Do you stand or sit when you wipe

j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

177 Comments on "Do you stand or sit when you wipe"

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

Thanks to Doniker for the poll idea.

Bobby's picture

I thought you said Doinker

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I couldn't say I stand all the time because I have a bad back. But sitting wiping is a problem whenever I have a million wiper, especially if I ate carrots. If I sit and wipe during a million wiper the paper either gets stuck in my asscrack, poop smears on my hand, or both.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

TSV, you just never give us quite enough details.


The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Did I mention it had corn in it?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

An English gent's picture

I normally sit whilst wiping, lifting my left buttock to get access to the arsehole. Generally, I sit upright to wipe, but sometimes I lean forward. I normally wipe from the rear, from front to back. Occasionally, for variety, I wipe from between my legs, from back to front. If I am confident that my arse is more or less clean when I start (no great chunks adhering) I will stand up to wipe. I then stand upright to attention; I do not lean forward with my bum sticking out behind me. I always use the paper in sheets of "three ply" and do not screw the paper up before applying it to the arsehole. Most of my friends sit to wipe. I have known three Germans who stood up, but two of them began by wiping from a sitting position,before standing up for the main wipe. I have an English friend who stands up. I had an English friend who raised his arse off the seat, put his head right down below his knees and wiped between his legs from back to front. I have an English friend who wipes both from behind and between his legs. He leans well forwward to wipe. I had a Polish friend who raised his arse well above the seat to wipe from behind, but did not stand up fully. I had a Korean friend who stood up really straight when he wiped. He also sat "to attention" when he evacuated and did not lean forward at all. Virtually all my other friends whose habits I know of remain seated to finish off the job, possibly raising one buttock, but often not moving the buttocks except to lean further forward, either pushing the paper down through the bum crack (back to front), or pulling it upwards (front to back).

Is there a preference for one technique over another amongst American men and teenagers? Perhaps Doniker can list the results of his survey.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear English Gent. Can you please tell us how you came by all this detailed knowledge of your friends' wiping habits? I'm also curious about what you do for a living.


Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Oh, and by the way. You can see the current survey results by clicking on the "results" link just below the "Vote" button.


doniker's picture
j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I have never understood how someone can sit and wipe.

I've tried it...I just can't do it.

I have got to stand...

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I prefer to stand and only sit when I am in a closed public stall that is very cramped and there is not enough room to stand. As I've posted several times before, I like to get a visual before I cover up with TP and flush. Part curiosity, part health practice.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

log_blogger's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My girth prevents sitting while wiping. I think I'd have to take up Yoga. I like the sumo stance for wiping. Feet at 10 and 2, nicely triple-folded wad of ass-scratch and bend 1-2 wipe 1-2 FOLD bend 1-2 wipe 1-2 FOLD, inspect, flush or repeat.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

My dad always solved the "girth" problem by not wiping. At least I suspect that's what he did. Maybe he forgot to wipe. He forgot everything else.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

hopkins81's picture

I actually ran a similar poll to this on my blog, you might find it an interesting read!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I sit to wipe. It leaves your cheeks spread, giving easier access to the area :)

Anonymous Coward's picture

Sit always... standing up is disgusting , sitting lets you stretch the butt cheeks far and make sure you can clean all the way inside your butt

Crouching Crapman's picture

Sometimes I come up into a squat, sometimes I lean forward to elevate the crack to vertical... sometimes I do a courtesy flush to get rid of the turd, then I lift the seat, sink my ass in the bowl, and give it another flush so the swirling water can douche my butthole... kind of makes you gasp in winter, what with the cold water in the pipes and all, but boy does that make you appreciate a hot shower afterward!

Trained by Mom's picture

I recently learned that a majority of friends from Latin American countries reach around and wipe from behind, where I was taught to go in from in front, and always sitting down. I tried to change my approach and just cant do it. Either my arms aren't long enough or my ass is too big to reach.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

It's surprising to see the majority of votes going to stand wiping. I suppose it's because standing to wipe had never really occured to me as an efficient technique.

Guess we all just have different butts.
It reminds me of a story I saw years ago on Primer Impacto (a 'news' show on the spanish channel). A photographer was asking random people on the street if they would be willing to drop their pants for the sake of art. The result was hundreds of photos of people's butts... male and female, young and old, different colors and shapes... it left me convinced that butt prints are as unique as fingerprints.

It also made me realize that perverts could get away with a lot in the name of art.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Crouching Crapman wrote:"... sometimes I do a courtesy flush to get rid of the turd, then I lift the seat, sink my ass in the bowl, and give it another flush so the swirling water can douche my butthole..."

I must have missed this tidbit the first time around! Has anyone else tried this approach?

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points

I'm with Doniker 100% on this one: I am now and have always been a standing wiper. Not a standing-at-attention posture, but a bent-at-the-waist position, with the left hand spreading the cheeks. I don't see how a sitting position could allow the same kind of clear access to the affected region that I have while standing.

Queen of Sharts's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Ugh-- what the hell? I didn't know there were adults out there who stand while wiping! That's insane!
I guess I learned something today.

Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

poop philospher's picture

I think these guys who stand while wiping are doing it that way because that is the way mommie wiped their asses for them. They never got it figured out that to really wipe your ass clean, you need to be sitting. My partner wipes his ass standing and I've seen poop streaks on the towel bowl and skid marks in his shorts. I don't have these issues and I sit to wipe. Needless to say, I stay away from his poo-bottom.

JoeBeans's picture

I thought I was the only one who wiped standing up. I'm U.S. male. This kid at wrestling practice, used to make fun of me for wiping standing up. He saw me do it from the stall.

My mom taught me to wipe putting my hand between my legs and wiping my cheeks. My wiener gets in the way. She used my sister as an example.

But I always conditioned myself to wipe standing up, checking to see if my ass is clean. In public stalls, people can't make fun of you for taking a dump when you wipe your ass standing up; It looks like your taking a pee pee.

Recently I tried wiping sitting down, (probably my fourth time in my life), and its like the toilet doesnt give enough room to stick your hand back there. I gotta crunch my balls against the toilet seat just to get my hand back there.

And while I'm coming out in the open. I was in the public restroom and I heard a guy wiping his ass; scrubbing with one piece of toilet paper. Theres no way in hell I'm wiping my ass a bunch of times with one piece of TP. Its one wipe and drop.

What The ?'s picture

I am female and can only hope that men sit and wipe as opposed to standing to hear their own pooh plop in the bowl. What is wrong with you that you can't take a seat to wipe your bottom and not get pooh water on you and your clothes. I eat alot of bran and i have a very healthy "movement" every morning and i would hate to be dropping this "bomb" and be off my mark and thats not saying anything about wiping your arse. Gross.. I say sit down and SH*T like a MAN.. Good DAY...

Sitting is Gross's picture

Sitting is so Gross. Aren't you afraid of accidently reaching down and touching the poo? GROSS

the log of hazzard's picture
l 100+ points

I was taught to wipe sitting down when I was potty trained, and I did it for a while. But when I turned 10, I had had a few pooping accidents in my pants and couldn't really sit down to take care if buisness. So I discovered how much more comfortable it is to wipe while standing. Now, it's natural.

Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I drag my ass across the carpet....that is if the cat isn't readily available.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Oozy Doody's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Sit up and lean. Left or right, matters not. If you are too fat to reach, just remember, 'fat people are harder to kidnap'. (a t-shirt in Mississippi, hee, hee). Standing up only smears the goo all over both cheeks. silly people.

None of my friends knows what an 'upper decker' is!

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points

I always stand to wipe: the left hand grasps the left cheek and widens the gap, allowing the right hand easy access to the mud zone with a wad of bunched (NOT folded) paper. Note, Oozy: no smearage.
Last month in a public restroom, I encountered for the first and only time in my adult life a device even more insidious for standing wipers than the robo-flush: a SPRING-LOADED toilet seat that stood upright unless held down by my hand or my ass. WTF?! In a unisex restroom without a urinal...OK (I can hear the women cheering now), but a men's room? Gimme a break.
As a standing wiper, I can tell you there are many times when I have to stand and sit more than once before my delivery/cleanup is complete, and this "improvement" in toilet tech is an abomination. Also, guys, beware: this spring driven nightmare really throws off the split-second timing of The Move. Consider yourselves warned...!

Anonymous Coward's picture

i stand to poop and wipe

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points

I always sit, and had no idea anyone wiped while standing until I started reading "poopreport." I still can't figure out how you can stand and wipe without getting shit all over your crack and your cheeks.

poopiedoodles's picture

My husband stands to wipe, and I never knew that some people did this either. It always seems so awkward to me. But I suppose that leaning forward to wipe, like I do, would cause major ball-squishage. Or you could be like my daughter and just not wipe, let it get all skidmarked outta there and just scrub a little extra in the bath. Of course, you'll also have to deal with that little lingering itch until you bathe.

Moy's picture

I like to stand when I poo. I don't like sitting as I fear the water. My son also had the same fear, so I threw him down a well to try and cure it. Unfortunatly it only made things worse.

Anonymous Coward's picture

As with others I assumed there was only one way to wipe until a few months ago when I heard a radio discussion on this important topic. I stand (of course - who doesn't?) but I think the importance of "getting a visual" before the wiping begins confirms the wisdom of this approach. And the term "million wiper" will now become one I use at every available opportunity. Thanks

Poops MgEE's picture

I stand. I always felt weird because I thought people always sat. Hmmmm...

Layin' Low Linda's picture

My high school's classes are being held in our district's old junior high building this year while our school is receiving a major renovation. Several things suck about us having to move for the year and one is the bathrooms. The stall partitions are only half as tall as we are use to, the plumbing is really old and leaks, and there's a couple of stalls in each bathroom that have the doors removed.

I'm 6'1' and even when I'm on the stool I'm very uncomfortable because there's very little space for my legs. I have my bm every morning during first hour class which is great because it's not so crowded. I have to wipe seated and even then the top of my head can be seen to those in the adjacent stalls. If I were to stand I could literally see what those on both sides of me were doing. Sometimes when I have a large poop, it takes two flushes to get it all down. That creates another problem because I have to stand and have my panties and jeans pretty much up to waist level so that two really horrible things don't happen: 1) I don't get splashed by the really wicked flushing system; 2) I don't leave myself vulnerable if the bowl clogs and overflows. That happened to the girl adjacent to my stall last week. She flushed while still on the stool, and it backed up on her and her underwear and shorts got soaked. She had to go home and change instead of going back to our Geometry class. It sucked so bad for her. I also got some of the water on my flip-flops while I was peeing and not paying attention.

The circumstances suck. I'm not wiping as thoroughly since I find it rather awkward to wipe while sitting. My mom has remarked that my underwear seems to have more stains as she puts it in the washing machine. My boyfriend also complains. They have no stall doors, but he only has to crap at least once a week. Last week he held it until after school and we stopped at my house. And we have almost a full school year left in our temporary school.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I recommend getting one of those travel size baby wipes and putting it in your purse. Using a moist wipe would take much of the work out of wiping, especially in cramped quarters.

Good luck!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

Yes Wet Wipes are a godsend, use the tp first to get the big stuff then the Wet Wipe to get the residual dookie! I agree with ya Daph.
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!


Guffy's picture

Finally, a discussion on the stand up/sit down question.

I have been a lifetime sitter/shitter/wiper but having seen the survey result tried to stand-up-and-wipe thing myself. If you'll pardon the pun, I got myself into all sorts of shit. In the name of everything sane, how can you possibly achieve a clean wipe using this method with only two arms? Maybe it's a communal thing? ("Hi darling, you spread tonight and I'll wipe....").

Please, a detailed tutorial is required!

Frosh Chick's picture

I started my freshman year of college three weeks ago. In public places I had fallen into the habit of wiping while seated. However, at my university there are more than 20,000 students and in buildings such as the library, student union and fieldhouse, toilets are at a premium.

The lines form pretty fast. I find the sorority girls to be especially intolerant. I've found some of them to be extremely vocal (pounding on my door--"Hurry up please, I'm about to pee my pants!") or (peeking in between the partition and door with the expectation of seeing movement such as me getting off the stool--"I've been holding my crap for two hours while I finished my test and I'm ready to get sick".) Mentally, my response is SUCKS FOR YOU! My roommate, who is also an independent and annoyed about how they throw their weight around, came up with a brilliant idea. Stac gets up off the stool, wipes, flushes, and just as the girl gets ready to come into the stall and get seated, she sits back down. That really pisses the person waiting off because they have enivisioned themselves sitting down in a few seconds and relieving themselves, but they have to hold it and, with any smarts at all, look for another stall. Like Stac says, "Time is on our side"!. If they don't peak in and harass us,we quickly wipe while seated and pleasantly surprise them by opening the door and vacating. Both Stac and I were raised in small town and we believe in small town courtesies. It's just that under certain circumstances we find the need to wipe is a little longer and more laborious for us.

You can never be too sure and we do want to keep our panties clean!

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points

Pre-packaged wet wipes are a great idea for public dumpatoria. In my apartment I just run a weak stream of water in the bathroom sink, and lightly moisten my bunched wad of TP. A pack of wet-ones might be a bit impractical for us gents to carry, however. That'd be the only drawback.

Vacancy Interrupted's picture

Frosh Chick writes "Stac gets off the stool, wipes, flushes, and just as the girl gets ready to come into the stall and get seated, she sits back down." What a horrible psychological letdown for someone patiently--or impatiently waiting in a line--that's been closely monitoring how long they have to hold it and who has gotten her hopes up! I inadvertently did that yesterday at my college. I took my morning crap between classes in A & S Hall, and after standing, wiping and flushing, I felt a pee coming on since I had been consuming a Starbucks earlier that hour. I peed for no more than 20 seconds, wiped and then flushed, and I got an extremely evil eye from the girl that I had seen peek in on me twice. She even cursed as I brushed by her on my way to the sink.

I mentioned this last night to my boyfriend who is two years younger than me and a senior in high school. He said once last year he was ready to crap his pants, saw the guy get up and wipe, and was counting the seconds until he would be on the stool. The guy then suddenly sat down again and you could hear a whole new set of ploppings. My boyfriend ended up getting out of the line, going a few stalls down to an open stall that didn't have a door and had pee on the seat, but he was able to avoid an accident.

Although it can be really deceptive to those waiting in line who are hopeful and sometimes quite desparate, standing to wipe in a crowded public bathroom does get attention from those waiting for the next seat.

Concerned male's picture

I don't understand what u gain from standing the cheeks close, it's wrong!!!

Lingering Heather's picture

I stand and wipe when I'm at my apartment. However when I'm in a public place, I don't dare stand to wipe because that will throw the sensor off before I'm ready to vacate the stall. So I wipe while I remain seated. Sometimes while I'm wiping I will feel that another push is in order and I find that I'm not completely done. Also, sometimes after my crap I will also be able to pee a little, too. I guess I see it like Frosh Chick described in a posting above. It's better to keep my options open by staying down on the toilet rather than rearing up, triggering a flush, and then pissing off those waiting, by sitting back down.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I notice that most of the people who call those who don't use their technique "disgusting" or such and such are the sitters, standers seem to have a much more open and accepting attitude.

Me, I'm a stander, it just seems much easier that way. The couple of times I've tried it sitting it was just awkward, balancing on one ass cheek and rubbing the back of my hand against the toilet rim, just didn't see the point to it.

I don't get this contempt the sitters have for the standers, choose what ever works for you and celebrate diversity.

DISCO's picture

Stander here. I tried sitting down and wiping once, and I don't see how you do it without your penis touching the toilet rim. From what I understand, you have to lean forward, and then my penis ends up touching the toilet rim, and there still isn't enough room for my hand to get in from the back without touching the toilet seat. Yeah, weird.

crapshead's picture

i am a reformed stander, i successfully switched to sitting in my late 20's i'm a rather large male, and i use the 'left hand pulls the junk up and out of the way' method while wiping from the front.

i will pull off an appropriate mass of tp (the length of which depends on the thickness,) fold it back up on itself once, and hold the ends with three fingers in my left hand. then placing my first two right fingers in the bottom of the loop, i rotate my hands around each other until the tp is wound up into a nice little tube. replace my left fingers with my right thumb, dampen slightly with warm tap water, and wipe away. in public restrooms with no sink access, i dip the tp wad into the toilet water, after flushing first, of course! it may sound sickening and disgusting at first... but the sad fact is that freshly flushed american toilet water is cleaner than 75% of the world population's drinking water. and i really can't be putting anything worse back up there than what just came out, am i right?!?!?

Sheridan's picture

I'm a graduate student and almost all of my bathroom stops are at various places on campus. Up until I started college, I would almost always in public places sit and wipe. The reason was that I would put toilet paper as a seat liner around the seat before sitting down, and if I was to stand and wipe, the paper would often fall off, and I would not be able to as readily sit back down if I felt like I had to release more shit or if I decided to take advantage of the break and also pee. Since I went away to college, however, I no longer cover the seats so I do stand and find that I am able to more effectively clean myself (and, yes, I take some pretty messy shits!). It also works better for me to stand since I'm not ramming my hand onto the front of the bowl or dragging some of the toilet paper wad so low that it skimming the water in the bowl. The drawback to standing, however, is that I have to reach down much lower to flush and sometimes if I don't have my glasses on and the stall is dimly lit, I may have to fumble at actually getting a good grip on the flusher lever. And sometimes, after fumbling with the flusher, I find that I'm not nimble enough to immediately disengage the door latch. I'll eventually get it open, but judging from the face of the person next in line, it's even more frustrating to them.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I sit to wipe, and I find that the seated posture spreads my cheeks well for good exposure to the toilet paper. After reading this thread, I decided to try standing to wipe after my early morning poop just now. I still did the first two passes seated, then stood both to look at my poop (large, somewhat soft, two distinct impulses) and to do this experiment of standing for the rest of the wiping. It did not work well. Even using my left hand to pull at one cheek, I did not get the separation I am used to, and the angle at which I applied the paper was different; further, the paper partly broke, likely from the unaccustomed angle of application. The final swipe, in which I cleanse the area with Noxzema, was at least partially successful, but I did not feel that I got the thoroughness of coverage that I am used to. I think I will return to the seated position. Interesting thread with varied viewpoints.

Gabi's picture

When doing in on an ordinary toilet I usually stand halfway up hovering over the seat, but when doing it in a squat position as in the bushes I think I mostly also whipe when squatting.

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