Which hand you wipe with

// 35 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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35 Comments on "Which hand you wipe with"

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points
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I'm left handed but I ALWAYS wipe with my right hand.
I do alot of things with my right hand though; throw darts, golf, masturbate......

Phillip DeCrapper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I wipe with my right hand, because I'm right handed. Doniker, why don't you just go ahead and write with your right hand also, then you wouldn't have to be a lefty.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
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Many kids were taught as children to do things with the right hand because it was thought to be abnormal to use your left hand in the fifties and even as late as the sixties. I have read so many stories about people who were beaten about the knuckles in school to not use their left hand. Thankfully, that's gone by the wayside and kids are allowed to us their dominant hand and side of brain.

I am a lefty who wipes with either hand, and I am pretty much ambidextrous except for writing, which I only do with my left hand. It helps to get along in this world to be able to do things right-handed as well as left-handed.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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I'm odd too. I write and wipe left handed, but I can do most things left handed. The only think I really can't do left handed is throw a ball or write. Other than that, either hand is good. Also, I've noticed my dominant typing hand is the left.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

the log of hazzard's picture
l 100+ points
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Very strange. More people in the world are righties and I heard somewhere it's rude to shake hands with your left hand because it is used for toilet purposeses, so I thought the most votes would got to "I'm a righty, wipe with left."

I'm a lefty and wipe left by the way.

Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

courtesy flush's picture
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I'm left handed and wipe left handed, do most things left handed but play stick sports right handed but play with myself left handed just in case you think whaking off is a sport. Courtesy F

sharty mcfly's picture
l 100+ points
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i'm righty and i wipe righty... that hand is just better at things which require a certain level of dexterity. i'm afraid if i wiped lefty i might get poo on my hand. the only thing the left hand is good for is guitar, and giving me the ability to use a video game controller, and holding beers or smokes, other then that it's rather useless

yours in time,

Sharty Mcfly

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points
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Righty who uses right. However I'm left footed.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

MajorityLeah's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I used to be completely ambidextrous, but then I broke my left wrist and it caused nerve damage. But, I can still wipe either way. =D

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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All righty--I'm a righty all the way. Except that since my bidet was installed, I find myself officially becoming a 'straddler.'

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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Actually, I use toilet paper, not my hand. Eeeewww! I can't resist a smartass answer.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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I'm ambidextrous and I wipe with whatever hand is closest to the toilet paper dispenser. In my current home, it's the right, but my previous home had it at the left. Every store, movie theater, restaurant, etc. is different, so I find myself using either or.

Don't worry, though. I wash my hands very well. :-)

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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DF - your comment worries me - are you also able to masturbate with your left hand and not able to masturbate with your left hand.

The voice of sanity

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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LOL Thunderbox. That was a typo. I do most things right handed but can use either hand if I so desire. And, to answer your question, I masturbate with either hand.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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Hey, now. This is Poop Report, not Masturbation World Weekly.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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Thunderbox brought it up. I prefer to talk about poop humor or, in the forums, non-poop-related flames. Masturbation is not one of my bigger topics.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

El Fartismo the Methane Powered Flamingo Dancer's picture
l 100+ points
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I am a righty. Butt when I had hand surgery on my right hand I was not prepared! Damn its hard to get use to the left handed wipe when you have used your right all your life. Things to think about before surgery.

No one is the same after I release my Methane!

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points
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I had a severely broken arm as a five year old and learned early on to write and wipe with both hands, but recently I've discovered something even better. You know those big spinning tops infants get, the ones with the big plunger on the top that you press down to get it spinning? Well, I put a slightly moistened towelette on the end, get that top moving at about 35,000rpm and then squat over it, not only is my ass wiped but it's buffed and shines like a diamond, and if I'm really lucky next time I go to crap that top'll still be spinning.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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That gave me a really bad mental picture, Bunga.

Don't worry, Double Flush. I'm not a moderator. Talk about whatever you want until a real mod tells you to quit it. lol.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
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I remember playing with tops on the kitchen floor. Boy do I miss them. I might have to make a trip to a toy department sometime.

Fart Poopie, while I do feel comfortable talking about anything, I still need to be wary of AssBlaster2000, Bunga Din, Dave, and other moderators.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I've never really thought of this. Usually I just wipe with whatever hand has easiest access to my ass. It can be either one. But, then, I'm ambidextrous, so, there you go.

_______
"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I'm ambidextrous but, when it comes to personal hygine, I am a rightie.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Bidetmentos's picture
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i'm lefty and when come to personal cleaning i prefer left hand even masturbate i use my left hand

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points
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I'm right handed and wipe left handed through my legs. I think because of the structure of your hand, if you wipe from the back, it would probably be easier with your right hand. That's just a guess however.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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The muslims wipe with their left hands with sand or leaves in the desert! to this day!!! heathen bastards!

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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i'm a lefty and wipe lefty. i sprained my left elbow a little over a month ago, and for next week or two i couldn't wipe with my left hand. wiping with the opposite hand was definitely tough for me. it might not have been if i'd been switching back and forth before that, but when you get used to doing something a certain way your whole life (especially if it involves your dominant hand), and then have to do it the opposite way, it's not easy. it's not much different from trying to write with the wrong hand.

oh, and lefties rule.

_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I'm righty, wipe righty, but have had to wipe with my left hand holding the paper a few times. It's not easy; quite slow; but I can do it at need. It certainly feels better and cleaner with my right-handed delivery, though, and I certainly prefer it.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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I'm righthanded, and I can't do anything lefthanded, so I always wipe with my right. I've never even tried wiping lefthanded, so I guess I better hope nothing ever happens to my right hand.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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Righty/Righty. If you ever see me walking down the street and my right arm is in a sling, you'd best keep your distance.

Bare Cheek Jon's picture
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To answer the question, I wipe with my right hand
But please read this: 'PoopReport.com is rooted in mutuality because it celebrates the universality of poop.' (FAQ) This is virtually a 'mission statement'.
Yet on 12.21.2007 there was a comment (by 'Anonymous Coward') that 'The muslims wipe with their left hands with sand or leaves in the desert! to this day!!! heathen bastards!' The Muslim wiping technique originated in the social conditions of hot countries, and is to do with cleanliness and hygiene. What is wrong with that? There is ignorance also. Where, apart from oases are there leaves in the desert? The word ‘heathen’ denotes those not belonging to the Jewish, Christian or Muslim religions. And the word ‘bastard’ is inappropriate in more ways than one.
Among my close friends at school is a Muslim from a liberal family, just as my friend Dominic and I are from liberal Christian families. One thing which Muslim boys do in our school in the mornings, is shake hands with one another. Dominic and I, and several other Christian boys, and a Jewish boy also, are included in this ritual (as well as one or two teachers) - perhaps we are almost 'honorary Muslims'. Several years ago, our biology teacher - always one for basic language - told us that germs can be caught in finger nails after you have wiped your bottom. If I have gone to school early, eg given a lift by parents on their way to work, I often 'drop-trou' in the school bogs. I carry a toilet bag with soap and a nail brush in my school-bag, even though I keep my nails short. My Muslim friends know this, and have no difficulty about giving me their hand when we meet.
We have now virtually left school, and await exam results to see if we are accepted at university, and Dominic, Rafiq and I are unwinding, and going for one or two hill walks. Rafiq has taken a liking to this activity, which not many Muslims seem to do. (Some have experienced racist taunts.) I now do one or two jobs for my parents after they have gone early to work - they have kept me for nothing all these years, and it's also a way of learning adult responsibilities for myself. My body clock was reminding me that it was time to live up to my PoopReport Name. I had just torn off some paper from the roll to apply to the soiled area, when there was a knock on the door. Rafiq is always punctual, and sometimes a bit early. There was nothing untoward on my hands, but even so, I took some more paper downstairs with me, to put round the door handle. I shouted 'Coming, Raf,' and he replied 'No problem, Jonny'.
I pulled my jeans and underpants up to my thighs - he was in the porch, so no one outside would see me. I opened the door with some paper round the handle. 'Don't shake hands yet - I'm about to wipe my bottom.'. It was quite hot, and I invited him to make himself a cool drink from the fridge - and he offered to make one for me also, and waited until we could drink it together. I resumed the activity I had suspended, checking that my underpants were still OK, washed my hands and scrubbed my nails. My right hand went into his, and we finished our drink, and I put the glasses in the dish-washer. We both relieved ourselves at the standing position before we went to collect Dominic (‘Better safe than sorry’) I told Dominic of the semi-humorous incident a few minutes before, and we all laughed together, and started our walk.

Mr. Dingle the strong's picture
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I'm a righty but I wipe with my left. I also wash my back in the shower with my left. I usually jack-off lefty but sometimes I'll use my right for different techniques or maybe both at the sametime. I write right handed. I operate the touch screen on my itouch with the right (I'm using itouch right now to type this) yeah I do most things righty. My left only does the dirty jobs.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points
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Most days I wipe with the hand that has the wadded up toilet paper in it. I'd rather not talk about the other days.

Sitting Wiper's picture
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My elder son slipped during the awful British weather last winter, and fell on his right hand. It wasn't broken but very badly sprained, and, as he (and all in our family) are right-handed, he needed help with certain intimate activities.

He didn't want his mum or myself to be involved, but was prepared to accept his younger brother's volunteering when he said 'You wiped mine plenty when I was younger.' But it was a lesson to all of us to learn to wipe with the other hand when necessary.

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points
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I’m a righty and I wipe righty.

I had never considered the ‘toilet hand’ etiquette until one day in my early twenties when my friend Charlie, a Kenyan tribesman, offered to cook something for me called ‘ugali’ (or some such name). It was essentially a big bowl of mung beans, which one scooped up with thumb-moulded pieces of polenta-like dough. Absolutely delicious, and pretty much what he and his family lived on throughout their whole lives. Well, when food was plentiful anyway, which it sometimes wasn’t. It’s splendidly social too, sitting on the floor, sharing a meal by all just diving in with our bare hands and wolfing it with no pretence of table manners, all laughing and gorging together. #

However, as I nursed my swollen belly and burped contentedly, I shifted position so that I could support myself leaning on my right arm, and reached with my left hand towards the last remaining bits of dough. Charlie suddenly grabbed my wrist and snapped his gaze upon me with a look of first shock, then a smile of amusement as he the others around the pot chuckled in Swahili and for a moment I thought that I’d somehow done something offensive by going for one of the leftover bits of ugali. I don’t know, maybe it’s bad manners to go back for seconds or something, but then his missus Ammie, a lovably unladylike Kiwi, cackled in English that I’d used the wrong hand. I looked at her bewildered until Charlie, whose dazzling white smile could light up a room, responded ever-so-charmingly that nobody eats with the left hand because it was the ‘toilet hand’, and if a stranger eating with them was left handed, they would normally say so at the start of the meal so that people who didn’t know wouldn’t think the worst.

I was rather amused at this revelation and he admitted that they knew that I was perfectly hygienic and had clean hands, but it was just a hard habit to get out of. Ammie then diplomatically added that it was something she had to deal with early in their relationship. She had to train herself to wipe with her left hand until it became second-nature, ‘so that Charlie wouldn’t fucking moan’. I didn’t really think it was an appropriate time to tell him that I wipe with my right hand too and for the last hour I’d been tearing off chunks of dough and scooping out fingerfulls of mung beans with the same hand that I wipe my arse with. Ammie looked at me from the side on, and something in the urgency of her expression told me that she could see what I was thinking and for God’s sake shut up or change the subject. I didn’t need telling.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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I am a lefty and I both eat and wipe my ass with my left hand. I visit a Filipino friend frequently for Filipino feasts and all the people that are there eat with their fingers rather than using utensils. I am always given a fork but next time I go I think I shall ask what the correct protocol is in that country for eating vs butt wiping.


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!