The most embarrassing bodily function accident to have in public is

// 136 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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Pooping on yourself (solids). It reeks to high hell.
11% (307 votes)
Pooping on yourself (diarrhea). It spreads so fast.
65% (1758 votes)
Peeing on yourself. It sucks to lose control.
16% (436 votes)
Vomiting. Nobody likes a puker.
7% (191 votes)
Total votes: 2692

136 Comments on "The most embarrassing bodily function accident to have in public is"

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points
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Woohoo!!!! First post on this poll! Yeehaw!

With that out of the way..... I'll just say that diarrhea has got to be the most embarrassing accident to have all over yourself. Peeing can easily be blamed on something else. Solid turds can be disposed of if you act quickly. And puking? Who hasn't puked on themselves at some time or another? Usually while piss drunk! The runny shits give you no way out of the shituation. You smell, you're brown, and it stings your skin. Ew!


_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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I hesitated over the vomit button, but if you feel vomit coming on, and you know you're not going to make it to a bathroom, you can at least lean over a trash can or sink or something. Diarrhea in your pants would be H O R R I B L E! I know this second hand, because GoGirlie was sick last week, and there was liquid poop EVERYWHERE. Nasty.
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"NEVER. ENOUGH. BACON!"--GoBoy

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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I had to vote for diarrhea too, GGG. Solids can be easily disposed of and the only casualty is your underwear. No one needs to know it happened. If you pee your pants you can just tie a sweater around your waist and go home to change. You can usually avoid getting vomit on yourself and others.

Diarrhea stinks, gets everywhere and is nearly impossible to hide.

Starfish Trooper's picture
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I was going to vote for the solid poop option on the grounds that it would be more embarrassing becuase of being less excusable. Many observer would think, "hey, diarrhea accident, that happened to me once, or almost did." WRT diarrhea I think there are only two groups of people, those who've shit themselves with it at least once, and those who've almost done it at least once, and likely more that once.

But I peeked at the comments before answering, and went with the diarrhea option because there's very little chance of getting away with it, as has been pointed out, while there's a least some chance of slipping away to get rid of the evidence of a solid poop accident.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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I would vote for child birth in public, as being the most embarassing bodily function. What a mess!
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Sir SamDamnit!
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I voted Diarrhea, but Vomiting is a close second.

Both are very messy, but because of the stench associated with it, diarrhea gets first place as most embarrassing.
_______
"If December be changeable and mild, the whole winter will remain a child."

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Fecal Follies's picture
l 100+ points
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Diarrhea. Absolutely. There's no hiding it...


_______
And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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Diarrhea, for sure. It reeks, it's messy, and it's just nasty. Vomiting is also not great, but it's more socially acceptable I think...it happens more often. If you crap yourself and it's solid, you can pretend you farted until you can get outta there.


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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

werewolf pooping on trees's picture
l 100+ points
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I also voted for diarrhea. I would talk about why, but you all covered the main points.

_______
...and they all lived crappily ever after!

...and they all lived crappily ever after!

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points
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When you're walking through downtown followed by a trail of brown, diarrhea (cha cha cha).

If you're taking your last final and your ass feels slick like vynil, diarrhea (cha cha cha).


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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Anal About Poop's picture
l 100+ points
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If you're climbing up a latter and you here something splatter, diarrhea (cha cha cha)

If you're climbing into bed and you feel something spread, diarrhea (cha cha cha)

Chuck's picture
l 100+ points
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I chose solid because diarrhea can be brought on by the flu, bad food or something external. Therefore I could cut the sufferer some slack. To plop a solid means you are in comparatively good health, then gambled and lost.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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trust me diarhea is the wost it speads, burns smells ,its hard to clean up and its not a good fist impression to poop in your pants.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper
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I also chose "solid." If you have diarrhea in public, people can at least sympathize -- everyone has been there, or almost been there. Sometimes it just comes and there's nothing you can do about it. Solids, though -- the blame lies not in your digestive system, but in the decisions you made to postpone your release. It's not a failure of the body, it's a failure of the mind -- and that's much more embarrassing.

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points
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When you're walking down the hall,
and you feel something fall - diarrhea! (cha cha cha)

When you're talking to your boss,
and your pants fill up with sauce - diarrhea! (cha cha cha)

When you're sliding down a rope,
and your balls begin to smoke - ....oh wait, wrong ditty. sorry!


_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

werewolf pooping on trees's picture
l 100+ points
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If your life is falling apart,
and you feel the need to fart- diarrhea! (cha cha cha)
Sorry that's the only line in that song I know...

_______
...and they all lived crappily ever after!

...and they all lived crappily ever after!

Boomerang's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I said vomit. Maybe that's becuase I'm slightly emetephobic (sp?).

Shitler - Poop Nazi. I also have a joke about him hating Pews (that's Jews + Poo) but maybe that's a little offensive...

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
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Diarreah is the worst thing to have because it could run away from ya. Then everyone knows whereas solids you might be able to keep in your drawers for awhile until the next restroom sighting!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Rachel's picture
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The worst experience I've had came in May at my high school graduation. It was held at our large city auditorium on a humid June day. After my parents dropped me off and went to park the car, I felt a sensation coming in my stomach and bowels and just chalked it up to nervousness. About ten minutes before we were to report to our assembly area, I decided to go to the bathroom since I felt a bit constipated. I sat for about five minutes and could only produce a couple of balls of poop. So I wiped and went to the assembly area where our class of 625 was gathering. While standing I started feeling additional activity down there but we lined up and started moving into the arena. Once seated, the heat and crowd started to get to me and I was sweating pretty profusely. We had three students speak from our class, an additional speaker from the school board and one of our alums from the class of '55 was given a lifetime achievement award. Remaining seated under such conditions was boring and with my stomach and bowels going in circles, I wasn't sure what I should do. I was seated in a middle row and it would have been very embarrassing for me to get up--let alone excuse myself by trying to cross in front of about a dozen other graduates on each side of me--so I stuck it out.

When our row stood and started to walk, I was a little shaky on my feet but I was able to cross the stage when my name was called, receive my diploma and exit from the otherside without falling. What I did, however, was give my diploma to the boy in front of me and instead of returning to my seat, I made a dash (you can't say mad when you're in heels) to the closest restroom I could find. Luckily most of the stalls were open, I chose the first and without initially closing the door, I pulled my robe over my neck, dropped and slacks and produced instantly one of the biggest explosions of diarrhea I could imagine. There were a few spots on the back of the toilet seat and part of my robe draped over it as I was wiping, but I didn't care. I had been relieved of my burden!

Long graduation ceremonies suck, for sure. Needing to tend to a bathroom emergency during such a program also sucks. I learned trying to hold it, though, sucks worse.

Kimiyo's picture
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Hey what about menstrul bleeding?

werewolf pooping on trees's picture
l 100+ points
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That sounds absolutely horrible. Maybe we need to completely abolish graduation ceremonies. I went to a Catholic school where the rule was if you didn't wear a dress to graduation, you were told to go home and you couldn't graduate. (That's what they threatened us with anyway, and no, our teachers were not nuns; that's a stereotype.) After reading your story, I think I'd almost rather wear the dress again than be in your shituation. (Note the "almost")

_______
...and they all lived crappily ever after!

...and they all lived crappily ever after!

Tiff's picture
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I love coffee and despite the fact that it goes right through my system, I still love coffee. It's not unusual for me to have a couple of cups when I get up in the morning, to stop at Starbucks on my way to campus and get another cup and then to walk it to the music building where I have band practice every morning. I play the sax, and I am on scholarship as a music major.

The worst and most embarrassing bodily function accident I've had in public is peeing my pants when our daily 7 a.m. practice went overtime because our director got pissed because we had about a dozen members come to practice late. I should have stopped in the fieldhouse (but I too would have been late) and peed but I didn't. In my shorts, with my sax and marching on a hot, humid early September morning on artificial grass, I could feel my three cups of coffee going right through me. Marching in pretty good step to a medley of Frankie Valli's 60s & 70s songbook didn't help the situation.

I kept thinking (actually hoping) that our director would give us a break, but he was really upset about the tardies and what he said was a lack of committment to the band. With the passing of every minute, I just couldn't extracate the need to pee (and to pee FAST) from my mind. He kept us moving and there was no evidence of a break. Even when a reporter from the paper came to interview him about our upcoming marching season, our director kept up marching and she had to take notes on her notepad while she too kept moving.

I don't think I gave any thought to it but after about another 10 minutes I felt the dam opening and pee filled my light blue shorts (what a bad color choice I had made) and down my leg and onto my sneakers. Since I was continuing to march and play, there would be no visible puddle but I'm sure there were trickles of pee liberally dropped on the field turf. After another half hour of practice, there was no meeting, lecture or critique session and we were free to disband and go. For me, I didn't wait for my friends but went immediately to the field house where I found a stall, sat down and used nearly a full roll of toilet paper plus several paper towels drying myself off and trying to dab off as much of the pee from my panties and shorts as possible. Strangely however, during the 15 minutes or so I was in the stall and on the stool I COULDN'T PEE even though I knew there was an ample supply in my bladder.

I took the back route around campus to my dorm room where I quickly showered and got out of my wet panties, shorts, socks and shoes. Then I took a shower. My roommate, who noticed what I was doing, asked if I had spilled coffee on myself. Don't I wish it had been so simple!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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For me it was a toss-up between the two types of poop. When I was a little kid I once laid a potato in my pants and was completely embarrassed. However, I finally had to go with diarrhea. Ick!

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

werewolf pooping on trees's picture
l 100+ points
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I notice "that time of the month" seems to be missing from the list. I'd have to say that in combination with diarrhea (or just diarrhea with any kind of blood in it) would be the worst.

_______
...and they all lived crappily ever after!

...and they all lived crappily ever after!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I'm also surprised that they didn't include feminine blood.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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This can be an embarrassment for both men and women, too. I heard a young man describe his prom date disaster where he wore a white tux and posed for a picture with his girlfriend sitting in his lap. Her period started unexpectedly and soaked through her dress onto his tux, right in the crotch area.

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

werewolf pooping on trees's picture
l 100+ points
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0

I can just imagine how the guy must have explained that one...

_______
...and they all lived crappily ever after!

...and they all lived crappily ever after!

Daughter-in-law's picture
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Five days after returning from my honeymoon my mother-in-law treated me to what she called a "girls night out" concert with the Rolling Stones. She is sooo totally into them and has been since she skipped school to see them on their first U.S. tour back in 1964. This was the 12th time she's seen them, and since she's single, I thought she'd appreciate my willingness to do something with her.
My husband warned me that she's a motor mouth--constantly talking without interruption. I can only listen to so much but even though I try to pay attention to what's she's saying, my mind drifts. At intermission, we were in the ladies room. She insisted that I stand with her in line (even though I had to take a shit and there were several shorter lines). Even when she was in the stall peeing (and her peeing seemed pretty loud and forceful to me)she kept talking about things that happened in her family more than 30 years ago. My bowels were about ready to burst when she flushes and finally comes out--still talking about her family and when my husband was born 24 years ago. I don't think I had even 10 seconds to spare as my three-day load of poop was coming out as I pulled down my jeans and threw myself onto the stool. The problem was that I met the cold bowl and water in one unceremonious drop because she is a hover pisser and had raised up the seat! I don't think I wasted two seconds reaching for and immediately dropping the seat and placing my water logged butt on it. Within 20 seconds I had totally evacuated my bowels. When I reached for the toilet paper to dry myself off and wipe, there was none. My mother-in-law thought it was funny and still tells the story occasionally to this day. When I heard the national news story of some middle-aged woman sitting on a mall toilet seat that had been laced with some sort of super glue, I was hoping it was her. No such luck, she called about 10 minutes later!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I voted for diarrehea. It spreads quickly and it's very messy.

ThePoopMime's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Went with diarrhea because that just sucks. Once in high school this girl in my history class had a very public diarrhea moment. Right in the middle of class just farted loud and nasty the kind that comes with the wet sloppy shits. She just jumped up and ran (more like wobbled)out of class in a white skirt and all. Poor thing no one ever forgot that moment.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

Amber's picture
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I made this poem/song up all on my own. I'm so creative!

Constipation Rocks! 'Cuz you poop out a rock when you have it. Yeah!

Crunchy Frog's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I've had to opt for vomiting because on a coach trip once I felt vomit rising in my throat from basically stuffing my face all day. I managed to swallow it down only for it to fight against that which created a gag reflex which had me choking. 3 or 4 very heavy hurting coughs later and I'd released a small pebble of shit into my pants from where I'd been holding on through not wanting to use the toilet at the back of the vehicle!

Hanus Anus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Diarrhoea is easily the messiest of situations. Puke, at least occurs without obstruction.
_______
Happy crapping! (_o_)

Happy crapping! (_o_)

Hanus Anus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Oh, i almost forgot:

When you rip a smelly, and it feels like jelly: diarrhoea.

Happy crapping! (_o_)

Anonymous Coward's picture
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im in high school
today i was home sick from school and i had diarhea. so i wore a diaper. well i was sittin around when i got an urge. i thought it was nothing so i sat down and all of a sudden i filled my diaper. the after all that wet it. It was so embarrassing.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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*scratches her head*

What was embarrassing, that you filled your diaper, or that you were wearing one in the first place?

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points
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puke i always hope if shitting myself happens i can halfway control it and hide it

Anonymous Coward's picture
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to fart poopie

both

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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I have vomited in a trash can at the gym after running a 5k on the treadmill way too fast, and no one seemed to care. Maybe the situation in which one pukes has something to do with humiliation factor.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points
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Voted for diarrhea, liquid poop messes up everything. Once while jogging I felt sick and couldn't help vomiting, a neighbor guy saw me and then he threw up. So public vomit isn't as bad because it could cause a domino effect and you won't be the only one embarrassed. Misery loves company.

Hanus Anus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Borderline sympathetic vomiter, here. Seeing it and hearing it are not much of a problem. If i smell it, it's a major effort to avoid adding to the stew.

_______
Happy crapping! (_o_)

Happy crapping! (_o_)

poopin 24 7's picture
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I have to say that diarrhea has to be the worst. You can't just hide it or excuse itt. If you pee yourself just say you spilled something on yourself. If ya poop go take care of it. If ya puke- oh well everyone does that! But with diarrhea you're out of luck. It smells, it shows, and it gets just about everywhere. There is nothing in the world that can cover up that kind of mess short of a new outfit.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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An Ebola meltdown is never any fun.
_______
SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Anonymous Coward's picture
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hey wat about period soaking though your pants in white pants+

Anonymous Coward's picture
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This is too wrong. I am still mortified and not believing this happened to me. Yesterday I had an upset stomach, but nothing runny was coming out the end so I didn't worry too much. That night, my boyfriend came over and we had a few drinks with dinner. We ended up getting intimate *ahem!* and I was on top. In the middle of the act, I had a squirting accident.. it wasn't a tiny amount, but not a full load either. He said "all of a sudden I feel lots of warmth" (I was on top). We jumped up, took the sheets off the bed and took a shower. He was really calm and nice and said it was OK. After the shower, we started doing it again. It happened a SECOND TIME!!!!!!! I've never had anything like that happen. He acted like no big deal and said he loves me and accidents happen. Oh God! I don't know if I can ever have sex again!!! =(

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I had a very embarrassing moment at the Gym. Before i went to the gym i stacked up on some Tuna, bread and like 600 ML of Milk/protein shake drink and i went straight to the gym without waiting for it to settle in. Halfway through my workout i felt really bad. I didnt want to make a scene so i calmly walked towards the exit/entrance door of the gym and just before i exitted i suddenly Vomitted all over the Door... it was really bad... so much vomit. I cleaned it all up but i was so embarrassed and the chick at the counter was annoyed. Some people wanted to come into the gym and leave but was too disgusted to touch the door.

I dunno if i can ever show my face at the gym ne more.

ParaPooper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Operation Bold Eagle

I think my most inopportune fart would have to be during the ambush at “Operation Bold Eagle 1981”. This is a yearly training and readiness Exercise my unit participated in while I was in the 82nd Airborne Recon. It is held at Camp Blanding in North Fla. and as an Parachutist, we jumped in to Fla after flying directly from Ft Bragg, NC. As is our lot, we drank to excess the night before the mission knowing that we would be in the woods for 2 weeks eating C-rations and LRRP (Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol) meals.

We hit the ground at dusk, assembled and proceeded to the ambush site 4 klic’s away. With all the previous night’s alcohol and good ole chow hall food in the morning as a base, I had been cutting some really good ones on the plane. But the gas had subsided during the 2 hours we walked through the woods and set up the ambush at the designated area. It was a great spot for an ambush with a wide Kill Zone and Killer (Dave Kilkuski) and I were taking the right flank and we were pretty tired from all the days prep and flight down and our short walk.

We settled in for what could be hours before the OpFor (Opposing Forces) was supposed to walk through our area and we would get to ambush them. Darkness was upon us and all was quiet ae we waited. This ambush stuff is all done with blanks and grenade simulators and the usual flash and bang toys we got to play with in the Army. Since we knew this was a game and it would be awhile before the ambush, we took turns taking a nap.

We would sleep in position with our weapon at the ready in case the Plt. Sgt. or Lt. snuck up on us (unlikely, but we tried to cover all bases). I got the first hour of shut eye and Killer woke me up for his turn and informed me I was farting in my sleep. We both thought that was funny and he was out in seconds and I lay there looking for the “enemy” to enter through our side first.

This about when I started feeling pretty uncomfortable and let out a bunch of fart’s to take some pressure off. I was squeezing it in trying to keep them silent. These were the kind that make you shake your head to try and get the smell out of your nostrils and I found great humor when Killer would shift in his sleep almost every time I did this. A light bulb went off in my head and I shifted to let a big one go near his face so he would get a good whiff..

I was squeezing pretty hard but trying to hold the line to an SBD level but still rip a good fart and yet, not shit my pants…when…. IT went off.

Like a loud Pop! The Big Bang! A big hard nugget popped out with the loudest fart I have ever cut

The guys 75 meters away said they heard it! It must have been like an artillery shell for poor Killer because he jumped up out of his sleep and proceeded to fire up the kill zone with all the blanks in his M-16. Everyone else thought the enemy was here and proceeded to cut loose with everything they had too. All hell was breaking loose and I was totally freaking out as I had just blown the ambush with my fun.

About 500 rounds and a few Grenade simulators later the cease fire was given and the Lt was running around screaming “who fired their weapon?”. My usual foxhole buddy Rus (his position was10 yards to our left) said it came from his left to deflect the blame from our way and 2nd squad was saying we did it. Honestly, we are like children at times. Dave was cussing me now as he knew what happened and was pissed that he had blown the ambush.

He looked at the Lt and honestly said he fired second after he heard the first shot. I swear you could still smell it through all the cordite and smoke from the blanks and it was all I could do not to bust my gut laughing right there. Luckily, the Op-For had got lost and we were given a second chance to get graded on the ambush and it went off with out a hitch the second time. I however had to lay there with a big lump in my bloused trouser leg until we were through with everything. The Lt was transferred a few months later though…..not really sure if it was connected.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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all these choices are good, and all embarrassing, in their own right...but, from experience, there is nothing worse than spontaneously combusting, particularly on a crowded bus...difficult to explain that away.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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This isn't among the choices, but since I work with the public, this was my most embarrising moment. I had just finished delivering part of my route, and I was sitting in my truck, when I felt a fart coming on. I leaned to one side and ripped a long, loud one. I had just finished when I looked to my right and saw a woman standing by my truck, waiting to give me a letter to mail.

She was at least nice enough not to say anything.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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Why do you think UPS drivers wear brown pants? It's so they can get through their shift even if they have the sharts. Those slave drivers have thought of everything.