Say hello to Lactobacillus acidophilus, and you can keep your friend beer!

Dear Dook....Squat took the words right out of my mouth, sounds like your intestinal flora just needs restocking, along with your lactobacillus acidophilus eat yougurt, kimchi and sauerkraut (not canned kraut but the type that is sold refrigerated) these are all "live" foods and will probably help straighten you out. You might want to lower your beer consumption if it has been excessive. My beer consumption is limited compared to previous levels (diabetes) but life would be grim with no beer at all. Now if you will excuse me I am going to sip a pale ale.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I can not imagine a world without beer. I love beer. When Ben Franklin said
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" He elevated himself to the top of my historical persons list.

This is the first post or story that I have found upsetting. Actually I find it horrifying! I need to a beer!

Squat....I am presently enjoying an all malt porter, it is delicious but it made me spell a word wrong in the forums. Ben Franklin also had a good take on religion.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I have a solution to your beer problem in 12 easy steps. Please see me when you are ready.

To the mod above...a friend of Bill is a friend of mine, one I may not have met yet, but what he/she is suggesting, is simply if its time to give up for good, we have a solution that worked for us. I have been sober 8 years now, and take it seriously, it is literally life and death, for me. For those of you that aren't affected by alcoholism, you can never understand the desperation of wanting a way out. For those of you that are affected, no explanation is necessary.
A friend of Bill, or more commonly a friend of Bill W., is a term used among recovering alcoholics, and I'm sure your mod comment was in jest, and maybe out of ignorance, it could be very upsetting to one just newly sober.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

OH, by the way, I'm not promoting sobriety for all...just that I stopped enjoying drinking long before I quit. I never had A beer, or A cocktail...I drank until all my resources, cash, begging, borrowing, stealing, were used up. If you drink, thats fine, but I cannot drink any alcohol, for any reason, safely...and to suggest to another alcoholic that he/she take a drink is like putting a gun to their head, and yours, and your family's, and your friends...drunks hurt and kill alot of other people while they slowly kill themsleves.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

To Friend of Bill. A substantial difference exists between love, and addiction. If I love beer, a wife (if I had one) or Big Macs, it is nourishing, enriching, beautiful, life fulfilling. If I am addicted, they become alcoholism, stalking, and obesity.
I wish you well on your life's quest.

Squat, you realize you are trying to explain a situation to an expert? Like a fan trying to tell Willie Mays how to make a basket catch? Friend of Bill was merely offering help, if wanted or needed, not pushing any agenda on anyone else.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Sorry Bilge....I was the mod that responded to friend of Bill. I had read nothing in the original story that indicated alcoholism, just the fact that beer caused the Dook of York (shouldn't that be Dookess of York since she is female) bouts of diarrhea.

My heart goes out to those whose lives are ruled totally by alcohol. I suppose I am lucky that I can enjoy a drink without being overpowered by the need for another. I have known many people in my life who did not drink for enjoyment but because it ruled their lives, poor souls.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

No, Chief, Dook didn't give the impression of a problem drinker...the point is, if anyone, anywhere, wants to quit, a friend of Bill has an obligation to be there to help, and thats all I read in his/her (FoB's) post. No agenda, no accusations, just an offer to be there, in fact, it is the obligation of any friend of Bill to be there. So, even in our poster FoB's anonymity, the offer is out there, and one need only check the phone book to find friends of Bill all over the world.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I'm deleting the mod edit on Friend of Bill. I frown upon all mod edits to any comment, but especially that one.

Sorry Dave, I'll take my soap box out back and smash it to bits...my rant days are done...apologies to all the poopers.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Hmm. Wine does similar things. I wondered about the logisitcs of using the production from a 'big night out' as some kind of road resurfacing material - given that it has a very tarry consistency. I wonder how it would dry out in the sun? Perhaps a willing poopreported would be obliging enough to perform an experiment?
_______
The tiger stripes you left in my toilet are just not acceptable

Being addicted to PoopReport is so much more fun anyway!
:D

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

The comment was meant half in jest and half in seriousness. A leaky butt may be just a sign that beer doesn't agree with with bowels, or it could be a sign of a larger problem. I'm just saying that, if the problem is larger than the flaming butt squirts after a couple or three or four or ten beers, the Dookess doesn't have to deal with it all by herself. Help is available and free. In any case, the only person who's opinion of the Dookess' situation that really matters is the Dookess'.

I apologize for any consternation and controversy that my comment may have caused. Trolling was certainly not my intention.

My sincere apologies to all....I never heard the term "A friend of Bill" and thought someone was just getting smart with Dook of York who was suffering from a case of beer shits and nothing more.

There is no problem with your post at all Friend of Bill. I amaze myself sometimes at how little I have learned in 68 years.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

That's because you are from Tennessee Chief. I'm sure you are more familiar with "I'm a friend of Jack Daniels"

Thank you Squat, it was gettin way too serious in here.

Pass me a vodka Red Bull!

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Squat.....As a Tennessean I am not very loyal, I will drink Jack if it is offered but I prefer a good single malt from T-box's part of the world. Room temperature with just a drop of good water it is the drink of the Gods.

Drambuie from the Isle of Skye is the ultimate after dinner sipping liquor. God bless those skirt wearing gentlemen.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Tbox, I understand that the distillery and food service workers in Scotland are required to wear hairnets on both their heads and on their tackle. Is this true?

In distilleries only the women have to wear hairnets on their muffs.

It`s mandatory for the men to wear kilts and go commando at all times, as it is the stray pubes of males that fall into the vats which give individual malts their distinctive flavours.

PD, keep the taint coved. I should HOPE so!
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

TBox, in the words of the King in Madagascar cartoons...

Ju need to juzt shud up a liddle bit!

(now that I am done laughing)

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

T-box....Thanks for the enlightenment on scotch whiskey. Are kilts worn in Ireland?..if so I am starting to worry about Baileys Irish Cream.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

This is the first time I'm hearing that Bill has friends. My father is an alcoholic. Booze makes him MEAN. It seemed like he beat my mother every time he got drunk. I didn't associate his drinking with every time I got beat or punished, but it probably was a prereq.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bill was one of the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, SP. He and Dr. Bob, of Akron, Ohio, started AA in 1935. Friends of Bill W. are recovering alcoholics.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I thought y'all were talking about Bill Clinton and giving him Gearge W.'s middle initial.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Thanks everyone for your concern over my health. I bought some bottled sauerkraut and ate brussels sprouts at lunch today to continue the ongoing health of all beneath the 49th paralell, so to speak.

49th parallel? What happened to "fifty four forty of fight?

The author could have also developed an allergic reaction to wheat or hops. I've seen that before with serious beer drinkers.

Maybe, a little yogurt, and a change in beverage?

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Try drinking Buttwieser beer.

To inspect for any anal damage you can drink a buttlight.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I find that eating a spoonful or two of Sacrete Concrete Mix helps solidify my poops.

What exactly happens if you have an idea while drinking buttlight

I'm going to guess that you would light up at both ends!

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Squat, 54 40 is a reference to Oregon's border, if I recall correctly...I'm gonna go find out for sure.

Yep, the original dispute over the claimed Oregon territory had the US claiming up to the 54th parallel, and Great Britian claiming down to the 47th...a compromise was reached at the 49th parallel, which is the northern border of Washington state, now.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

You are correct Bilge "54 40 or bust" was the motto during American expansion into the Oregon Territories.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I'm always right, Chief...er..wait...I'm usually right...ok, 50% of the time I'm right...no...occasionally I'm right....oh hell, I'm a fucking blind pig, found an acorn once.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

No you didn't. That wasn't an acorn.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

It was your woo woo so don't pull on it, Bilgepump.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilge,
Er, sorry about that 'acorn' you found. I was lost in the woods for a while and all I had to eat was nuts and berries. Then one day I had the urge. I pushed and pushed. Finally put popped this little acorn. Hurt like hell. I would have cleaned it up but it looked so cute and peaceful.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

very funny, nine inch. -- what smells?

Don't you think acorns look like cute little circumcized penises. I had a patient who lived in the french quarter when I worked home health and he collected acorns. All kinds of acorns made out of all kinds of materials. They were very phallic looking.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

What ever happened to all those vagina shaped acorns anyway? I can't seem to find them any more.

Ask Bilgepump. I bet he has all of them.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilge, you still hiding your nuts for the winter?

we don't have a winter here.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.