'Allo! Mai nemm eez Pepe LePew, and mai pewp, she smells like flowherezzz--beaucoup bouquet, n'est-ce pas?

*nasal-intesified french laugh* Hau Hau Hau. Zat iz grand, mon ami! Perhaps zou zhould zell it on z-ebay az z-poopouri! *more french laughing* Hau Hau Hau.

When I poop, the it is like a nuclear fall-out. Children run screaming. Doors fly off hinges. Skin melts. A mushroom cloud of fart gas explodes from my butt.

:@)
www.hogwild.net
semi-hilarious comedy

Mine smells a heck of a lot better since I stopped eating animals. But, if I happen to cheat and nibble on something that had parents, I can tell. .....hugging bunnies since 1969

When I poo, it's really bad. That's why it's a big problem for me to take a dump when my girlfriend is around. I just don't dare, cause I know it smells very very bad. And what if she finds out? too embarassing. When I visit her, I only pee. I have often not gone for 3-4 days because of it.

danishpooping: a serious question for you. Would your girlfriend break up with you if she smelled your poop? Seems like you've got a very uncomfortable situation there going 3-4 days without a dump. Your GF's attitude may not be as bad as you imagine. She may cut you more slack than you realize.

The Big Wiper: I know you're right, and that I just have to take the risk. It's an insane situation. It would help if she was more open with the whole toilet thing, but she isn't. Can't remember her ever taken a dump while I was around, but she probably has. well, you're totally right, I must do it sometime. It's just so hard, and a very big step for me.

There's no way a person can objectively evaluate the offensiveness of their own, average, shit. If there ever is a PR convention, then one activity should be filling little cups with shit samples from members and doing some ratings. Hmm. I wonder what we could use to cleanse our nasal palettes between samples?

Logjam, I believe most people have had at least one other person smell their shit and have smelled the shit of at least one other person. Therefore, a frame of reference is formed. If oher people gag when in the room, it has to be up there on the scale, and if you gag at others' shit but not your own, then it has to be further down the scale.

AB2K. With all due respect, I have thought it was established science that almost everyone thinks that other people's shit (and farts) stink, but their own do not. This no doubt provides a "frame of reference," but certainly not an objective one. There must be research (or at least a dissertation or two) on this.

"There must be research (or at least a dissertation or two) on this."

I never came across anything. I have my own theories, of course... and in a little more than a year, you'll be able to read them.

danishpooping: let us know how it goes for you. Unless you have a GF that believes girls don't poop and a guy's poop is gross beyond belief, you should be able to get some sort of resolution.

"in a little more than a year, you'll be able to read them" Can you tantalize us with your thoughts on post-book PoopReport? Are we going to have chapter parties where we sit around and discuss ideas? Will you push the site off on some assistant while you go on a poop tour? Letterman will have to have you on, don't you figure? Could you get several of us into the show? I wet my pants thinking about it all.

I currently have a girlfriend whose shit smells worse than mine and who admits the fact. The fact that we agree on this vitally important matter bodes well for our long term relationship.

If you want to land this woman, Pete, tell her that you love the smell of her shit.

Logjam, it's starting to seem that we get into a debate every time I put up a poll. However, I can't agree with your comment that everyone thinks their shit doesn't stink. (Maybe you do . . . ) I, for one, know my shit reeks. It is true that sometimes Mr. Blaster comes into the bathroom and gags while I'm not experiencing much discomfort, and sometimes I leave the door open and the cats sit outside the bathroom and give me strange looks, and refuse to come in and bombard me with attention as they usually do. Maybe I should have said the frame of reference is the reaction of others to your shit, but not necessarily your own reaction.

I know for a fact my shit stinks, if I eat eggs watch out because Hydrogen Sulfide is like babys breath in comparison to my stink. Usually my dumps are consistant, a little more tangy when I eat lots of vegetables, mild if I'm on a meat potatoes binge. I think it's what your system is used to experiencing that determines the olfactory resonance.

"Logjam, it's starting to seem that we get into a debate every time I put up a poll." Yeah. Don't you love it? I just hope people will start talking about "us."

My poop smells like a rotting placenta that has been left in a styrofoam cooler for 2 months. Mary Mary's shit smells like roses.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

More often than not, my poop smells like the food that produced it, with a hint of real poop smell. Maybe my system isn't digesting food as it should.

My poop smells like flowers * * * * :)....
that grew from a stinky taco....ohhh
hickory dickory dock...

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

Don't you mean dook?

I have written elsewhere about introducing my tiny bare posterior to my grandparents' outside loo.

Some people with outside toilets who subsequently had one fitted inside didn't like the smell, which they thought should be left outside.

It wasn't until I was completing my doctorate at university that our family persuaded them to have an inside bathroom fitted, complete with shower (the latter they have never got used to, preferring a bath like a lot of older people.) I bought them a wooden toilet seat as a bathroom warming present. But they weren't used to the smell in the house, and, unless the weather was too cold, they tended still to use the outside toilet for bowel evacuation.

Before long, my own parents (their daughter and son-in-law) moved some distance away, and it was less easy for me to visit them without staying overnight.

But I kept up my affection for the old toilet seat, and when going to stay in the summer I sat outside, meditating with my trousers round my ankles as I had first done over 20 years before, but, unlike those days, my feet now touched the floor. (Although, like my generation, I liked using the shower installed over the bath. Better than a bowl in the kitchen, and the old tin bath.)

My uncle and I, who had both done well academically, have never forgotten our relatively humble beginnings. We always remember that we started at the bottom, as it were.

Nice, Knick Nick.
You should submit some stories to Dave.

i recently caught my GF taking a dump and she freaked out. i heard the water running and thought she was washing her face, it turns out that she was trying to block the "curplunk" noise. oh wehll, it happens to everyone Coll...WOW i almost said her name, that would have been bad for me.

AB2K: My cat won't leave me ALONE when I poop. He wants to curl all around my legs (which is gross, if you get cat hair on your chonies).

My poop doesn't smell. Unless you ask Gilbert, then it wreaks of a Houston oil refinery.

Despite my IBs, my poop doesn't smell all that much. The only time it stinks is when I take alot of laxative, then the stench is worse than digging up an old landfill.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

I want to start off be saying that im taking a massive shit right now. I want to thank dinner, meat, and my asshole for being able to stretch for those huge shits i take. My dumps are often compared to that of a rotting corps with a touch of rottin egg. One time I took a green shit then pooped a blue turd, i was so proud after that I yelled and shit a yellow substance of somthing foul...

As long as it's underwater, I'm all good. Did you know that most German toilets have a shelf that you shit on, which when you flush sweeps the poop off of it down the drain? I suppose this is so you can examine your work. That wouldn't work in my house- I don't needs to be smellin' the King's craps when I go in there in the morning.

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Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

If my turds are firm (which they usually are) there's usually very little smell. However, if I can accomplish my goal of saving the warning fart that usually comes about 30 minutes prior to turd time, then that will probably change.

My poop smells of brown bacon wrapped in a green leafy poop stained under garmet that is made up of tons and tons of runny bowl movements. It takes me 10 min just to whipe but then I got to poop again

People actually pay money to see me poop! YES!! its true! I have mastered the ART of pooping! I have over the years managed to CREATE one long continues poop when I take a dump! I do this with a method of holding and "compacting" my poop with the use of isometrics's to form a "perfect poop" if you will, my poops range from 12 inches min. and as much as an amazing 22.5 inches!!! And as for the smell? The poop itself is so awesome! its a non issue, and depending on what I eat, sometimes it even has a sweet smell! With practice you too can learn to create your own masterpieces just like me!

Every morning I grunt out and flush a masterpiece just like you, and it required no practice at all.

Confessions of "The Mad Bomber" I love to occasionally poop and run in public places! Just for the thrill factor. Example, pooping on the floor next to the toilet for all to enjoy, it seems like such a waist to just flush it away! Or sometimes pooping in a stairwell, elevator or dressing room is fun too! I once pooped in the back seat of a new car in the dealers showroom! and also Boat and RV shows provide an excellent opportunity to share the love!

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I like poop coming out as much as food coming in

my poop does not stink much at all,that is a good reason not to eat meat

Oh it smells bad.

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I like poop coming out as much as food coming in

my poop before I became a vegetarian stank so severly even with the fan on for 15 minutes back then even I almost puked!

On a scale of one to ten I occasionally achieve a stench factor of twelve or higher.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!