I voted "tabloids". Hey, the tabloids are full of shit anyways, so what's a little more?
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A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

I voted "some political rag". that stuff is just a shit coated before it gets used as alternative TP as it is afterwards!

I almost got fired from my shitty job recently for saying I was going to use some memo (about bullshit company policies that they were trying to fuck us over with) as TP as soon as they were done "explaining" the memo to us. That did not go over very well with management, although I nearly made my co-workers shit themselves laughing!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I picked newspaper as a commentary on the media's behavior in recent years. This is especially true after Hurricane Katrina, when they showed their true colors as sensationalistic, rating-chasing, lying bastards. So here's to the SuperDome evacuees. WIIIPPPEEE!!!!!!!!!

Just had Cajun poop. I guess it's appropriate.

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I may be treading on some shaky ground here, but I wish there was an "other" catagory. I have always wanted to wipe with religious material, like the bible. This is in no offence to anyone who is religious, it would be a private wiping kept between myself and the good book.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

I thought of putting that option, but I didn't want to start a religious verses poop debate.

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

i put the classics, i mean i love poe and some other classics, but a lot of them bore me to tears, besides all those guys are dead, what are they gonna do about it?

The other day, while my companion and I were out running errands, we came back home to find some ideal wiping material wedged in the crack of our door. It was one of those tracts about going to hell left by Jehovah's Witnesses.

However, I did not want to insult my brown winkie by exposing it to such incorrigible shit.

Well I picked the political rags as they are full of shit anyway. But News paper would leave that awful black ink on your pretty little starfish so why defile yourself with the liberal words of the day?

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No one is the same after I release my Methane!

I picked the newspaper because it's not glossy like the other options tend to be. Glossy paper will only smear the poo everywhere. The newspaper has a chance at actually wiping some away.

The words printed on the paper don't matter. The anus doesn't care if the paper says love or hate. It only cares about the quality of the paper.

Newspaper. It's the only non-glossy thing listed ...

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And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

I've actually used newspaper on one occasion, but my poops are pretty clean wipes anyway. The glossy tabloids would not be very observant. As for J. Witnesses, they don't believe in heaven OR hell soooo they can't send you there if it doesn't exists to them.

I would use The Poop Report, but only because of the poetry of doing so. It would not be an insult, butt an homage. Perhaps I would then frame it and send it to Evelyn.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

My middle school language arts teacher would murder me if she found out I defiled Eadgar Allan Poe or Shakespeare. That's why I voted for it, to tick her off. *wink*

And that's not how you spell Allen. It's Allan. See what she's done to me?! Why should I know!!

Fucking typos and mispellings. Thanks, LOH.

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If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

Where's the Braille version of "War and Peace" when I need it????? Snags those nasty, hard to get clingy bits.

I have on more than one occasion had to wipe with pine tree branches and grasses while hiking in the mountains. Not much fun... Talk about butt funk!

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

The Weekly World News works very well.

Yes it does.

Tabloids it is.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I'd pick the National Enquirer, since it is already full of shit anyway.

If I had a copy of the National Enquirer with Rosie O'Donnell's picture on it, I think I'd use that instead of toilet paper. It would give me pleasure to wipe skid marks all over her face.

Tabloids for me too - they must be useful for something. And newspaper is definitely softer than a magazine, or similar.