Deep into the night ‘m peering, long I sat there farting, fearing
Doubting, as my gut kept churning, only then to churn some more
The silence constantly broken, and the stillness gave no token
"Shit!" I cried. "You curs'd mother! Fill the toilet, I do implore!"
One thing did my sphincter answer, as my cheeks were spread apart
Another nasty, putrid fart

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
This was something undesired, one ‘d never faced before
Carefully I weighed my choices, as my ass made gassy noises
Should I get up, go to bed, maybe get a little head,
Or should I sit here and inhale, as the rancid gasses swirl
And watch my toes begin to curl

My skin is pale, eyes are burning, as the world keeps slowly turning
Longing for a happy ending, "Help me, God, I do implore!"
Praying for some guarantee, not again, I gotta pee
But on the shitter I persisted, still appearing as before
Ghastly grim I blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore
'm not playing "farts galore."

I tried to catch my gut off guard, I grunted again but twice as hard
I pleaded with my large intestine, I begged and cried and then I swore
Now in mighty desperation, endeavoring a huge donation
Then there came the incantation, just as putrid as before
Asshole's blinking, angry winking, gas just rotten to the core
Could they smell these fumes offshore?

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own insides accosted
Getting up I turned away and paced across the bathroom floor
My pants around my ankles were, I fell and then I felt the blur
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core
As my head struck the sink, all I could think was, "Man, I stink."
Out like a light in the eye of a wink

To this day I know, when the subject's brought up, I say, "Whoa."
As I laid unconscious on that bathroom floor
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, to black holes
But since the answer is hidden inside this door
My family was left to wonder, as lost on some Plutonian shore
Who shit all over the bathroom floor?