Can't abide the idea of being ID'ed on the crapper.

AB2K, are you one day going to publish some kind of scientific survey based on all your poll findings? As in, "your average Poop Reporter will gladly shit outside"?

Last weekend I was in an actual rural part of Pennsylvania (I mean, West Bumblefucking Middle of Nowhere!) and I used two separate shitters that had partial stalls but there were no locks to be found. It got me thinking about how important locks really are. If the door is closed, and anyone with a modicum of common sense can peer under and look for feet, who needs a lock? They are nice for creepy rest stop bathrooms at 3am when you don't know what kind of creep is lurking around, but in hillbily country I didn't really care.

I voted, though, for the doorless stall with limited entry. What I mean by that would be like a workplace where only a few coworkers can come in or maybe some kind of bathroom in a park where you and your friends are the only people there, versus somewhere where anyone could walk in and see you dumping. I wouldn't care if a friend or someone I knew and was sorta comfortable with saw me crapping, but I wouldn't like if a stranger did.

Dumpster, if I can get a scientific grant to study pooping habits and quit my job, I'll certainly publish my findings. That'll be the day, huh?

A friend see me take a dump? Given a choice, I would rather it be a total stranger!

Hey, have we done a poll on that one yet? "Who will you take a dump in front of?"

A. Nobody. Not even God.
B. Only the person I sleep with.
C. My really, really close friends (and hope they'd still be afterward).
D. I'd rather stink up a stranger.
E. "I'd Like to Teach the World to Poop": I'm a totally Shameless Shitter!

Make an application to The Bilgepump Foundation, AB2K. I will endorse it, as I have some pull over there.

I'm not too concerned about people knowing I'm crapping, I voted stall with partial walls and no lock. If someone opens my door they can obviously see it's occupied and at the same time that I've been exposed they have also been exposed (they need to poop) so it's not a big issue. I would not shit in a doorless stall unless in peril as that to me seems to be akin to showboat shitting.

"Showboat Shitting"!!! Guys, we've just heard the category BEYOND "Shameless Shitting"!!

Dave, would you consider modifying the choices on the user profiles?

Dumpster, arggggh, if you want to submit a poll send it to my damn email address!!!! I will put that one up next though. It's good.

Sorry. Sometimes Dumpsters just overflow, you know.

I am as shameless as they come, or go, or whatever...anywhere will do, as long as its not construed as terroristic turding...

I voted for the last option. I've shat outside before. I just used a lockless seatless stall, and you shall see me soon in the book of the shameless.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I went with "lock".

*Warning* *The following is a Mommy story*: Today, in Tar-zhay, the $1 Popcorn Combo (purchased inside the front door, adjacent to the restrooms) hit percolation point when I was in the Garden Center, waaaaay at the furthest corner of the store.

I was gripping the cart handle by the time I passed Cosmetics. I had to leave the cart outside the restroom, of course, and of course, I had to take the boy in with me.

The only open stall was the handicrapper, RIGHT by the exit door, and I didn't trust my son to stay put, so I took him in with me. I was thankful for the "partial walls and lock", since it kept my kid corralled long enough for me to take a poo.

We passed the time (11 minutes, remember?) by pretending to be on alert, and every time someone came in the door, my son would stage-whisper, "Someone here!", and put his eye up to the crack in the door and tell me, "Is a lady!" *This concludes the "Cute Kid" portion of this post.*
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Fecal Matters.

Outside for me. Those who would go for a doorless stall out of choice are not so much shameless shitters - they are blatant exhibitionists.

It all depends upon the need to go. Given a choice nearly all of us would pick the top of the list. But if you are about to crap your pants, the bottom of the list becomes ok. Duh.

I picked outside, done it before will do it again, but under the condition of having some sort of TP other than a pinecone and some leaves. Just because you're shitting outside doesn't mean you can't be civil about it.

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I poop because I am...I am because I poop.

The least private bathroom you will use:
Any main street.
Cardboard box , rear and sideflaps up for privacy , front flap removed to make sign "WILL WORK FOR QUALITY TOILET PAPER"

I guess it wouldn't come as a shock for me to say that I have, indeed, used many doorless stalls over the years where anyone did, in fact, come in.

Not lately, of course. But I wouldn't have a problem with doing it again, unless the stall wasn't clean.

I voted for anywhere, but let's be honest, I would at least prefer to be indoors. I have gone outside on a number of occasions, but it has been dark, and along some deserted stretch of highway. Emergency only.

Be careful, Phillip. That could prove to be the death of you.

Though I don't like it, I've used stalls with broken locks on occasion, so this is where I drew the line in the poll. But I'd feel very uncomfortable if someone (anyone) opened the door on me. If I see someone coming, I'll make noise or, if that doesn't work, throw my foot out against the door. The fact that he's going to take a shit doesn't equalize it for me: he's got his pants on, and I don't. He's standing, and I'm sitting. His butt is clean, mine's a mess. Now, I might consider it a draw if I could aim a loaded gun at him, but I don't own one (being a liberal and all).

Don't worry, Logjam. I own enough guns for everybody on this site.

The only reason why anyone would choose the last choise is that it has the f word. Not Even howard stern or someone would want to poop in public especially without tp.

Over the years, shitting in strange places is second nature to me, and that includes the wide open spaces of a school yard. Yes, I said schoolyard, a dark schoolyard, pre-dawn dark, but a schoolyard nonetheless. I wouldn't consider it terrorism because the janitor was late in opening the school and I had to go. So squat and plop, right behind the electrical transformer.
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I love ice cream and cheese, but they don't love me back.

Dumpster, I'm surprised. Not that you have a cashe of firearms, mind you, but that you'd be willing to share them with us. I didn't think gun owners were into sharing. In fact, I would have thought the main reason you have so many is to protect yourself from having to share. In any case, thanks for clearing that up and for being there if and when I (we) need you. My guess is that one day we're going to really piss someone off (doniker, say), and that that person will start trying to track us down. Sounds like we should plan on circling the wagons at your place. (And, we could help you redecorate that bathroom of yours.)

AB2K. When you post Dumpster's poll, could you go ahead and just enter my response -- A. Thanks.

My understanding is doniker doesn't work for the post office so we should be safe Logjam.

The question is not whether doniker NOW works for the post office, but whether he did until recently. But I didn't really think doniker would go bonkers on us -- I just said that in the hopes of pissing him off. More likely it will be somebody of whom we would say "he just struck me as a regular guy." Someone like, oh, Bilgepump, or TBW's partner, Will.

Nope. It will be the benign and kindly AB2K--remember she has inserted "Blaster" into her name.

But don't worry folks--Everett and I will lay down enough covering fire to get you all inside the compound. Logjam, just remember to bring those darling little wallpaper swatches for the bathroom, won't you, sweetie?

"just remember to bring those darling little wallpaper swatches..." Hey, of course. Like I said, I'm a liberal.

Logjam...you don't even know who the hell I am..doniker already has gone bonkers many times, and everyone on the site knows it. It's a funny thing, I don't recall discussing my personal relationships with you at any time.

I think personal comments regarding site member spouses and significant others should be off limits. Neither Will nor I appreciated the flippancy of Logjam's remark. I would not dream of taking such liberties concerning the spouses of other site members, particularly those I don't know very well at all.

Holy shit. Dumpster, circle the wagons. I'm on my way. (No time to get swatches).

TBW and Will, I really think LJ was joshing in a most friendly and inoffensive manner. I took it that he was trying to contrast Bilgepump and Will as people who, based on what we know about them from the site, are pretty regular, respectable folks, with Doniker who-- well, you know him better than I do.

I've probably accidentally offended more people on this site than anybody, so I've learned how easy it is to misunderstand something when all you are looking at is words on a screen, and you can't hear the person's tone of voice, or see the expression on his face, or any of the many other communication cues we use in real life. Thus, I feel badly for Logjam, because I've been there many times, and I feel badly for TBW and Will, as they clearly saw something offensive in this, albeit inadvertent.

Now, can we all please be friends? Logjam, you can take care of Bilgepump yourself.

Dumpster, thank you for your insightful commentary in this situation. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Better to shit in a toilet in public view than to shit your pants in private.

We are all one big family in poop, AB2K. It is especially painful to see a misunderstanding between two of the most talented members of this site.

Logjam, please PM me.

i love this site. i miss a poll by maybe a few hours (i totally checked the site last night and it wasn't up) and now all the sudden the thread has run far afield of where it started. anyway i voted for partial privacy broken lock, because the foot is always a viable backup lock.

Wiper -- if you don't want people talking about your significant other, why do yu talk about your significant other so much?????? I never mention my S/O presicely because I don't want anyone talking about him or her. It's just that easy.

Also, Will: you're a contributor to the site. I had no idea you had special status that said we were forbidden from mentioning your name.

And finally: lighten the fuck it. It was a joke.

Once again, my name gets tossed around with no regard, in a nearly heretic-like fashion...regular guy my as.....wait...yeah, ok, I'm pretty regular.

I re-read the contents of this particular thread again, and I'm still trying to figure out where anyone would be upset....except of course where LJ discusses my regularity...but I got over that.

Yeah, Bilge, and nobody pays for the privilege of using your name in vain, either, do they?

What about that check I sent to The Dumpster that was supposed to make it to Bilgepump?

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Well normally I prefer the comfort of my own bathroom behind a door if possible. Butt I did choose the outside arena. Because, as we all know, sometimes when you gotta go you gotta go, no matter where you are! On fishing trips, who hasn't gone in the woods on occasion. Our driver at work dumped in a box at the warehouse because he couldn't hold it in; I guess to each his own, happy trails...

Althougb outside is ok when it is a dark episode, I chose a stall with a door with no lock. It's ok, I just hold the door.

Just to set the record straight, Dave coined the term Showboat shitting LONG before I ever used it. Dave has given us probably some of the finest terms to describe bathroom activity. My own personal favorite was when he was awaiting a Poop Podcast and it never came, he said something to the effect "Don't be such a KAKTEASE".

I voted for a stall with a door but no lock. It's very easy to hold the door closed, and sometimes I actually get a kick out of the shock value when someone accidentally opens the door. It's funny to watch her horrified face as she backs out shrieked, "Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!" Meanwhile, I am trying not to laugh.

I have shat outside. When I first moved into my new house the plumbing was shot. This meant that everytime someone used the toilet it shot poo water up the bathtub drain. I ended up crapping out several Hershey Golden Almonds in the middle of the night (completely naked I might add). Suddenly I looked up and there were seven cats staring at me in fascination from the kitty porch. Bastards!

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

I hate it when my animals stare at me while I'm getting dressed. I feel like there should be music and strobe lights.

I voted for door with no lock. If needed, I just hold the door closed with my foot.
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It's not nice to fool mother nature.

GGG wrote: "[W]hile I'm getting dressed.... I feel like there should be music and strobe lights."

My goodness! Is somebody planning a career move here? If so, Bunga and I can show you some, er, reasonably good places to start.

That birthday gift certificate for the pole-dancing lessons paid off.





Thanks, by the way. ;)

this was a hard vote for me to answer. I answered no door but limited bathroom entry, but this only applies if i am in a coed area. If i am just hanging out with my guy friends, ill poop anywhere outside. If were hiking or something, i won't just stop suddenly in front of them, drop my pants and poop on the trail, ill step off ten or twenty feet when we take a break and then poop. They don't care, none of us are homophobes and nobody has a prob with seeing other guys naked. For example i'm 16 and one of my guy friends whos 15 were working on our sea scout ship's boats and after cleaning the bottom of the boat both of us needed to change out of soaking wet suits bathing suits and underwear. Anybody who has ever been sailing before knows how small a 22 is but both of us were stripped down in the front part of the cabin. After i striped i said "a have to poop" and just walked to the front of the cabin sat on the porta-potty and took a poopie right in front of him and it was no big deal.

I'm 17 and when I got my drivers license and car just over a year ago, and me and my friends are out just driving around, I find that gas station bathrooms are the most convenient. And often they are among the only ones available after dark. I've always liked the fact that the door can be locked and you are the only occupant. There's no partition/door peeking eyes and in most cases, there's toilet paper when I get done. However, I have this really clinging friend, who instead of staying out in the car, wants to come in with me. Once I was on the stool, still trying for a crap and after about five minutes and she was nudging me to get up and let her pee...she claimed she had to go real bad! She did and she used the last of the toilet paper. Then when I sat down again and was able to produce there was none. She ended up going into the mens room next door and taking off the whole roll! And she left the door open leaving me totally exposed to 210th Street traffic. That was nice of her, but I just prefer to use the toilet alone. Often times I will even encourage her to go in first, BUT she insists that I go in too to keep her company while she's peeing. Last night we stopped at Wal-Mart and that seemed to solve the problem because she got her own stall, even though she insisted that we take adjacent stalls from the five or six that were available. She asked to borrow my comb when we were peeing, then my lip gloss (which she dropped as I was passing it to her under the stall and it rolled into another stall)and she got pissed and started kicking me while I was still on the stool. There needs to be special bathrooms for ADD sufferers, I feel.

I've had similar problems with my friend. We'll be like at a convenient store, I want to get some food and she wants, actually insists, that I come in with her while she sits and pees. And like there's times like when we arrive at school in the morning and I have to shit bad, I choose the middle stall of three (the other two are in use) and she wants to come into the stall with me and talk. And like when we are in the locker room at school, suiting up and I have to go in and pee, and she comes too. Also, when she goes she rarely flushes and like doesn't wash her hands or anything. A couple months ago, however, we were in adjacent stalls at school and like I heard her like take a shit, but I couldn't hear pull off any toilet paper or flush. I don't know what the solution is but it at times creeps me out that my best friend is like this.

_I'll poop outside if needed.Have in past, will in future.______
Producing waste since 1967

If I think I'm going to have to deal with some difficult turds, then the more privacy the better. However, If I feel like they are going to slide right out without a struggle or any major farts, then I wouldn't care if lots of strangers saw me, but I would still prefer no friends there to witness my relief.