poopreport : Pooetry :

oxypowder

'Twas The Night Before Christmas (Again)

Posted 12.23.2005 by Sooper Dooper Pooper (63)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through my house
I tiptoed in secret, just like a louse.
Past the stockings I snuck, toward the bathroom, my lair,
in hopes that St. Nicholas would not be squatting in there!

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of flatulence danced in my head.
And me in my 'kerchief, and removing my cap,
had now settled down for a long winter's crap.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the throne to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
even though a twelve-inch stinker dangled from my ash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
illuminated my throne room, which really made me go,
when, what to my wondering eyes should emerge,
but a gigantic turd, and a tiny fart splurge.
With a little old stink, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles, their courses they came,
and he grunted and wiggled, and called them by name:
"Now Pooper! Now Dooper!
Now, Shitter and Vixen!
On, Crapper! On, Pudding!
On, Logger and Shitzen!
To the top of the toilet!
To the top of the wall!
Now flush away! flush away!
Flush away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
I wiped my ass with them so briskly, it near made me cry,
so up to the house-top the deposit, it grew,
with the toilet full of chocolate pudding, and tootsie rolls, too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little poop.
As I drew in my head, and turned with a start,
down the chimney St. Nicholas came, with a big, loud fart.

He was dressed all in fur, from his toes to his crown,
and his clothes were all soiled with ashes and brown.
A bundle of shit he had flung on his back,
and his butt cheeks were ready to burst from his crack.

His eyes -- how they scrunched! His dimples, how red!
His cheeks were like roses, his anus, it bled!
His straining little mouth was drawn up like a loop,
and the beard on his chin was covered with poop!

The stump of a dumped pipe he held tight in his teeth,
and the stench of it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a little 'ole face and a little round belly,
that shook when he farted, like a bowl full of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a frequently constipated old elf,
and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his ass
soon let me to know there was nothing left but gas.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
and emptied his bowels, then turned with a jerk.
After filling the shitter and pinching his nose,
he gave a quick nod, and up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, and to his team let loose a fart,
And away they all flew like shoppers at Wal-Mart.
But I heard him exclaim, somewhat like a grump,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good dump!"



email this page | printer friendly version
The Big Wiper (2240) -- 12.23.2005

"In the lane, snow is glistenin',
Yellow snow--are you listenin'?
We're happy tonight, just outta sight,
Pissin' in a Winter Wonderland.

"Christmas Morn, comes the true word,
Nearly time for a new turd,
We're happy today, what can we say,
Crappin' in a Winter Wonderland.

In the meadow we will try and squat there,
And we'll show that we can get down brown,
If we're lucky we will drop a lot there,
And you can do it too when you're around.

Later on, we'll conspire,
Passing gas by the fire,
And things could explode, on the commode,
Flushing in a Winter Wonderland."

The Shit Volcano (3646) -- 12.23.2005

Damn it! I pissed my pants laughing at this one. It's really funny because I used to think up words to stupid Christmas poetry and songs, replacing them with poop and fart words.

"Rudolph the red-cheeked reindeer had a very skinny poop..."

Logjam (2356) -- 12.23.2005

What a treat, S.D.Pooper. And TBW, did you just make that up right now? That's amazing. Thank you, one and all. And in my Bing Crosby voice, I sing, "May your shits be chuncky and sound, and may all your holiday's be brown."

SamDamnit (1191) -- 12.23.2005

Jingel Bells Bat Man smells
Robin......... I can't think of an original one. Great ditty. Thanks for the laugh.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

In The Bushes (111) -- 12.23.2005

dashing through the snow
as we look for port-o-lets
oe'r the hills we go
urgent as it gets

brown on sphincter shows
making the anxious writhe
the horror it is to run and look
for a toilet in the wild

oh----

sphincter smells
poopy spells
I just laid some pipe
oh what horror it is to look
for a toilet in the wild

Cracktacular (228) -- 12.23.2005

I find this disturbing.

What the HELL is jolly old St. Nick doing with shit in his beard? Did one of the reindeer have an accident mid-flight? Does Santa have some sort of fetish that I really don't want to know about?

I don't know. I just don't know.

JC (not verified) -- 12.24.2005

He's pinchin a loaf
squinchin it twice
let it all out
now doesn't that feel nice?

Santa claus is taking a dump.

He knows when you've been gassy
He knows when you've got 'roids,
He knows when you've been crapping blood,
So use "H" for goodness sake!

daphne (3325) -- 12.27.2005

Ole' Saint Nic hath been Dirty Sanchez'in.....

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

anal explosion (4) -- 12.29.2005

This is some of the funniest shit i have ever read!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks to all for the laugh!!

Cracktacular (228) -- 01.03.2006

Daphne, that is horrifying and hilarious all at the same time. I thank you.

Jamie C (5) -- 05.03.2006


this was brillent i will be reading it to ben this christmas
faece out!

Poopgirl (77) -- 06.24.2006


To Santa Claus (if you're reading this): You are free to use my toilet, but only if you flush.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Wiper of Mudbutt (not verified) -- 11.28.2006

That's funny shit! Diarrhea cha cha cha

healthy 1 (1421) -- 12.23.2006

I'm dreaming of a brown Christmas, just like the ones I use to know. Where the toilets glisten, and children listen, to hear turdlets fall into the bowl. I'm dreaming of a brown Christmas, with every Christmas fart I light. May your turds come healthy and flush down, and may all your Christmas's be brown.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

The Thunderous ... (651) -- 12.23.2006

The reading of this poem could become a new tradition at my house thanks for the laughs this is a poop Christmas Classic! Without question.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Eggie (not verified) -- 12.11.2007

LOL this is to poopalishous!!!

RoboCrap13 (309) -- 12.11.2007

We Three Kings of Poopie and Pee
Live in Toilets Eternally
Squatting, Pushing,
Grunting, Flushing,
All for the World to see

Ohhhhh OHHHHHHH
Water swirling 'round the bowl
Poopie going down the hole
Where's the TeePee?
There's no TeePee!
Terror is in my soul.


_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Post new comment



Prove you're not a spambot: what bodily function is this site about? Four letters, begins with p...

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

*

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
More information about formatting options
20,000 character limit / Flood control: 60 seconds between comments and no more than 10 comments per hour
RETURN TO INDEX:
Pooetry

poop culture
 


About PoopReport | Advertise! | The PoopReport Press Room | Report Your Poop | Contact Dave | Copyright 2000-2008 PoopReport.com