You're on a public crapper. Suddenly somebody opens the door and walks in on you. Your reaction is

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80 Comments on "You're on a public crapper. Suddenly somebody opens the door and walks in on you. Your reaction is"

Postman's picture
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I don't use public crappers very often, and I was thinking more along the line of being at home when I came up with this, but public or private, I'd do the same thing. Jump up and slam the door in their face.

In my bathroom at home, the toilet is close to the door, so I don't even have to get up to slam the door.

And if a door is closed, Knock, would ya please?

doniker's picture
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I don't recall this ever happening to me so it's hard to say what I would do.

Unless the intruder knew I was in the stall and was coming in to hurt me or rob me, I would hope the person would quickly realize they made a mistake, close the door and just walk away.

Miss Simone Scat's picture
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I voted for do nothing and finish the job.
My sassy reply would be "I fold not bunch" and make sure you get ALL the klingons.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

GottaGoGirl's picture
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You have to remember that the other person is likely to be as surprised as you are.

I think I'd just say, "EXCUSE ME!"; they'd be on their way back out, anyway, I'd think.

Well, most people would be. I hope.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
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I would finish the job there IS NOTHING that will stop me from my mission once launch sequence is intiated. That would be kinda neat though to say to someone. Come on in have a seat we'll shoot the shit LOL! Thats a good one!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Hamster's picture
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I think Doniker and GGG are saying much the same thing here, and I go along with them. In most cases, the intruder would, I'm sure, back off. Other than 'excuse me' perhaps, no other comment or action is needed.

Low Self Esteem Emily's picture
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I don't have very good self esteem. Or at least that's what I've been told. Also, sometimes I have to pee or shit so bad that it's all I can do to get into a stall on on the seat without a major accident in my pants. The problem is elevated because I am a delivery driver who despite making some pretty good money, must use public bathrooms two or three times a day. It finances my night school classes and an associate degree that will enable me to do something more stable and with less running around. Three times in the past month I have been in a hurry, dropped my thong underwear and uniform slacks and while on the stool, I have had women and in one case, a young girl, open the door on me. Twice in my rush, I had neglected to latch it and in one case, the latch was broken. The girl, about 4 and not supervised, was probably too young to have known any better. I felt sorry for her. But the other two should have seen my legs and heard the tingle or other activity going into the bowl. One older lady said, "you were taking so ******* long I thought you might have fallen asleep." I moved forward on the stool, closed the door abruptly on her, and luckily was able to get my relatively large shit to finally come out. When I was done, she was still waiting and my response to her was a curt, "OK, NOW it's yours!".

Hamster's picture
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Emily - don't take notice of unkind comments about your self esteem. You are working hard to finance making a better life for yourself. To me thats brilliant.

And also don't take notice of arseholes who harrass you when you need to take a dump!! Its fine for those of us who work in offices and shops, etc, but when you are out and about all the time you just have to take what opportunities you can.

Good luck!!

Log Girl's picture
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I had been seated, middle stall of about 20, for about five minutes at a concert. I had felt the need to crap about an hour earlier, but I had held it only because I don't like to use public toilets in large arenas if I can avoid it. The crowds make me nervous and the cleanliness of the bathrooms often leave a lot to be desired. Because it was during the opening act (I know, I should have tried harder to go at my apartment before leaving!)

there was no line. I had put myself down. The seat, like the whole restroom was a bit cold, and I started working on pushing the three-day accumulation out. I had to get up and reposition myself twice. In doing so, I moved closer to the front of the seat, leaned forward and put my weight toward my knees as I spread them wider. This was a technique my pediatrician had taught me some years earlier when I would become constipated or had difficulty crapping during the first two weeks of school.

My much-anticipated log was just starting to clear when I heard a thud at the door, and it is forced open abruptly by a large 20-something lady. I guess I had not fully engaged the latch. I was foolish to have had my shorts and underwear all the way at floor level. The door hit my left knee and she was aggressively entering the stall.

I think I got out the first couple of words of "I'm in here!" or something and when I moved to close the door on her, my crap missed the bowl and landed in my underwear. While it wasn't mushy soft, it did rub down my leg. A piece broke off and was touching the toes of my left flip flop. A another portion scraped the front of the seat, with a tiny portion on the front of the bowl.

I don't recall the lady saying anything or even expressing a surprise. I got the impression this was not her first "incident". However, this is what my boyfriend refers to as a "toilet invasion". Since that time, and the 15 to 20 minutes it took me to clean up, I've been extra careful to make sure my stall doors are locked. I keep my underwear at stool level. And I'm nowhere near as complacent as I formerly was as I sit.

Thunderbox's picture
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I`d pick up my gun and unload a full magazine into the fucker.

The voice of sanity

Hamster's picture
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Log Girl - I agree with Thunderbox's sentiments even if he is a little drastic. I'd have been more than a litle annoyed if she'd caused me to 'have an accident' like this. Still, hopefully some good will come of it if you are now extra careful about locking. I got 'walked in on' once, and it certainly makes you more careful afterwards.

daphne's picture
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It makes one want to put a banana peel on the floor by the doorway, doesn't it?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

GottaGoGirl's picture
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Thunderbox (534) -- 08.31.2007 wrote "...and unload a full magazine into the fucker."

You know, the words "full magazine", in context with being walked in upon in the toilet, takes on an ENTIRELY different meaning.

Perhaps several...

Uncle Jim's picture
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Just after 1 a.m. four months ago my sister called me from an Interstate rest area about a half hour out of town with an emergency. My 16-year-old niece had been hurt after being knocked over in a toilet stall by a woman who was apparently drunk and about to get sick. Since my sister doesn't drive and Mandy was hurt, I drove out there to get them. The drunk lady who was cursing and apparently very phsically endowed, had made two or three attempts to get in the stall, and by slamming her shoulder into the door, she was able to break off the latch and force the door, apparently at a pretty good speed into Mandy, who was standing and hover peeing. The woman feel backward as Mandy shoved both her and the door backward. The problem was that Mandy fell into the toilet paper dispenser and cracked one of her ribs. A very painful injury with a substantial bruise that has not yet fully healed. Because she had her jeans and panties down, Mandy had less agility and she slipped and feel onto the stool, also injuring her arm. The woman, of course, immediately took off leaving one very sore and scared teen to suffer. My sister, because she had stayed in the car, was unable to get a description of the lady or license number. While I know that there are some very rude and callous people out there, I've also learned that injuries can result. I think our parents might have been right when they encouraged us to "hold it" until we got back home.

Hamster's picture
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GGG - does 'I've got a full magazine to deliver' work perhaps??

RoboCrap13's picture
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I've had someone unlock the stall door with a screwdriver. The door opened. There I sit, and there I fart - loudly. Cue fast exit music.

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Bilgepump's picture
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I usually just ask " So...you want fries with that?"

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

RoboCrap13's picture
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Bilgepump, ROFLMAO!!!!
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

GottaGoGirl's picture
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Okay. (*mumbles*) Magazine. Guys. Bathroom.

"Full" ?!?

OMG. I'm going to go to hell, I just know it.

RoboCrap13's picture
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No, you aren't. You're just in deep shite.


_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Christey's picture
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Last week I was on a date with my boyfriend. At 11 p.m., about three hours after we had finished dinner and gone to a movie, I had a strong need to crap. He needed gas so we stopped at quaint family-owned station right off the main street.

Because the building was older, the two restrooms were in front of the station facing the street and within steps of the four pumps. Luckily, I didn't have to go inside for a key because I would have had a deposit in my panties and shorts. I opened the door, flicked the light on (luckily it was close to where my hand was)and within two seconds I was on the seat getting relief.

Within a minute or so, the door was abruptly opened by one very surprised girl, about 6, who was expecting an unoccupied bathroom. She was startled to see me sitting there with my panties and shorts all the way to the floor (foolish me, never again!). She must have stood there bewildered for five or ten seconds because I suspect she didn't expect the bathroom to be in use and she was scared about what to say.

My biggest concern was getting her to close the door since about 15 feet away cars and trucks were whizzing past and I was providing one very well-lit attraction. There were a few honks and a couple whistles and just as she turned to leave, my boyfriend finally came and basically could have slammed the door on her if she would have lingered.

When I went inside the office to price their smokes (I had left my pack in my desk at work)I learned the young girl was the granddaughter of the manager and that he was babysitting her. For some reason, both my boyfriend and I feel that we took on some of that responsibility that night.

doniker's picture
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Thunderbox (534) -- 08.31.2007
I`d pick up my gun and unload a full magazine into the fucker.

ooooooooo..your cool.

Fart Poopie's picture
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In all honesty, I'd cover myself the best I could while saying, "occupied," or "excuse me," hoping the person would realize their mistake and walk away.
It's all good if it happens at home with the family. We all leave the door open most of the time anyway.

The 14 folks that have the guts to invite the intruder in for a chat deserve some praise for their courage and confidence.

Fudgepump's picture
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I chose "ask them to take a seat"...just because it seemed like the most "laid back" response. I doubt that I'd actually do that, but I certainly wouldn't freak out. Accidents happen. If the intruder seemed like a freak who was "trolling" or something, that'd be a different deal...then it's "pass the ammunition, Thunder".

NEED A POO's picture
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I need a poo quick. I have to type this fast. This has happend to me, and i was laying one of the biggest poops i ever done. it was nice to pass. I NEVER KNEW I HAD AN AUDIENCE, i was pushing that hard i had my eys closed, and the man walked in on me, and left the door open.

Mari's picture
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I sympathize with Christey. Although she should have properly locked the door, I can understand the urgency with which she put herself down and the awkward situation she was in starting to crap while the door is thrown open on her and she is in a well lit bathroom being exposed to honking motorists. It is the responsibility of the adult at that age to supervise the child. On several occasions I have told my 6-year-old to slow down when she runs (aften in front of me) into public bathrooms and plows into stall doors without slowing down enough to note whether there is anyone using the stall or not. In a couple of instances I have required her to apologize to the occupant. Once, after I came out of my stall I caught her peeking in on a woman who was hovering over the toilet. Camdyn motioned for me to come over and she was snickering. I put an end to her voyeuristic excursions right then and there and when the lady came out I required Camdyn to apologize, which she sheeplessly did. Just two weeks ago at our state's fair, she walked in on a younger girl who had forgotten to latch the door. The girl, who had just started peeing called for her mom and both myself and Camdyn apologized for the invasion of the girl's privacy. The girl was quite startled and crying when she came out and I asked Camdyn to try and put herself in that girl's position and understand how she would feel. Again, the answer to many of the restroom decorum problems rests with the adult supervision. When it's lacking, there's problems!

shitwit's picture
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When I've been walked in on I've said stuff like "oh, you're not going to want to stick around here too long". Or "watch out! It stinks so bad it will poke your eye out!" Or "GAWD... you couldn't smell that???!!!"

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I guess it depends whether or not I am a republican senator. Apparently they are all gay and have to hide out in public bathrooms looking for anonymous sex with other gay men.

Startled Shitter's picture
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I agree with the approach of Camdyn's mother. Adult supervision is the answer. It may be necessary for a father, as in my case, to explain and use the moment to educate the child. I was on the stool in one very large and crowded bathroom at our movie mega plex. The door had been bent to a point where it was too much of a hassle to get the latch to effectively do its job. I had to crap, tried two other stalls. Each had urine on the seat--a dealbreaker for me. I was seated, had my underwear and jeans all the way down to the floor, which is dumb, I know. First the boy started eyeing me, alternating from both sides of the door. I was pushing to get a rather large crap out and in doing so, my penis was rubbing over the front of the bowl. I took my left hand and tucked in back down into the bowl because sometimes when I'm pushing hard, I generate a few trickles. Suddenly, the door opens and a boy about 4 or 5 is there with his eyes on me. I told him it wasn't polite to watch me or even come in. He pointed to the toilet paper and said he needed some. I pulled off a liberal amount from the roll--luckily I had made sure my stall was stocked--and gave it to him and the boy left. I repositioned the door and being a bit flustered, pushed even harder to get my crap out, and ASAP. I got lucky and it was dumped within 10 seconds. I hastily wiped, vacated and headed to the sink. At the sink, a guy about my age started up a conversation by thanking me for the toilet paper. I looked in the mirror and the little boy was coming out of his stall. The father thanked me for the toilet paper and admitted that he has never been very good about checking the paper before, as he called it, "fully shitting and then sitting." Although I still get paranoid about eyes peeking in on me in the stall, at least this one was explainable. I probably should have asked the father to explain the importance of knocking to the boy, but I didn't.

GottaGoGirl's picture
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Is EVERYONE'S "return" key broken?!?

Oh, look. No. Mine's okay.

Shitheads's picture
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Our dart team is named the shitheads. WE have Mr. Hanky on the back and are looking for 4 funny sayings, cliches, etc. One for each shirt.
Anybody??

Hamster's picture
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But you are educated GGG! Do what I do - if the post is not broken up into reasonably sized chunks (alright, paras), I simply don't read it.

GottaGoGirl's picture
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My point, exactly.

Bilgepump's picture
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so many off topic posts....why fucking bother.....

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
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and if I could moderate my own, I'd lame that last one AND this one....

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
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I had that actually happen once and told the girl (a tweenager) that she'd probably be better off with her cell phone shoved up her ass than stuck to her ear in a public bathroom.

To this day I wonder what she told the person she was talking to.

"Omigod! I so totally just like, saw the grossiest thing ever in my entire life!"

As a side note, I figured Bilgey would just ask them to hold his cat until he was ready...

_______
No no, honey. Kitties don't sit on the potty.

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

RoboCrap13's picture
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But the cat might escape and Bilgepump couldn't wipe afterwards...

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Bilgepump's picture
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In an instance such as that...I just drag my ass across the floor....a cat taught me that.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Lorrie's picture
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Last month I was on the stool taking a crap at the airport when a middle-aged woman threw the door open on me (the latch was broken and although I saw another woman summarily reject the stall, I needed to go bad and I prefer not to have to sit on those filthy toilets on the plane)in a panic as she was looking for a piece of jewelry that she had been playing with while she was completing her task. Although I wasn't fully exposed, I found it very embarrassing and I told her I should be done in a couple of minutes because I had already passed the majority of my crap. She scanned both sides of the stool, although she was inhibited by my luggage which was on each side of the toilet. I practically had to push her out in closing the door on her and telling her I just needed to wipe and then she could do a much more extensive check. She said something about me not being cooperative and her being in a hurry. I wiped as fast as I could, made myself presentable and gave her exactly what she wanted: an unflushed bowl with lots of aroma, the toilet paper from the seat that I had flung onto the floor, and if I had had any pee in me, I think I would have left her a souvenir on the floor. I'm 24, I look younger, but don't like being taken advantage of like that!

DropADeuce's picture
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I was just walked in on about three weeks ago using the bathroom in my school (it only has two stalls). I was actually in the middle of wiping my ass, so I was in the half standing, bent over position. I was looking down at what a good job I was doing, or I probably would have heard/seen the approaching feet. I had not latched the door well, and when I looked up at the girl I said "excuse me". She not only shut the stall door but left the bathroom entirely! She was WAY more em-Bare-assed than I was...HaHa

Hamster's picture
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Lorrie - well done! A nice touch, leaving her your aroma - well deserved, I'd say!

But this was a very well written post! Have you thought of joining us and writing a story?

Waterlogged's picture
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Like Lorrie, I recently suffered an intrusion while I was using a toilet in a public bathroom. Mine was at our baseball stadium on Labor Day Weekend. I never sit so I squat to pee. My mom taught me how to do that--and I might add to do it very efficiently-- when I started junior high and told her that many of the toilet seats were wet when I had to sit down and pee. There's been no looking back since then.

I must have waited 10 minutes for the stall during the third inning and so when it became available I lowered my shorts and underwear and took my stance. I have no problem getting my flow going and I use my right hand to direct my flow. I was probably about one-third done when suddenly a girl about 12 bashed into the door with such a force that the latching assembly dropped down and hanged partially detached from the door. While I used my left hand to block the door, I got out of position, lost my balance on some wet toilet paper I was standing on below the front of the toilet, and I slipped backward onto the toilet. Luckily, I had not lifted the seat (never have done that because my aim is so good!)and I fell onto it, bruising my left thigh and cutting my left forefinger on the sharp lock assembly. The girl just cursed at the problem she had caused, and ran off. I remained on the toilet for a moment to gain my composure and wipe some pee from my inner leg. Then I figured, what the hell, since I was already down, I would finish sitting down.

What's a mystery to me is why the girl forced herself into what was obviously a stall in use. My boyfriend thinks she might have been just exceptionally pissed at the world and ready to have an accident. However, to me that just doesn't add up. And it was I who had the accident.

poopie pants's picture
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I would simply inform the wandering stranger that "this seats taken!"

The Shit Volcano's picture
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Well, now my response depends. Are we talking a regular person, or the gigantic horned monster that destroys bathroom stalls on Robot Chicken?

"Um, occupied..."

_______
What if everyone farted at once?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Madison's picture
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Just like Lorrie and Waterlogged, I have also been "intruded" upon in public bathrooms. With one exception, it always seems to be when I'm crapping and it takes me a little while to get my crap ready to come out. On a couple of occasions, my knees have been hit when the doors have been thrown open on me. It sure sucks that some of the latches are so loose that they won't secure the door. And in another instance at a concert at our city auditorium, there was no latch on the door and it took the line 15 minutes to get me up to the stall and I wasn't about to relinquish my space. I'm 25 and had been on the seat for about five minutes when this girl about 15 years younger than me first peeked, and then started to slightly open the door on me. I thought she was trying to intimidate me so after my first log dropped, I wiped real fast. I then held the toilet paper just inside the door and was ready to put it close to her face next time she intruded. Within 10 seconds, she did and I pushed the toilet paper as close to her face as I could. She gasped, swore at me and took off. I guess she decided to hold it or instead went to a bathroom on the next level. Extreme actions require extreme measures!

Blind Mullet's picture
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Yep, I think it depends on the intruder. If it were, say, the WWE's Undertaker, my reaction would probably be to leap over the side wall in a single, shit-streaked bound. There would be no time to speak.
Same if it was the silver dude out of Terminator 2.
Kylie Minogue would not have the same effect.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

baron von crapalot's picture
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Having been in this shituation myself on more than one occasion, I find that the intruder is more horrified than the intrudee. Also, having IBS, that little sudden shock that you do get, is just enough to set it pulsating, so in fact, it sometimes helps to be intruded upon just so th crap keeps flowing!_______

whats that smell?

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

sittingpretty's picture
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I scream when someone opens the door on me. It frightens the intruder so that they back off quickly and hopefully nothing they saw registered in memory.

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
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I just look up at them and (in my best Clint Eastwood voice) say "do you feel lucky today punk?"

Sunday Shitter Suzanne's picture
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Last Sunday afternoon I was at school and had to shit badly. My one big shit each week comes on Sunday (I have several small ones during the week but all put together, they wouldn't come close to compare). There were like 6 of us stagecraft students working on the drama set. I was the only female. I had held my shit for about a half hour while we got a board prepared and nailed down to start a staircase, but then I had to excuse myself with no time to spare.

I walked fast down the hallway and into the bathroom. So fast, I might add, that I was still in the dark before I hit the door of my stall and then the light sensor activated. Because there had been no users since cleaning, I quickly flicked the seat down and my butt was on it within two or three seconds. During the middle of my shit, I noticed the door abruptly open and a little boy who's like 3 or 4 is standing there, saying he's looking for his sister. I was startled, I closed the door and told him to leave, and just then his father (a teacher at our school comes in and grabs him and apologizes for his rudeness). I guess dad was working in his classroom and found that his son had wandered off.

I cleaned myself, flushed, washed my hands and was still a little shaken when I got back to the auditorium. I shouldn't have told the guys, but I did. One said the little boy had lots of "perve possibilities" and, surprisingly to me, they all agreed. I, however, don't think so.