Bunga on the Pot

// // 49 Comments
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the P.R. nine that day,

the score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play.

And then when Daph could only fart, and Wiper did the same,

a sickly silence settled on the poo-trons of the game.

A scattered few got up to go; in deep despair the rest

choked down that gorge which springs eternal in the human breast.

They thought, "if only Bunga could but pinch a loaf of grot.

We'd put up even money now, with Bunga on the pot."

But Sam preceded Bunga, as did also Dave (the twit);

with the former constipated, and the latter can't do shit.

So to that stricken multitude, things grim and grimmer got;

for there seemed but little chance of Bunga's getting to the pot.

But Sam let drop a pellet, to the wonderment of all.

And Dave, with sweaty armpits, tore the paper off the wall.

And when the stench had lifted, and we saw what had occurred:

there was Dave-O safe at second, and Sam a-hugging third.

Then from five thousand butts and more there rose a mighty fart;

it rattled the intestines until some folks even shart;

it pounded every penis and recoiled on every twat;

for Bunga, mighty Bunga, was advancing to the pot.

There was sleaze in Bunga's manner as we all did stare and watch;

there was pride in Bunga's bearing, and a stain in Bunga's crotch.

And when, responding to the cheers, he bared his anal slot,

no stranger in the crowd could doubt t'was Bunga on the pot.

Ten thousand eyes did water at the smell from Bunga's hole.

Five thousand throats were gagging as he settled on the bowl.

But, while the writhing plumber ground the plunger to his hip,

defiance flashed in Bunga's eye; a sneer curled Bunga's lip.

And now the rubber-covered tool came hurtling towards the john,

but Bunga sat a-watching it in haughtiness thereon.

Close by the sturdy shitter the tool unheeded sped --

"That ain't my style," said Bunga. "Strike one!" the umpire said.



From the benches, black with excrement, went up a muffled roar,

like the beating of AB2K on Dumpster, broke and sore.

"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted that unhappy lass,

and it's likely they'd have killed him had not Bunga showed his ass.

Within his pale but hairy moon, great Bunga's sphincter shone,

He stilled the rising tumult, he bade the game go on.

He signaled to the plumber, and once more the plunger flew,

but Bunga still ignored it; and the umpire said, "Strike two!"

"Fuck!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered, "Fuck!"

But one scornful look from Bunga and the crowd was all dumbstruck.

They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,

and knew that Bunga wouldn't let his anus close again.

The sneer has fled from Bunga's lip. He looks no longer dapper.

He strains with cruel intensity his ass upon the crapper.

And now the plumber holds his nose, and now he feels the brunt,

for now the air is shattered by the force of Bunga's grunt.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the moon is on the bowl.

The john is flushing somewhere, and the paper's on the roll.

And somewhere men are purging, with joy we have no doubt.

But there's no joy on PoopReport -- mighty Bunga has crapped out!

49 Comments on "Bunga on the Pot"

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

What? Did Bunga leave PR?
That stinks. :(

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points
0
0

This is an awesome poem. Great job, Dumpster, even though I rarely get constipated.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

Wasn't Casey's hometown Mudville? Very appropriate inspiration.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

I don't know what to say. Pretty good Dumpster.

If only I could rhyme, I could write a poem.

_______
"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

George Eliot Butterz's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

Great work Dumpster. Welcome to the Pooetry section.

Now is it really true that BD has left PR?

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Dumpster -- that was truly, truly inspired writing. Hilarious. Great riffs on the original. Makes me proud to be part of this organization.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

You need to resume a more active role, Ty.

Thanks to you (and all above) for the compliments!

Now, we are all waiting to hear from Bunga, who also needs to resume a more active role!

mott the poople's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

I think Bunga is gettin laid!
PR is cool when you have NOTHING to DOO!
F..K the PR Nazis.....
HeLL be BACK.....
AP is proof (151)

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

Rat Droppings's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

He isn't gone. He's still speechless from reading this fine pooetry.


_______
"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

A very fine piece of pooetry Dumpster. The limerical foot was just poofect. bunga should be proud!!


_______
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Wonderfully accurate likeness of Bunga on the new sidebar!

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

What's the poop on Bunga anyway? Anyone know?

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

No idea, I haven't seen him around lately. In case you're wondering, I'm newly registered but have been a guest for a long time, so I try to keep up.

That poem is a very fine piece of writing. I've seen some writers here that are lots better than I could ever hope to be!

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

DF, do you mind telling us what name you posted under as a guest? Or were you just one of the "Anonymous Cowards"?

Also, what made you decide to join PoopReport?

Anyway, I'm glad you did. Welcome to the World's Finest Web Site! Looking forward to your first story.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

I used "Anonymous Coward" several times and "Tiger" once or twice. I finally decided to get my guts together and join when after a few weeks I kept double flushing and then coming to PoopReport to read some good poop! Since I came around so much, I figured I'd come and register and post comments more often. Maybe one day I can be up there with The Shit Volcano and The Dumpster! If TSV can be the top user (besides Dave) with tons of comments and few stories, so can I!

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Have at it, DF. I only joined in January, and I have sorta went nuts since then. I've driven several folks crazy, but I've made some friends, too, and I've sure had a lot of fun.

Look forward to hearing more from you. Also, be sure to visit our forums, too!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Awesome, so it's not such a feat as it seems. I just gotta whip up a few good stories and keep commenting. Maybe soon I'll be in the sidebar!

And speaking of The Shit Volcano, anyone heard from her recently?

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

That had me laughing, Dumpster! A truly classic pooem!

I don't know where Bunga is now. Perhaps the shit demons living in my pipes ate him.

_______
Broccoli!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

DF, TSV answers your question, and raises one of her own. Where's Bunga, indeed?

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Where is Bunga? And Logjam and SamDamnit! and whoever else?

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Logjam is off pursuing the Kama Sutra of poop, or something. He will show up every so often and plop down some of the best stories you will ever see on this site.

I believe SamDamnit has defected to myspace.com, but since I am not a member there, I can't verify that for sure.

As for Bunga, well, who knows? Maybe he's keeping Jimmy Hoffa company these days. I WARNED him not to get too uppity with AB2K. That can be hazardous to your health!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
0
0

Isn't MySpace for adolescents and the perverts who stalk them?

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

I dunno. Apparently you have to be a member to go on that site, and I've got my hands full here.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
0
0

I just got this picturesque vision of handsful of poop. Lovely.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

I left that one open. I figured either you or TSV would, er, "pick up on it."

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

I'm a Myspace member but I never go to it at all. I only signed up to shut my sister up. Anyway, here it is. You can view it anonymously.
http://www.myspace.com/tiger7577/
I'm going to search for SamDamnit! later om myspace.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

Hi guys. I have not been writing much, recently. I have a new job and Mary Mary and I are in the process of moving all my toys and books to her house. We are going to live there for a month, while my place is renovated. We are going to have some Saltillo tyle put down on the floors and stucco the walls and ceilings. Then Mary Mary and I are going to shack up. I did write a little BLOG the other day, but it was not poop related. I keep getting deleted from myspace, for harassing the white supremacists, but I recently made a new profile called Funny Bunny.


_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Prince of Poop

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Welcome back, Sam! We have certainly missed you.

Even better is news of Mary Mary. Poor gal. Having to live with you. I hope there are two bathrooms?

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Hi SamDamnit! I miss seeing you around. Please stay with us!

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

Thanks guys. Unfortunately for Mary Mary, there is but the one bathroom. Luckily, our schedules are such that she won't be using it for an hour of so, after I am done. I expect to be more active here, soon. Things are just kind of busy right now.


_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Prince of Poop

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

I need to vent. The pot here in my summer dorm is very very sorry. I always get splashback on my ass, my man bits, and my thighs, and they ALWAYS take a double flush. I miss my old dorm, which I plan to go back to in the fall, in the same room even. Those toilets are my very favorite. I'd almost hug them.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

DF, if you save your poop for a couple days, there is a chance it will be a looooong turd, and as such should not plop and splash as much.

Another trick is to scoot way foreward on the seat and try to drop it on the sloped edge versus straight over the hole.

_______
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

If I try to save it, I will explode. The dining hall food gives me the squirts. On another note, usually holding it makes it get hard and huge. I'll try it though, and also I'll try sitting forward. Any little bit helps. Thanks Poop Shooter.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

So when do we get to hear from the Hero, Himself, considering that he is back!

Howd'ya "crap out," big guy?

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points
0
0

Bunga, have you read this, yet? You're a MUSE!

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

Man, I'm speechless. To be immortalized in Pooetry and a cartoon is a joy I shall be able to pass on to, well actually I'm kinda shy that way. A big thanks to the Dumpster and Mike Paglia for their fantastic work.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

We thought the cartoon was a little flattering, Bunga, but I'm glad to contribute to your well-deserved fame, and thanks for the compliments.

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

the log of hazzard's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

Nice parody of Casey at the Bat. Really cool.

Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

turd banned it's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0


_very nicely done, good job______
turd banned it

"show that turd who's boss"

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Thanks, guys. It was really easy, once I got to know the personalities involved.

Der Kommodissar's picture
0
0

I stand bumbstruck in mute witness to this major shiterrary acheivement.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Dave, what happened to the cartoon?

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

Yeah, the cartoon would go well with this poem.

Yet another great piece from Dumpster.

I thouroughly enjoyed this poem, from shart to finnish.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

AlienPoop's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Sounds like a great poop - Poem, but I could not quite understand it. but then again I don't understand much of anything these days...
could all this be construed as some sort of an obsessive compulsive disorder? well maybe I am obsessive compulsive myself, from what little I know it goes along with addictions in general, and I am addicted to at least to things that I know of cigarettes and coffee, and I don't know what else, I hope there is nothing else anyways... AlienPoop

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

"Welcome to the Psychiatry Clinic, P.C. If you are obesessive-compulsive, please press 1 over and over and over.

"If you are depressive, hang up now, because nobody cares.

"If you are schizophrenic, you are already holding on three other lines and don't know it.

"If you are paranoid, hold the line so we can track you down.

"If you are psychotic, rip the phone out of the wall, and have a nice day!"

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

WOW! Dave its still early but I the T.Cer do hereby nominate THIS poem for poem and or Story of the year if it hasnt already.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

Didn't get to read it all, but that was good
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

Russell...I"m going to offer up a little critique...nothing personal, and ignore it if you wish...I said the same thing to Chilikaka...the quantity of your posts is in direct inverse proportion to the quality of your posts.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Russell's picture
l 100+ points
0
0

thanks bilgepump
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen