Does your shit stink?

// 73 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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73 Comments on "Does your shit stink?"

roses smell like poo poo poo's picture

i just got done taking a giant poop. and all i have add to eat so far is mashed potatoes and pimento cheese. what in the heck is making it stink so bad?

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


It has to be noted, that, although chunder is a wonderful descriptive, it refers to talking to god on the great white telephone.

i.e. *Baron on knees, hugging the porcelian*

'Oh jesus! Oh lord!'
*Barf*
'OMG'
*upchuck*
'Holy mary mother of god'
*technicolour yawn*
'Oh lordy lordy'

I'm sure you get the picture.

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

Poonanza's picture
l 100+ points

Yech, chunder fingers. Vomit smells bad enough without finger-painting with it.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


Ahhhh, Michael Jackson. Representing the changing color of turds for the last 40 years. Whata guy!

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Is Michael Jackson related to Marcus?
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Michael Jackson's glove was not a prop. His dad caught him with crap under his fingernails after a deep dig. The glove was his dad's punishment to keep Michael from smelling his chunder fingers on stage. I love the word chunder!

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

My poops have that awful sulphuric, acrid, dead tissue stink. Very much like food poinsoning poop stink. The more sudden the attack of the trots the stinkier it is. With each subsequent attack in any given day the stench just builds. We just got a new bathroom for our department and I've destroyed it daily. Both toilets have also needed snaking about 6 times and it's been open less than a month. I'd love to take credit for all of the cloggings but I believe there is a master clogger among us peeons. But that unholy stench that has permeated all pores of the new shithouse? All mine, baby.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Recently my poop has been smelly a bit oceany. Guess we know why.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Captain Craptastic's picture
l 100+ points

Odors from my poop are invariably vile. I stock two flavors of air deodorizer in the under-sink cabinet for just that reason. Watery diarrhea can even have a slightly burnt or tangy odor, but regular solid logs have an almost meaty smell (kinda makes me think about what's for dinner).

The preacher addressed the congregation: "Blessed are the POOP in spirit, for they shall be wiped clean!"

----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Yes, PD beat me to saying, chunder has to be one of the best terms I've heard in a long time. So... graphic!

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Thank God you guys have gravity down there. Otherwise that vomit would have flown into space, and been caught by the earth's magnetic field and wound up all over North America.

BM, I love a lot of Aussie slang, but chunder is one of my favorites. I first heard it in a Men at Work song. Which reminds me. Taking a dump after eating some vegemite sandwiches can't exactly smell like roses either.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Hmmm...
Food poisoning...
I remember copping a dose of food poisoning once. I was working night shift, and I couldn't eat or shit for about 3 days (or nights). Bunged-up completely. Finally, heading home one morning (as passenger in a mate's car) the pressure got too much. Every set of traffic lights I was dry-heaving out the door, as the gut spasms said "Get outta me!", but the throat muscles wouldn't let it out.
Got home just in time to fling the dunny door open and (for the first time in my life) projectile vomited into the bowl. The pressure behind it was unbelievable! It sprayed everywhere, and when it was over, it left me weak and giddy. I had to drag the garden hose through the house to clean up, there was so much of it.
After that was over, I relaxed enough to notice the need to shit. Weak, giddy , chunder-stains on my shirt, and blowing chunks of chunder out of my nose, I finally got to sit down and get rid of whatever was too low in the guts to come out upwards.
It was rock-solid, then it was wet, and yes, it stunk like a bastard. I dry-heaved a little bit more, but there was nothing left to expel.
I showered and, knock-kneed and whimpering, went to bed with a new-found fear of God.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I'd have to say food poisoning poop.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

no1bearsfan98's picture

Is there any poop that smells worse than the morning after a night of drinking poop?

Chuck's picture
l 100+ points

Postman, I "Dutch Ovened" myself once in the winter. Driving my car, shirt tucked in, thick coat covering all clothes. Let's say farts will float north even when sitting.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

TSV brought up the point that everybody likes the smell of their own farts. Has anybody on this site ever "Dutch Ovened" themselves?

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


PD doest it again! Gets a good idea, and turns it into a great idea! PD I gotta hand it to you, only a Truck monster such as yourself, would have thought of windscreen wipers, sheer brilliance. I'll get your adaptation a credit on the soon to be released Patent, if you are agreeable. (A kick back of say, 20% of net profit, per sale?)

Frank, I have tried out what you suggested.... odly enough, I did not laugh.????_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

BVC, it's just that the odor should be avoided at all costs.
(now, say to yourself 3 times very quickly- he he he, or ha ha ha, and then try not to laugh. or just say heee and go silent, then try not to laff)
Well, I told you I say dumb things when I drink...

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Once again, a remarkably funny comment session. This site is forking out some classics recently!

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

As usual, PD, you've been proven right. I guess I haven't been paying that close attention.

By the way, my shit this morning did'nt smell all that great either.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I think what Bilge meant was that there would not be many comments on the subject, which I think the thread has proven. It's the "no duh" title that has left it ripe for derailment, and off topic comments.

Just to get back on topic, I shit this afternoon, and it stunk.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Bilgepump said on the very first post that this poll wouldn't attract a lot of comments.

I'd say wrong.

Whether your shit stinks or not is going to be a hot topic.

of course shit stinks. That's why some genius invented air freshener.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

As a fellow IBS sufferer, I think maybe those mirrors should have windshield wipers on them. That way, maybe you could get a Nascar sponsership also.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


PD, Ronco are on it as I type. There has even been mention of sponsorship during the development phase from none other than PANTENE, the hairspray people. Also, Ronco have hinted that they are considering giant screen projection onto the facing wall of the bathroom. This shit is gonna be big!

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Sorry, BVC I confused you for a (drunken)moment with BM (an Aussie). My comment should have read "a big kiss across the pond", but I think "down under" sounds better. My apologies.

BVC, attach a high speed video cam to that contraption, and you'll have a winner. Instant replay, slo-mo, frame by frame. The possibilities are endless. You should contact the Ronco people asap.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


Down under? what kind of tranny do you take me for?

Frank, the flush and go therory sounds fine at first, but how are you meant to check output for consistancy colour and quality, if you flsu at the same time as releasing the butt nugget?

I guess a couple of well placed mirrors, duct taped to angle poise lamp stands might do it.

Only thing is though, the mirrors would have to be adjusted for eah sucsessive encumbant. Almost ' rear view mirror'esque.

Infact, why not have left and right side view mirrors aswell? Stereo vision no less!

Wow, even better, combine all three mirrors and hey presto! Surround a vision!

I feel a Patent Pending.

'Do you flush to soon? Is your poop gone before youve even been introduced? yes? Then you should surround youself with shit, with the all new, tried and tested SURROUND O POOP-VISION MK6.32.1
After years in the making, and strenuous testing, both on and off road, RONCO are happy to bring you this wonder of modern science, allowing you to inspect the turd even before the butt cheeks slam shut! That right folks BEFORE THEY SHUT! Incredible as it sounds it is totaly true. Order yours today at the craaaaaaaaaazy offer price of 299.99, on our 28 poop, no dribble, money gone, guarantee'

Its a winner!
_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Frank, join the club. If I had a nickle for every stupid thing that came out of my mouth, I'd, well, er..... have a lot of nickels. Just be wary of what can be the two stupidest of stupid words (I do). Oh, and BVC said something about giving him a big kiss down under, whatever that means. I guess he wants to make up.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Ah, Hum bunger -- just the sort of people the site hopes to attract. Spew, baby, spew.

Logjam

Hum bunger's picture
l 100+ points

my mouth can be a fountain of stupid things and it don't require liquor . . .

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

I feel light headed. BVC, you're not a moron, sometimes when I drink, I say stupid things.
Anyway, another method to cover up odor is to get enough pressure built up so you can do MSG's "explosive pow"- then flush at the same time so the poo goes down as quick as possible.
The simultaneous flush and go.

Hum bunger's picture
l 100+ points

The stack stinks, yeah. One day at work I got the afternoon rumbles and a sudden cold sweat that did not bode well. In retrospect its obvious that piroshkies and lebanese food would do a bad tango in my guts. Anyway, the only available bathroom on site was a small, poorly ventilated, 1920’s art deco affair with only one double hung window - painted shut. I knew the brew banging down my pipes was going to be noxious from the rancid recon scouts popping out of my ass every few seconds, but hey a little methane ain’t lethal right? So I settled down on my throne and got work. Soon I discovered the scouts were not on recon, they were escapies desperately trying to clear out before downtown brown thundered through. The turd itself was hole burner, but the smell was thick and greasy like sticky rotten eggs with skunk cabbage bouquet.
Would that I had possessed a pocket mirror, because I swear the hairs on my butt turned white that day. The stench was a force of its own. You could of cut it with a knife and fork. It was everywhere, it jumped up my nose, grabbed onto my tongue and started to crawl down my throat. I felt dizzy and teary eyed but then it was gone. I could no longer smell it but the air felt pastey.
I washed up and went back to work. Out of consideration for my fellow employees I shut the door behind me. Big Mistake! About 15 minutes later our delivery guy Phillipe showed up and made a B line for the crapper. Next thing I and everyone else heard was “Oh my God!” “Christ Jesus why?” “Oh no no no no no . . .” Phillipe ran out of the bathroom pants in hand and started spitting and coughing into a debris barrel. After a while he recovered enough to look up at me with his blood shot eyes and say: “It was you ! I know, I saw the skid marks.” I just don't have a poker face. He would of ridiculed me more but he had to run off and find a place to take a dump.
(One day at an orientation meeting, prior to commencing repairs on a pulp mill, the plant engineer warned us of exposure to lethal chemical gasses. He said some smells are so strong they completely overwhelm our olfactory senses. Such that it may seam that an oppressive odor has dissipated yet in fact your brain has turned off your nose to keep from going bonkers. Once you feel light headed it could be to late!)

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

...and if they smell of fir trees and snow, and Volvos...

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Heres a thought...
I wonder if Yngwie Malmsteen's farts come out at a hundred miles an hour, in a minor pentatonic scale (with an awesome medieval sound)?

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

How about we just attack those new toilets?

OhDeToilet's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Oh, sure, you can invade it. But what to do with it after?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Well, thank you peoples. Due to my late night weirdo hours, it was a simple affair graced with a guest list comprised mostly of close friends and family.

Gator volunteered as door man until it was time for him to give his speech, at which point he licked himself a bit, farted, and then humped a blanket. The celebration's catering list was direct; cheap California sparkling wine slugged directly out of the bottle and some Swedish Fish leftover from Thing Two's Easter basket. We ended the evening when Carlton decided it was time to take a crap in the front yard. All in all I was pleased.

Next month we're going to have the real ceremony at city hall. It's going to be huge. Someone is ordering a Big Sandwich. Can you bring the pyrotechnics? We can get Manhattan next year, if it's alright with Dodge.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

prarie doggin (1114) --03.28.2008
Now what am I supposed to do with the barge full of pyrotechnics I have anchored in the East River.

Invade Manhattan?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

OH SHIT!!! Me too, Daphne!!! I saw it yesterday, but got so caught up in something completely trivial and worthless, that I forgot all about congratulating you, so...now that its too late, fuck it, I'll just wait til ya get to 4000.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Daphne, I have come down with a bug or something, and between sleeping and napping, I missed your 3000th. Congratulations!! Now what am I supposed to do with the barge full of pyrotechnics I have anchored in the East River.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I just pictured what Dog described. In a giant, Baby Huey way. With Mel Blanc's voice. And one hair on top of his head. Sporting a five-oclock shadow.

Two missing teeth.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Let's hope, PD, that Marcus has quickly become bored with us uptight and unadventurous PoopReporters and is back in his tub exploring new ways to have fun with his feces and orifices, and that he'll be too busy and preoccupied to bother logging on here to share anymore with us. Let's hope.

Logjam

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Marcus, while your finger was up your booty hole, did you pick your nose?

Marcus's picture

well i like my shits to be big so it will feel good coming from my booty hole. i once shit in the shower and it was about 13 inches long. it was fun. then right behind my shit i had an explosion of shitting farts. i had fun and it was everywhere. i had to stick my finger up my booty hole to keep anything else from shooting out.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

LJ, I'm not sure of your political persuasion, but you seem to be tilting more and more to the right. CEP would be proud.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Gees, Shitwit, I'm sorry (not really -- these days, whenever I do anything that makes a women go even slightly towards the horizontal, I count it among my successes.)

Logjam

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

Logjam!!!! you're going to tilt the thread again!! See??? We're all leaning to the side slightly. Woah. I'd better get to bed.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

If Aristotle was still alive and shitting, I think he’d respond:
All peoples’ shit stinks.
You are a people.
Therefore, your shit stinks.
Q.E.D.

Logjam

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

The only thing I ever used hair spray for was a potato gun, and boy did that get me in trouble.

Frank, I was just wondering how well that air-freshener works on holding your hair in place.

OhDeToilet's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Rock on, Baron. :)

And Frank, now there's a use for hairspray I'd never considered. Probably a better one, it tends to make hair feel like plastic, in my experience, at least. Ick.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I used the "debit" option, so could use my "pin number"...I think she got a little miffed.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)