You wash your hands after

// 113 Comments
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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113 Comments on "You wash your hands after"

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

PD,that still beats washing your hands WHILE you go to the bathroom. Otherwise,you either shit in the sink or wash your hands in the toilet,and neither of those options sound any better.
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More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Well, I learned something new today. I've been doing it all wrong. I've been washing my hands BEFORE taking a crap. I apologize to all those who used a public bathroom right after me.

I surely hope this doesn't sully my reputation here at PR.

Adri's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm not a germophobe and poop doesn't really bother me any. However...

Poop is about as dirty and germy as it gets. My hands touch the same doorknobs and handles as everyone else. I wash my hands after a piss or a shit. It's just common courtesy.

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Shameless Shitter, proudly stinking up bathrooms one turd at a time.

Shameless Shitter, proudly stinking up bathrooms one turd at a time.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Well,it is kind of hard to cry when you get hit with a dose of knockout gas.
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More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

My farts don't cause tears, perhaps some gagging and a little projectile vomiting and some foul language (A fellow meat cutter one called be a big fat smelly bastard) but no one has ever cried.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Not for nothing Chief, but I think the reason for washing an onion may be to reduce the tears they produce. Lord knows you must make her eyes water all day long with your gas, so she may well be trying to conserve the tear drops.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Might be some kind of Asian thing, I watch videos on a Korean food blog, www.maangchi.com, and the host also washes things that I wouldn't bother with.

All in all I would rather be married to a woman who washes things that don't need it rather than one who neglects washing things that do need it.

We have been together almost fifty years and I did mention it to her probably about forty years ago. Some things are best left alone.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Hmmm...so does this mean Mrs. Thunderbutt usually avoids blow-drying anything?
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More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

BOJ, she lives in the same house as Chief. Everything smells like his ass gas. I wouldn't be surprised if she washed a bar of soap before using it.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

What is the point of washing an onion? Isn't the peel there so there would be an already sufficient barrier to the outside? Maybe if you could get an answer from your wife Chief,that would be splendid. I'm sure we would all like to hear the method to her madness.
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More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

No bet Scummy, I might just as well send you the money straight out. Women are like that. My beloved wife is like a raccoon and washes everything she is going to cook. I always thought a freshly peeled onion was safe but not her, she washes them also.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

Chief and MSG, I'm in a gambling mood, so I'll bet you both one of your yankee Dollars that he's single, and a further five (is it 'bucks' that you colonials say?) that he's never had sex without paying for it. I feel that my money is safe because no lady of my acquaintance (and I've known some with very unorthadox notions of hygiene when thrashing the mattress) would ever let a ghastly selfish oaf like that up her dress. The little darlings tend to notice these things, don't you know.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear AS: You are one reason I don't shake hands with strangers unless I have to (and then if possible wash my hands afterwards). You likely have germies by the millions all over your hands. Washing your hands is like driving with lights on: At least part of the reason is consideration for other people.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous Shitter, How would you feel about eating in a restaurant where the chef and all the other food handlers shared your attitude on wiping and washing? If you only ordered PB&Js you would probably never notice the difference.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Shitter's picture

I never wash my hands after I piss, my dick is clean so my hands don't get dirty if I touch it and I don't piss on my hands often, and when I do I just wipe it off since urine is sterile. If I take a dump I won't rinse my hands unless I actually get some shit on my hands. Why bother, I don't get sick either so washing doesn't do anything.

WASH's picture

I say, people who do not wash their hands are crazy! You can't tell if you have poo or wee germs on your hands! It is digusting! But people can die from things like ingesting some germs from you poo or wee. Wise up, wash your hands!

Gooey Pooey's picture

The average work desk has more germs than a toilet...think about that

Anonymous Coward's picture

i wash after pooping but not pissing

Coward Daughter in Law's picture

I recently went on a trip with my mother in law. After going to the bathroom at an airport, my mother in law emerged from the stall, and went right out the door! Now thats disgusting...then she starts to make a bottle for my 8 month old! EWWWWWW GROSS!

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

well.... after reading this I may become even more OCD and just stand at the sink hyperventalating and washing my hands continually. oh and daphne I wear Reynold's wrap on my head, it keeps the government from finding out about my plot to taint all the Walmart toilets.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Clean one, after I pee I rap my penis several times against the side of the urinal. Any droplets that might have been on the tip are now on the pants of the person who was unlucky enough to be peeing beside me. But if that's not good enough for you then I guess I can wash my hands.

Clean One's picture

Everyone should wash their hands after peeing and pooping. That goes double for you men. Men who think they don't get pee on their hands are just dumb. You have to touch your penis which has been stuck in your pants where small amounts of urine are all over your undies (and therefore your penis) since you don't wipe your tip off. EVERYONE should wash their hands after they use the restroom.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I should have explained that since germs enter as well as exit via your nose. I like to keep as many as possible out.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Since I almost kicked the bucket with bacterial pneumonia about 12 years ago I have been a compulsive hand washer. I even wash my hands if I hear a dirty joke.
I wash if I even see a picture of poop. One thing I do that no one else has mentioned, I wash my hands
BEFORE I pick my nose.


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I voted #4. I used to even wash my hands after ordering my daughter to clean up the dogs poop.

shitake boy's picture
l 100+ points


I always wash my hands. I originally voted for option number one, but changed to option four, after shitake baby was born. Plus, I am going into the healthcare field, so hand washing is very important there.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

Being in food service, I wash and sanitize my hands frequently.
I voted #4 because I often have to plunge the toilet at work.
Why don't I have one of the kids do it? Never make them do something you won't do yourself.
I had a supervisor who thought it was beneath them to touch a plunger. Nobody liked her.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

lilmissclean's picture

honestly not washing your hands iz just gross and as a kid i wuldnt wanna catch nything frm a grown-up because dey thought it waz ok not washin their hands. It has been proven jus touchin the faucet can get your hands contaminated nd you touch the handle on the toilet how many ppl have actually used your toilet or public toilet since it was last cleaned it is utterly disgustin not to wash your hands.

Anonymous Coward's picture

this site is shit you all need to get a life.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Four inches is not bad, if you're measuring from the floor.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Don't mind me, Herb, just messing with ya. Welcome to PR.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Herbert's picture

I'm not in the US Army, I'm in the British Army. And I'm only a cadet, not a professional soldier (though I hope to become one when I leave university).

And I don't think it's really that little. Not as bad as the guy who posted above saying that his four-incher was "way bigger than most".

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Herb, I can't believe the Army accepted one whom is so under-equiped, and a freaking candy assed hand washer besides. Canadian Army, maybe, certainly not the United Fucking States of Fucking America, goddam it....

Just kidding, and you aren't unusual at all, if you read more of the comments, a great deal of fellas practice pretty good hygiene. The little dick is another story...ooops, there I go again.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Herbert's picture

I'm quite unusual for a man, in that I always wash my hands after going to the toilet (in either sense), and always use soap if it's available. I also wash my hands before eating, whenever possible. So while I'm not quite as fanatically hygienic as GGG and some of the others who've posted above, I do make a habit of washing my hands.

The only exception is when I'm on a field exercise (I'm an army cadet), in which case there obviously isn't anywhere to wash my hands. (But I tend not to go #2 in the field anyway; it isn't very pleasant.)

As to the comment above, I usually can piss without holding my penis (not all of us are as well-endowed as Mr. "prarie doggin" claims to be). Mine is average sized (about 6 inches when erect). (I'm not embarrassed talking about this here, since thankfully no one on this obscure website knows who I am.)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Sorry AC, I need both hands to keep it off the floor.

Anonymous Coward's picture

i wash my hand when i go to toilet but if you go for a piss and your a boy you can go for no hands!!!!!

no hand no hands

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I wash my hands after using the bathroom, especially at work; I even regret having to touch the spigot to turn off the water afterwards because of whose hands may have been there before me. Nonetheless, I know we must be exposed to microbial life just to build up resistance or tolerance. In my first year of teaching I had an experience with actually touching another person's poop that I'll not soon forget. The bathroom was in an annex, seldom visited by cleaning personnel, and after the last class of the day, one of the girls said something like "Well, I suppose that one toilet will be unusable for a month now." As I was alone in the building, I decided to have a look (normally, of course, I would never be in a women's restroom). Expecting to see a brown diarrheic mess, I was surprised to find a single fairly thick turd sticking up from the hole. It looked flushable, so I simply flushed it. Nothing happened; apparently the donor had flushed away the paper but had no luck with the turd. Both from curiosity and from a perhaps foolish desire to have that place cleaner, I decided to pull out that turd. Just in case, I laid down a layer of toilet paper on the floor. I went to the sink and slathered soap all over my hands, then went back, grabbed that turd, and pulled. Unbelievable! It must have been at least 18" long. I laid it on the toilet paper, somehow getting it on there in one piece, then folded more paper on it, lifted it in both hands, and found a trash receptacle that I knew would be emptied. Then I went to the men's room and washed my hands as thoroughly as I could, though I must say that having soaped them up before the operation helped.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

Nice to see you moms out there washing your hands after diaper changes to the kiddos. I may be a Thunderous Crapper but I always wash my hands in any bathroom after a good piss or a dump as well. Not only is it hygenic but in the words of Wilford Brimley Its the right thing to do! I think he said that I know hes the guy that always says You check your sugar and you check it often there isnt a reason NOT to.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

dookie monster's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This debate reminds me of the old joke:
a guy from Harvard and a guy from Yale happened to be in the same pissoir. After undamming his personal Charles River, the Harvard man went for the door. The Yalie, still draining his Skulls & Bone, sniffed, 'at Yale, we are taught to wash our hands!' Crimson replied, 'at Hahvid, we are taught to not piss on our hands!'

Ahh, those whimsical Ivy Leaguers...


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purveyor of the brown note...

purveyor of the brown note...

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

I like to sit when I piss cause I'm too lazy to stand plus I don't actually touch my willy. As far as poopin goes, it depends how messy the cleanup job is, clean wipe means no hand wash, but definantly if I get poo on my hands. I also believe constant exposure to germs and not taking all kinds of medicines leads to a strong immune system.

YES, I HAVE CLEAN HANDS!'s picture

I am in a public speaking class and was assigned a persuasive speech to do. After reading these comments, I believe I will do my speech on WHY YOU SHOULD WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER USING THE RESTROOM!!! My main points will be...
1. For your personal protection
2. For other's protection
3. It's just plain gross if you don't!

So thank all of you for the insight...
and remember cleanliness is next to...

Rectal Badger's picture
l 100+ points

Good to know I'm not alone on personal cleanliness...cheers to all of you!

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

RB and PdG - yes I do that too! And others I know!! It's logical - I've seen men coming out of the shitter and going straight to open the door without washing hands. I don't want their germs, thank you!!

Poo de Grace's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm guilty Rectal Badger! After washing my hands in a public restroom, I use a paper towel to open the door!

Geez...and I thought I was the only one.

Rectal Badger's picture
l 100+ points

GGG, we are on the same page. Do you also use a paper towel to open the doors of public restrooms after you've washed your hands? I do. I refuse to touch a germ-infested door after someone who is a non-washer.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points

O.K. the next time I go in for a physical, I'm going to ask my doctor to explain it to me, and I'll let y'all know what he says. (However, I'm not due for that until October)

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I wash my hands after I blow my nose. Furthermore, if the Kleenex comes out of a shared/public box, I throw away the first one and use the next one that pops up.

Why? Because of non-washing people who probably touched the one that's already popped up.

Rectal Badger's picture
l 100+ points

GottaGoGirl is right. It is disgusting not to wash one's hands after any sort of evacuation.

I am a habitual hand-washer, probably almost the the point of OCD. I even wash my hands after blowing my nose, something most people don't think twice about. That's all right though. I'd rather be a clean OCD freak than a germy, disgusting cess pool that gives other people all sorts of viruses or infections.

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

Laughing my ass-off at PDG!!! You have an awesome sense of humour. I will make sure if I ever meet turdfan I will not shake his hand but I will apologize for my flame.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Poo de Grace's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Let's not regress the species to simian poop flinging please. Didn't we stop that right after knuckle-dragging?

It does no good to hurl insults and judgements at and against one another. Nothing gets solved playing "Palastine & Israel." Everyone just ends up all covered in poo. If you want to change someones mind, speak softly. Reason with them. If they STILL don't respond, stab them in the jugular with a penknife. (Kidding!!!)

The only way the non-washers will accept that their behavior is hazardous is if something tragic happens like a serious staph infection, meningococcal meningitis or something life-threatening. Some people do not or will not change risky behavior until a serious malady befalls them or someone they love.

My point is everyone is on their own individual level of human development and evolutionary journey. The lesser developed require tolerance and understanding, not scorn and contempt.

To the hand washers, THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!! (Yes, I am somewhat a germaphobe and even use those anti-bacterial wipes for the grocery store carts because I know some people don't wash their hands.)

All we are saying...is give peace a chance.

OK...you can now all tell me to fuck off and chuck doo-doo at me. :-)