Describe your usual wiping technique from start to finish

// 83 Comments
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0
Behind your ass, from front to back.
34% (1146 votes)
Behind your ass, from back to front.
12% (416 votes)
Behind your ass, in a circular motion.
2% (65 votes)
Through your legs, back to front.
38% (1277 votes)
Through your legs, front to back.
10% (350 votes)
Through your legs, in a circular motion.
3% (102 votes)
Total votes: 3356

83 Comments on "Describe your usual wiping technique from start to finish"

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Ummmmm.... is there really anyone out there who does it from back to front? Maybe us gals are the only ones with a problem doing that.... but it would seem the men would swish their noogins in the process??? What do you guys think?

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

You'd be surprised, shitwit. I seem to remember a similar poll or discussion a while back... a few guys said they prefered back to front. I'll have to go and dig up that thread.

I wipe behind the bottom front to back. It's more of a pulling motion that way, and it feels more controllable than the pushing motion one would use if wiping front to back through the legs.

I also have to say, shitwit, that I'm a little disturbed by your comment. I would really hope that none of us gals have a problem remembering to wipe front to back, though I suppose there are some rather nasty people out there...

Remember, girls:

poo germs + vagina = infection

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

Here's the thread.

Queen of Sharts's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Front to back- unless you enjoy having maggots in your hoohoo...


_______
Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

You know, I couldn't really vote in this pole because my method was not on it. I always do this in the same style.
Step One- Wipe your asshole front to back. AWAY from the pussy!
Step Two- Wipe your pisshole back to front. AWAY from the pussy!
When I was a kid I was always taught to wipe front to back but it never made sense to me. That meant I ended up with piss in my pussy, which is just as gross as poo. I'd rather not have a pissy smelling pussy, thank you very much.

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Charlotte Swift's picture
0
0

I actually know a friend that does wipe from back to front and because of this she has ended up having E-coli in her vagina which I think is a lesson for us all!!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

I usually go between my legs, back to front.

The through your legs in a circular motion, sounds like a wiping system, used by Ringling Brother's circus.
_______
I am winter's hurricane, I am the great blizzard of 1899, and no body shall be exempt from my wrath.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Thanks for the thread, FP! I remember reading that one too.

TSV- a "pissy smelling pussy" - that's hilarious! I know exactly what you mean!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

I have some practical questions for those who wipe between the legs, from front to back. For instance:
1. Have you ever fallen face first off the front of the toilet?
2. Have you had many instances of the up the back butt skids? (when you wipe too forcefully and you end up skidding the remainder of the poo you're trying to wipe away onto the lower part of your back).

Just wondering.


_______
Holy skid marks Batman!

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

Never discount the circular motion healthy one, the moderators seem to approve of it's efficacy as seen here.

Great comment! +1 point
Bunga Din (941) -- 08.17.2006

I had a severely broken arm as a five year old and learned early on to write and wipe with both hands, but recently I've discovered something even better. You know those big spinning tops infants get, the ones with the big plunger on the top that you press down to get it spinning? Well, I put a slightly moistened towelette on the end, get that top moving at about 35,000rpm and then squat over it, not only is my ass wiped but it's buffed and shines like a diamond, and if I'm really lucky next time I go to crap that top'll still be spinning.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

Once again, my answer isn't included...I grab the cat by the scruff of the neck, curl the tail underneath, reach behind, with said cat, while reaching between with empty hand (cupping the sack, avoiding the vasectomy), and vigorously, agitate back and forth. Pull the animal away, for visual examination, turn it over, and repeat. Apply a "swirly" or two as necessary, to the cat, to clean, and allow to air dry for next time.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

How do you keep the cat from biting you?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

Why would it want to bite me? Its serving its purpose, it is merely doing what God put it here on earth for. What a silly question.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

well....to be totaly honest i wipe front to back then back to front just to make sure.....

Poopie Mcpee's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Hilarous comment Bilgepump, and a great idea! A cat is good for something after all. I'll have to try that with my girlfriends cat when I'm over her place next time.

I poop every day's picture
0
0

My friends and I speak of poop often. Now I can tell them I found this site. I never knew so many people talk about the same stuff. This is odd. And I prefer the wiping front to back thing...

Pantload's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0


Back to front is my way. I think it's something one learns early in childhood by doing whatever feels right to you. I guess if I were a chick I probably would do the reverse too.

The only time I get shit on my boys is from blowback/splashback from the bowl. That usually changes the whole game.


What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

Hanus Anus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

I've seen it done between the legs back to front. Tried it once. WTF? Totally doesn't work for me. The access is closer the back way, and, going front to back, i don't smear dung on my scrotum.
_______
Happy crapping! (_o_)

Happy crapping! (_o_)

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

circular motion much like an orbital sander

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

i wipe back to front, between my legs. being a man removes the fear of infection. reaching between my legs also keeps my shirt, jacket and whatever else i am wearing out of the way so that it does not get used instead of the TP or smeared by it.
men have it so much easier in life than women.

Hanus Anus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

I've never had a problem pulling my garments aside, to keep them out of shit's way. Usually i just bunch up the front to take up the slack.

_______
Happy crapping! (_o_)

Happy crapping! (_o_)

masterblaster's picture
0
0

Uhhh...I always do it from the side. I just put my left leg up on the seat and reach my arm down between the calf and thigh, and wipe that way. Being a dude I've got the fishing rod & tackle up front to get in the way and I had a pilonidal cyst on my tailbone removed, so my upper asscrack was an open wound for about 6 months. Only problem is that in public I've got to take my left leg out of my pants.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

I wipe from back to front, between my legs. Also, I used to always wipe just as soon as I dropped my last turd, but over the last several months, I've started having a problem with my butt-hole staying in the semi- open position for a few minutes after the last one drops. So, I have to wait for it to shut before I wipe. Anyone else experience that?

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

I can't believe there are so many back-to-fronters! That is just vile.
_______
SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

I'm a female. I wipe through the legs, back to front. I used to wipe behind the ass, front to back, but when I was 11 and started my period, I found it soooo much easier to wipe up the mess from the front. So I've used the style ever since. I've never had a problem with getting poop in my lady bits. When I poop and have to wipe my ass, I wipe back to front, but OUT, not along my pussy. Does that make sense? Oh and I've never had any type of vaginal infection. After I wipe my ass, I wipe my peehole and surrounding area to make sure it's clean and dry and I never find any poop on the paper.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Lift right cheek, front to back. Repeat as necessary.

Fudgepump's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

Fudge's Wiping Technique:
1) Stand, bent at ~45 degree angle at waist
2) Left hand grabs left cheek - minor "spreading" action for better port access
3) Right hand prepares bunched wad of TP
4) Wiping occurs taint-to-ring
5) Inspect TP
6) Repeat as required
[NOTE; if spackling occurs, slightly moistened TP wad is used after 2nd/3rd dry wipe...followed by final dry wipe]
(Technique copyrighted 2005/Fudgepump&Co, LLC)

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

I take 4 sheets, fold into 1, reach behind, and wipe _across_ the anus, getting a thick smear of poop. I fold the paper again, now having a half-width, reach behind, and wipe sort of front-to-back; much less smear. I get another 4 sheets, fold into one, and repeat the process; by the half-width wipe, for which I often moisten the paper either with spit or from the tap (a few drops), there's not much left. I get 3 sheets, fold into one, and wipe with a circular motion; usually not much to see by this time. Then I fold into a half-width, dab on a dab of Noxzema, and cleanse the anus, including sending the paper up into the hole with my finger a time or two; the Noxzema feels cool and good, and my poop-chute feels clean.

Captain Craptastic's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

My wiping technique depends on which poop of the day the event happens to be. For the Good Morning Poop that invariably takes place twenty minutes after awakening, a rudimentary series of front-to-back wipes is sufficient since the next stop is the shower where all remaining pooplets, toilet paper shreds and general ass-crack lint are washed away forever. For poops that happen after showering, the Mid-Afternoon Poop and the Early-Evening/After-Dinner Poop come to mind with wistful nostalgia, the usual toilet paper treatment is augmented by a moistened paper towel for that thoroughly clean feeling. The direction is always front-to-back since I do not intend to smear the nut-sack with the fecal matter. That would be an unforgivable breach of personal etiquette, a Faux-Poo, if you will. Always glad to share information about my poop with others so that they might attain that spiritual level of oneness with the POOP. Happy crapping to all! now it's time for a little Xmas music:
"Joy to the world, the poop has come;
Let bowl receive the log!
Let every bowel, prepare to move;
And heaven and toilet sing (x4)"
----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

Alternating Wiper's picture
0
0

I wipe my front side from back to front, then move my arm around to the back and wipe front to back. That way there is a pulling motion for both sides. You start at the vagina opening and move forward towards the urethra and then you can use that liquid to switch around to the back and clean up anything back there.

Amazonian Poo's picture
0
0

OMG!!! I haven't laughed this hard in years. My fav "The Shit Volcano" & Pissy smelling pussy.
I just visited to get info on teaching my kids the CORRECT way to wipe. My hubby says from the back and I say between the legs. Now I know it doesn't matter as long as they are clean.
OH my method:
Between the legs, Front to back, Then ass only back to front. Final cleansing requires flushable moist wipe and anything goes.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

Ok so everyone says that girls should always wipe front to back. When I shit of course I wipe away from everything but I dont when I piss. when you wipe front to back after u piss ur just wiping piss into ur pussy eww! god no wonder some girls smell really bad and have disgusting underwear! I wipe up and away and I never have had any type of infection. I mean come on if you wipe it correctly your wiping just from the pee hole up and thats nowhere close to your asshole. Oh ya and I always use wipes after I shit i think its gross when people only wipe with toilet paper that leaves the shit smell!

hmmmm's picture
0
0

vagina back front. butt front back. pretty simple.
also this whole thing is hilarious especially ppl being so bold about such private things..

Vanilla Dolphin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Like others, I couldn't vote because my method isn't on here.

I took a page from my dog's book and have begun scooting my ass along the carpet to get it clean. It feels good and does seem to solve the problem, although you can't go too fast or too far, or you'll end up with a major-league rug burn!

_______
"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

I wipe south to north. If I wind up with a few shit-bits on me I'd rather it be on my back than my balls.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
0
0

Wipe front to back? Would not my balls look like mudflaps? Like swinging sacks of shit?

Shocked_I_am's picture
0
0

I was kinda shocked to hear that some men wipe from behind--I was raised to believe that only women did that! I do wipe both from between legs and from behind, but mostly the former. Indeed, one problem with between legs is that it's predicated on the water level being low. Anyway, you have MUCH more control with between legs method! You but cheeks are spread wider too because (if the water level is low) you can do it sitting. And between the legs is better because man--if you're gonna check the wipe to see if it's clear and you've got it behind you--man, it's nasty that the wipe will be OUTSIDE the toilet bowl! When you do it between your legs you wipe, look at it still in the bowl, and then drop it. The only problem I find with between legs is this: when you've lifted your bits and pieces out of the way, you can get a spot of pee on your shirt. I'm finding this onerous, so I was about to ask two guy friends how they deal with this, and they shocked me by saying they wipe from behind! But now I feel like--man--I'm sticking to my guns and doing it from between my legs. No girly wiping for me! But really, it's good to have both in your wiping arsenal.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

So does the circular motion involve you wrapping paper around your finger and twisting it around in your ass or what? I wipe side to side and to make sure no bits are left anywhere I use a wet wipe to wipe down every part of my ass that is inside the opening on the seat. I think this is the only site where most of the comments will not be considered To Much Information.
_______
Oops I did it again, I shit when I fart, I crapped in my pants.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
0
0

The Starship Enterprise method. Circling Uranus in search of Klingons.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

I have always wiped by reaching between my legs. However, I have been struggling with significant back pain for some time, which has now caused me to lower my pants and underwear until they just clear the seat.(So I don't have to bend down and pick them up.)

Consequently, I've now had to start wiping from behind and I've actually gotten to like it.

I think when I was wiping from the front, I would somehow tend to drag a tiny amount of poop up to the area between my rectum and my balls. I would always wipe real good in that area, but I still did not seem as clean as wiping from behind.

never skid's picture
0
0

I have only ever heard of one person who does this but I'm searching for others. When I wipe, I wipe the surface of my crack clean and then take some paper folded over several times and with my finger insert it about 1/4in into my anus to get it absolutely clean. Ive been doing this since i was a kid. Does anyone else do this?

Skids's picture
0
0

I just take a some toilet paper, scrunch it up, and wipe like hell until it burns, I make I sure I get in there too, the asshole and everything, I dig it all out, if I don't feel right, like if there is some shit there still, I will keep wiping, and dig in there, will usually use up half the roll..

princesspoopypoop's picture
0
0

I personally enjoy my morning crap

Potten..Holly Potten's picture
0
0

well..when i'm parking my breakfast in the morning, i find it tends to be more on the softer side, so with this in mind. i have started to use wet wipes and found it to be much more of ease, and then dab off with normal toilet tissue of the recylced kind of course. As for which direction i wipe in, i generally start by going though my legs, long and slow, to get into every crevis! since i have changed to this technique it has been much more enjoyable

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

Somehow, Holly just made wiping ass erotic....I think.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

Well I got a boner.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

and that says what about that comment? not much
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Stu's picture
0
0

I used to simply wipe from behind, front to back, until I noticed how other guys did it. I once walked in on a guy on a toilet when the door latch was broken and saw that he had his pants and briefs all the way down, his knees spread wide, was lifting his balls out of the way with one hand and wiping from between his legs with the other. I had to try it and still do it that way.

I also noticed that some guys stand up and face the paper roll while wiping. Spread the cheek with one hand and wipe with the other. That is usually my finisher. In addition, at home I use the disposable baby wipes to get extra clean. At a public restroom, I use wet paper towels, if available.

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Technique? Hmmm... does sitting on the can reading a book until it's gone crusty around my hoop, then yelling for my girlfriend to bring the hammer and chisel, count as a technique?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
0
0

Oww Mrs MC. That hurt.