poopreport : Pooetry :

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The Big Release

Posted 04.04.2005 by Adam Lazarus (20)
He runs to find a clean commode,
For he must lighten up his load.
Innards heavy from the day,
A brown egg bomb this hen will lay.

Greasy tacos take their toll,
As eager cheeks consume the bowl.
For one brief moment he's at peace,
Waiting for the big release.

Minutes pass and so does gas.
Pain starts building in his ass.
Then his insides start to churn,
Stomach pain begins to burn.
He is ready for the worst.
Suddenly, the damn has burst,
Like lava flowing from his rear.
He prays the end is almost near.

Writhing there upon the pot,
Excreting every thing he's got.
Sounds and odors never known,
Make him wince and curse and moan.
A second squeeze unleashes death,
Stinking worse than Satan's breath.
Trapped inside his fecal hell,
He flushes once to clear the smell.

Here it comes, the second wave.
He prays the Lord his butt to save!
One last push should do the trick.
And rid him from this mess and sick.
He shuts his eyes and strains his brow.
For he must end it here and now.
Then a surge of rectal clout,
That Zeus himself could never spout!

Spewing forth from in his bowels,
(Careful not to splash the towels.)
Out it comes -- a chocolate river!
Then, a sigh and tiny shiver.

The pain is gone. The bowl is filled.
One more drop and it'd be spilled.
The ordeal's over. Now he's tired
From the torment just transpired.

Before he can get out of there,
He must wipe clean his derri�re.
Standing, though his knees are weak,
He turns around to take a peak.
The toilet's dark. The air is ripe,
It's time to leave, so he must wipe.
But now he'll face the toughest issue,
For he is out of toilet tissue.



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RB & H (not verified) -- 04.04.2005

"Then, a sigh and tiny shiver." Poetic genius.

thepoopman (not verified) -- 04.04.2005

nice

Slopjockey (not verified) -- 04.04.2005

Oh my God! That's awesome!!! Bravo! Author! Author!!!

SamDamnit (1192) -- 04.04.2005

*sniff* That was beautiful. The ending was so tragic and sad.

gp (not verified) -- 04.04.2005

fantastic magnificent you should go professional how long did it take

fullofsht (not verified) -- 04.04.2005

great!

The Shit Volcano (3741) -- 04.04.2005

OMG! That one had me laughing at the end!

paradise pooper (not verified) -- 04.04.2005

far and away the best i have read on PR yet.

bigintestinedgirl (not verified) -- 04.04.2005

that was some quite amazing pootry.....it had me near tears

abcpooper (not verified) -- 04.05.2005

poop like lava! LOL!!!!

ThreePly (not verified) -- 04.05.2005

Son of a Bitch that was great!

Slim Jim Junkie (not verified) -- 04.06.2005

Way funnier than the nearest poopreport articles added together.

Awesome! you should frame this and hang it in front of your crapper.

p (not verified) -- 04.06.2005

That was beautiful! I'm printing this now to post near my toilet. Thanks for sharing your art.

Ryan Swain (not verified) -- 04.22.2005

Adam, keep 'em coming. You are like Jordan on the court.

Instant cacas gonna get you (not verified) -- 04.28.2005

Emily Dickinson would be in tears. I SMELL a publishing deal!

Chris (56) -- 06.06.2005

I think this is the best and funniest poem i've ever read. I am printing this and showing everyone.

Poop (not verified) -- 06.13.2005

That brought tears to my eyes. It was soooo beautiful.

Serge (not verified) -- 06.19.2005

Absolutely fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whopadilly Flipflop (not verified) -- 07.15.2005

Truly inspiring. A magnificent work of poo-related genius.

aid (not verified) -- 08.11.2005

I just happened to stumble over this amazing poem, but found a few errors, I dont care if you care, but here they are anyway. "Damn" should just be Dam. And Derriere is spelt like that.

deirdre (not verified) -- 08.18.2005

Marry me.

shepoop (not verified) -- 08.27.2005

aid: if you're going to spell check other's work, you might want to check your own. spelled, not spelt

doodooapoopoo (not verified) -- 09.04.2005

gutbusting stool riviting humor.

Dylan James Wiley (not verified) -- 11.19.2005

Amazing, absolutely amazing!!

ToughShit (1) -- 12.04.2005

Nice1 m8 that was kewl

Bunghole In the... (432) -- 04.02.2006

'Then a surge of rectal clout,
That Zeus himself could never spout!'

Sheer magic. Adam, might you be a promising protege studying under none other than the most excellent George Eliot Butterz? Keep them coming.

The Dumpster (2506) -- 04.02.2006

I never saw this post before,
And now I'm rolling on the floor.
Thank you, Bunghole, for being led
To raise this Lazarus from the dead!

Lame comment! -1 point
Jamie C (5) -- 05.03.2006


_______
faece out!

Poopgirl (77) -- 06.24.2006


He found out that he had no TP after a giant diarrheic blast?! What a ripoff.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 09.27.2006

Should be titled "Stopping by shitter after bad dinner"

healthy 1 (1423) -- 11.23.2006

Very original . I was cracking up, loved the ending.
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 04.26.2007

boohoo very sad

Chuck (284) -- 04.26.2007

I can see this poem read in a coffee shop, the poet wearing a beret, bongos lightly tapped, snapping fingers indicating applause, gentle smoke wafting from pretentious clove cigarettes... .

The Thunderous ... (660) -- 04.27.2007


_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

The Thunderous ... (660) -- 04.27.2007

my god we have a poet laurete here excellent work my friend.br>_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Anomalous Coward (690) -- 04.27.2007

"A second squeeze unleashes death,
Stinking worse than Satan's breath"

Hotdamn that theres a purty word picher.

Nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

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