Men: how you drain that last bit of pee

// 254 Comments
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254 Comments on "Men: how you drain that last bit of pee"

AssBlaster2000's picture
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Ladies: Stay tuned for our version, coming up next.

Pantload's picture
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Trashing does the job. The older you get, the more work it takes... in all ways.


What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

GottaGoGirl's picture
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My grandmother used to tell me that my grandfather had often said, "No matter how much I wiggle and jiggle, that last drop always ends up running down my leg!"

Come to think of it, why would my grandmother report my grandfather's urinary humor to me?

I dunno. It just goes to show you that this has been an issue for men for a long time.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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You can shake it, you can wag it,
You can pound it on the wall.
But only back inside your pants
Will the last drops fall.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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At the urinal in a public place, my father taught me to wiggle my penis using both hands. I was about seven at the time and it has served me and my underwear well through the years. Occasionaly, if I'm in a hurry, my leg might take a little run-off. The grossest thing I've seen, however, in mens rooms is little children who are barely tall enough to reach the bowl of the urinal, allow their penis to touch the front of the bowl, and in one case, the little boy had his organ a little bit in the unflushed bowl as he went. The final shake I saw him give it exposed him to even more germs. His father, standing right next to him, complimented him on how well he completed his "number l".

Nine Inch Log's picture
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I shake rattle and roll then blot. The advantage of this is that I can then use the TP to wipe the seat.


_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Nine Inch Log's picture
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I also find that if I sit to pee that when I start to stand there is a dribble effect. Very strange. Also sometimes when I stand up I need to pee all again. Anyone else experience this?


_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

healthy 1's picture
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I have a pretty effective system of keeping the escapee dribblers at bay.

While I blot with the toilet paper, I gently squeeze my tallywhaker, and thrust from back to front, until no more drops come out.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

The Big Wiper's picture
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Re: the matter of the little boy with his penis in the unflushed urinal--I've noticed newer facilities with one urinal closer to the floor. It's obviously designed for "wee ones." (Guess that's a pun!)
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Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

ChiknGreez's picture
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Gentle squeeze from the base, blot with toilet paper at the end. End with one shake for good measure.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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a 16 gallon shop vac works well to suck out the last drops or just slam the toilet lid down 3 or 4 times on pedros head that usually drains the final drops out

The Big Wiper's picture
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Anonymous Coward: is your suggestion from 'The Aspiring Eunuch's Guide To Urination?'
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Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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yes big wiper it is i learned that trick drying out firehoses i figured it worked on hose that small why not give it a try

Chuck's picture
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No matter how much you shake and dance, the last drop always hits the pants.

peepee turdman's picture
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I always use tp, but when i was a kid I had yellow under shorts because I never did any thing but put it away realy fast.

Bilgepump's picture
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First, ya gotta cup the sack...oh wait...thats something else. I wring it out like a wash cloth, and slam it in the door three or four times, catch it in the zipper, rip it out of the zipper, dance, scream and cry...and just go get fresh clothes.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ForTheTurdstiles's picture
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Chuck is correct.

Hey Hey, My My:
Spot on your pants will never die


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http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com/

http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com/

Bone dry boner's picture
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If you understand the anatomy of the urethra - or at least the pathway it takes - you'll understand that the method I use produces a spotless, dropless tip. I haven't had a pee stain in my choneys in years. Since I can't post a diagram of the urethra from bladder to weenie, let me just say that it runs very much parallel to the "taint" before entering the hose proper. The "taint", if I need to spell it out, is the area where 'tain't ass and 'tain't balls. I can't get much more descriptive than that.
Well, yes I can, actually. Okay, you menfolk, when you get yourself a boner, have you ever noticed that the region of the taint gets firm as well? The corpi of the penis aren't only in the shaft. Okay, if you know what I'm talking about, next time you take a piss, try this:
Run your index finger upward from the taint toward the shaft of the penis, applying some pressure. How much pressure will be something you'll learn over time.
This will urge any fluids still in your urethra to exit. You might have to give the bellend a cursory flick of the finger to dislodge any tenacious drops, but trust me when I say that you'll have a very cleared out urethra.
If you need more description, I'll add this: When you ejaculate, there will be many times that not all the semen leaves the urethra. It will later drip out when you are flaccid. Have you ever done what I described above? That is, run your finger along the "root" of the penis, upward, applying pressure, to help exude the last little viscid drops? No? Well, then, give it a shot some time.
Your sheets will thank you. Your undies will thank you. And all of you will thank me for teaching you something that I have not yet been able to teach my wife. I laugh too hard when she makes an ineffectual attempt to "assist" me when I pee (yes, she's a nurse, and she finds it most amusing)and doesn't get the idea of what works for getting that damned last bit of wee out.
Give it a try.
Oh, and by the way, I know it's considered a bit effeminate by some, but you will have a lot less dripping if you sit to piss. You will also have a ton less splashing that lands on the rim and, eventually, the floor. Anyone who has a carpeted bathroom and still stands to pee is creating a disgusting petri dish of gummed ureic acid loving microbes. Ugh.

King Leper's picture
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Rinsing is the best method, after your done pissing just grab a palm full of water from the sink and rinse your johnson off, this is why bathrooms with lockable doors or the handicapped stalls with their own sinks are choice. Don't get caught doing it though, or if you do you'll get odd looks, but hey at least my boxers don't stink like spoiled piss.

sharty mcfly's picture
l 100+ points
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yup,

no matter how much you shake jiggle and dance
the last three drops always end up in your pants

yours in time,

Sharty Mcfly

shitFerBrains's picture
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Couple of good shakes and a flick. Ony more than that and you're just playing with it...

_______
-While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.-

-Yes, my shit does stink, thank you very much.-

The Dumpster's picture
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Bone Dry Boner, that is a great comment! Why don't you register here?

KeepOnCrappin's picture
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Hey thanks BDB, I understand now. The last description helped understand.

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Arid Pecker Tip's picture
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Thank you, Dumpster. I'm already registered, but some times I prefer not to post under my registered name. I'd like to preserve the impression some have of me as being a little bit of a jerk at times, whether that's warranted or not.... either that, or I some times find that I'd rather post under a pseudonym more closely related to the theme of the post. I can never aspire to the lofty post totals of some of the veterans, so I'll just "scat"ter my posts when I have time to visit the site, and hopefully at times make a tiny contribution to the discussion without personalities being a factor. Signed, Bone Dry Boner, a/k/a, Brown Finger, a/k/a Surgin' General, a/k/a...well, you get the picture... (no, I'm not CEP, by the way)...

The Dumpster's picture
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Now you have me wondering.

Bilgepump?

Fart Poopie's picture
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My goodness. Now I have this image of all you PR guys thrashing about wildly and doing cartwheels to get a few drops of pee out.

Not enough mind-bleach in the world...

Mr. Clean Weenie's picture
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Well, Ms. Poopie, we're very happy to help populate your fantasies. Along those lines, I add this:
I've found that I can get a pretty drop-free dicktip by pivoting my hips to get the old noodle swinging, gradually building to a crescendo, with the veiny third leg fwaappping against each hip, flinging all recalcitrant drops of wizz violently from their hidey hole.... of course, there's a bit of cleanup required (mirrors, walls, cabinets, etc.) so I only recommend this technique be used at work, in fast food restrooms, or on cross-country flights. Ha ha! I kid with you! I hardly ever do it at work!

Bilgepump's picture
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Not I, Dumpy, but I rather suspect is our friend from the great white north.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Girlie Guy Gary's picture
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No matter where I am away from home, I sit down to pee. I learned to do this in public when I was only 4 or 5 and my mom would take me to a stall in the ladies room and I would pee. Initially I wanted to stand but she taught me it wasn't fair to the next woman to have pee on the seat and that since men are notorious for not lifting the seat, I should just sit down.

In the upper elementary grades we had open stalls and a few of my classmates would whisper that I was gay, but I didn't let that dissuade me. At first I sat with my legs too close together (I didn't want to expose my small organ) and it was hard for me to get started. However, by middle school I learned that peeing came much easier when I sat farther back on the seat, spread my legs more and let my penis be the hose without my touching it. When I'm done, I slide more to the front of the bowl, wiggle it two or three times, but always always making sure it doesn't drape over the front of the bowl. I then take one square of toilet paper and gently dab the front.

By the time I was in high school I found sitting down had several advantages, even though the stalls in most of the restrooms were without doors. First, I avoided lines for the urinals. Secondly, since there were more stalls than users, I didn't have to worry about hurrying to get done, and occasionally I could take my shit in the same sitting. Third, the view of the wash basins was much better than standing at the urinal and being grossed out as the urinal bowl filled and filled, without often being flushed. There were a couple of stalls, however, I would avoid because the mirrors above the urinals were low enough to pick up some of the action in the stalls. To this day, and I'm 27, I still sit to pee in public and I doubt that I will change. The only difference, how, is that I get closed stalls. More importantly, my briefs and slacks are not stained and I'm able to get off my feet for a couple of minutes. Also, I have a six year old son in training!

AssBlaster2000's picture
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You know, I was going to come up with a female pee version, but really, we just don't have this problem or anything like it. Girl pee polls are just weird, besides. I think I'll stick with poop polls.

The Dumpster's picture
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Do girls really pee? I just thought y'all went into the restroom to talk about whose boyfriend was the cutest.

shitwit's picture
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Oh... please do a female pee post, AB2K! It may not be quite so vivid an image as our male counterparts thrashing their tallywackers around.... but it would make for a few good laughs.

Umm, yeah, dumpster - girls really pee. And very often! Lately, it's been WAY too often for me!


_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Feminine hygiene advisor's picture
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Women, if there's no separate survey, just start posting here.
I'll help you: As a male who has been on more than one occasion greeted by the acrid, ammoniac reek of a piss marinated pair of labia when my face was in that vicinity, I can tell you that not all women are finishing what they started when they squat to pee. It's not just a matter of them failing to clean up the area properly. Some of them apparently have little leaking events, either immediately afterward or at a later time.
I had a girlfriend who was a cleanliness freak and a germ phobe who generally always had a fresh, healthy air about her, but some times she just didn't seem able to get those last few drops out when she took a leak. I'm all for the occasional musky female aroma, but the diaperlike blast of a pudendum steeped in urine from earlier in the day is a bit of a mood killer.

There you go, girls. REACTION!!!!!

GottaGoGirl's picture
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Huh. Good to know.

You know, call me unspontaneous, but when I have any reason to believe "that vicinity" will be given close scrutiny, I make sure to wander away for a moment of personal time, if you know what I mean.

With just what kind of ladies to you keep company?
_______
"NEVER. ENOUGH. BACON!"--GoBoy

GottaGoGirl's picture
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Oh! And AB2K, I think you could still do the poll, even if the questions don't line up, exactly.
_______
"NEVER. ENOUGH. BACON!"--GoBoy

Fart Poopie's picture
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GGG, you took the words right out of my mouth.

Feminine Hygiene Advisor, have you ever seen movies where you know a couple is going to have sex and the woman steps into the bathroom saying, "I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable?" She's not just changing her clothes. She's in there making sure everything looks and smells pleasant.

If your partner isn't freshening up and you're willing to live with it, I suggest you save your passion until you can follow her into the shower. ;-)

Fudgepump's picture
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Sounds to me like BDB's root-pressure technique might be coaxing the last stubborn drops past the prostate. That's a good tip, but here's another one, guys. If it seems like more than a few drops are produced this way, you might have a slight case of PH (prostatic hyperplasia); an enlarged prostate. Just something to keep in mind. My last drop(s) technique...? A couple of strokes, base to tip, followed by a good shake. Seems to serve me well.

SamDamnit's picture
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I just strike a yoga pose, and suck the last few drops in to my nose. For years, I have been trying to get this pose right. I only need about another half inch before I reach my goal. In the meantime, I am putting it to good use.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Recto Magnifico's picture
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Fudgepump, meet SamDamnit. SamDamnit, meet Fudgepump. What with the stroking and nose sucking, I'm surprised you're not already members of the same club!
Had no idea this whole "good to the last drop" stuff had such an erotic aspect.
As for me, I just wring my thing like a wet towel....probably should cut back on that, because it's starting to look like a screw!

_______
Livin' La Vida Caca!

Livin' La Vida Caca!

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points
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Clearly, "erotic" is in the mind of the reader. If you got a jolt out of my post, Recto, try Googling "cow milking techniques". That should have you typing one-handed for hours. BTW, don't let Sam fool you: he HAS perfected his technique, and he hasn't left his home for several weeks.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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What the hell has this got to do with poop? Did I miss something here?

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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I sternly shake my wet tipped wanger,
To rid that stubborn one drop hanger.
Who persistently refuses to fall
Or fly against the restroom wall.
Why, pray tell, last drop of pee,
Dost thou cling so firm to me?

Recto Magnifico's picture
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Anonymous coward: It has nothing to do with poop. However, like a shark, this web site must continue moving forward or it risks dying. Expanding into the Pee Report arena is a logical broadening of scope. Of course, other than aroma or color, there aren't as many memorable pees.... but still, excretory functions are all fascinating. Please check again soon when vomit.com, heavy perspiration.com, badbreath.com, runnynose.com, and earwax.com are up and running. Ain't no stoppin' this train!

_______
Livin' La Vida Caca!

Livin' La Vida Caca!

Fudgepump's picture
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Recto: I don't know if it's still active, but fart.com used to have all kinds of audio clips for our listening pleasure.

Recto Magnifico's picture
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Fudge, I believe there's also a site called ratemyfart.com that has some hilarious audio of farts, although some of them are clearly fakes made with someone's mouth. Haven't checked it out in a while, but after ratemycameltoe.com stopped showing nude camel toes I needed someplace to post my rating s of something, anything, you name it. There's also ratemypoop.com, and probably a dozen or more other ratemy[fillintheblank] web sites. Some are hilarious, especially ratemyschlong.com.

Uh, how did we get off the subject so badly?


_______
Livin' La Vida Caca!

Livin' La Vida Caca!

The Dumpster's picture
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There is still The Camel Toe Report, which, though but a pale reflection of this great site, nevertheless contains some awful pictures of, as well as some biting social commentary on, peoples' lack of sartorial sense in the lower crotchelary region.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I just grab the offending member and choke him til he pukes. Then I have a viscid white liquid rather than a yellow thin liquid to contend with.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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No wonder penises are so peculiar. You would be too, if you hung around with a couple of nuts all the time.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Gilbert blots it with toilet paper. He can't stand the yellow stains in the underwear. Plus, smelling piss in the bedroom is a definite turn-off for me.

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Hawkeye amaturer reporter's picture
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It's gross and probably as clean as sitting on a urine-laden public toilet seat, but I've seen several guys in both high school and now in college simply rub the head of their johnson on the sides of the urinal. I'd rather risk the stains in my boxers. My girlfriend said she's seem similar disgusting things such as sorority sisters sitting right down on urine-covered toilets and not thinking anything of it. Human mops???