Thanks to Doniker for the poll idea.

I thought you said Doinker

I couldn't say I stand all the time because I have a bad back. But sitting wiping is a problem whenever I have a million wiper, especially if I ate carrots. If I sit and wipe during a million wiper the paper either gets stuck in my asscrack, poop smears on my hand, or both.

TSV, you just never give us quite enough details.

Did I mention it had corn in it?

I normally sit whilst wiping, lifting my left buttock to get access to the arsehole. Generally, I sit upright to wipe, but sometimes I lean forward. I normally wipe from the rear, from front to back. Occasionally, for variety, I wipe from between my legs, from back to front. If I am confident that my arse is more or less clean when I start (no great chunks adhering) I will stand up to wipe. I then stand upright to attention; I do not lean forward with my bum sticking out behind me. I always use the paper in sheets of "three ply" and do not screw the paper up before applying it to the arsehole. Most of my friends sit to wipe. I have known three Germans who stood up, but two of them began by wiping from a sitting position,before standing up for the main wipe. I have an English friend who stands up. I had an English friend who raised his arse off the seat, put his head right down below his knees and wiped between his legs from back to front. I have an English friend who wipes both from behind and between his legs. He leans well forwward to wipe. I had a Polish friend who raised his arse well above the seat to wipe from behind, but did not stand up fully. I had a Korean friend who stood up really straight when he wiped. He also sat "to attention" when he evacuated and did not lean forward at all. Virtually all my other friends whose habits I know of remain seated to finish off the job, possibly raising one buttock, but often not moving the buttocks except to lean further forward, either pushing the paper down through the bum crack (back to front), or pulling it upwards (front to back).

Is there a preference for one technique over another amongst American men and teenagers? Perhaps Doniker can list the results of his survey.

Dear English Gent. Can you please tell us how you came by all this detailed knowledge of your friends' wiping habits? I'm also curious about what you do for a living.

Oh, and by the way. You can see the current survey results by clicking on the "results" link just below the "Vote" button.

I have never understood how someone can sit and wipe.

I've tried it...I just can't do it.

I have got to stand...

I prefer to stand and only sit when I am in a closed public stall that is very cramped and there is not enough room to stand. As I've posted several times before, I like to get a visual before I cover up with TP and flush. Part curiosity, part health practice.

My girth prevents sitting while wiping. I think I'd have to take up Yoga. I like the sumo stance for wiping. Feet at 10 and 2, nicely triple-folded wad of ass-scratch and bend 1-2 wipe 1-2 FOLD bend 1-2 wipe 1-2 FOLD, inspect, flush or repeat.

www.mydailypoop.com

My dad always solved the "girth" problem by not wiping. At least I suspect that's what he did. Maybe he forgot to wipe. He forgot everything else.

I actually ran a similar poll to this on my blog, you might find it an interesting read!

I sit to wipe. It leaves your cheeks spread, giving easier access to the area :)

Sit always... standing up is disgusting , sitting lets you stretch the butt cheeks far and make sure you can clean all the way inside your butt

Sometimes I come up into a squat, sometimes I lean forward to elevate the crack to vertical... sometimes I do a courtesy flush to get rid of the turd, then I lift the seat, sink my ass in the bowl, and give it another flush so the swirling water can douche my butthole... kind of makes you gasp in winter, what with the cold water in the pipes and all, but boy does that make you appreciate a hot shower afterward!

I recently learned that a majority of friends from Latin American countries reach around and wipe from behind, where I was taught to go in from in front, and always sitting down. I tried to change my approach and just cant do it. Either my arms aren't long enough or my ass is too big to reach.

It's surprising to see the majority of votes going to stand wiping. I suppose it's because standing to wipe had never really occured to me as an efficient technique.

Guess we all just have different butts.
It reminds me of a story I saw years ago on Primer Impacto (a 'news' show on the spanish channel). A photographer was asking random people on the street if they would be willing to drop their pants for the sake of art. The result was hundreds of photos of people's butts... male and female, young and old, different colors and shapes... it left me convinced that butt prints are as unique as fingerprints.

It also made me realize that perverts could get away with a lot in the name of art.

Crouching Crapman wrote:"... sometimes I do a courtesy flush to get rid of the turd, then I lift the seat, sink my ass in the bowl, and give it another flush so the swirling water can douche my butthole..."

I must have missed this tidbit the first time around! Has anyone else tried this approach?

I'm with Doniker 100% on this one: I am now and have always been a standing wiper. Not a standing-at-attention posture, but a bent-at-the-waist position, with the left hand spreading the cheeks. I don't see how a sitting position could allow the same kind of clear access to the affected region that I have while standing.

Ugh-- what the hell? I didn't know there were adults out there who stand while wiping! That's insane!
I guess I learned something today.

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Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

I think these guys who stand while wiping are doing it that way because that is the way mommie wiped their asses for them. They never got it figured out that to really wipe your ass clean, you need to be sitting. My partner wipes his ass standing and I've seen poop streaks on the towel bowl and skid marks in his shorts. I don't have these issues and I sit to wipe. Needless to say, I stay away from his poo-bottom.

I thought I was the only one who wiped standing up. I'm U.S. male. This kid at wrestling practice, used to make fun of me for wiping standing up. He saw me do it from the stall.

My mom taught me to wipe putting my hand between my legs and wiping my cheeks. My wiener gets in the way. She used my sister as an example.

But I always conditioned myself to wipe standing up, checking to see if my ass is clean. In public stalls, people can't make fun of you for taking a dump when you wipe your ass standing up; It looks like your taking a pee pee.

Recently I tried wiping sitting down, (probably my fourth time in my life), and its like the toilet doesnt give enough room to stick your hand back there. I gotta crunch my balls against the toilet seat just to get my hand back there.

And while I'm coming out in the open. I was in the public restroom and I heard a guy wiping his ass; scrubbing with one piece of toilet paper. Theres no way in hell I'm wiping my ass a bunch of times with one piece of TP. Its one wipe and drop.

I am female and can only hope that men sit and wipe as opposed to standing to hear their own pooh plop in the bowl. What is wrong with you that you can't take a seat to wipe your bottom and not get pooh water on you and your clothes. I eat alot of bran and i have a very healthy "movement" every morning and i would hate to be dropping this "bomb" and be off my mark and thats not saying anything about wiping your arse. Gross.. I say sit down and SH*T like a MAN.. Good DAY...

Sitting is so Gross. Aren't you afraid of accidently reaching down and touching the poo? GROSS

I was taught to wipe sitting down when I was potty trained, and I did it for a while. But when I turned 10, I had had a few pooping accidents in my pants and couldn't really sit down to take care if buisness. So I discovered how much more comfortable it is to wipe while standing. Now, it's natural.

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Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

I drag my ass across the carpet....that is if the cat isn't readily available.

Sit up and lean. Left or right, matters not. If you are too fat to reach, just remember, 'fat people are harder to kidnap'. (a t-shirt in Mississippi, hee, hee). Standing up only smears the goo all over both cheeks. silly people.

I always stand to wipe: the left hand grasps the left cheek and widens the gap, allowing the right hand easy access to the mud zone with a wad of bunched (NOT folded) paper. Note, Oozy: no smearage.
Last month in a public restroom, I encountered for the first and only time in my adult life a device even more insidious for standing wipers than the robo-flush: a SPRING-LOADED toilet seat that stood upright unless held down by my hand or my ass. WTF?! In a unisex restroom without a urinal...OK (I can hear the women cheering now), but a men's room? Gimme a break.
As a standing wiper, I can tell you there are many times when I have to stand and sit more than once before my delivery/cleanup is complete, and this "improvement" in toilet tech is an abomination. Also, guys, beware: this spring driven nightmare really throws off the split-second timing of The Move. Consider yourselves warned...!

i stand to poop and wipe

I always sit, and had no idea anyone wiped while standing until I started reading "poopreport." I still can't figure out how you can stand and wipe without getting shit all over your crack and your cheeks.

My husband stands to wipe, and I never knew that some people did this either. It always seems so awkward to me. But I suppose that leaning forward to wipe, like I do, would cause major ball-squishage. Or you could be like my daughter and just not wipe, let it get all skidmarked outta there and just scrub a little extra in the bath. Of course, you'll also have to deal with that little lingering itch until you bathe.

I like to stand when I poo. I don't like sitting as I fear the water. My son also had the same fear, so I threw him down a well to try and cure it. Unfortunatly it only made things worse.

As with others I assumed there was only one way to wipe until a few months ago when I heard a radio discussion on this important topic. I stand (of course - who doesn't?) but I think the importance of "getting a visual" before the wiping begins confirms the wisdom of this approach. And the term "million wiper" will now become one I use at every available opportunity. Thanks

I stand. I always felt weird because I thought people always sat. Hmmmm...

My high school's classes are being held in our district's old junior high building this year while our school is receiving a major renovation. Several things suck about us having to move for the year and one is the bathrooms. The stall partitions are only half as tall as we are use to, the plumbing is really old and leaks, and there's a couple of stalls in each bathroom that have the doors removed.

I'm 6'1' and even when I'm on the stool I'm very uncomfortable because there's very little space for my legs. I have my bm every morning during first hour class which is great because it's not so crowded. I have to wipe seated and even then the top of my head can be seen to those in the adjacent stalls. If I were to stand I could literally see what those on both sides of me were doing. Sometimes when I have a large poop, it takes two flushes to get it all down. That creates another problem because I have to stand and have my panties and jeans pretty much up to waist level so that two really horrible things don't happen: 1) I don't get splashed by the really wicked flushing system; 2) I don't leave myself vulnerable if the bowl clogs and overflows. That happened to the girl adjacent to my stall last week. She flushed while still on the stool, and it backed up on her and her underwear and shorts got soaked. She had to go home and change instead of going back to our Geometry class. It sucked so bad for her. I also got some of the water on my flip-flops while I was peeing and not paying attention.

The circumstances suck. I'm not wiping as thoroughly since I find it rather awkward to wipe while sitting. My mom has remarked that my underwear seems to have more stains as she puts it in the washing machine. My boyfriend also complains. They have no stall doors, but he only has to crap at least once a week. Last week he held it until after school and we stopped at my house. And we have almost a full school year left in our temporary school.

I recommend getting one of those travel size baby wipes and putting it in your purse. Using a moist wipe would take much of the work out of wiping, especially in cramped quarters.

Good luck!

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Yes Wet Wipes are a godsend, use the tp first to get the big stuff then the Wet Wipe to get the residual dookie! I agree with ya Daph.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Finally, a discussion on the stand up/sit down question.

I have been a lifetime sitter/shitter/wiper but having seen the survey result tried to stand-up-and-wipe thing myself. If you'll pardon the pun, I got myself into all sorts of shit. In the name of everything sane, how can you possibly achieve a clean wipe using this method with only two arms? Maybe it's a communal thing? ("Hi darling, you spread tonight and I'll wipe....").

Please, a detailed tutorial is required!

I started my freshman year of college three weeks ago. In public places I had fallen into the habit of wiping while seated. However, at my university there are more than 20,000 students and in buildings such as the library, student union and fieldhouse, toilets are at a premium.

The lines form pretty fast. I find the sorority girls to be especially intolerant. I've found some of them to be extremely vocal (pounding on my door--"Hurry up please, I'm about to pee my pants!") or (peeking in between the partition and door with the expectation of seeing movement such as me getting off the stool--"I've been holding my crap for two hours while I finished my test and I'm ready to get sick".) Mentally, my response is SUCKS FOR YOU! My roommate, who is also an independent and annoyed about how they throw their weight around, came up with a brilliant idea. Stac gets up off the stool, wipes, flushes, and just as the girl gets ready to come into the stall and get seated, she sits back down. That really pisses the person waiting off because they have enivisioned themselves sitting down in a few seconds and relieving themselves, but they have to hold it and, with any smarts at all, look for another stall. Like Stac says, "Time is on our side"!. If they don't peak in and harass us,we quickly wipe while seated and pleasantly surprise them by opening the door and vacating. Both Stac and I were raised in small town and we believe in small town courtesies. It's just that under certain circumstances we find the need to wipe is a little longer and more laborious for us.

You can never be too sure and we do want to keep our panties clean!

Pre-packaged wet wipes are a great idea for public dumpatoria. In my apartment I just run a weak stream of water in the bathroom sink, and lightly moisten my bunched wad of TP. A pack of wet-ones might be a bit impractical for us gents to carry, however. That'd be the only drawback.

Frosh Chick writes "Stac gets off the stool, wipes, flushes, and just as the girl gets ready to come into the stall and get seated, she sits back down." What a horrible psychological letdown for someone patiently--or impatiently waiting in a line--that's been closely monitoring how long they have to hold it and who has gotten her hopes up! I inadvertently did that yesterday at my college. I took my morning crap between classes in A & S Hall, and after standing, wiping and flushing, I felt a pee coming on since I had been consuming a Starbucks earlier that hour. I peed for no more than 20 seconds, wiped and then flushed, and I got an extremely evil eye from the girl that I had seen peek in on me twice. She even cursed as I brushed by her on my way to the sink.

I mentioned this last night to my boyfriend who is two years younger than me and a senior in high school. He said once last year he was ready to crap his pants, saw the guy get up and wipe, and was counting the seconds until he would be on the stool. The guy then suddenly sat down again and you could hear a whole new set of ploppings. My boyfriend ended up getting out of the line, going a few stalls down to an open stall that didn't have a door and had pee on the seat, but he was able to avoid an accident.

Although it can be really deceptive to those waiting in line who are hopeful and sometimes quite desparate, standing to wipe in a crowded public bathroom does get attention from those waiting for the next seat.

I don't understand what u gain from standing the cheeks close, it's wrong!!!

I stand and wipe when I'm at my apartment. However when I'm in a public place, I don't dare stand to wipe because that will throw the sensor off before I'm ready to vacate the stall. So I wipe while I remain seated. Sometimes while I'm wiping I will feel that another push is in order and I find that I'm not completely done. Also, sometimes after my crap I will also be able to pee a little, too. I guess I see it like Frosh Chick described in a posting above. It's better to keep my options open by staying down on the toilet rather than rearing up, triggering a flush, and then pissing off those waiting, by sitting back down.

I notice that most of the people who call those who don't use their technique "disgusting" or such and such are the sitters, standers seem to have a much more open and accepting attitude.

Me, I'm a stander, it just seems much easier that way. The couple of times I've tried it sitting it was just awkward, balancing on one ass cheek and rubbing the back of my hand against the toilet rim, just didn't see the point to it.

I don't get this contempt the sitters have for the standers, choose what ever works for you and celebrate diversity.

Stander here. I tried sitting down and wiping once, and I don't see how you do it without your penis touching the toilet rim. From what I understand, you have to lean forward, and then my penis ends up touching the toilet rim, and there still isn't enough room for my hand to get in from the back without touching the toilet seat. Yeah, weird.

i am a reformed stander, i successfully switched to sitting in my late 20's i'm a rather large male, and i use the 'left hand pulls the junk up and out of the way' method while wiping from the front.

i will pull off an appropriate mass of tp (the length of which depends on the thickness,) fold it back up on itself once, and hold the ends with three fingers in my left hand. then placing my first two right fingers in the bottom of the loop, i rotate my hands around each other until the tp is wound up into a nice little tube. replace my left fingers with my right thumb, dampen slightly with warm tap water, and wipe away. in public restrooms with no sink access, i dip the tp wad into the toilet water, after flushing first, of course! it may sound sickening and disgusting at first... but the sad fact is that freshly flushed american toilet water is cleaner than 75% of the world population's drinking water. and i really can't be putting anything worse back up there than what just came out, am i right?!?!?

I'm a graduate student and almost all of my bathroom stops are at various places on campus. Up until I started college, I would almost always in public places sit and wipe. The reason was that I would put toilet paper as a seat liner around the seat before sitting down, and if I was to stand and wipe, the paper would often fall off, and I would not be able to as readily sit back down if I felt like I had to release more shit or if I decided to take advantage of the break and also pee. Since I went away to college, however, I no longer cover the seats so I do stand and find that I am able to more effectively clean myself (and, yes, I take some pretty messy shits!). It also works better for me to stand since I'm not ramming my hand onto the front of the bowl or dragging some of the toilet paper wad so low that it skimming the water in the bowl. The drawback to standing, however, is that I have to reach down much lower to flush and sometimes if I don't have my glasses on and the stall is dimly lit, I may have to fumble at actually getting a good grip on the flusher lever. And sometimes, after fumbling with the flusher, I find that I'm not nimble enough to immediately disengage the door latch. I'll eventually get it open, but judging from the face of the person next in line, it's even more frustrating to them.

I sit to wipe, and I find that the seated posture spreads my cheeks well for good exposure to the toilet paper. After reading this thread, I decided to try standing to wipe after my early morning poop just now. I still did the first two passes seated, then stood both to look at my poop (large, somewhat soft, two distinct impulses) and to do this experiment of standing for the rest of the wiping. It did not work well. Even using my left hand to pull at one cheek, I did not get the separation I am used to, and the angle at which I applied the paper was different; further, the paper partly broke, likely from the unaccustomed angle of application. The final swipe, in which I cleanse the area with Noxzema, was at least partially successful, but I did not feel that I got the thoroughness of coverage that I am used to. I think I will return to the seated position. Interesting thread with varied viewpoints.

When doing in on an ordinary toilet I usually stand halfway up hovering over the seat, but when doing it in a squat position as in the bushes I think I mostly also whipe when squatting.

I stand and wipe, rather have a rinse toilet the one that sprays water up on your ass crack !!

It is much easier for me to wipe standing up. My wife was amazed that I actually wipe in a standing position, I have seen her wipe herself when she was sitting down, and she had reccommended that I do it too. I tried it a couple of times, but it really doesn't work for me, because 1)it is awkward for me, and when I am on the toilet, I usually keep my pants up above my knees,(especially in a public restroom) and in doing so, my pants get in the way. That in itself makes it very difficult to wipe while sitting. 2) For health reasons, (my battle with IBS), I like to make sure there is nothing abnormal going on, so I visually inspect the product for a couple of seconds. Although, with that said, I wonder how shitake baby will wipe, once she is potty trained.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

I get up only long enough to look, let out a hollow, dejected sigh and wipe sitting down. I then flush while sitting, so I dont have to look at the mess again.

I have to get up to turn on the strobe light, activate the disco ball, then, as PD, sit and wipe, while the Brothers Gibb serenade me...

I'm getting a disturbing visual. Make it go away.

I always sit, unless I find out there's no toilet paper on the holder, Then I have to stand and get some out of the cabinet above the toilet, so then as long as I'm standing up anyway I wipe standing.

So I guess with me it's either way.

Thank god we don't have to lick stamps anymore.

Why are there so many answers to this question (which i was honestly wondering about) and not anything else on the internet? There is definitely something wrong with this...

Because this is a website dedicated to the intellectual appreciation of poop humor. Where else would you expect to find such answers? Vogue? The New Yorker?

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Lighten up Anonymous...What do you all think? Coward? Shameful shitter?

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In search of the ever evasive BM

Sitting down is just way too close to the imagined uncleanliness of the toilet/waste for my mild-OCD to cope with.

Standing is less efficient, but it doesn't threaten me with near panic attacks like the prospect of sitting does.

I've mentioned this several times elsewhere, standing wiping is WRONG! As soon as you stand your cheeks move together, this is a physiological fact. This fact makes it harder to wipe properly without spreading poo particles all over the crack.

yep, its much akin to making a peanut butter sammich

The name I give myself obviously betrays my position. I'm surprised that I haven't contributed on this thread before.

Young kids at school talk about matters which older people are more discreet about, and my youngest lad was caught by his older brother wiping standing up. A lad in his class had been told by his dad that it was girlish to stay sitting down to wipe. (Perhaps this is a bit of sexism: that men only sit down as long as is absolutely necessary.) Our boy soon found that he didn't get himself as clean as when he remained seated to wipe.

I have tried it, and just can't do it.

I looked up some child websites on this matter, and found that a mother was complaining that her eight-year-old son had been told by his father (from whom she was divorced) that boys should stand to wipe. He had started to do that - with dire results.

http://www.parentdish.com/2006/03/13/teaching-my-kids-how-to-wipe-their-bottoms-and-i-thought-potty/

I lean. Most of my weight shifts to the left cheek. My right leg helps stabilized me. I come in from the side, avoiding the back of the toilet seat. I have no problem with my cock and balls hitting the front because I don't move forward, I only lean to the side. Another random thought, I can't stand the small toilet seats found everywhere. I prefer the longer toilet seats with the opening in the front, as found in public places.

Stander here. A lot of you sitters have real issues with diversity. By the way, there should be no poop to mash together in your butt cheeks when you stand up to wipe. If so, it means you aren't done shitting!!! Spreading the left cheek with the left hand gives full access with touching the nasty toilet seat, penis touching the seat, getting your hand in the water, etc.

I'm a stander and I have wondered for years whether I was doing it right. Meant to Google the question for quite some time now but never got around to it. When I finally did so today, I found this blog that tells me there is no right or wrong way, it all depends on personal preference and technique. What a relief!!! And by the way, all you folks who sit to wipe are fucked in the head!

I am a sitter and like many of you, I tried the alternative after reading this interesting poll. My biggest problem was a. not looking kinda silly standing there wiping my ass, when you sit at the throne, you've gotta sit the whole thing through. b. When you are standing, if you have made a big mess of yourself as the cheeks get closer to each other, things can go awfully wrong, and take a million wiper to a "oh god I need a shower". When sitting down your cheeks are inherently separated, giving you easier access to the butt crack in question. Also if you happen to enjoy a hairy ass, when you close your cheeks when you stand up again everything can just go to hell.

It feels that the only way to maintain healthy habits when wiping standing up is by assuming a position that recreates that of sitting down, so you are kneeling forward, with your ass sticking out so it looks like you are sitting on a high chair that is tilted forward. I guess then you might as well sit.

For those with girth problems, just use the lateral access, lean to the side and your hand will dutifully clean your arse.

How can people sit wiping?! I tried it when i saw this post and it is so hard to clean yourself sitting. My mom sits while wiping and I dont know how she dos it! I have even seen her shit while pregnant and she somehow manages to get bach there.

I cant believe how much this is debated on the net, surely this must be due to boredom.
Just bear in mind that when you shift your weight to one side on the bowl, you are seriously increasing the stresses on the bowl & fittings. This is why some time you go to the loo & its loose & rocks. Standing does not mean that your ass cheeks slam together like a pair of cream cakes making a mess, you have to learn to hold em open, in fact learn to poop properly in the first place.

Sitting down is so fraught with opportunities to get mess everywhere, on your hands, your sleeves (just think where it has been next time you wipe your nose on your sleeve to get to an itch). And for women to wipe from back to front is also very likely to increase the risk of cross infection.

Get a life, wipe how your comfortable with.
next you'll be asking if you have your paper close to the wall or over the front of the roll?

ROFLMAO.

MUM!....mum, can you come & wipe my bum, I poo'd again..... :-)

I always stood up, and figured it was just the correct way to do things. Then one day I started to wonder why the TP was so low to the ground! You have to bend down every time you need some more! Then I started to realize that people next to me don't tend to shift their feet, as though they were sitting the whole time. It then occurred to me that there must be two breeds of people; standers and sitters. I turned to the internet for a thorough discussion on the topic, and luckily found this thread.

I have since tried sitting, and it sucks.

I have to stand as my bucket is none too steady, always loose like so it's no trouble.

I always stand. ALWAYS.

Thanks to Bilge I will never eat peanut butter again.I think standing is wrong, I mean what if someone busted in on you and your all hunched over whilst standing, wiping your ass and trying to coax your cheeks apart. No Thank You.

Mrs. Mad Crapper.......If someone busts in on me while I am doing a standing wipe I merely hand them the roll of paper and
let them do the job for me. This works very well as it leaves me with both hands to spread my massive cheeks. If they do not seem to be doing a good job I release my cheeks and they are trapped as effectively as a bear in a trap

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I sit. Why stand when you can sit.

I also prefer someone else do it for me, but I have yet to find that person.

Note to self: NEVER EVER bust in on the Chief while he is in the bathroom.

I stand when I wipe my ass and feel that bending a little at the waist is best. I wiper from front to back to make sure everything is clean and then wipe back to front just to make sure there is no more shit buildup. I think that this hybrid of both ideas is the best.

Also for all the people that stand and wipe and hate the sensored toilets, just put toilet paper to block the sensor and you can stand without the toilet flushing! Amazing right?