Pooping at work

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29 Comments on "Pooping at work"

AssBlaster2000's picture
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I went for the second option. If I have to go at work, I will go, but I don't force it. Mr. Blaster does, though. Sometimes like 1/2 hour before he goes to work he will say "I have to shit" and I will say, "Well, then go take a shit" and he will say "No, I'm saving it till I get to work so I can get paid for it." It's one of the many things that I find so endearing. If you want to find out how much you get paid for a shit you can go to workpoop.com

In my line of work (tech support, for the 3 people who don't know that) it's necessary to evacuate the bowels when nature calls. I get so irritable when I have to take a shit, and unfortunately my job requires being nice to idiots and people who don't think it's necessary to be nice to me. (It is, of course.) If someone called me up and said "My phone don't work. Durrrrr" and the Cosby kids were a-knockin' at my back door I'd probably respond with "Your phone don't work, and I have to crap but I'm stuck here talking to you instead. Life's a bitch, ain't it? Go tell someone who cares" and transfer them to 1-800-EAT-SHIT.

Rat Droppings's picture
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I picked the 2nd option too. I'll just crap at work if I have to. But alls I wanna know is, I dropped my phone in my crapper (with my crap in the bowl) and it don't work now. Can I send it to you and you fix it up for me? Oh and I need it for work so it has to be fixed now, like in the next 5 minutes. I'll hold.

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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

The Big Wiper's picture
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Although my office is now in my home (which means I am always crapping at work--heh), I used to always crap at work when I had nine to five-type jobs. Didn't matter who I worked for--I went if I had to--unapologetically.

The only time this got me in trouble was when I worked for an anal-retentive, ex-Army supervisor who actually once called me into his office to tell me that the cleaning lady complained that I took too long in the crapper.
(I actually wrote up that unpleasant experience for the site a few years back--see: 'A Tale Of Two Shitties' under POOP AT THE OFFICE.)

I am nothing if not Shamelessly consistent!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

wonderpance's picture
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i also chose option #2. hehe....#2. i have to poop at work, cuz i'm usually at work when the urge hits (early in the day). and i'm not that particular about where i poop, so i just go when i have to. unless it's just the nastiest b-room in the world, of course. and i share the bathroom with only 2 other ladies who work on my floor, so i usually get to poop in private.

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i love poop.

i love poop.

KeepOnCrappin's picture
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I chose option 1. I need as much money as I can get.

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

daphne's picture
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Assblaster, wouldn't a hands-free, portable phone system be interesting in this situation? I think I'd die if while calling a customer service center I heard the toilet flush.


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.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

AssBlaster2000's picture
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Daph: It could never happen because while we are talking to people we are also doing about 8 things on the computer. However, it would be an effective way to get people to shut the hell up when you want them to.

Rat Droppings: Your post was scarily accurate. You have no idea. (What I love most is the people with the prepaid accounts who call up and whine "This is my bid'ness phone!" I always want to ask them, "Is your bid'ness legal?")

Poop Shooter's picture
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When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. I don't care if I'm at work, home or Disney World. Funerals are about the only place I probably won't take a dump, just because it's not proper. I think there is a rule against pooping in funeral homes.

I work at home mostly, so the office transfers to the bathroom if needed.


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Turdle Dove's picture
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When I started working at Starbucks (I only worked there for 3 months), I did not yet know that coffee, particularly espresso, is a natural laxative. So I would make myself raspberry white mochas all the time, because we get as many free drinks as we want. It took me a couple of weeks to figure out why I kept on having diarhhea every single shift I worked. So yeah, I ALWAYS poop at work when I have to.

oconnellc's picture
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I'm torn... I get a bit of guilty pleasure out of grabbing a magazine and letting my co-workers know I'm about to drop a mud football and enjoy 10-15 minutes of quiet time. However, it is darn cold in the crappers at work (Sears Tower, downtown Chicago), so sometimes the involuntary clenching from the cold interferes with the 'release'.

KeepOnCrappin's picture
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They don't heat the sears tower? Wow.

AB, does it cost money to call tech support? When I call Dell its free but you have to wait 2 hours to reach a tech rep.

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

GottaGoGirl's picture
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Poop Shooter-- One would think that the stress and strain of a funeral might make folks have to go more urgently. Plus, it's a reasonable excuse to sneak out while Uncle Bernie is rambling on about the deceased. You could just pretend to be overcome with emotion. Well, "motion" of some sort.

Fart Poopie's picture
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I also chose option 2. When I worked, I would always go when I needed, but it sucked because they made you type in a bathroom code into the phone (worked customer service for the evil "umbrella" corp.)... they would actually log how long you spent on the toilet. If they thought you spent too much time, it was counted as an unauthorized break and got docked off your pay. Most of the time, that wasn't a problem, but if you ever had to take a dump after being constipated for a while, you would be losing money.

Poop Shooter's picture
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yea, I know what that's like. BAck when I worked for myself in construction, I was always having to fire myself for taking too long of breaks. It sucked, because I kept having to hire myself back. It was a terrible cysle.


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Fart Poopie's picture
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LOL, poop shooter.
Maybe i'm just tired, but that made me laugh my head off. :)

sharty mcfly's picture
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I don't crap at work anymore because i work retail and the only bathroom available is public. It's always disgusting, the urinal is broken, and of the two stalls in the men's room one of the industrial grade shitters' valve handles is broken. So if some kid pushes it down and doesn't pull it back up it starts a long continuous flush. Sometimes i wonder if it'll just suck the entire store down into the bowl where it belongs.

yours in time,

Sharty Mcfly

The Dumpster's picture
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Sharty, it might. See my first-ever PoopReport, called Commode of Errors, which sorta sums up the whole thing.

Doo Doo Brown's picture
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Once I graduated from college and started going on interviews, I would always get there 15 minutes earlier to scout out the restrooms. If they didn't have a single stall bathroom I could not take the job. I couldn't bare the thought of everyone in the office knowing my business.

The Dumpster's picture
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DDB--Was it the thought or your ass that you couldn't "bare"?

(Sorry, folks; it just slipped out of me.)

Duke of Poop's picture
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I love to poop In the work rooms. If some one else is next to me I'll have a splat-a-thon where we see whose rectal deposits can make the loudest, smelliest, farty noise.

Watch where you shit, BITCH

log_blogger's picture
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I've always pooped whereever and whenever the need struck me. At work or at play, my anus will spray.
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Poop Shooter's picture
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"At work or at play, my anus will spray"

That's funny log blogger.. cute and to the point!!


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shitake boy's picture
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I suffer from IBS, so when I got to go...I got to go and NOW!!! I have been asked by my boss sometimes to "gague my stomach"...she doesn't get it...She doesn't know what IBS is like


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Bruce S.

In search of the ever evasive BM

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I can always tell when someone is pooping in the ladies room. It gets real quiet and the person in the stall doesn't come out. If she was just peeing you would hear it. She is probably waiting for me to leave so she can finish. I always feel bad for the ones who fart alot when they're pooping.

Sir Wipe-A-Lot's picture
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I love pooping at work because I get paid for it, that's why I voted for number one. It kinda sucks now since I am dieting I don't poop a lot. One time, I went four days without taking a shit! But back in the day, I'd poop a lot at work. I even pooped 3 times in one day at work, heh.
Still, there are drawbacks to pooping at work. Like the toilet that I'm working with now is kinda small so my dick touches the seat, and then I think to myself "Wow, my boss's dick was right there too probably." A chilling thought.
Another time I had a big booming poop coming along so I drove all the way to work and well, let's just say it looked like a backed up sewer in the toilet. I stopped it up and everything. It was a long long wet bowel movement with lots of wiping. Hence my name.

Happy pooping!

sittingpretty's picture
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I poop at work. I leave my wetwipes on the back of the toilet. I can tell when someone has used my wipes, too.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I always wondered why some women flush the toliet first before they pee or poop at work?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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AC.....They probably do it because they fear the dreaded splash of someone else's bodily waste on their lovely butts.


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Rectal Badger's picture
l 100+ points
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I voted for "Always. When I gotta go, I gotta go." I won't hold it in all day. But as someone else said, I'm not going to force myself to poop at work either. That being said, being paid for it is something that makes an already satisfying experience (taking a dump) even more satisfying.