poopreport : Pooetry :

oxypowder

Chrysalis

Posted 02.22.2006 by TurdleHaid (17)
Lotus position, 6:00 a.m., tinges of gold sunlight warm the horizon. From the plow position he evolves into salutation to the sun. For twelve years he has been doing the morning yoga ritual, gradually developing the control necessary to slow his heart rate and breathing to almost nil. The maelstrom of the megalopolis in which he resides boils around him; and yet he is serene. Heart singing with a spirituality devoid of desire, anger and pain, an exceptional man in the midst of rampant material excess and hordes of media-stultified androids.

Inside the man's personal ecosystem there gestated a life force other than his own. A star system revolving around twin suns, smoldering energies of tranquil power. The cosmos internal and infinite in its mysteries lay, vastness upon infinite vastness, a consciousness roaming from its corporeal body.

Consuming only substances that fall naturally from their growing matrix, he has eaten solely figs and walnuts for the last eleven years. Every organ in the body tuned and vibrant, an alimentary canal pristine and free of blockage. Counterpoint to the average American colon which is brimful with up to fourteen pounds of putrescent, impacted fecal matter -- resultant from the intake of denatured, lifeless food products and three daily meat meals.

And in his soul he knew the time had arrived. The time of regeneration and ablution was nigh upon him, domicile no more than a sanctuary for the shrine lying within. A basin girded with clay hand-harvested from the banks of the upper Ganges by his guru Swami Saatchadananda, full with water from the same, and strewn with fresh gardenias, awaits him. Submersing himself to the waist, he sinks back into the healing fluid and falls into deep meditation, ambrosial eructations bubbling to the surface of the holy water. In rhythm with the universal being comes a mantra, and from that exalted place emerged a proto-cosmic force four weeks in gestation -- a perfect, unbroken bowel movement four-and-a-half feet in length, with the girth of a reticulated python and a radiant green-orange aura.

Vessel spent and vacant, the man's bodily functions slowed as he fell into a blissful, trance-like state from which he would not emerge until thirty-six hours hence. Yet, inside the confines of his room, the genesis of a galaxy was beginning. Glowing feces whirled around the ceiling in a vortex, blowing out the walls of the apartment and rising swiftly through the layers of the Earth's contaminated atmosphere. The Nirvana Matter gaining mass and energy on its journey to becoming a universe of peace, love, and harmony, drawing ever away from the abominable taint of God's misbegotten ant-farm of hate and woe.

Cracktacular (228) -- 02.22.2006

The gaze, with haunted, heated rays stays. Branded, emblazed on the vast arrays of poo at break of day.

TurdleHaid, you are a wordsmith of the highest order. Nicely done.

SamDamnit (1191) -- 02.22.2006

Mary Mary is going to love this one. I love the writing. Was this your experience, turtlehaid?
_______
SamDamnit!
ALL SEEING, BENEVOLENT
KING LORD GOD ALMIGHTY
OF THE ENTIRE INTERNET
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

The Dumpster (2510) -- 02.22.2006

Walt Whitman meets James Dickey meets--I dunno--the Dahli Lama? Very interesting, almost blank verse in composition. Bravo.

Poop Shooter (597) -- 02.22.2006

weather fiction or non fiction or whatever, the buddhists? do have this capability.

Most people do not realize how much actual body control one can get from meditation. Slowing your heart rate is an easy one. Controlling your colon to proguce a 4" turd takes about 2-zillion years to master, but it has actually been done (I don't know about a 4-foot turd, but similar)

I did once read a story about a Yogi that could, using body control and meditation expell his colon out of his butt and cleanse it. True story, I swear to god it's true!

I've personally seen too much having to do with meditation and "freaky" stuff to not believe things like this. 'nuff rambling!!!!


_______
Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

mott the poople (126) -- 02.23.2006

Uh....going in to my backyard to eat....uh...spores....
Ill be back

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

The Shit Volcano (3652) -- 02.23.2006

Enjoyed the poem.

For some reason I got an idea that this is how a Jedi shits.

daphne (3325) -- 02.24.2006

Strong the stench is with this one.....hum hmmm..........

I first thought of my mom, since she's been yoga nuts for almost 8 years. Then, I read further and wondered why a possible buddhist/yogi would do this.

Why Buddhist Claus why?
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

C Everett Poop (587) -- 02.24.2006

Are you sure you didn't shit a dictionary? You write like someone who has seen a few too many. My goal in life is to have 14 pounds of red meat in my intestines, most of which was killed by me.

TurdleHaid (17) -- 02.28.2006

Hey fellow dung worshippers:
Thanks for the positive shitback. This is entirely a work of fiction, and any similarity to turds, flushed or unflushed, is purely coincidental.

Lubs,
TurdleHaid

Lame comment! -1 point
Poopgirl (77) -- 06.24.2006


Om.....
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Poopgirl (77) -- 09.24.2006


I'm sorry. I got a spectacular mental image when I first saw this, and on subsequent occasions. I was lost for words.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 09.24.2006

Actually, I liked your comment.

It was the meditation noise, right?

"Oh-Ommmmm".

I thought it was funny.

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