There is a story behind this poll. The other day Mr. Blaster was pooing while I was watching TV. We were talking (he left the door open) and he goes to flush, and he says "Wow, that's a big one." He keeps talking, but mutters about the turd. I know he's standing there staring at it. Finally he says, "Come look at it." He's always proud of his creations. So I do, and this thing looks like a goddamned motherfucking sonofabitch baseball bat. A skinny one, maybe; his ass is exit-only, after all, but it could hit some decent-sized balls. (Not those kind of balls. For once!) I don't really know how these gigantic fucking things come out of his ass. I'm a bit jealous.
As quoted from my May Two Four story. To say that it hurt would be an understatement. It was beyond the liquid hell I already experienced. It was big, hard as nails, black as night, with small, rock-like construction. It took me twenty minutes to pass and by the end was at least two feet long. I didn't have any toilet paper. Hurting like hell, I ripped off my underwear and cleaned up as best I could.
Monsters are really rare for me, my average would probably be 6-8", rarely above this but my diet and behavior has changed which has certainly shown up in my dumps.
AB2K, one question, before your husband flushed it did you say "I pity the poor stool"
I'm only speculating as I do not measure each and every turd I produce. I do know that anything that goes into the bottom and keeps it's head out of the water is very long! I wonder what the world record is??
_______Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006 Poop Shooter!
Bunga says: "AB2K, one question, before your husband flushed it did you say "I pity the poor stool"
Haha Bunga, very funny. I am not as quick with the Mr. T quotes as you, though, and all I was thinking was "I'm just so glad we still have a high-flow toilet so I won't have to plunge this fucker." See, I'm by far the more expert plunger between us. Fortunately, I have not had to use my skills since we moved to this house with the high-flow toilet. 'Tis a beautiful thing.
We now need to do a quiz about the widest turd.
The longest turd I ever laid was about a foot long in a toilet at Sweet Tomatoes in Vancouver, Washington. That baby refused to flush, so I was forced to leave it.
Since Gordon showed up my turds are usually little half-inch or quarter-inch pellets.
Toiletls should come with length markings on the sides of the bowl. That way you guys would not have to keep reaching in there with your rulers. _______ Sir SamDamnit! and the Knights of Poopsalot http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean
TSV Said "Since Gordon showed up my turds are usually little half-inch or quarter-inch pellets."
TSV, I think your eating way too much rabbit meat lately. Or was it you that was the vegetarian?
Pregnancy pellets. Gordon is my unborn son.
No, I am not a vegetarian. I tried it (while not pregnant) and I gained fifty pounds of flab. It was weird. Now I eat meat.
Ahhh... didn't know you were pregnant. congrats!! (providing it's a good thing) I don't remember my wife having the same symptoms when she was preg. Although I did not inspect her bm's either. The shameful have a way of flushing before they get up. They say it's "Reflushing"
TSV gave rise to Gilbert, and Gilbert gave rise to Gordon. TSV, you are ever so open about things. Why not let Gilbert on here to tell us what it is like to Climb the Volcano? To describe the eruption? Or is this more like the old joke:
Q: What time is it?
A: Ten-to.
Q. Ten-to what?
A: Whyn't you ten-to your Own Damn Business?
P.S.--When Little Dumpster was "en ventre ca mere" (as we lawyers say), his Mom-to-be, the redoubtable (now-ex) Mrs. Dumpster, also got somewhat constipated. Instead of her usual Mammoth Movements that could have stopped up the Alaska Pipeline, she let out smaller, though more numerous, shits, sort of like a mother Belly Snake giving birth to live young. And, like snakes, each was just as deadly from the moment of its birth as its parent.
P.P.S.--As an addition to the above, I've posted a "serial story" over on the forums entitled Gypsy Rose Volcano. Please visit this and join in the fun!
Just last week at Home Depot, I pooped the most wonderful bowl curler that I've ever pooped. I ran out of the Lady's room, found Mr. Hubby, and excitedly told him the great news.
He didn't give a shit.
Bastard.
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969
Daph, many a good woman is wasted on an uncaring man. But the opposite is true, too, you know!
Daph, How proud you must be!! Did you name her? or him?
I always name the real nice poops. Sometimes they are Bob, sometimes Chip. I think I names a small one Baby Plop at one time. I can't keep track anymore.
Poop Shooter, naming your turds is weird. But in junior high school I had a friend who named her breasts and I think that's a little bit weirder. It takes all kinds.
I am shocked that 47% of people have had poops more than 14" long. I don't really believe that. I think that if I put up a poll for guys that said "How long is your penis" that guys would exaggerate. If 47% of them said that their penis was 14" long that would be an obvious lie. I think we are seeing a similar phenomenon here.
However, if it is indeed true, someone please give me tips on how I can get my turds to be 14" long. Even just one. I am very jealous and aspire to have longer turds.
"If 47% of them said that their penis was 14" long that would be an obvious lie."
Only 14"? Amazing. I had no idea so many guys were that small!
Dumpster obviously has an extremely vivid imagination.
I'll think of a style you could use to get a good 14"er AB2K. The squatting platform would probably help in that it gets your lower gi tract inline. A smoother poo is better for great length versus a hard knobby poo. One great smooth push with no mid evacuation pinching also helps.
Such strange thoughts waking up in the morning today. Happy Sunday all!!
AB2K, I'm shocked that you're shocked! Remember the poll was about your longest turd, it doesn't surprise me at all that 47% of people claim over 14". Think of the diet us North Americans have loaded with meats and typically low on the fiber and also the fact there is such a high percentage of shameful shitters out there that hold their poops so long.
I wish I had taken a picture of the one I produced. Then we'd have proof that I wasn't lying. Of course, poo pics aren't allowed on PR and it WAS kind of gross to boot.
Well, there is a reason that ratemypoo exists...
My poops almost always break off before they reach great lengths.
It's very normal to get constipated when you're pregnant. The third trimester is the worst for me. Pooping was more like passing small clumps of raisins. However, a day or two (maybe three if you get an epidural) after you have the baby, you'll pass the largest quantity of crap you could ever imagine. It's a great relief, but you won't be able to appreciate it very much, because you'll be too busy appreciating the other little bundle of joy.
No epidurals here, FP. I had a friend who was paralyzed by one.
But I will be happy to unload a shitload (pun intended) of crap after this ordeal is over.
People, I've just been advised by AB2K that this poll is terribly flawed. Please resubmit your answers as the longest unbroken turd. Next time AB2K be more specific.
Fourteen inches IS my longest unbroken turd. Though my mother just claimed she had an unbroken one that was 24 inches. (I didn't look to be sure. Ew!)
I am really befuddled at the amount of people that obviously keep a tape measure on their toilet just to measure turds.
Okay, Bunga, I think it's time for a math lesson. The poll says "what is your longest turd." Turd, in the singular, meaning one piece of poop.
When a turd breaks up, it is no longer one turd. It becomes two turds, or more. Therefore, it no longer counts as a single turd. The poll did not say "The longest amalgam of turds you've ever had." So, Bunga, your post is an amalgam of DURRRRR.
The way i have found to make long poops, it to relax while you are taking the poop. Normally my poops are wall aplattering though_______I am a Human Espresso Machine
I love to hear Bunga and AB2K squabble. "Just like an old married couple," to quote a line from Harry Potter. You should see them on the forums!
Yes, it would appear I do have a problem with numbers, I do so solemnly apologize but I believe the creator of this poll also has issues with numbers as exemplified here.
I love a big horseshoe that goes around 3/4 of the circumference of the bowl. On the rare occasion that I produce one I always wonder if I'll have good luck.
Bunga, good job, you finally learned how to put a link in a post, how long did it take you to figure that one out?
Oh, and Dumpster, I'm way nicer to my actual husband. I save the taunting for friends, as I like to get laid once in a while. I would never tell him that anything he said was an amalgam of durrrrr.
AB2K, to be abused by you is preferable to the vainglorious flattery of empty-headed women in the "regular" world. I know whereof I speak.
Toilet depth markers inside the bowl: a great idea. Something like a water tower gauge is food for the inventive mind.
Chuck, I believe they call them "Plimsoll Marks" on ships. Maybe yours could be called "Quimsoll Marks." No, wait a minute--that would be to measure the depth of....
Oh, forget it. I'm like the philandering dentist--always filling the wrong cavity.
While, more than 14" maybe my record, I tend toward the 10-12" range. For the sake of science, I might be forced to begin pooping on a flat white surface in order to better measure. I'm always disappointed when I just know that the other 10" are hiding in the hole.
Hmmmm. When you use a tape measure, there is a marking on the back that specifies how long the actual metal box is, so you can add that to your measurement. Does anybody know how far back the hole in a standard toilet reaches?_______www.mydailypoop.com
log blog-- I'm not sure there IS a standard! Have you SEEN the different potty choices out there? It's mind-boggling.
I hate it when my poops disappear around the bend, leaving NO evidence of my presence.
Too bad you can't have an airline toilet that stays sealed shut until you have a chance to inspect your product.
I wonder if you shit on an airline toilets if it would act like a sucking enema and help evacuate a big poo. I know Mythbusters did a thing on getting stuck on one, but would the suction actually help you defecate??
If everyone took pictures of what they considered "big," forensic tests analyzing those turd photos whould prove or disprove the size. All they would have to do is have access to the crapper in question to get measurements of it. Now to get the CSI lab to volunteer. Maybe Dumpster being a lawyer he could pull a few strings?
_______"Those who write on shithouse walls, roll their shit into little balls. Those who read their words of wit, eat those little balls of shit." Author Unknown
I found a way to see the full length of my turds: I sit on the very front of the rim, lean well forward, and push suddenly. When this works, my poop comes out in a single length, which I can measure by using a single sheet of toilet paper, which is 4" wide. Sometimes the turd is a straight length, other times it curls or turns, but either way I can measure it with the t.p. My longest single turd so far is over 20" using this method--a rarity, to be sure. Just the other day I had a 14" turd, maybe 1.25" thick. Try it and see.
RD, I don't think the cops would get involved unless there was a criminal investigation. For example, when SamDamnit published The Search for the Toilet Graveyard, I got a little suspicious of his somewhat unctuous concern for the welfare of the crapped-out crappers. I said, "Sam is probably the Ted Bundy of the commode world. If the feds would start looking into it, they would probably find that half of the unexplained commode deaths in recent years are related to Austin, TX."
Sam (rather unconvincingly) replied, "It was not me. It was the neighbor's dog. His name is also Sam, and he tells me what to do."
Now THAT would be grounds to call in Joe Friday! No one ever did, though. Sam is the one with the "pull" on this site, not Dumpster. _______"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"
'Course, you could always post the "proof" on www.RateMyPoo.com. I've had to block that site to keep Little Dumpster off of it. _______"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"
Dumpster, I clicked on that link!! GROSS!
Seven bowls of all-bran achieves superior turds
Yeeack! And comatose tastebuds!_______Santa Caca!
My longest had to be at least 20 inches long. I was at work and we had this terrible low flow toilet. There were skid marks all over that bowl! From the exit hole all the way up to the brim! It looked like someone scribbled with a brown marker all over the inside of the bowl. I was so astonished by the swirls that I had to check under the edge of the seat just to make sure I hadn't put my signature there too! Then came the task of finding the necessary cleaning supplies to hide the evidence. And strangely enough, the toilet never flushed the same again. We got the bosses to put in a new one (one with some real gusto for getting those stubborn turds down!) by saying it was always running and would fill up the septic tank. I left many a shitmonster in the new crapper, but nothing like that 20 inch bowl curler!
_______Brown tidings I bring to you from my ring
My longest is a tie for 15" long. The first one. During a long bout of constipation, I had a bit too much to drink. The second time, was when I was taking antibiotics. These antibiotics caused me to produce monster logs. _______ Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.
I've laid some massive logs in my career. Go to www.smellypoop.com and click on the user submitted photos link to see some of my monsters!
Just yesterday, I laid one of the longest unbroken turds I've had in a long time. It was all coiled up but just by eyeballing it I'm sure it was at least 24" long. I may have to submit that one as the Shit Of My Career.
I think I've dropped several that were 10-12 inches long. They were fairly large in diameter too, so thank god they slipped out without a fight. Otherwise, I could have been painful.
This morning I dropped an 18-incher. Using a hand-mirror, I watched as it slid smoothly out, taking its time, as one continuous piece. It did curl in sort of an S-shape in the bowl, and I measured it with a 4" piece of toilet paper. It felt great. I am sure that was not my longest of all time, but it certainly was my longest in quite a while. Satisfaction!
I just got on this site after searching foot long turds on google.com. Then clicked this site, thought it was interesting. Read the following comments and started feeling a bubbly gassiness in my lower stomach. I went to the bathroom,.... didn't take long but i could of swear it was 10-12 inches long. Not my most bigggest work ,but will work for now. Be prepared because I just ate a burrito. =-) lol
Damn...I'm 42 and just laid the longest, widest, most beautiful turd I've ever pooped. About 14 inches and about as thick as my wrist. It took some work but was a great experince the whole minute of pushing it took to get it out. Hell, I even took pictures to commemorate the wonderful experience!
These sound like fish stories. My last one was about 6" but you should have seen the one that got away!
The longest turd I ever had was 6' 2". I didn't think that bastard would ever retire.
I know a few 6' 2" pieces of shit.
hey now..... am I really that bad?
BP, you're ok in my book. By the way let me be the first to offer congratulations on your upcoming 108th birthday. What is your secret?
wiping with cats
Damn, and I thought a healthy diet, exercise, and moderate drinking was the key. Talk to you later, I'm on my way to the pet store.
I had a new entrant this morning in the all-time longest turd contest. I sat down for my usual dump and felt the usual poop coming out--and coming, and coming, and coming some more. When I finally looked, it was one long turd, curled around and overlapping itself, but visible throughout its entire intact length. I decided to measure it, using a 4" piece of toilet paper, which I laid along the turd, curving as necessary, 7.5 times, for a 30" turd! Not very think, an inch or less, but it stuck together all the way out. There were a couple of shorter ones that followed, about 6" total, so I had a yardstick of poop. Amazing.
You could probably lay that one down along the bottom of the front door to keep out drafts.
Yes, but any drafts that managed to get past it would smell suspicious.
I have never measured a grogan before, but this has got me thinking. I know that I've laid some cable that has overlapped on itself, so I looked around my desk to see if there was something to compare it to. I found a roll of sticky-tape, and it measured 4" across. So, multiply that by pi, and that equals a little over 12". So I know I'm capable of producing a foot-long toilet-baby.
I probably should mention the spoilsport type turds (Harry Houdinis). The ones that, as you're gently pushing 'em out, they slide silently into the water without having broken off, but when you finally crank the scissor-bone and look down to admire your workmanshit, the sly bastard has escaped past the s-bend, leaving you nothing to measure, and with that sort of "ripped off" feeling.
Yes BM, those are stealth turds. They are often black and have no sharp angles which allow them to slip past radar. They are usually not accompanied by any heat producing farts. They are silent but very deadly. Best to flush immediately and seek shelter.
MSG, that 30 incher sounds like "a rope in a bucket". Long rope turds don't surprise me because the average large colon is approximately 11 ft. long. Congradulations! I can only imagine how good it felt to unleash that doggin.
"doggin"!!! "doggin"!!! OMG, WTF. I need a drink.
Easy there, big fella, I'm certain she wasn't referring to you as a large turd....ok, I'm not certain at all, I'm guessing, and uh...no...wait, sorry buddy, thats exactly what she did. But on the bright side, the truth only hurts when one is unwilling to accept it.
Yes, Sittingpretty, that long one felt wonderful, primarily the continuous sensation of driving it out; looking and seeing that near-impossible length was a bonus. Satisfaction!
the other day i was in my class and my bitch teacher wouldnt let me go to the bathroom. so during lunch i said i gave to get this shit out of me so i went to the bathroom and shit this 18 incher i was so proud i took a picture and never looked back.
Did you send a picture of it to your bitch teacher? I would have. _______Born right the first time.
ive pooped a 4 ft turd more than once average two feet
I find that I produce the longest turds after I have been constipated. However, I am not gross enough to measure them. This morning, I actually had a bowl curler. That was after being constipated for two days, with no movement at all.
_______In search of the ever evasive BM
If you can see the entire turd, it is easy to get an approximate measurement using a 4" x 4" square of toilet paper. It even bends to go along with the bends in your poop. You never touch the poop; simply sight along it using the t.p.
But why would anybody go to that much trouble?
Postman, one might go to the trouble just to have an accurate answer for this poll. One would not wish to misrepresent or merely estimate such a phenomenon. I only wish I had thought of it when I was younger--I did longer ones then than I do now.
_______I like poop coming out as much as food coming in
I dump a 12 inch log every night,and it sometimes gets 14"
The secret of long turds is, eat nothing but papayas for a few days. The poop will come from your bung the consistency of soft serve ice cream and have the diameter of toothpaste as it comes from the tube. You will have to swirl your ass vigorously to prevent the poo from merely forming a pile. If you live close to a company that has a conveyor belt your best bet would be to shit on that. Fecal lengths of four or five feet can be achieved with ease using this method.
_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
Chief, the conveyor belt thing sounds like a great idea, and if you don't mind the smell of burning rubber, it makes for a great wipe as well.
I had one of those rare shits this morning, the kind where you actually feel yourself getting lighter as the turd is snaking its way out.
Only problem is, I couldn't tell how long it was because it coiled up on top of itself. But I was proud of it. Almost was sad to flush it.
PD...I changed my mind about the conveyor belt. My yams could possibly get caught on a snag and I would scream in a high pitched voice.
Postman, I know of (or *sigh* knew) those kind of poops. When you're sitting on one of those soft cushion seats you can actually hear air rushing back in.
Chief, those frayed metal staple seams would also be a bitch.
PD, the very best shits are the ones where you're actually levitating over the toilet when you're done.
Oh my god - I just went and was amazed at what came out. There was little effort and so I didn't realize it was so long, but when I looked down I've never seen anything like it. Not only was it really long - must have been 14"-16", but it was a perfect width and smooth. I felt like a million dollars as I pulled my pants back up and skipped off back to my desk.
Wow. I just got back from producing a monster. Curled around the bowl like a cobra. Must have been 20 inches at least. Nothing starts your day off quite like a good shit.
Did you get a picture, Postie? Love to see it on Ratemypoo!
I know I've laid cables longer than 14 inches because I've measured them with a steel tape measure, but the problem was the length breaking into two or three pieces while emerging into the bowl so I end up with several broken logs 5 - 6 inches long, which spoils it, but still counts as a total. The great thing about a steel tape measure is the little lip on the end, which you can use as a hook to bring the end of the turds back from under the bend and get an accurate total measurement, but it's not every day that a chap has such a device with him when he goes for a dump.
I have however laid the odd unbroken arsebaby which has measured at least a foot long but I've not had the necessary equipment to measure it or photograph it for posterity. I've mentioned before about a turd I laid after being stuck for hours on the motorway on the UK's hottest day of all time, which was a hulking bastard of a behemoth that was hell to part with and started my 'roid problems, but I do have a great pic on my phone of a turd I did at work a couple of years ago which I knew would be a monster the moment it emerged as it seemed to keep emerging for longer than it normally takes. It really is a beauty. It's head and shoulders are under the bend but the body trails the length of the water with it's tail resting daintily an inch or two up the front of the bowl, perfectly neat with no broken bits and a lovely oaty dark tan colour. I'm thinking of using it as my avatar.
On average though, 10 inches of turd is a regular toilet visit, but I so love it I can push out a vast one so that my arse feels empty and I feel physically lighter.
Every time I go to China my turds become very long. They also reduce in section from a good inch and a half to about half an inch over a ten day period. A lot of their shitters are ones where the bowl is very full of water so this means that there is less drop height. I can easily coil out 3 feet of continuous turd that snakes round and round on the surface like one of those continental flat coily cakes. No doubt it`s due to the high oily veg content of the food and the vast quantities of beer taken to wash it down.
Thanks TB... I will never look at a funnel cake the same way again! _______Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of.
I thought Tbox's term 'going to China' was a euphemism (porcelain, china, get it?). It was only as I read further that he was actually referring to China, the country. Still, its a good euphemism, so I might adopt it anyway._______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
ES, sadly I didn't get a picture, but you've given me a good idea. Next time, I will get a picture, and use it as the wallpaper on my computer desktop.
Or else even use it on next years Christmas cards.
I did a search for "foot of turd" and this page came up. Occasionally I blast out a snake that pokes his head above the water.
When the end of the turd slips out and you hear a splash, it's just the normal poop, but if you hear a plop or a soft thud, you know you've achieved that rare, stick up out of the water shit.
I don't measure mine, but occasionally I do find myself thinking "How the HELL did that thing come out without killing me?!?!" _______You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
Never went to the trouble of measuring a grogan, but I recall (back in the good ol' days) that occasionally I could gently squeeeeeeeze out a French loaf that had it's head in the water while the bulk of it was still in my guts, and when it was finally evicted from home, it slid silently into the water, like an Olympic diver, with no splash. Bear in mind that Aussie toilets only have an inch or two of water in the bottom, so the distance from poop-chute to water is maybe 8 inches to a foot. Maybe not worthy of the Guinness Book of Records, but a good, satisfying shit nonetheless._______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
I think I've accomplished a 12-incher. After I birthed my hellion baby I was made to take a stool softener in the hospital. I argued against it because I had emerged from battle without any wounds. I'm telling you they forced it down my throat.
It took two days for my system to process the little pill, but when I got home I was overcome with the urge to go. I sat down and, to my surprise, it was over in seconds. I didn't even feel anything come out. Then I looked into the water and a giant king cobra lay in there, wound round and round like it was asphyxiating the bowl.
My longest shit stretched from down in the depths of the toilet hole all the way to the seat of the toilet. It just stood there declaring it's greatness. I named it The Loch Ness Monster. I, thankfully, was able to flush ole' Nessy in one shot._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Mrs. MC, those are the kind where you call in your significant other to look at it before you flush it.
I usually can't get my wife to come and look, though.
Usually if you hear a "gasping for air" sound it means one end has broken the surface. Best to flush those bad boys before they get any ideas.
Well, one time when I was visiting the Grand Canyon, I hung my arse over the edge...
Oh believe you me I would have called the mr in there if he had been home but he wasn't due back for a few days so I thought I should flush the beast before it escaped or scared the children for life._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
You could have dressed it up in some of your daughters doll clothes till the Mr got home.
Yes, PD I'm sure that wouldn't have ended with years of therapy._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Right after breakfast and 2 cups of coffee,like clockwork i usally drop a 10 or 12 incher and it some has girth on it too.Slides right out and i'm done and man, it feels so good..
Anytime I think of the bosswoman, i need to take a good one at least 8-10", or those terry nickell diming employers who squeeze the lemon dry in Kentucky, just sit back on das thrown and blast just like a racehorse-not terry nickell diming the poop, but cultivating a good 10" sh-t is what makes me think of Kenyuckyians and those racehorses.
Diane, come back and post some other time when you haven't been drinking.
Seriously, everytime I think of a bosswoman, I have to take a big one, usually @9-10A when I get dumped on in the cubicle (the standard USA office setting for dolts). I worked in Kentucky and boy did have to make a big one after seeing those racehorses named Terry's Nickell. Had to flush 2-3X just to go down.
uhhh... yep, gotcha. You need 9 or 10 amps (Voltage unspecified) when someone pokes their bum over the partition and dumps on you. You needed to poo after seeing multiple racehorses using the same name. Diane, please take note of Postie's post._______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
This site is hilarious. There is a site dedicated to almost anything. A whole page about poop lol. I just had one and decided to look up the longest one and ran across this thanks guys lol.
Dear AC.....We are a fun loving bunch here at poop report although we also have our serious side. Register and join in the fun.
Saturday night i had a long one but I couldn't tell how long as it curled itself into a nice pile that broke water._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
My exhusband was 5 ft 6 and he was the biggest piece of shit I have ever known. does that break a record or some shit?_______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
The biggest turd I've ever known of was 6 ft. something and was nicknamed "Dumpydear."
Hmmm...I can't think of any bigger than that, Dodge.... _______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
The biggest terd I know is 5 foot 6 by 5 foot 6.
Longest turd I ever had was about 16' and it had a Chrysler badge on it. _______The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.
Do NOT eat jalapeno/haberano peppers--wow, last night, I saw some more racehorses at my job, and that coupled with my bosslady giving me tons more paperwork in this economic depression, really had to go bad. The thing was 11" but it burned really bad b/c I ate those darn peppers. NEVER AGAIN! I am still in pain, powder or vaseline down there does NOT help. Ouch.
I'm going to get the R & D team here at DTI to work on a really accurate turd measuring device.
However, research and development costs money, so if I can get any of you to donate, just make your checks out to me. Remember, donations are tax-deductible. And I'll make sure at least 50% of the money goes to this project.
Postman, Buttstein and I have come up with an idea and we hope you are on board with this one. We have set up an appointment for you at the "Dirty Needle" tatoo shop in Chicago. They will be tatooing a ruler on to your forearms. metric on the left and plain 'ol inches on the right. Be sure and shave your arms before going. You are a valued employee sir.
Dogginberg
While I'm there, I may as well get that skull and crossbones on my ass that I've always wanted.
Diane Hefer, try a cold pack on your bumm to ease the pain._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Thanks sitting pretty it worked. NEVER AGAIN, no more hot peppers. I have been also constipated since; trying prune juice and prunes too. I do not know how those mexican's do it.
I used to have a cold pack on my bum all the time. It was the only solution I found to work for fissure pain._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
I have just taken the worlds longest shit. Maybe. It was about 1 an a half feet long insanity.
Dear Xjb, remember you can measure your turd (if you can see it all) by using a square of toilet paper (4" on a side); if you can lay the tp along the turd 4 1/2 times (following the curvature of it by curving the tp as well), you've laid 18" of cable. You'd be surprised how long that really is.
I think the longest turd I ever saw came out of a four year old._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
I'm currently working on my greatest invention to date. It is a toilet with inch marks embedded into the ceramic at both the waterline (for floaters) and at the bottom. Just a small bit of turd herding will be all that is needed for an accurate measurement.
Oh, and don't anybody even think of stealing my idea. I have a patent pending.
Mmmm SP, Pampers with inch marks printed on the inside? Go for it. You could make millions.
Lol, lol, PD. That is original. I won't mind modeling the new technical pamper, either._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
anyone have a big turd that keeps on a goin', smooth as silk, and keeps on going for a long time without a break in the sequence (if you know what I mean)--sort of like terry nickell (race horse)--he kept on going even at the 5/8ths pole. it was smooth, and did not burn the rearend, thanks to a no mexican pepper diet!
my ass feels like jello as i just cranked out a monster 12 inch cigar. my diet must be different because normally i make chili. this site rules btw.
I blasted on this morning, huge 10"+, solid as a rock, blopped then the water splashed my anus. It was a smooth one, and I felt like Peter Pan (light as feather) afterwards.
just saw a 22 incher
In addition to length, girth should also be considered. A turd with a length of 22 inches is nothing it it has a diameter of 1/2 inch or less. These "toothpaste turds" can easily be achieved by eating over-ripe papayas for a few days. If you want to brag let's hear about some 12 inch lengths that are 4 or five inches in girth........ouch!!!
F that Chief I wanna hear about some 24 footers that were 8 in. in diameter. I want my poopers to suffer!_______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
i cant belive you ppl are here talking abouty shit.. you ppl are discusting shit eaters
Dear Anonymous Coward....Stick around and we will teach you a little about your keyboard, things like what the shift key is for, by using this handy key you could have transformed the "i" you started your comment with into an impressive "I"..now doesn't that look better?
Text messaging abbreviations are not necessary, or even desired, here at Poop Report. We are, for the most part, mature individuals who prefer to be referred to a "people" rather than "ppl".
What does discusting mean?...is it a variation of the more commonly used word "disgusting"?
Finally, since you obviously know where the key that makes the period is, why didn't you use it to close your poorly written comment?
As far as girth is concerned, anything over 2 inches in diameter shouldn't even be attempted; that's when it's time to call in the OB/GYN and consider a C-section.
Postman, you can have the C-section if you want. Just give me a shot of novocaine in the o-ring and I'll bear down and push that bad boy out.
PD.....My friend Frank Novocaine will give you a shot in the o-ring as soon as he gets out of prison.
Then you'll never have problems shitting again. It will just fall out of the massive new hole in your ass._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
The actual length is unknown as I would be flushing in a continuous fashion to keep it within the capacity of the bowl.
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