The Pants Go Filling
Sung to the tune of The Ants Go Marching
On my way to my math class,
Hurrah, hurrah.
I had some really awful gas,
Hurrah, hurrah!
I guess I never thought, perchance,
I'd differentiate my pants.
So I kept on marchin'
On
To the class
To advance
My degree dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun.
But by the time I reached my desk,
Hurrah, hurrah.
I knew my gas was not a jest,
Hurrah, hurrah!
I stayed and tried to fight it off.
Upon my plight, the Fates would scoff.
'Cause I kept on marchin’
On
To the class
To advance
My degree dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun.
The proofs were flyin' 'cross the board,
Hurrah, hurrah.
All I could think was "Oh Lord!"
Hurrah, hurrah!
My bung repeated what I knew,
That I must hasten to the loo.
I hoped my professor
Would un-
derstand,
And advance
My degree dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun.
As I ran for the nearest stall,
Hurrah, hurrah.
The shit storm breached my anal wall.
Hurrah, hurrah!
I had to do the Walk O'Shame
And only found myself to blame.
I got in my car
For a pu-
trid ride home
all for
A degree?
About the Author
Three autistic personalities sharing a body. Of course, that means three different POOsonalities as well. But we're not all that different. Athena likes to think and talk about anything poopy. The Integral wonders if her poop can be integrated, differentiated, multiplied by x, or any other mathematical operation we've ever come across in our lives. Ivan just shits and gets it over with. Now for gender, we've selected "never you mind" not to be rude, but because there is more than one (non-anatomical, of course) answer to that question. Gender is in one's mind, what one (or in our case, more than one) thinks of oneself. Sex is purely anatomical. We don't mean the act.
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48 Comments on "The Pants Go Filling"
Bravisima!
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
*standing ovation* Bravo!
Hopefully that degree lands you a job with a nice loo close to your office.
beautiful!
Wonderful
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
*takes a bow* thanks everyone.......
Deja Poo: for this particular problem, a pencil is not necessary as the shit would just run out of me before I had a chance to think. But for the opposite problem.....a natural log stuck in my pipes......yeah, a pencil would help for sure. It would have to be one hell of a big pencil though.....or else it might get lost in all that tubing!
PD- I hope for a nice loo as well. And I also hope to be totally shameless by the time I get a job. I have a few years yet.
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Oh.......and to be completely forthright, such a thing has never (yet) happened to me........though things even more embarrassing that have nothing to do with shit, have. Like being unable to speak when I need to and thus being reduced to stammering and tears in front of a prof. I'm autistic. It happens.
I just figured since I have been coming here for so long, and had not even a fart in terms of stories.....I'd try my hand at pooetry.
Apparently it worked. And I actually DOO have a story in the works. For the moment though it's like the natural log in my above comment.....stuck in my pipes.
Somebody please give me a pencil to work it out with. And paper.
Hee hee.......
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Athenivanidx (is that a Greek name?), please stick around. Being autistic here is no problem. We have a lot of 'tics. Sarcactics, masochistics, fanatics, lunatics, OCD-tics, chauvinistics, and in my case fantastics. You'll fit right in.
I'm just spastic.
_______
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)
I tend to smell a bit septic at times.
BTW Athenivanidx, may I introduce you to the two most blatant thread derailers here. This is how those of us without lives have fun.
PD- read my short bio.....Athenivanidx is short for Athena, Ivan, and The Integral......
Yes, Athena is a greek name.
Idx- I for Integral, dx is the differential operator. Idx-integral with respect to x.
Lots of 'tics.........ha ha ha. Good one, PD.
btw, this pooem was written by The Integral (who is also writing this comment). We all hope to write something about different Poosonalities.....more like questions for y'all about who you are when you shit. Aw crap......gave it away.
pOOPS!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Athena, for all you poop reporters of lesser intellect , was the Goddess of wisdom. Bilgethunderdoggin was the Greek God of wise asses. Stick around athenaivanidx we can use your talents.
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
HA HA HA Thanks, Chief.
this pooem of ours is a little pellet poop compared to some things we have read here........
I'm a big fan of your Olympic Fart, Chief.
Y'all slay me.
We're stickin around for sure.
The Integral
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Of course, Chief Prariepump was the Native American Spirit of...well...uh...animal husbandry is as close as I can get in polite society.
_______
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)
Nice job Athena! I had no idea that scatology and numbers could be paired so well.
Was this degree a PhD (piled higher and deeper) or an undergrad BS ?
Great stuff, athena. Hopefully there`s more to come from the next time you follow through.
The voice of sanity
Chili-
Undergrad BS.
Dook- neither did I, until I came up with this. I think mathematicians have to be full of shit to a small degree to come up with some of the beautiful and amazing results that they do......so maybe it's only natural (log x, written ln x) that shit and math could marry.
Thunderbox- thanks!
peace out......The Integral
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We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
athenivanidx ......
Mathematics is that discipline we think is so pure and unchangeable but of which we know so little. I often wonder if there might be a species somewhere in the universe with a different number of digits that has evolved a different, but more perfect, system.
Bilge.....Chief Prariepump is looking for a nice buffalo for...er...ah....supper.
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
Ok, there seems to be some serious undertones about me and various animals going on here. I don't go around just going up to animals and humping them. That's just plain sick. I wine and dine them first (vegetatian of course).
Chief Prariepump
Vegetatian.......vegetatian........v-e-g.......*rummaging through pages in dictionary*.
dang it's not there. Must be pretty new.......
Jk, PD.......hehe
Thinks that Chieftains Pumpdoggin and Prairebutthunder need a room.
My inn is full at the moment.......
Daphne? You got vacancies?
TI
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Oh.......and the room will need a few buffalo for feedin', and cows for methane supply. Don't nobody light a match in there!
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
I only eat carnivores....none of those sissy veggie chomping animals for me. Give me a tasty puma or coyote any day.
Chief Prairebuttthunder
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
Okay then......coyotes it is. Really ugly ones, too.
TI
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
epic! now if you can make a parody to where it can fit it with carmina barana o fortuna. then i'd probably shed tears.
O Fortune, like the stink of ever changing poop, you are always waxing or waning; hateful life now is smelly, now pampers our feelings with its game stench; poverty, power, it melts them like ice.
Fate, savage and empty, you are a turning souring asshole, your position is uncertain (but possibly between the buttocks), your favour is idle and always likely to disappear; covered in shadows and veiled in shades of brown you bear upon me too; now my back is naked through the sport of your wickedness.
The chance of prosperity and of virtue is not now mine; whether willing or not, a man is always liable for Fortune's service. At this hour without delay touch the stains! Because through luck she lays low the brave, all join with me in lamentation!
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
LMFAO!!!!!!!!! Dude, you should submit that by itself, Chief PBT, .......or expand it a little......
I don't know what exactly it's a parody of........never heard of Carmina Barana O Fortuna........but whatever it is, its funny shit.
The Integral
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Interesting mini-story:
I have a friend over, and she was standing in my room while I was seated on the pot taking a piss. Suddenly I let out a soprano fart.....which descended down the scale and a couple of octaves, and also crescendoed, to a baritone fart. I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the shitter......I said to my friend..........wow, did you just hear THAT?????
I was so proud of myself. Obviously it wasn't nearly the same caliber as......say.........Chief's Olympic Fart, but hell, for me it was good enough! I might have to write a Pooem about it later......
Then about an hour or so later.......on the way back from eating a late lunch outside with said friend, I busted out laughing in the car........my brain had replayed the sound of my fart.....
I'm autistic, and tend to obsess on sounds that make me laugh.......so my brain will cause any such sound to "instant replay" several times.....and I end up laughing or sniggering whether I want to or not. I can actually HEAR the sound.......of course I'm imagining it, but it sounds oh so real! That used to get me in trouble when I was younger...sis burped at the dinner table and I cracked up....Dad got mad and yelled at me.
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
You should have graphed the build up of pressure !
I hadn't thought of that while on the pot.......but I wish I did.
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
athenivandx.....Thanks for your comment, the pooping scholar actually spelled it wrong and should have said Carmina Burana.
Carmina Burana is a scenic cantata composed by Carl Orff between 1935 and 1936. It is based on 24 of the poems found in the medieval collection Carmina Burana. Its full Latin title is Carmina Burana: Cantiones profanae cantoribus et choris cantandae comitantibus instrumentis atque imaginibus magicis ("Songs of Beuern: Secular songs for singers and choruses to be sung together with instruments and magic images.")
Carmina Burana is part of Trionfi, the musical triptych that also includes the cantata Catulli Carmina and Trionfo di Afrodite. The best-known movement is "Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi (O Fortuna)" that opens and closes the piece.
My parody was actually probably pretty lame but it was the best I could do. I am happy that it made someone laugh.
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
Wow, Chief.........interesting! I'd never heard of Carmina Burana before now. It's amazing what other kinds of shit you can learn on PR!
where/what the heck is "Beuern?
and I would never have guessed that "Profanae" is latin for secular.....
profanity and secular have nothing to do with one another. I guess that speaks to the attitude of Christianity towards people or ideas that were not somehow connected to God.......during the time when Latin was spoken.
Not knowing shit about the poem you parodied, I can't say whether it was lame or not, but it did make me laugh!
The Integral
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We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Dear Athena, hope you don't mind me simplifying your user name, Beuern is a region in Germany. During the dark ages anything that could not be proven to come from God was automatically assumed to have come from Satan.
Latin was the language of scholars during that time period and since English is a Romance language it takes little imagination to connect the words profane and secular. Most of the scholars of the 12th and 13 centuries were heavily influenced by, under the thumb of, religion.
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
Seems to me, Chief, that the natural abbreviation for Athenaivanidx would be AIX. However, if you shorten it to that, they collectively become a Unix wannabe.
So, I'm guessing from the Integral's moniker that he/she is complex and maybe a little unnatural.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.
Yo quiero Taco Bell.
Actually Deja my reason for shortening her name to Athena was simple, I clicked on her username and read her profile which stated that the first part of the name was Athena.
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
Deja and Chief, you are both right. The first part of the moniker is almost athena....just without the final a.
Complex, yes we are. Not in the sense of imaginary numbers, although they are cool.......complex meaning more than one personality sharing a single body.
Unnatural......well......what is natural for an individual will differ.....what's one person's definition of imbalanced will be another's definition of harmony. Sort of.
Gender pronouns make things more complicated for either "univariate" or "multivariate" beings if said beings do not conform to one or the other pronouns specifically, but we definitely appreciate and understand the fact that without said gender pronouns.....spoken and written language would be chaotic.....because of the societal constructs of language that have existed ever since written language first occurred.
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We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Dammit, where the hell is my dictionary?
Uhhhh, sorry PD, but I really had to shit and there was no paper left so I had to sacrifice it. Damn, it was a million wiper and alas, not a single page of your precious tome could be spared. Sincere apologies.....
The Integral
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We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
A univariate function is one that has only one independent variable......(but it can have more than one dependent variable) and a multivariate function is one that has more than one independent variable....
Damn, PD must be really pissed about the dictionary....he didn't even acknowledge my sincere apology......*sniffle sniffle*
heehee......
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We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
PD, will you please acknowlegde athena's apology. She is crying over here!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
Ok, I accept. I had to go for the dictionary because I didn't know what "multivariate" meant. I did notice a few pages missing, but they were in the "P's".
Hee hee.
Sorry about all the big words.......that's just the way I think and write. I'll admit that I'm kinda self-conscious about it sometimes because I don't want to seem like an asshole.......but.......this is PR, we discuss assholes all the time (by discussing what comes out of them) so I figure what the hell.
Way off-topic: I'm going PROTESTING tomorrow.........hooray!
I'll explain more when I get back if anyone is interested. Who knows, I might be able to draw a connection between that and poop!
It might be figurative rather than literal though.
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Dang.......I've been trying to come up with another pooem to the tune of Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel"......for a while now. It's getting there but not good enough yet. Will post when I finally have the whole thing written.
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We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Awsome Pooetry Keep Up The Craping athenivanidx
Oh, I had COMPLETELY forgotten to finish the poo song I was working on......to the tune of MJ's The Way You Make Me Feel......
Hell, I can't even recall where I put it.....
Awww, shit.
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
Poopy poopy poooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
and still haven't finished that poo song. I want suggestions.......which songs should I write poo parodies for? List songs you like or songs you hate.....
we'll come and check the list.....\
poopy balls!
athena.
_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!
my butt is leaky
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