arrive. I'm holding it in as I park my car, I walk briskly to the building, enter the nearest restroom and seek out an empty stall. Out of 12, 10 or 11 are usually taken so I go to the one with the open door, get ready to pull down my suit pants and find that there's no toilet seat protector in the dispenser. I know it's not good, but I usually will sit down anyway because I have to go that bad. Then I worry about whether I could have/should have waited for one of the other stalls, which perhaps, only perhaps, had the paper seat protectors available. Years ago when I was in school and later college I didn't worry about sitting directly on the seat. I guess the protectors have spoiled me. I've mentioned this to a few of my best colleagues. Some have experienced what I have and others just sit down and don't think anything of it. So if I could change one thing about my bowel movement habits, it would be to be able to eliminate myself at 5 or 6 a.m. at home or later in the afternoon when the stalls have been restocked.

Unlike Lauren, who doesn't like having her bowel movement in the morning when she arrives at her office, I have what my late mother called "itinerant" bowels. I sell high-end office equipment and am all over the city trying to make a living, and at the worse possible time, the urge comes to evacuate.

Today, I was on the turnpike hung up in traffic at the toll gate, when I started to get the urge. I had to go another 15 to 16 miles before there was an exit and a gas station. The ladies room had an "out of order" sign on it so I used the mens room. The seat was cold because there was no heat in the room, but I wasn't going to hold it any longer. Yesterday, I was at a graveside service at a rural cemetery and I had to hold it until the pastor got done--then I drove five miles to the nearest town and went at the bowling alley.

It's embarrassing to be arriving at a firm at the time of my appointment with the decision-maker and have to ask the secretary where the nearest bathroom is. I'm finding that in many office buildings that are relatively new, the public bathrooms are less accessible than they would have been years ago, because of street people, vandalism, and other security concerns. One of my worst experiences was last summer when I was late for an appointment, had to go, decided to hold it, was in the office meeting with the office manager of a large law firm, when tornado sirens went off and forced us to evacuate the 20-story building. We were in various areas of the basement and sub-basement for more than an hour while my bowels were ready to explode! My meeting had to be rescheduled, and I couldn't wait to get to the federal courthouse across the street where I was certain I could shit without delay. Wrong, almost all the court rooms had recessed at the same time and there were two or three people waiting for each of the available toilets. I also found it strange that two of the stalls had toilets completely removed and pieces of metal over a hole in the floor and the wall. When I finally got my turn, it was a stall with no toilet paper and a less than pristine seat, but I sat down gingerly and I was able to completely deposit my haul in less than 45 seconds. Luckily I found a strip of unused toilet paper behind the stool, because I didn't have anything in my purse that would've worked.

By far, one of my worse experiences came about 10 years ago when, as a college students, I was on a bus trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. I don't know if it was the change in elevation or something else, but about 10 minutes into the trip on a school bus, my two or three day load had to evacuate. It was more than an hour before we got to a stop where we could get out and stretch our legs, take pictures, or in my case, find a shit depository which was about the equivalent of two blocks from the bus. It was the first time I had used (and I hope the last!) such a primitive outdoor toilet that was largely a wooden seat, on a wooden trap-type box with a chain flusher that came down from the ceiling. Because it was open stall and I was so nervous, it took me about five minutes to go, and because I moved around a little, I got a sliver on my left underthigh.

I've often thought it would be great if I could be regular each day with my bowel movement so that I could better plan for it. I pee in the morning when I get up and I pee when I arrive back at my apartment in the evening, but in between, I've had a hard time with any scheduling regularity with my bowels.

I want to be able to go faster. I'm 30, so I'm not dealing with any senior citizen-type constipation problems. It's just that it's embarrassing to me to spend 15 and even 20 minutes on the stool when I have friends and colleagues go in adjacent stalls and complete their task in five minutes or less.

This has always been a problem for me. In high school I remember one time I signed out of 3rd hour class with about 10 minutes left, spent the eight minute passing period, plus another 10 minutes of 4th hour on the stool and then I was embarrassed to have to interrupt my teacher's 4th hour class to get my bookbag and other materials which had already been moved by another student when he wanted to take his seat. Then I had to interrupt my teacher during a lecture to get an admittance pass to my next class.

It's not that I waste any time. I got into the first available stall that doesn't have pee on the seat (a real turn-off to me--urgh!) and quickly seat myself. I can feel it ready to come out but I have to push and sometimes almost strain myself to the point where I all but reposition myself on the seat. In some cases I've had to spread my legs wider than I would like to get it all out, but once it comes, it's fast and furious. The problem is just getting it started. My late grandmother used to call it "priming the pump". Because it's soft and relatively well formed and large, I have a lot of wiping to do. One of my friends has suggested that some of the hairs need to be trimmed, but I don't see that as adding that much to the time that I'm on the toilet.

Once, several years ago when I was at a Duran Duran concert, I waited to leave my seat at intermission and felt I needed to put myself down ASAP or I would shit my pants. No such luck! I had to wait in line for about 10 minutes and when I finally got a stall, sat down and started to push, it was the same laborious process to release the dump. And it didn't help that I had chosen a stall with no toilet paper left.

The office that I work at requires me to log off my computer and give a reason for the action. I think I have some colleagues who think I'm taking my lunch break when I'm on the stool. I wish!

I work in an office with a very fast-paced environment. My peeing I can keep under control and do during my regularly scheduled breaks. However, my bowels move now a lot more aggressively than five years ago when I was in high school, constipated, would sit down and wait 15 minutes for essentially nothing to happen other than frustration for me and for the other girls who were outside waiting for the stall. Some called me the "Barge" because I was overweight and it constantly took me awhile to get my pee flow going and, especially, empty my bowels. Losing nearly 60 pounds in the year after my graduation really helped and now I'm often peeing just as I reach the seat and pooping within two minutes of sitting down.
The problem is that I'll be on-line or on the phone with a client and need to develop my dump strategy FAST! It's about two minutes down the hall to the restroom that serves about 300 of the female employees working on our floor. During peak hours, although there's about 15 stalls, there's usually that many waiting. Sometimes I see the line and get frightened about the wait. I get the elevator and go down to the 17th floor because sometimes there's less of a wait there. Often, however, I get the feeling that I'm going to shit myself when I'm simply waiting for the elevator. I start popping farts and sweating and watching the location of each of the three elevators. Once last month, I had to start pulling the bottom of my pantsuit down while waiting for a toilet that didn't open as I had hoped (a child got up and then sat down as she repositioned herself, I guess) and I was able to throw myself onto the handicapped toilet just in time (although I got some of my dump over the front of the bowl and on the floor in front of the stool). Although I've never liked sitting directly on the seat, there is certainly no time to pull of one of the seat protectors and put it down. Our high school's class of 2002 is having our five-year reunion this summer at a downtown hotel. What can I report? Some things in my life are for the better while others are of daily crisis proportions.
In retrospect, I gained confidence and now I'm losing it. The question is how I can slow down my bowels.

just a nice average log not as hard as woodpecker lips but not as soft and gooey as hamburger helper

I would love to be more consistent. Sometimes I'm right on schedule, and can drop some nice normal turds with no problem. Othertimes, I have to wait forever to get the urge, and then it's nothing but those damn little sticky turds. I try to keep my diet real consistent, so I can't figure out what's making my innards such a mystery.

Give me the power to be stinky at will. It's a great revenge tactic.

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What if everyone farted at once?

Like Lauren above, I spend a fair amount of time travelling and going to meetings, and I'm not regular. Unlike her though, I often don't get that need to do an urgent dump. I know its there, I feel uncomfortable, I want to unload - but it just isn't ready. I can be like this all day sometimes, and only get the urge when I get back home or to my hotel at night. I don't know why - something to do with relaxation maybe!

So my wish would be that I would get that urge, even if at an inconvenient time - I can deal with that. I'd feel so much better afterwards!

I actually thought of something.

I wish that my bowels didn't muck up, if I overdoo the olive oil.
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"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Although I'm a few years older than Marcia, I know how she feels. I, too, work in a large corporate office building that although it's only 10 years old, is notorious for long lines in the ladies bathrooms. Ladies from 17 to 70 struggle each day to gain advantage in the large group that must wait for the available stalls. The lines are especially long from 9 to 10 a.m. when so many of us are peeing out our coffee. As for me, that's when I usually have to take my daily crap. Working on the 26th floor, like Marcia, I've used the elevator to go up and down a couple of floors, but the wait is lengthy throughout most of the building. In this past month, on the advice of an associate, I now leave the building and walk across the street to the city library. Although the bathrooms are not as clean and there are some street people hanging out, I'm able to get myself seated and crapping a lot faster than I would otherwise. My advice to Marcia is to scout the lesser-used bathrooms nearby. If I could change one thing about my bowel movements, it would be that they come on somewhat slower, because that would enable me to worry less as I'm going down the elevator and crossing the street to take my daily crap. It may be that I'm wrong to expect Fortune 500 companies to have all the "answers" to the important things in life.

If I had one thing I could change, it would be the consistency of my stools. Right now, because I have to drink so much water every day, my poop is somewhat soft, though still formed; I would say a 4 on the Bristol Stool Scale. I would like to do more like a 2 or 3 on that scale: harder, coming out cleanly at the end, so I wouldn't have to wipe so much. I very well remember, a few years ago, having nice firm turds that seldom required more than one wipe. I cannot stop drinking the amount of water I now drink, though, so my poops will stay sort of soft, with a fair amount of wiping.

Like Shit Maker Alicia, I too share concerns about my bowel movements coming on as fast as they do, especially at work. I get so frustrated waiting in line for a stall to open on my floor, that I too will go to another floor in our headquarters building. Sometimes there's a line there too. When that's the case, I go downstairs to the main lobby where the public bathroom is. Although it's heavier used, there is almost always a stall available and I'm not crapping or peeing next to the women I immediately work with each day. I sure would like to change my bowel movement habits so that I could go when I'm home. Public toilets--even my place of business--cause me so many problems and frustration.

I'm in my 5th year of a great job that I landed right after college. Things are going well and I'm currently Employee of the Month of this 500 employee company. However, I have a problem very similar to Anal Annie (01.07.2007)in that I have a hard time pooping when I'm at our headquarters building.

The problem began last year when a $5.5 million renovation of our building was completed and when for largely security reasons, smaller two and three stall restrooms at several locations on each floor were gutted and combined into one much larger facility on each floor. While many of my colleagues prefer the more modern and allegedly safer facilities, I have a much harder time producing in a huge bathroom that offers less privacy.

I know I'm a "small town girl" who graduated from a K-12 school of 180 students and a college with less than 1,000. My best friend tells me I'll eventually get adjusted, but I'm running out of excuses for going across the street to Starbucks or the self-service laundry three doors down.

Wow- after posting this poll over a year ago I can say a lot changes in a year. I'd do anything to have healthy dumps again. I'm petrified of my bowels now. The urge to shit comes on strong and if I don't shit immediately I'll blow mud! It always seems to strike at the most inopportune time (like while I'm driving, or operating a forklift, or sitting in the dentist's chair).

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I would just once like to produce a shit that looks just like Rosie O's head. I know it will be very painful, but once the bleeding stopped, I could sell it on ebay (she still has a lot of fans) and retire early.

Rosie O's head!?!?!?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would wish for something a bit more ordinary.
My dad (God rest his soul) had the worst-smelling arse I've ever encountered. His farts used to slowly dribble out, with a deep burble. They were potent enough to make us feel sick, and they'd linger in the air for ages.
After he'd used the dunny, it was unsafe for anyone else for a good 15 mins.
I had a mate come over once, when we were teenagers, and he went to use the shitter after Dad had been in there. As soon as he opened the door, the poor bugger nearly spontaneously-chundered. He opted to use the public toilet in the park nearby.
My wish?
To be able to emulate that smell, at will.

Employee of the Month complains about new and very modern larger restrooms compared to the much smaller ones she grew accustomed to prior to her firm's renovation. I'm a senior in high school and getting both graduation credit and a stipend working on the 30th floor of a large insurance company's headquarters. I go to regular classes each morning at my high school where there are 660 in my graduating class and then put in four hours each afternoon on the job. Unlike Employee of the Month, I will frequently hold my daily crap until I get to work because the facilities are much more modern, well lit and should I also say clean compared to what I would have to use at school. And the sanitary seat covers are great--I wish our school administration would get them. I simply put one down, seat myself and within three or four minutes I'm back in my cubicle. At school the lines are often 10 minutes or more long, some of the seats are wet, and after making a long wait for the stall, it's not pleasant having to sit down on a dubious seat with no expectation of wiping because the toilet paper is all gone. I'll take the corporate bathroom anytime!

Hahahahahahhahahahahaahaha
hahahahaahhahhahahaahaaha. pooping Rosie O's head. priceless. you come up with the funniest lines, Pdog.

I'd like to be able to shit whenever I wanted. That way, the people on my route who let their dogs run free would get something else in their mailbox besides their junk mail.

I'd change nothing. Now that I'm over 40 I'm eating/sleeping better, not drinking myself to stupefaction everyday as I did in my 20s/30s and getting plenty of exercise at work--I'm in crap heaven for the first time in my life.
Viva middle age!!

Bullroarer, are you kidding? The way the world is nowadays and you're not drinking yourself to stupification?

Good question! For me, it seems I need to go at the worst possible times. I know some people routinely go at specific times of the day, but for me its whenever nature calls. I can usually wait about 30 minutes when things are solid (as they usually are), but I get this strong urge, sort of like a stomach cramp and pushing sensation every few minutes and it is such a pain. It gets really embarrassing when I'm out with friends, out on a date, or even at work and I have to admit that I need to sh*t (it rhymes... couldn't resist). I've had some close calls too where I've had to wait on line for a toilet to become available and the anticipation of getting to the toilet so that I can relieve my aching need for a bowel movement. I would just love not to have those strong and sudden BM needs and be able to go when I want to go instead of when my body wants me to. Oh well, maybe some day.

Unlike females who have to sit down to both shit and pee, and I know I'm probably a little more clean about myself than a lot of 18 year olds, I would change having to shit so much at school, at the mall, when I'm traveling (like at rest stops), and when I'm at concerts or games. My girlfriend tells me I need to "get over it and get real" but I just don't like having to park my ass on public toilets. Like last week, my girlfriend came back from her freshman year in college and I had to pick her up at the Greyhound depot. We wouldn't have made it out of the parking lot before I dropped one in my pants, so after kissing her and taking her luggage, I had to excuse myself to find the shitter. Two stalls, both open, and two middle age men sitting there exposing their boxers and with stoic looks as I paced in front of them. Then one stands up, wipes a couple of times, pulls his pants up, and walks off. Not only did he leave the flushing to me, but the stench was some of the worst I experienced. Then a little boy about 5 comes running in and asks for cuts because he's about to have an accident. I said 'no' and sat down with relish. I don't think I was on the stool for more than 5 minutes before I dropped the big one, wiped myself, flushed and, as I was pulling my shorts up, the kid told me to hurry up. Then my girl friend bitched me out because she couldn't find my car and she said I took too long. She's used to word "evil" to describe certain people and things. I would put shitting in public toilets in that category for sure!

I would actually want to be more regular and predictable. Today was a perfect example. I am a car salesman at a high end car dealership, and for some reason today, my bowels were all out of whack. The more private restroom that I like to use was occupied, and therefore, I needed to use the restroom which had more traffic, but only one stall. Fortunately for me, there was not anyone walking in what seemed like every five seconds, waiting in the service departmentr for their car. I was able to go for atleast 10 minutes, until I heard my manager page me over the intercom. When I didn't respond right away, he paged me again, thus preventing a complete evacuation. After I waited on the client, I was moving some boxes in the showroom, and when I bent down, there waa a shart, at which point I stopped what I was doing, and ran to the bathroom, to try and finish the shit I had to interrupt earlier. I was maybe on the toilet for about 2 minutes when my cell rang as it was my manager asking me where I was. I told him that I was on the toilet, and would be right out. This was not the first time this has happened to me at work. I have often had to tell my supervisor that I have IBS, and my body is unpredictable. It is not uncommon for me to spend 15-20 minutes on the toilet for one sitting. Once at my former employer, I was on the pot for about 30 minutes, because of a bad IBS day and next thing I know, my supervisor was knocking on the bathroom door, and when I responded, she asked me If I was ok or needed to go home. I told her I was ok, and asked her for a can of air freshener. It was one of those one-seater bathrooms. She brought it to me as I opened the door slightly to reach out for it, and then closed and locked the door again, so I can finish. The thing that I would change is for my IBS to go away, and have shorter poop times, eventhough, at home the longer bathroom times are welcomed.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

I would disagree with Struggling Sean who seems to be complaining about having to regularly shit in public places. I'm a 20-year-old female and I guess I've just gotten use to it. For example, yesterday morning I felt like I had a big shit coming as I waited for a city bus to my job. I didn't want to risk a 45 minute ride and transfer so luckily there was a BP station that just turned it's lights on a 5:30 a.m. as I was waiting on the bench. I sat for 10 minutes on one very marginal and loose seat but wasn't quite able to produce. So close, though, I could smell it. Six hours later, immediately after lunch at McDonalds, I sat down again, and this time I was able to eject two small pieces. Then after work, as I waited for my train to get to my night college class, I had what my kid sister calls an "emergency dump" in an open stall and one of the filthiest public bathrooms I have used. I filled the bowl, but in my haste to get onto the toilet and avoid an accident, I had neglected to check for toilet paper. So I had to pull up my suitpants and wait for another stall to open so that I could clean myself. And I missed my train and was 30 minutes late to class. The "false alarms" continue to be a real hassle for me.

I'm 13 and spend a lot of my summers with my grandma. My parents are divorced and do their own thing, but my grandma when we're out and away from home will ask me "how are your bowels moving, honey?" and such questions right in front of my friends. Ok, I'm sometimes contstipated, but do I need to be reminded? And when we're out in public, and I'll excuse myself to go the the bathroom, she'll always say, "Remember to put paper down on the seat first, don't touch anything, and wash your hands." Well, my friends think that is such a strange comment and sometimes mimic her saying it.

Take heart, Madison, what grandma is reminding you and your friends to do when you're away from home and out in public is so retro: "Remember to put paper down on the seat first, don't touch anything, and wash your hands." It may seem old-fashioned and you probably won't follow it all the time, but it's well intended. I just lost my great-grandma two months ago at age 93. Two weeks before her death our family was out for dinner at a cafeteria and mom asked me to accompany great-grandma to the bathroom. Although she handled her walker pretty well, she did ask me to line the seat with toilet paper for her before she sat down. She was immensely grateful for my assistance. In reflection, I should probably be more careful in public toilets and I was lucky to have had her to "educate" me.

Three Times Down is so much like me. My live-in boyfriend lovingly calls me a "28-year-old curmudgeon" because while I can crap most efficiently at our apartment, in public places, it may take me two or even three sittings to move my bowels. Cold toilet seats, having to wait in line for more than five minutes, rude people waiting in line and then looking in on me or knocking on the door, gross noises such as loud farts or vicious droppings in the stalls around me, people puking, and so far twice this week...loose seats that make me feel uneasy....are among those things that hinder my production. I'm also very conscious about the noise I make in evacuating my bowls so at times I will lean back and flush just before my crap hits the water. I've been like this since I was made fun of in junior high. Some things just don't improve with age.

I do technology trouble-shooting work for businesses. I might visit three or four different firms a day. There's not a regular time each day when I get my urge to shit. Just this past week it's been 9 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 2 p.m. and 3:30 p.m. Several years ago I got into this habit of leaving the high-rise or otherwise large office building of my client and finding a gas station, convenience store or even an outdoor public park restroom to take my dump in. My wife thinks I'm crazy for taking the time, effort and now gasoline to leave a nice Fortune 500 firm with large and heavily-used bathrooms that are much cleaner for the smaller places that offer me more privacy. Whether there's 12, 24 or more toilets in a room, I just don't have the desire to use such facilities. The smaller the room, the better.