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A Christmas Poem

Posted 12.24.2007 by prarie doggin (3866)
'Twas the night before Christmas, and there on the can
Sat a drunken, dejected, poopless old man.
The Ex-Lax had been taken hours before bed
In hopes that the turtle would rear his brown head.

Then up from the bowl there arose such a splatter!
I sprang from the seat to see what was the matter!
And what to my wondering eyes should appear
but a brown fecal flounder swimming in recycled beer.

"At last I have shit!" I screamed at the wall.
Then flush away, flush away, flush away all.
I could now settle down to a long winter's nap.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good crap.

DungDaddy (1461) -- 12.24.2007

Not bad at all. I think, though, you should have covered more of the original.

prarie doggin (3866) -- 12.24.2007

I was under pressure, so to speak. I will try for complete version for next year. Or maybe a new poem altogether.

The Thunderous ... (741) -- 12.24.2007

Its a good start there prairie I think adding to it next year is a fine idea. Make a note of it. I enjoyed this. To all my friends at PR a very blessed unconstipated holiday. Make that post holiday dump one to remember!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

CC (not verified) -- 12.24.2007

A Poolitzer Prize may be in your future.Breaking news has just come into Poop Report.Santa was denied the use of a bathroom in Staten Island,New York and did the unthinkable.Santa was taken into custody and charged with Turd Terrorism.Officers from the 122nd Precinct had to leave Dunkin'Donuts and take Santa into custody after a family would not let Mr.Claus use their bathroom.Santa responded by deficating down their chimney.Santa would only say,''Ho!Ho!Ho! I had to go!''

daphne (4391) -- 12.24.2007

Merry Christmas, Prairie! May you toilet be full of huge, flushable floaters and your cleanup be minimal.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bunga Din (1238) -- 12.24.2007

Well done prarie doggin, this pressure you were under obviously was exacerbated by the beer. Looking forward to next years in stall ment.

MSG (1142) -- 12.25.2007

Had diarrhea one day--then the next,
Nothing at all. I ate some shredded wheat,
Some veggies, popcorn, and of course some meat,
But still no poop, and I was sore perplexed.
The second morning--no poop--I was vexed.
I ate some spicy foods to get some heat
To roil my gut. The pressure came. I beat
A retreat to the bathroom. Rectum flexed.

Upon the seat, I slowly pushed. A turd
Began its tardy exit from my ass.
I grunted--I could hardly say a word.
'Twas stubborn, but I slowly made it pass.
Kaplunk! it splashed, then I could feel another
Ease forth, and loudly splash to join its brother.

This was a sonnet, of sorts. If it meets approval, I could probably do more.
Corrected scansion in last line.

prarie doggin (3866) -- 12.25.2007

(shrieking voice) There are a million things that need to be done around here, and you're on the shitter writing poems! My mother was right. I should have married that car salesman.

Mrs. PD

Deja Poo (966) -- 12.25.2007

Bravo, P Doggin! I thought the poem was wonderful and hilarious. It sounded the the brown note I needed to hear in order to get me through this day.

And to Mrs. PD, be thankful for a husband who writes about crap and thinks about sex instead of a husband who spends all day trying to convince people that his 4-wheeled piece of crap is better than sex.
_______
Merry Christmas to all!

Mary Queen of Scats (389) -- 12.26.2007

Definitely a good start, but I think it should be longer too.

_______
Merry feeking Christmas and a crappy New Year to all!

prarie doggin (3866) -- 12.26.2007

Both the poem, and the turd!

poker room (not verified) -- 12.20.2008

Wow, this month the chritmas is coming and it's nice to visit this blog. I will tell the poem at my Christmas celebration this year.

Bilgepump (2747) -- 12.20.2008

Where's the fucking promised follow up to this, PD??? Worthless, inept layabout...get busy!!!! (no, I'm not talking to myself, I"m much harsher on me...and ignore me much more often.)
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

prarie doggin (3866) -- 12.20.2008

Bilge, due to the outright cruel and mean comments made about my poem on this thread, I slashed my wrists out of self pity. The good news is that I survived, however my ability to compose is severely limited. I plan to wallow in self imposed depression until next Christmas when things may be better. Either that or I'll go skiing.

Bilgepump (2747) -- 12.20.2008

Well, ok, then...you're excused, this time. I'll need to see a doctor's note next year should you fall short of my expectations again.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

prarie doggin (3866) -- 12.20.2008

I have started a new one, however due to the late release of my third "ode", I was unable to complete it to my exacting standards. I promise to deliver something that will set Christmas back to the stone age.

Mrs. Mad Crapper (1017) -- 12.23.2008

I always look forward to your little ditties pd. I did something similar to this but I didn't realize you had done one till I submitted mine.anywho Merry Christmas and a Happy Poo Year!
_______
Oops I did it again, I shit when I fart, I crapped in my pants.

prarie doggin (3866) -- 12.23.2008

Mrs. MC, You will be hearing from my law firm Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe.

Merry and Happy to you and to all PR's and their families, and loved ones.

Russell (335) -- 03.25.2009

Shit makes me laugh my ass Off, or my ass out

athenivanidx (104) -- 10.01.2009

Russell: You're multitalented! You laugh your ass off and laugh your shit out at the same time. I can do this too.........finally, a bit of multitasking than I can actually DOO!

Seriously I'm crap (pun not intended) at multitasking.......

Now I could be multivariate if I wanted to be.

The Integral......(univariate for now.)

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