Your biggest urinal pet peeve is

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40 Comments on "Your biggest urinal pet peeve is"

Fecal Follies's picture
l 100+ points
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Hey look! My first first comment!

As a female I really can't make meaningful comments on urinals.

My vote went for pubic hair though. Urgh. Blech.


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GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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While not a urinal user myself, I do occasionally have to clean one at work. I'd have to say "food" would be the grossest thing to find in there. That's just sick and wrong!

Recto Magnifico's picture
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I'm glad #3 is on the list. I've always taken the opportunity to de-thatch when I'm at the urinal, usually grabbing a fistfull of pubes and yanking for all I'm worth, then scattering them around the drain. Makes me feel fresh on a hot day...
Kidding!
I believe we've seen this topic discussed before, haven't we? I mean, the whole notion of things found in urinals, including the stories of several different people regarding using urinals for taking a crap when desperation overcomes discretion?
I don't really care if there's a little garbage, hair, whatever in the urinal, but where I work we had a guy from one of the other office suites who pissed ON the urinal, all over the top and down the sides onto the floor. We all knew who he was, and the various signs we put up near the urinal got more and more graphic regarding what we'd do if we caught him at it. I mean, I really didn't enjoy going back to my office knowing that the soles of my shoes were probably gummed up with stale piss. For whatever reason, the guy stopped doing it, and I can only hope it's because he grew a conscience.
When I worked in a bar a long time ago, we had a guy in a wheelchair who loved to drink beer for hours. At the end of the night, one of the maintenance guys would have to go in and remove a pile of the guy's full disposable catheter bags. He said some of them were still warm each time he picked them up. That still makes me want to heave when I think of it. I could never be a nurse!


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shitwit's picture
k 500+ points
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As a female I can also exclude myself from voting here, but I have cleaned urinals in various jobs I've held over the years. Food in the urinal gets my proverbial vote. That's just wrong. If you can't hold it with both hands and aim it at the right spot then you risk getting piss all over the place (including on your food). Maybe that's why the food gets tossed in the urinal..... maybe that's where the term urinal cake came from? EEEWWWWW!!!!


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healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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There should be an all of the above option in this poll.

I never use urinals. 99% of them are filthy, gross, and disgusting.

Give me a good ol' toilet any day.
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Proud to be peeing trucker's picture
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I have several. The first I just observed yesterday at an I-95 reststop: boy, about 4 or 5, sweats and pants all the way down to his ankles, his future johnson not quite reaching down to the bowl but rather being partially submerged. The second I observed just last week: a father at the urinal, peeing with one hand on the flusher, the other gestering to his young daughter crying in the stall because she's afraid to close the door and do her thing in private, while he loses aim and starts blasting over the side of the urinal. Earlier this month, a Dr. Pepper can in the urinal which luckily I saw before I got a boomerrang shower (and it hurts to shut off after about three seconds of activity. Thanksgiving weekend near Kansas City: a couple of high school-age boys and their dates clowning around in the mens rest stop: they were out and about to pee in the sink when I walked in at 1 a.m. in the morning. This might have been intended as a turn-on for their dates. Finally, everytime I choose a stall and lift the seat to go because of the condition of the urinals.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points
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I voted for gum in the urinal. It makes it taste funny.

Pucker Up's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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Being female, I don't encounter many urinals. But why would anyone bring food into the bathroom? And put it in the urinal? Eck.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I cannot use a urinal that is stopped up so much that the pee accumulates as a vile-smelling, yellow pond. Doesn't matter whether cigarette butts, gum or something unmentionable has stopped it up. I'd go to the nearest stall if that was the only urinal available. Yuk!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I had to comment on this poll considering public toilet use since I have never used an actual urinal. Pubic hair by far is the most disgusting! However, guys, please feel lucky that you never walk into a public urinal and discover someone has left a super absobent, overnight, winged pad after a heavy flow day in the bowl. I have seen that once and it was not pretty!

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Pantload's picture
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I like cigarettes in the urinal. They're fun to blast apart with the stream from the one-eyed wonder worm. I went with the guy choosing the urinal next to you when there's another choice. Usually in restaurants there's only one or two and there's no choice. The exceptions are usually airports, staduims, or resorts.


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What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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I asked my husband what 'urinal pet peeve' he has and, before I could read out the options, he said one word.

"Gum."

SamDamnit's picture
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I find it interesting that 49 % chose the one about guys taking the adjacent urinal, but there are no comments on it. Hmmmmmmm.
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Kimbotron's picture
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Well, this may not count as a pet peeve as it has only happened to me once, thankfully. I work in a bar, and have had to deal with myriad urinal issues. The WORST ever was a fist-sized blood clot laying on the drain. I had to glove up and remove it manually. I nearly fainted.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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I voted that way, Sam, and I'll tell you why...I'm tired of everyone asking if I need a hand with that thing.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Kimbotron:

You win.

Hands (covered in plastic) down.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I would have to agree with TSV. I'd be totally unprepared to see a used tampon in a toilet or any other facility.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Shaken, and stirred's picture
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Kimbotron, usually I can take just about any image, but I've had the flu or something today, and when I read your post I felt my stomach heave. Not blaming you, but the mental picture of a huge blood clot really made me...... made me.....

Josh's picture
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This happened last year at Robertson Field House at Bradley University. Large basketball crowd. Halftime. I walk into the mens room behind a father and his son--probably kindergarten or first grade. Dad tries to coax son into stall to pee; boy insists on using urinal on own. Dad tells son to remain at urinal until he gets done taking his shit in the stall. Within about two minutes, the kid drops his sweats and underwear all the way, pulls up his pecker but has to stand on his toes and drape it over the bowl to get it in the basin. I look at the rather gross and unsanitary scenario developing because the previous user (another child) didn't flish). Finally, the boy stands up even higher on his toes to flush and flushes three times in sucession, overflowing the bowl and initially onto him before I push his back and out of the way. He's scared and my first inclination is to work on pulling his underwear and sweats up until his father comes out to get him. When dad comes out finally, he's cursing that his flusher didn't work, the seat was cold (what do you expect in January in Peoria!) and that they were going to miss the 2nd half tipoff. Also, my left Hush Puppy was drenched. I think I'd better take a stall next time.

Shocked's picture
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A couple things, Josh:
1. You were going to pull up some kid's underwear? Are you looking to get arrested or something?
2. You wear Hush Puppies? Getting one of them soaked with piss was god's way of telling you that ever since Mr. Rogers died not one person has owned - or admitted wearing - those shoes.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Ah, Kimbotron! That's disgusting! Great, and I just ate Spaghetti-Os and franks a minute ago. Looks like it's coming back up!

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Disgusted by Wienies and O's's picture
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Volcano: You deserve it. I mean, eating Spaghetti-O's and franks? And you're grossed out by a blood clot in a urinal. Wow! Dinner at your house has just been checked off my to-do list!

Best Regards,
Beans and Franks Purist

Kailyn's picture
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Although I'm female and single, I see nothing wrong with Josh helping the little boy. The boy was bound to be frustrated and embarrassed and obviously his dad is distracted off in his own stall. I FEEL FOR THE BOY! What's wrong with pulling him away from the urinal since there's water gushing out and keeping his hands off the flusher so as not to make the situation worse? He's exposing a lot more than he needs to in a large public facility. What's wrong with pulling his pants up and trying to cut off the embarrassment he must be feeling. I FEEL FOR HIM. IF ANYONE IS HELD RESPONSIBLE IT SHOULD BE HIS DAD! I can still remember some 25 years ago when I was that age and at the Barnum and Bailey circus. My mom wanted me to go into a stall with her but I insisted that I could go in on my own since I was already doing it on my own in grade school. Big difference: the stools were higher, the lines were long and I got spooked when I sat down and the loose seat (what kid would think of this!) moved on me. I ended up trying to get off from the front and thereby peeing over the front and into my sweats and panties. I started to cry when I looked and there was no toilet paper on the roll. Luckily, I opened the door and my mom was there to help me. How long was the little boy expected to wait while his dad was tending to his own business? Josh was right in what he did. If that was my son at the urinal, I would be commending rather than condemming the help.

Recto Magnifico's picture
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Kailyn, every well-intended person these days has to consider the legal ramificaitons of what they do. If someone catches an adult male touching someone else's little boy whose pants are down, no matter how innocent the actual circumstances, risks getting busted or sued. Or having the boy's father emerge from the stall and get the wrong impression, which could lead to a nice bathroom brawl.
The little kid would sooner get over a little urinal flooding than witnessing his father go apeshit or have a stranger grabbing his pants while he's exposed. I don't know what the best thing to do in that situation might have been, but you learn to keep your hands off other people's kids if it's not life or death.
Sorry, but the days of being a good samaritan in a case like this might be gone. I sure wouldn't step in if all that was happening is a kid's shoes are getting soaked and the bathroom floor is getting flooded, unless it would be to say, "Hey, kid, let go of the handle." I'm kind of paranoid about this stuff, I guess.

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Livin' La Vida Caca!

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GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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I agree with Recto; you can't be too careful nowadays. The best thing he could have done is maybe tell the kid (loud enough so the dad would hear), "Hey, scoot back, buddy! That urinal is pretty gross; you don't want to touch it! Where's Dad? He should probably help you! Dad? Dad??..." etc...

Urinal Blogger's picture
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Like Josh, I too frequently see boys--some as young as three or four--tryng to use the urinal. All too often there is no parent in sight. Parents don't stop to think that when they watch their son pee easilyinto a toilet, the toilet is several inches lower than the average urinal. A boy can drop his pants and fully expose himself because there's a door protecting him. While some public bathrooms have one or two urinals for the very small that are similar to the bowl at ground level ones seen in elementary schools, so many of these young boys are just TOO YOUNG to notice them. Also, there's this stigma that you want to go like the bigger boys and dad do. As Josh says, I've seen young boys unsupervised with their penis over the bowl and sometimes in the bowl and they are holding it down so as not to splash their urine. At the airport in Chicago I was behind a boy that had to go bad but had his penis out of control and he tried to manipulate his zipper and underwear. Luckily, I was behind him and didn't get splattered. Finally, I helped him get it tucked back in, his zipper up and I took him over to wash his hands. He was six and in the large bathroom all alone; when I brought him out his mother was sitting nearby in a boarding area chair reading a novel. Although she thanked me, she seemed unconcerned that he had had an accident. When I suggested to her since they were traveling alone that she take him into the ladies room, she scoffed at that saying he was too old and she wanted him to identify with his gender. Then I went back and got in line for what I had originally intended: a final pee before my flight to NYC. Being single, I don't know what the rule-of-thumb is concerning parental supervision in public restrooms but I do know that more supervision is necessary. The responsibility falls with the parent.

Sports Fanatic's picture
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I can count on one hand the number of times I have pooped in the past several months in public places (with the exception of the manufacturing plant that I work at). However, as a sports fan, I go to a lot of stadium and arena contests and I can easily corroborate what Josh observed. Too many young boys are in these large bathrooms unsupervised!
A pet peeve of mine is when fathers bring in young daughters. Some seem almost too old (perhaps 8 or 9) to be in there. I've been peeing next to a man only to have his daughter right next to us looking over our "activity." One a couple of occasions, I've moved several urinals down the line because it just bugs me. I feel the girls should be immediately channeled into a stall and stay in that stall until their father is done. Also, some of the field houses especially at some colleges have doorless stalls and I don't think those taking a crap want to be an attraction for a young lady with curiosity. On one occasion, I saw a girl go towards a stall, see a guy sitting with his pants down, and then go running out. Dad didn't even get his urine started before he had to run out after her. It is my belief that girls, and only if they absolutely must come into a mens room, must be given very limited privileges and, of course, fully supervised. From the earlier postings, it seems that the latter is often missing!

Fanatic Father's picture
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My question for Sports Fanatic is what do I do when I'm out in a public place--often at a pro basketball or hockey game--with my 5 & 6 year old daughters and a bathroom is needed? When I bring them into the mens rooms with me I encourage them to go into the first available stalls and do their thing. I choose a urinal as close to them as possible. DOESN'T WORK. Just two weeks ago at a NBA game I had to shit, and for the three or four minutes I was in the stall (after 10 minutes we were in line waiting)they had to wait just outside the stall for me. With a couple dozen urinals on the opposite side of the room, and orders to face the stalls, they still received some dirty looks and negative comments. It didn't help that on three stalls down there were no doors and two boys about their age were on the stool. In walking in we passed an open stall and there was a man on the stool. When I got done, my oldest went in the stall first and then my youngest used it. Both seemed rather flustered at the amount of time we had to spend in the bathroom. We even had to stand in line for a couple of minutes to wash our hands. As we were leaving from one of the stalls came the comment "get those bitches out of here!" I'm a single parent raising two girls who, like me, enjoy athletic events. What options do I have?

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
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Buy an extra ticket for a female babysitter.

Ronnie's picture
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Like Fanatic Father's daughters, I was raised by a single male parent. I have horrendous memories of 20 years ago when I was about five being forced to go into the mens rooms with my father. There were some guys that gave me dirty looks as my dad would take me past the urinals--the line seemed very long to me and as much as possible I tried not to look directly at the guys doing their thing at the urinals. However, occasionally one would be standing back a little farther than the others and more easily expose part of his penis in his hand. Dad would always take me into the nearest toilet stall and I would stay in there until he did his thing in the adjacent stall. Most of the time I would sit down and pee and I was pretty independent about doing that, although sometimes when we were in really, really big restrooms he would pull off some toilet paper and ask me to wipe off the seat before sitting down. It wasn't a bad idea because on several occasions the seat would be partially or fully wet because guys would simply pee without lifting it first. It wasn't surprising when I got into school, especially middle school, and found even more of the seats were wet from girls peeing without sitting down. I remember one time taking a crap at Adventureland and then finding there was no toilet paper. I should have checked first and Dad kept taking me in for a few months past my 7th birthday because of that mistake. I learned, though and became much more independent when he finally let me go into the ladies room alone. Outside of one case where I forgot to latch the door and a mean lady barged in on me and cussed me out for spending too much time on the stool (she didn't view constipation as an excuse) and all but threw me out, causing me to cry and run for Dad in the arena lobby, he was protective of me and for that I'm grateful. As for the guys at the urinals, I say GET OVER THE ATTITUDE!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I raised three daughters within the age range of five years of each other. At places such as airports, civic arenas, ball parks and even interstate rest areas, I would simply stand with them near the door of the ladies room and kindly ask a teenage girl or woman going in if she would take them in and watch out for them. They were to stay together, use adjacent stalls, wash their hands and come out together. They were not to talk to other strangers or go wandering off. I was especially worried about the latter because if I was to take them into the mens rooms, they would have had some situations with 25 or 30 stalls and easily 40 or 50 urinals--and sometimes on the opposite sides of the room. The only problem occured when my middle daughter, who was about seven at the time, had a stool in her pants because she couldn't get a stall door open after her sisters were in the two adjacent stalls. The latch had been tampered with. Unfortunately the teenager who was supposed to be looking out for them was on the stool a few stalls down and didn't learn about the predicament until it was too late. However, my point is that there are alternatives to parading girls past urinals in large mens rooms and they worked for me and my children.

Mari Anne's picture
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Like Ronnie, I was largely raised by my dad after my parents divorced and, yes, I remember having to/actually WANTING TO use the mens rooms because the ladies rooms with the large stools, long lines and weird things that I later found out to be the toilet seat covers were just too scarey for me.

It was traumatic for me back in 1983 when I was six and dad tried to ween me off being too dependent on him. He would take me to the door of the ladies room at places such as Wrigley Field and our civic arena and offer to stand there and wait for me. He didn't have to wait long! I would always come running back with some kind of tale: a) a toilet was overflowing and there was water all over the floor; b) the door was latched on several stalls and I couldn't get into one; c) there was this mean lady who kept pounding on my door and wanting in; d) the lines were too long and I had to pee right now! The latter worked several times, but put pressure on me to "produce" immediately when he took me into the mens room. Once, at an airport (I think it was Reagan) I had lied to get him to take me in, and although I was only on the stool for a couple of minutes, when I came out I was completely disoriented as to which way we had come in--there looked to be miles of stalls and urinals and the place was really packed but I couldn't find the wash sinks. I eventually found them by going completely through the room and around to the other side where there were more stalls and several dozen sinks. As I dutifully washed my hands, I got to thinking about where my dad could be. I backtracked to the stall I had used and could find him no where--even after making a second trip through the crowd on the other side of the room. He had always taught me if I got lost to stay in one place and wait and I did right by the stall I had used. Suddenly, the door in the stall just next to the one I had used opened, and there he was! And that's where I learned that a Number 2 is going to take longer than a Number l.

Yes, I saw some guys peeing at the urinals, but I was especially grossed out by the ones crapping in the a few of the open stalls--I just could never see myself being in that position. And occasionally they would have their pants all the way down at the floor...that was gross!

Within a year--and through experience at school and when I was out with my friend's families--I got more confidence in myself and going in alone became no problem. It took me a few extra years, however, to check to make sure there was toilet paper on the roll before I committed to a stall and sat down. At about 12 I started using the toilet seat protectors when they were available. I just wish more public restrooms would have them. My son is 4 and I especially like Wal-Mart for that purpose. While pooping and peeing in public bathrooms may have shameless objectives, it sure can be traumatic and something remembered almost 25 years after the fact.

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points
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This doesn't really qualify but one of the things that grosses me out is these tools that put snot at eye level in front of a urinal. This is not as uncommon as you would think, one of the bars I used to frequent had some regular there every day that would leave a big fucking greener right at eye level over the only urinal, the place was cleaned every day but by 8pm every night there would be this disgusting hunk of snot there for all to see. I vowed if I ever caught the fucker I would out him (he must have been a regular too) and I'm sure he would have been given the heave ho.

juan's picture
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this happened today, i was at the last urinal in the bathroom, and this guy that hates me was in there and he told his friend he had to pee he cam right up next to me and held himself pretending to pee, and made fun of me for being uncircumcised

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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Juan, you should have peed on his shoes.

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points
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pubic hair what the fuck did someone have a gardner come in while they were pissing and trim there hair into some ornamental shape like a hedge

Hairy Pecker's picture
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I prefer a clean urinal, as most of us do. I also try to leave it clean but sometimes while I'm getting my equipment out of my pants a hair will fall onto the urinal or sometimes while I'm peeing I'mm notice a loose hair or two on the end of my shaft so I reach for them and try to fling them into the bowl but sometimes they land on the lip of the urinal where they will not flush. I leave them there, I'm not about to touch the urinal just to remove a stray hair!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points
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What does a urinal have to do with poop? This is a poop site, right?

Although there have been a couple times I swear I've seen what looked like poop in a urinal.

turd turdgutson's picture
l 100+ points
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My biggest pet peeve are the imbeciles who take gargantuan dumps in urirnals not designed to accommodate solid waste. Apparently this is a big fad in Europe, as I've caught more than a few foreigners at the local amusement park pinching off grogans in the standers, oblivious to the horrified stares of the folks around them.

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Anonymous's picture
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i hate little boys in the restroom who can't reach the urinals!!! they pull there pants the whole way down, bare assed and their penis hardly reaches the bowl. once i was in a stadium restroom, really big and this kid and his dad come next to me at the urinal but then the dad goes into the stall and leaves the kid telling him to do his business. he pees all over the floor and then starts running away still peeing, pants down and falls. the dad eventually comes out and starts giving out to him and this guy who tried to help him. Little boys should be made use stalls