Pooetry
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Ode To The Creeper Shit
Submitted by Erica M
June 22, 2012, 5 Comments

To preface: I work in a very small and closely knit office. The bathroom is practically in the center of the room, so smells and noises are very noticeable. As we are all women in the office, the bathroom mostly goes unused (a shameful practice, but understandable and sometimes, appreciated). But...

Oh Little Brown Poo
Submitted by Kubna
August 11, 2011, 8 Comments

Oh where are you going, oh little brown poo? Doggedly you pursue your destination. Why are you in such a hurry, little brown poo? What is it that you so urgently have to do? Cant you stay with me, little brown poo? Brazenly you push on, and suddenly I can't ignore you. As you pop out on your own it...

Man Of Constipation
Submitted by Fred G M
June 29, 2011, 6 Comments

An excellent spoof of The Soggy Bottom Boys' hit songEditor's note: Play the video while you read the wonderfully twisted lyrics sent to us by Fred G M. The video is from the movie O Brother, Where art Thou? I am a man of constipation; I've seen trouble in my guts. I left my last turd in ol'...

Quote The Craven -- Nevermore
Submitted by edgar allen poop
June 14, 2011, 9 Comments

Once upon a toilet chilly, Trying to crap, not play with willie, There came a hideous frightening urge, A scary monstrous need to purge. I bowed my spine and bore down strong, A dreadful turd a mile long From my butthole did protrude With guttural moan, both piteous and rude. My sphincter now most...

The Gingerpoo Man
Submitted by the thin brown line
May 20, 2011, 11 Comments

Butt is leaking, Here comes a sneaky. Ass is hot. Freaky deaky! Down below, A dribble not, Smells of Stilton. Let it rot. It came from afar, That strong-smelling mess. Upon a squatter's stance, The beast it must rest. Holding on steady, But the urge is too strong, As is gravity's pull – Something...

A Friendly Reminder
Submitted by Butt of the Joke
April 6, 2011, 2 Comments

If it is poop you have to go. So your pants you won’t blow. Just run out of the class, And relieve your ass. Once you’re on the pot, Go ahead and squat. Or you can enjoy the cold seat; It takes just seconds to heat. If someone stumbles in, Just lift up your chin. Take pride in what you made, The...

Medieval Times
Submitted by the thin brown line
January 31, 2011, 13 Comments

I used to work at Medieval Times. I only lasted three months – the shortest, most humiliating jobs I ever held. The top tables were the worst slots to wait on. Patrons were seated where we serf wenches had to serve them over our shoulders, which took steady hands and sturdy arm strength. Having...

Anonymous Pooetry
Submitted by anonymouspooetry
September 9, 2010, 2 Comments

Inside a barrel hid Petey Von Veck. At Niagra he fell, almost breaking his neck. Now the force of the falls Had severed his balls And the shit he shot out filled his toes to his neck.

Satisfaction
Submitted by MSG
September 7, 2010, 2 Comments

I can never tell How my poop is going to be Until it's all out. Yesterday's big one: Hard to start, but then it came, Feeling thick and long. Standing up to look: Brown snake curling, spiral shape, With other pieces. What satisfaction! Poop was in, but now it's out, And I feel empty.

Fido Feculence
Submitted by The Fecal Falcon
September 3, 2010, 8 Comments

A descent into the horrors of air freshener.One step into my chambers, Accosted with an odor. Inhalation's strained; To breathe in shallowly is The only defense! Anger billows, rises up Because I know who's been here... Armed with carpet spray, Rustling bag, old garment and Hand sanitizer....

Let Me Be While I Poo
Submitted by melonhelmet
August 31, 2010, 4 Comments

As I try to make a stool, You want the kids to go to school. You want me to drive them there, too; Let me be while I poo. You try to call me Baby Hunny While i'ts flowing out quite runny. I cannot get off my golden throne. the kids will just have to go alone. Now I have my peace and quiet. To plop...

More Pooetry
Submitted by mikeeemorgan
June 8, 2010, 12 Comments

Bad Timing Ran down the hall And into the bathroom. And sat down on the throne. So much for my interview. Bad timing; My plans are blown. Sitting here and Pushing hard. The damn thing just won’t budge. I'm wasting time, With no progress To lose my chocolate fudge. I grab some paper , Prepare to...

A Pair Of Pooems
Submitted by mikeeemorgan
May 24, 2010, 12 Comments

Wash It Off You get the urge To drop a load. It's time to walk the hall. You haven't pooped In two damn days; There is no way it's small. You drop your pants You sit on down And try to push it out. It peeks its head Then runs back scared; You know it's stuck - no doubt. Think to yourself. What do I...

Waiting In Line
Submitted by mikeeemorgan
May 13, 2010, 14 Comments

There's something warm Sliding down my leg. I'm scared of what it might be. This line for the bathroom Is so damn long. The toilet I still can't see. I did remember To wear my socks. The poop just slips right in. Guess I'll just stand here And let it go. Sometimes you must give in. As I turn to...

Ceramic Shores
Submitted by mikeeemorgan
May 3, 2010, 9 Comments

I ran down to the ceramic shores, Where the water's crystal clear. As I sat down, I made some noise, And prayed no one would hear. To take a peek and see what happened Could well be called taboo. It looked like spinach and ground up yams Clumped together with glue. As I stood up and walked away, A...

Movements Forgotten: A Pooem
Submitted by seat filler
February 27, 2010, 7 Comments

When you can’t poo, What do you do? Do you find some high fiber food to chew? Fruits, veggies, and oatmeal, too? Coffee helps. Do you brew? Some people drink olive oil…ewww! Everyone knows what glycerin can do. Maybe you swallow an Ex-lax or two? Or do you just whine and complain…Boo Hoo! Whatever...

A Very Merry PR Christmas
Submitted by prarie doggin
December 24, 2009, 22 Comments

Editor's note: I received this fantastic pooem a few weeks ago from Mrs. Mad Crapper. She and Prarie Doggin combined forces to bring us a truly twisted version of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'. I hope you enjoy. Merry Christmas, Poopreporters! T'was the night before Christmas; one more...

Mid Term Mistake
Submitted by Deja Poo
November 17, 2009, 8 Comments

In mid-November while rushing to school, mMy stomach felt like it was kicked by a mule. But the timing of this was horrid at best Because I was already late for my math mid-term test. I drove like a madman to make it to school So that I could get rid of this uncomfortable stool. This test was...

The Number Two Key
Submitted by King poo
November 11, 2009, 6 Comments

Truck stop under Poopman Bridge, Vancouver, B.C. I grabbed one of the bathroom keys only to discover That it was the number two key. As I entered the birthing room I saw King Poo He had a 3" girth I could see that he had been Struggling for some time to get out of the bowl. I took a picture without...

The Non-Flusher
Submitted by athenivanidx
October 16, 2009, 42 Comments

A janitor cleaning the loo Caught a man who was leaving his brew. So he said to this prick, "Better flush it real quick. 'Otherwise, you'll be eatin' that stew!"

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