Showboat Shitting: Turd Terrorism

PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Many readers of PoopReport are aware of the Shameless Shitting revolution -- a
movement to promote acceptance of shit as a basic human function, no more worthy of
shame nor disdain than blowing ones' nose or combing ones' hair. A Shameless Shitter
has the right to shit in any bathroom, anywhere, regardless of who knows what they're
doing, and feel neither shame nor scorn from themselves or anyone else.

Our cause is noble, our belief is pure. But --- there are some among us who twist
our theories of rectal justice to their own nefarious ends. These people appropriate
our battle cry -- and bastardize it into a twisted, perverse justification of their evil

I refer to Showboat Shitters. Otherwise known as Exhibitionist Shitters, these are
people who believe the ideals of Shameless Shitting validate acts of poop terrorism.

I give you the example of "Jeremy." He sent me this email a few weeks ago. Please
forgive his poor grammar -- clearly, it is exemplary of the kind of person we're dealing

Heres some backround information concerning the following poop escapade. One of my
friends and I decided to go hang out at the mall because of the lack of anything better
to do. He had bought a cd and had a small plastic bag. We both expressed the urge to
take a shit. I thought it would be the funniest thing on earth if he could take the bag
into the bathroom and poop in it, then we would take it to JCPenney and hang it on a
clothes rack where it would be hidden but stin up the joint like no other.

He couldnt manage to pinch one off in the bag, so he just crapped normally. I, being
hte talented crapper that i am, decided to go to the bathroom in JCPenney. I dropped my
trousers and tried to crap on the floor with no luck. I switched to regular poop
position and pinched a couple of soft pipin hot loafs. The last little turtle head
didnt want to come out so i plucked it with some TP and stuck it to the wall. It looked
like a large melted hershey kiss stuck to the stall door.

My friend was in the bathroom by the door keeping me company, he looked in the next
stall and found a plunger. He had the bright idea of smearing poop all over hte WHOLE
bathroom. We went ahead with our dispicible plan. There was shit on the bathroom
fixtures, smears on the walls and mirror, im saying EVERYWHERE. It looked like the
blood on the walls of the houses where the manson family killed those people. All of a
sudden, a man walks in with some sort of a name-tag. We assume they work at the store
so we shove him out of the way and bolt.

The bathroom was near a door that lead outside. My friend started heading all the
way back through the store and to the mall, i yelled at him to follow me so we ran
outside right into the middle of a contruction area. We crossed one of hte busiest
streets in town to a restaurant and had a lil food. We joked about how they might put
out a wanted poster on us or put us on the news ass the dookie delinquents. After wa
ate we returned to the mall with some expectations that they may have overreacted to
the whole situation and there would be some security lockdown. There wasnt, but we
still basked in the brown glory of knowing some poor sap opened the door to find a
bathroom covered in shit. what a day

Imagine the nerve of this little Junior Nazi. Not only does he go out and commit
these unspeakable crimes, but he actually comes seeking our approval!

Jeremy's actions violate every fiber of the Shameless Shitting doctrine. But as bad
as he is, there are worse.

Over on the forums, a new user has appeared. Calling himself The_Shitter, this
bathroom bomber claims to have been defacing and destroying toilets all across Oregon
regularly for the last three years.

Ever since I was a kid I have liked to shit on bathroom walls then go report it and
watch the look on some ones face as they thought about how much of a pain in the ass it
would be to clean it.

I take great pride in making the mess so it is hardest to clean up. Taking great
care to save a clump to shove up the hand dryer ( always hated them cheep ass people
who put them in their restrooms instead of paper towels ) and of course I like to smear
some on the sink handles and as I leave I leave a turd on the door handl exiting the

I have to pause for a second -- I am shaken.

It is time to make one thing quite clear: the Shameless Shitting doctrine does not
in any way support the desecration of bathrooms.

For most of us, pooping is a moment of Zen. For some, like uberpooper Dakota,
pooping is a celebration of freedom, of camaraderie, of being at one with his fellow
man. For others, like me, pooping is a time of solitude, of introspection, of private,
intense enjoyment of the pleasure of the human body.

Regardless of what the pooping experience means to you, enjoyment of poop always
relies on one thing: a bathroom suitable to poop in. Which is why these wicked little
Hezzbowelah terrorists are so evil -- because, by destroying the bathroom with their
shit, the render it unfit for human use -- which means that future shitters are unable
to enjoy what they came to do.

This is the true crime. On the spectrum of pooping priorities, I place 'enjoyment
of my own shit' ABOVE 'acceptance of others' shits.' When you make it so others are
unable to enjoy their shit, you are evil.

The objective of Shameless Shitting is to give humanity the freedom to shit with
impunity. These Hamass terrorists rob us of that freedom.

-- Dave

Like Dave? He's featured in The Journal of Ass Production!

83 Comments on "Showboat Shitting: Turd Terrorism"

Jonathan's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Evil is the right word. To deprive the rest of the world the right of taking a shit is a crime. Perhaps putting these monsters in a cell without a toilet (or any other kind of container) for an indefinite period of time would help them to appreciate its true funtion.

Shitmor's picture

Fuck that, I say shit where ever you want, anywhere. So what if the little basterds have a little fun, let them, no big deal, it will get cleaned up,

David Byrden's picture

WHY do these individuals cause harm to people that never bothered THEM? I bet they couldn't give a straight answer to that question.

Thunder From Down Under's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

In defense of the guy who rubs his crap on walls, he says on the forums that he's trying to figure why he does this and is trying to kick the habit. He doesn't come across like any evil demon, just an average joe with a bad habit.

Theologian's picture

How far do you want to take your logic? "I'm a racist and I don't know why I am this way, so I harm or even kill African-Americans?" Or how about that "habit" of blowing up buildings terrorist style like what happened on 9/11 - I think we should just excuse that kind of behavior. No doubt terroists have "to figure out" why they do these things. In the meantime they exterminate thousands of people, and radically effect the lives of millions more.

Yes, it's true people aren't evil, per se. In other words they were created good. But when they do evil things persons do become evil, in a sense; by vitue of their bad actions.

American society is full of people who do not take responsiblity for their actions. I believe "Shamless Shitting" is a right, and that we should all enjoy the natural function of taking a dump. However, when it causes deliberate distruction, or the impinging of the rights of others, it's wrong to defend that which is not defensable by using habit or other psychological reasons.

Let's grow up and begin to hold owrselves as well as others responsible for the actions that we do.

Jen's picture

Its good to know that I am not the only disgusting one out there. I have never gone that far, but I have like left a fat poo on top of the seat where you could see when you came in, rubbed in on the the handle to flushit so whoever would get a huge suprise. hahahahahaha

David Byrden's picture

Don't want to turn this into a philosophy debate, but I gotta point this out; "good" and "evil" do not exist. They are labels we attach to things. Think about it.

Brown Seymour's picture

Oh, it's a whole other sport. No comparison, really. The_Shitter is obviously getting some sexual satisfaction of of his shitting antics. It's a fetish, unlike your 'zen pooping.' And it *is* funny, as long as it doesn't happen to you. That's also why it's funny when Wile E. Coyote gets bonked on the head by an anvil- it isn't you, so it's funny.

Theologian's picture

Anybody who denies that good and evil exists objectively, i.e. independently of our labeling it, is totally out of contact with reality. Don't just think about it; look around and see the evidence with your own senses.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I agree that good and evil are constructs based on perception. But I believe you can define them by actions. "Evil" is infringing on the rights of others. Good and evil in the GWBush sense are subjective concepts... but if my actions take away rights from you, my actions are a degree of evil. So when a poop terrorists takes away my right to shit, that is a degree of evil.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

This reminds me of the Phantom Shitters in the Army. Some wise-ass would take a dump in a public place. Then we would get called in formation by the floor sergeant. He or she would go on to call us nasty pigs. Problem is, you couldn't help but crack up when being told about this, so it was mass punishment all around, because of this antisocial fuck who had to leave his turds where he pleased.

David Byrden's picture

Theologian, I looked around me like you said, and I saw light and heard sound, but it wasn't "good" or "evil" until I decided to call it so.

Maybe you've got an objective "evil-meter" but I'd sure like to know how it works. If you call a thing "evil" and I call it "good", who's correct?

Dave, thanks for defining "evil", but like I said you're just attaching a label to something as you choose.

Can we get back to poop talk?

The_Shitman's picture

I am not encouraging you to try this unless you are prepared for an addiction. Stopping this habbit after you do what I identify as " The grand Splatter " Posted on my last post " shitting on college walls "

I feel as though I am addicted to smearing my fecal waste on bathroom walls and when I can watching people clean or talk about who could do a thing like this. I also get off on the fact that they are looking at me describing the type of person that could do something like that and having no idea it was me. I enjoy being the good guy and reporting it to some one so I can see the results of their faces when they see it. It may start out a small little rub of shit on the walls but over the years you want more and more excitement, It will take you to making the messes bigger and bigger. Then you will take your poop out side the bathroom and leave it to be found at other places. Trust me don't start it.

the shitman's picture

Theologian I agree I need to take responsibilty , I have already emailed several corporations and said I was sorry. I am not going to purposely turn my self in to a bunch of different places and say yes this is so and so and I craped on your bathroom on 6-15 98

yes I keep a diary. Any how please do not equate me to a terror monger or a hateful person against races.

I know I have a bad habbit of rubbing rectum discharge on walls. I don't need that pointed out along with your equation of linking me to a terroist. Good Day Sir.


virto's picture

Acts like these have to be seen as wrong if you think that the well being of conscious life, including your own, is important. All beliefs are based on arguments of varying strengths.. if you're not willing to believe anything about anything then you couldn't get up in the morning- unable to believe in the existence of anything around you- staring and mindless (and poop on yourself I suppose).

If you start accepting beliefs like 'i exist', 'i'm hungry', and so on you have to go all the way and sort out questions like 'what is the importance of somone having to clean up after me versus the importance of my enjoyment of the act?' or in other words, 'why would I be any more or less important than someone else?'

Sadly, what people generally do is invent beliefs mostly out of the air that let them do whatever the f-ck they have an impulse to do anyway.

David Byrden's picture

If people invented beliefs out of the air I would give them some credit for creativity. Sadly, many people seem to adopt whatever beliefs their peer group have.


The_Shitman's picture

I belive in my self , and my poop thats it. Oh I belive I have a problem in which I am working on.

Time to flush the potty

The WIPO Troll's picture

On the walls, that's a good one. I'll have to try that sometime.

Mr. Buttplug's picture

The_Shitman is just a vandal, plain and simple. This is no better or worse than shooting out car windows, writing grafitti or starting fires. It is just another form of vandalism. The_Shitman enjoys upsetting people because this helps him to release some of his own pain and relieve his inner pain and suffering.

Shitman, do you ever feel guilty after a shit smearing spree?

Che Guanovara's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

that's messed up. probly the only way this guy's gonna stop (if he even does it to begin with) is by getting caught. how embarassing would THAT be? especially if he's greater than, say...10 years old.

also, good and evil do exist, but people are not inherently good. quite the opposite. inside every person is evil. we're born evil, we live evil and we die evil. that's our nature. some are just better at hiding it than others. those are your "good" people.

The_Shitman's picture

Your almost right. Im in my mid 20's and yes I still do this. The way I have been going on with it and not doing it at school any more I HIGHLY doubt I would ever get caught. I am a vandal how ever I do consider this a form of art. ( With Smell ) I never realy feel guilty about it. It's almost like after I am done I feel like the other guy. I am posting an essay talking a little about it. Please check back with the webmaster becasue I do not know when He will post it.

How embarassing Would that be? I imagine pretty embarassing how ever I will not get caught as long as I learn from each time I almost got caught. people have to NOT look the part of some one who shits on things. Thank you very much,

thomas's picture

I would welcome this character to my bathroom.and record his entire session of video,then when he is about to leave,I will activate the electronic door locks,then pump in warm heated air,so that he can savor his handy work from a different point of view-while he is getting gassed by his own waste and trying to find a way out,i would have a septic tank dump it daily load into this bathroom from a window near the ceiling,once the discharge has done it job,only then will i release the electronic door locks and let him leave with more than he left in my bathroom,i bet you never see this guy again doing his thing if he knew that a quick escape was impossible!.

Justice Schmitd's picture


No One's picture

Don't know what to say, other than if you are seriously doing half of what you say on this site then you are a sad group of people. I was once a scumbag also. When you are old and on your deathbed will you look back and this and be proud. Where you put on this earth to rub shit on the walls? Are you proud of this? Wake up.

The WIPO Troll's picture

I shat on the walls in a bathroom today. Man, it was fun. Actually I shat on the floor then drew little swirlies on the wall with my shit. Then I spelled out my name, and to top it off, I peed all over the floor. Then I rolled in it and ran out of the bathroom naked and covered in my own excretia. All in all, a fun day.

Kurtisd the BREWER's picture

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA , your all a bunch of mall shitters, You dont even have souls. If you can shit at the mall without shame then your souless creatures. I really hope you dont go to my local mall cause well find you, see you, and harass you.....

Alex's picture

Shameless shitting, hah, that's a laugh! You filthy deficators should be ashamed of yourselves! You all make me sick. One of my hobbies is finding public shitters and exposing them, making them feel ashamed for what they are doing. I will soon find you. I dare you to come and shit at my mall...

Mr.Tanaka's picture

I was involved in the JcPennies attack, i myself painted the walls with the shit, it was a gruesome site and i loved it hahahhahah it was the funniest thing ever. i havent done it again since then just becuase the opputunity never arouse again , but beware the turd terrorists are out there and there gonna get ya!!

Joel Knoeck's picture

I once dealt a commode choker out in the second floor bathroom at the 2-year college I attended after high school. After I flushed, the water refused to take the brown trout to the river, and rose over the lid and out onto the floor. I was stunned to discover that the small restroom did not have a urinal or a floor drain - so I sped out of there. About 30 minutes later, I returned to find that the hallway was sloshy and the custodian crew were racing to plop down those yellow folding "Caution Slipper" signs.

The WIPO Troll's picture

WIPO here again, just letting you all know I'm NOT DEAD YET. In fact, I just got back from slathering a ten-stall public restroom with feces! Wow, that took a lot of time... Do you know how many days it took for me to fill enough trash bags with shit to accomplish that? Ever seen someone walking down the street with four grocery-store plastic bags full of shit? Whoot! Someone's gonna be cleaning that place for a long, looong time. :)

Alexis's picture

K, I'm not bashing, but don't you think it's just a little odd to be shitting on the wall? Seriously, go get professional help. That is a mental problem. It's one thing to be a shameless shitter, but it's another to be so shameless that you have to disrespect public property.

I, myself, am a shameless shitter, and could care less what somebody thinks, but I think it goes a little too far when you feel the need to take your personal waste onto the walls. Get some tact and class, please.



chackakus's picture

i can empathise with those who struggle to retain urges to use their poop as a weapon, but let me tell you, once you spend the night in the slammer for putting poopoo in a neighbor's BBQ grill, it's no fun.

The WIPO Troll's picture

Oh, come on - there's nothing wrong with a good shitfest in a public bathroom. Those walls were asking for it, dammit. ASKING FOR IT!! Besides, what else was I going to do with those four bags o' shit; eat them? Damn people.

Joel Knoeck's picture

After drinking an entire gallon of chocolate milk in one evening, I detected an urgent intestinal requirement while I was at the home of a lady of the evening. Not wanting to explode my ass in the bathroom of her one room flat, I quickly exited to my Subaru. After driving only a few blocks, I had to pull the car over or risk soiling my new light tan Dockers. I popped the trunk, grabbed some paper towel I had stored in there, and raced over to a section of bushes. The cover of night protected my identity. I ripped down my trousers and sprayed liquid feces with extreme force over a several square foot area. I took such a big dump that my pants actually fit better after I was finished. The odor was rancid. I used the paper towel to wipe my ass, used almost a fourth of the roll. I tossed the browned towel under the bushes and completed my journey back to my apartment. The next day I drove past the area and it was clearly a Turd Disaster Zone (TDZ). The previous night served to educate me on pitfalls of being lactose intolerant and reminded me that a turd in the hand is far worse than a turd in the bush.

a friend's picture

Man Joel....those poor paper towels that had to lick your ass clean. I bet they wish they were never born. You left them with the smell and taste of your smelly dirty ass all over their face! Well, the main thing is, you felt better. Hell with the paper towels. Right? I bet you treat poor public toilets real bad too.

Joanne Carter's picture

one time, i went with my mamaw grocery shopping, when all of a sudden i got a huge shit attack. I went in Krogers bathroom and crapped like 5 times while the cashiers were checking my mamaw out. I still had to go, and people were giving me funny looks cause i had went in the bathroom so many times. I had to go so bad that i got in my mamaws van and crapped in a brown paper bag and threw it beside the van for no one to see and went back in to help my mamaw. when we came back out the bag was gone and i think that a kroger employee picked it up!!!!!!!!1

DP's picture


slim jim junkie's picture

you turd terorists should have your a cork stuck in your ass

mr hankies friend's picture

This is an old but true never been told shit story which makes me realise the frill of shit smearing. When i was about 11 years old me and my friend Darren Lee walked in to a bus depot, walked upstairs on a bus (double decker) uk bus. Darren then did this great big turd of at least 9 inches on the front passenger seat. He then cleaned himself by wiping his arse down the corner of all the remaining seats. We ran off giggling and went to a position just past the first bus stop to await our boobie trapped bus. About 10 minutes later it came driving up and stopped to let on about 7 people. The reaction was almost immediate as we saw people just about to sit on the front seat where he had laid the mother of all logs!,,.Quite a bit of commotion ensued and everybody was ushered of the bus by the conductor.The icing on the cake was watching the destination sign on the front of it change to "out of service". I defy an human being on this planet not to find this funny!!!!!!!!!.

CyberPoop's picture

Turd Terrorism is unacceptable not only because smell poo is being displayed or used to incapacitate toilet facilities, but because, as mentioned earlier in the thread, it's wrong to let your own fetishes inconvenience the normal use of the toilet by others. Everybody's got their own thing, and your own thing is cool once it's doesn't involutarily become somebody else's thing.

Paul Robinson's picture

If you want to make someone's job of cleaning up a toilet an even more shitty one, do it to your own bathroom. Don't mess up a place unnecessarily. It's one thing, say, to leave a mess because you had diarrhea and could not catch all of it. It's quite another to intentionally filth a place just for "fun," and maybe if you get caught, you'll get to share your ass for 30 days or so with some guy named Bubba.

Turd Liberation Army (TLA)'s picture

We are not "turd" terrorists, or extremists. We are people fighting in the name of the Shameless Shitting Doctrine, mainly against the infidels such as the Shameful Shitters and their allies. This "Turd Jihad" that we are implementing follows this Doctrine. "Jeremy" and "The_Shitter" are perfect recruits for the TLA, and God bless them, they are martyrs and heroes for The People. The TLA's goal is to evict all Shameful Shitters and to create a one Global Turd Nation -- a paradise in which every man woman and child feels no shame to openly shit or discuss shitting in public. One day there will be no stalls (created by The System), which were essentially created to blockade our beliefs. And one day restrooms will not be divided into male or female. The TLA forsees a Poop Utopia, a prophecy that will one day be fulfilled. Many operations are being conducted against The System and the infidels that says shitting is wrong. Just yesterday 2 martyrs got on board a subway and shit right in the middle of the train. A week ago a martyr took a shit outside of porta-potty at a construction site to show his defiance in using such blasphemous devices. More operations will continue until our goals are reached. As a result, the infidels have called for a "War On Terrorism" -- these crimes will only motivate our followers. For more information on joining the TLA, feel free to e-mail me. Remember my fellow shitters, shit rolls down hill. May peace be with you all. And death to the Shameless Shitters.

Shameless Shitting Brigade for Self Defense (SSBSD)'s picture

Ever since The System of Shameful Shitters has been conducting genocide against the Shameless Shitters and all those who enjoy taking a nice good crap, organizations such as the TLA and the SSBSD, have formed and emerged to counter this threat in the name of The People. And here we have Dave, who clearly works for the Crusaders who want to rid the world of Poopists, brandishes us as "turd terrorists". We are not terrorists nor are we extremists. Instead we are Freedom Fighters protecting the good name of the almighty Turd itself, and all those who follow it. Poop Report is a medium and a network for all dung followers. It is a shame that The System of Shameful Shitters have indicted spies posing as Shameless Shitters (Dave) to conduct espionage and emmit false propaganda in order to disrupt the bond that Poopers have taken so long to build.

slacker24345's picture

i will definetly think twice before using the sink at a public restroom now, these storys make me laugh(sorry, i kno its wrong and i dont aprove but it is kinda funny)and scare me, ppl like that ruin it for evryone, my brother works at our local pricechopper and everynow and then has to clean the bathrooms and he tells me about how horrible it is, there is always crap everywhere, if i were to work there and caught sum1 doing that i use their shirt to clean it up

poop's picture

once i had aturd in a urinal instead of a piss then i went in to the loo and locked the door only to hear the crier of terror as the public saw the whopper i had let off

The Other David's picture
l 100+ points

Well, I consider myself to be a shameless shitter. I have had many public accidents, but none deliberate. They were all ACCIDENTS as I have IBS a condition that sometimes makes shitting immediate and urgent. As I have had so many accidents in public, I suppose that I have become rather callous and have lost most of my sense of embarrassment. It is something I can't help, but to those who would shit in public upon a deliberate basis as a prank, well, I have mixed feelings about that. One the ond hand, it makes those of us with genuine medical conditins look bad, but on the other hand, I do think that most people are too hung up about human defecation and place undue shame upon a very natural and necessary part of what it is to be human!


The Other David's picture
l 100+ points

to TLA, can I join?

I get so bloody tired of these Washrooms for customers only' policies while no public loos exist! What is one supposed to do? Hold their shit? One can only do so for so long eith before having to go involuntarily, or...having the water so well ascorbed in the rectum that one becomes severely constipated! It is indeed unhealthy!
So though there is no website '' (as I had just checked) as it must be for the sake of humour, there really ought to be a TLA -- for real! Contact me if interested, (my e-mail is for real)!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Sounds like I have some choice toilets to clog. "customers only" is a perfect invitation.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Donny Beer Belly's picture

I like to rub shit on the handles of the restroom door so that some poor slob gets crap all over their hands. It is quite funny.

The Shit Bandit's picture

I took a shit on a church pew once. Boy did it stink and no one could figure out where the smell was coming from. They had to stop mass because it stank so bad.

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