I had to go with lighting a bag of poop on fire simply because it's the most dangerous. What if the victim is not home and their house catches on fire? What if they burn themselves trying to put it out?

All the other options can be cleaned up with plenty of strong chemicals, gloves, a bag, a bucket and a mop. Yeah, it's a pain in the butt to have to deal with some asswipes crap, but at least you're not messing around with fire.

If you are a visual person like me, smearing shit on the walls totally takes the cake! Also, it's hell to clean up. Then again, Fart Poopie makes a good point; you don't have to mess with fire.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Smearing shit on the walls is by far the most disgusting, and would take the longest to clean up, and would probably cost a lot to redo.

I don`t know about the US, but a shit load of burglars in Britain leave a turd on the floor as a calling card.

I voted the first option, since it's the only one that specified "smearing". It's the smearing that makes it the worst, imho. All the other ones seem like they'd be easier to clean up. Even the flaming blivet could be hosed off the porch.

All of the above. I realize that wasn't an option, but they're all pretty gross.

i chose the first, but i think upper decking (where was that?)is terrible

The Upper Decker is awful, sharty. I think that should've been an option. I've had enough trouble of my own with a particularly large logjam in my own bowl, and an Upper Decker is the last thing I want at this point.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I have to agree with the upper deck also. But then again FP has a point too I did not think of the flaming turd setting the house on fire. Hum such a quandry.

i had to go with the third one because well personally i would hate to open my desk drawer and find a piece of poo in it!!!! but i also ha veto agree with double flush aswell because i would also hate to clean up somone elses poo!!!

I thinnk hiding it inside a mailbox, drawer, etc. is the worst of the given options - despite noting the fire danger.

What if you don't find that crap for weeks? Months? Ugh!!!!!

I would rather find the crap after months have passed. Fresh poop is not the better option. I believe rubbing poop on a person, or putting it in their food, is the worst.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

I voted for the poop-smear. The entire point of lighting a bag of shit on someone's doorstep is to see them stomp it out. If they're not home, you don't do it until later.
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Yes, those are my brown spots. Yes, those are your walls.

Mr. Dung has a point. When I have done it, it was on a cement sidewalk and the person was home. You had to be close enough to the house, to watch the person stomp it out. Otherwise, it was not funny. If the fire somehow got out of control, you could run up and stomp it out yourself, which would be pretty funny; come to think of it.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

The last option is the cruelest. Everyone gets excited about a package in the mail, especially around birthdays and Christmas. Now, just imagine your favorite Niece/Nephew being excited about opening a gift and finding a turd. Just imagine the look on that little angels face now.

Funny as hell, but pretty mean too!!!

I think the worst kind of turd terrorism is purposely taking a dump on a floor, desk, etc, because the sheer psychological impact of spotting an immediately-identifiable pile of human dook steaming atop your expense reports far surpasses that of seeing some brown crap smeared on a wall somewhere.
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"Uugggghh...nnnrrrrAAaaaaarrrgg...*splash*...aaaahh."

if you wanted the dook to be steaming, man you'd have to be quick about things.

I saw a movie once where a kid who had imbibed a bit much walked by someone's parked convertible and puked inside. If one were to beshit the interior of another's car, to me that would be the most heinous act of turd terrorism. I would be incensed. I would be soiled if I sat where they shat.

How about taking a shit on someone's engine block? Or better yet, in their car's air conditioning system? You'd NEVER be able to get that stench out.
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"Uugggghh...nnnrrrrAAaaaaarrrgg...*splash*...aaaahh."

THE SHITMOBILE! Sorry, I had to say it.

Just, in a few years when I get it, don't do that sort of thing anywhere near my Lexus...

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Okay. Can I at least put roadkill on the engine block?
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"Uugggghh...nnnrrrrAAaaaaarrrgg...*splash*...aaaahh."

Anamolous, I have never heard the term "beshit" before. I love it! Have to use that one from now on!

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

lol i took a shit on 1 of my old mates door step a week ago, and the police are DNA'ing it, am i fucked? :P

Lol Shits on doors so funny some people take it so serious :P

i removed the grate for the air ducts in my ex bf's parent's house, and laid some discreet smearings where nobody would look. i still talk to him and nobody ever found em.

I voted for the wall-smearing, but they are all pretty awful. I try to imagine myself doing any of those choices--and I can't. Yuck! Poop belongs in the toilet or other suitable place.

Isn't it strange that 40% of the choices involve the Postal Service in one way or another. Just an observation.

I voted smearing, as we all know, the smell goes up exponentially, although if I were to be forced to commit TT I would opt for putting it in a persons shoe, or coat pocket. It's much more personal.

Why wasn't the proverbial "turd in a punchbowl" a choice? I have heard it alluded to all my life.

Then with a little more thought.....We used to have what we called "purple Jesus" parties when I was in the military. We would break out a trash can that was reserved strictly for this purpose and all the guests would dump in whatever alcohol they had brought to the event.
Beer, champagne, grain alcohol, scotch,
it didn't matter as long as a couple of quarts of Hawaiian Punch were included so the resulting mix was purple.

We would pull up chairs around the beverage container and dip in our cups and drink deeply. If, after a few rounds, a turd had appeared in the punch I feel sure that everyone would have just dipped around it.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How about 'turd in the pool during the hottest week of the year'?? Didn't we have a frontpage about that this year?

I have to agree with The Big Wiper. They are all nasty.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Smearing shit on the walls is just unacceptable for turd terrorism in as much as it sends a message that you do not give a rats flying ass about ANYONE let alone the person that has to clean that up. That is unjustified and uncalled for.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

When I was in high school, they closed the bathrooms, leaving only one men's and one women's room open. They did it because people kept smearing shit on the walls.
Ah, public school! My heart goes out to the custodians...

I worked for a short time as a custodian in an elementary school. One day I discovered a wall painting in one of the stalls that would have been used by 4th
grade or lower girls.

It was really a good composition, well thought out and very textural, almost like some of it had been done with a pallet
knife. The color scheme was monotonous, all brown, but overall it was a good piece of art.

I admired it briefly then, regretfully, hosed it off the wall. It was actually more
artistically done than some of the kiddy art in the library.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!