Situational Shamefulness

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l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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I used to think I was a Shameless Shitter. I was pretty regular, so I'd proudly strut my stuff down a city-block-long high-rise in which I used to work, newspaper/magazine/journal under arm, no cares in the world. I thought I was pretty cool.

I decided to go back to school, however. My program of study had eleven students -- myself and ten females. At first I was excited -- even though I'm engaged, the mere prospect of being around that much estrogen-laden tissue had a certain allure.

That's when I realized that, by some cruel twist of fate, I was located in a field (for the sake of anonymity, I won't disclose what it is) overrun with women. By statistical analysis, it shouldn't be. It should be about 50/50 -- I guess there's a bumper crop of smart, pro-active feminists this year.

Anyway, second day of class. I've got a warm one working itself up. Gotta void. Head into the hallway. There's ONE bathroom within a radius of six classrooms (it's a small college, offering only ten degrees, and even though we're a part of a university, the OTHER folks get the nice building, because there's more of them).

I wander. I clutch my cheeks. I find an unoccupied bathroom and let myself in. I am a Shameless Shitter -- or so I thought! No stalls. Just a toilet, a sink, a wall-mounted trashcan, and about fourteen inches of louvers in the door, open at a 45-degree angle, angled down into the hall, not adjustable. They put this contraption in a beautiful two-inch thick solid oak door. Sure, it lets a little air flow in and out -- but it also (being at the very end of a very long hallway) could conceivably cause reverberations that would prevent me from coming out alive.

I was mortified. Never has this happened to me -- I'd become a Shameful Shitter!

This was the only bathroom that even resembled something not "female". None of the bathrooms say "Men" or "Women", but this is the only sanctuary I've never seen a female come out of. The problem: a large quantity of females walk past the partially open (because of the louvers) door every 15 or 20 minutes.

I, a formerly Shameless Shitter, now have no choice but to quiet the biologic noise of my voiding so I can hear the ephemeral sounds of approaching feminine footsteps! I'm even afraid to READ in there, regardless of what the material is -- what if one of them hears a page turn?

Even if they heard it, and walked on, there's still a pretty big risk that I'll be caught by the same female (in a college of about 100, it's pretty good odds), on my way OUT of the restroom.

Isn't it called a "RESTroom" for a reason? Aren't there laws about privacy, and soundproofingness, and accessibility? Forget about the "HandiCrappers" -- give me a private wing, a sector, a building -- anything so I won't have to be so ashamed of my bodily habits. I guess I wasn't as Shameless as I thought -- the comfort of three stalls, two urinals, and a double-door creating a little anteroom before the hallway created a false sense of security in me.

Now that I can actually see the feet of passers-by while sitting on the throne itself, I'm singing a different tune -- as is my sphincter. It's tired of clamping up at the slightest provocation! Please help!

-- Dave J

14 Comments on "Situational Shamefulness"

LeeAnn's picture
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I feel your pain...I am trying to become shameless, but there are times when I just have to be shameful.

Mookystinks's picture
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So, today I was humbled into shamefulness -- by the shamelessness and strangeness of a fellow shitter.

My office shares a common bathroom with a bunch of other offices on the same floor.

There is a guy in one of the other offices we call "the Talker." The Talker must have some sort of mental problem, sort of like Turrett's. When he walks around he mutters nonsense.

In the bathroom, though, he feels like he can really let loose -- no matter if there are others in the bathroom!

One time he was in a stall when I went to whizz, and it was like he was singing a little song to his poopie. He didn't stop.

Anyway today I'm having a nice shit (a big tan three chunker, borne of last night's not-so-fresh dinner of Thai leftovers), reading the newspaper. I'm about to think about cleaning my browneye and getting back to work when the door opens.

Mutter, mutter. There is is! Shit!

Then he goes through this little ritual he has. First, he takes a leak standing up. Strange in itself. But his leak is not constant. It starts and stops. Every time it starts and stops he makes a little noise: "Eee" "Hmmmm" "O..Kah...O" "Dum dum dum" "lalala."

Just as I'm about to get blow chunks or start laughing my ass off, he lets out a few dirty escapees: "Pfft" "Braaap!" His mouth punctuates his nasty farts with "OH!" "Eee" "...mutter.. [unintelligible]."

I mean, this guy KNOWS I'm sitting right there! I went so far as to shift my weight, rattle the newspaper, and pull some TP!

Does he care? NO! After he finishes his leak, he plops down on the seat and dumps a scary gassy load. PLOP! SPLASH! BRRRAAAPPPP! Of course, the whole time his mouth is doing a mirror image of his asshole: "Booooo" "Ai!" "OK ... OK ..." "Well!" "Just... Yeah!" "CHA!...Mmmm...M...Cha!!!" I mean just nonsense words to punctuate the crapping!!!

The reek gradually drifts over. I choke, and luckily persevere in holding my cookies back. Hold my breath....

I'm about the lose it. But damned if I'm going to get off the toilet now. WHAT THE HELL I AM I GOING TO DO IF HE FINISHES WHILE I'M WASHING UP? How can I look at this guy? What if he decides to make conversation??

So I sat and braved his whole drama, his little words and utterances, to the last. He finally got up and left.

I waited a safety minute, and ran for the door....

- Mooky

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points
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Shameless is shameless, no matter what the situation. There's not much room for conditional shamefulness. Even hippychik feminist types have to drop one off now and then, right? So they see you walk out of the restroom. No biggie. Just smile and say "Whew! I feel about ten pounds lighter!"

Fecal T.P. Treacle's picture
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Loved the story about your 2-person pooping session, Mooky. I had a similar experience as a kid, check it out in the forums at http://www.poopreport.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=809

The Shameless ideal is to never be Shameful about shitting, regardless of the situation. The fact is that extenuating circumstances will arise in which certain individuals cannot prevent being Shameful. As long as they are Shameless the rest of the time, they deserve the title of Shameless Shitter.

Gibby's picture
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I've been moved along the toward total Shamelessness by my third year in university. These days I'm pretty comfortable going regardless of company. My story:

We had three bathrooms in our dorm, and neither the guys nor the gals wanted to give it up. So it was declared co-ed. Those who didn't like the idea could use a single-sex bathroom down at the other end of the hallway.

My room was mere steps away from the co-ed can... Of *course* that left me no choice but to be a co-ed user!

Well, that was an experience, let me tell you... There were two toilet stalls, no urinals and two private showers in the co-ed bathroom. Pissing and showering were easy, but when it came to taking a dump next to a woman, at the beginning my Kung Fu was weak!

Well by year's end it wasn't an issue. I could do my business comfortably with or without a neighbour, regardless of sex. Even conversation, with a few of the more secure girls.

I've never seen anything like that arrangement before or since though, despite the fact that it worked so well. Too bad; it was kind of cool, once you got used to it.

Gibby

A Dude's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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This story reminds me of a funny thing that happend is college 3 years ago. You see this guy named George went to my high school and he was a real people person. We knew e/o and I would not say we were friends as in hanging out and stuff, but we were kinda like to where we would say hi when we say e/o.

Anywho, it had been like 2 years since I'd seen him and one day I was at a unrinal taking a leak and the door of the restroom opened. I heard the creek and footsteps on the tile floor and got a little nervous. I'm a shameful pisser as well as a shameful shitter. I'm really a stall man; only that day someone had left a loaf in the one and only stall for special people so I was forced to use the unrinal.

Anywho, I hear the footsteps get closer and boom, I feel a hand slap my back. I almost had a heartattack cause here I was in a public restroom with my willy hanging out and maybe I was getting assaulted.

Then I hear him and he goes "hey buddy, how you doing?" I muttered something like "good...um...yeah". I zipped up quickly and washed my hands and tried to get out of there pronto, but then George extends his hand to shake and I went ahead and did it when the door opened and one of my former professors (who knew me by name) walked it. The profesor watches as George smiles, shakes my hand, and says "It was REALLY NICE to see you again".

LOL.....I was sooooooo embarassed.

Slim Jim Junkie's picture
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If you have another shameful shitter that you sell stuff to, you have to be shameful. Nobody wants to think that your stuff is shitty too.

Fernando's picture
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I want to bring to attention a particular case that may lead to situational shamefullness for some men. It is stalls visible from outside the bathroom, where you can see the guy in the toilet. In my opinion, it´s no big deal for men to use such stalls. Going to the bathroom is a completely natural function, and besides, people outside won´t see your private parts. Displaying your underwear, particularly briefs can bee a little embarrasing. However I think the guy should assess the situation and use his criteria if he thinks it could lead to a potentially embarrassing situation, particularly with women. Some men are aprehensive by the mere fact that even if they have their pants up high, people know they are in the can. This should be no big deal, since using a stall should not be more embarrasing than using a urinal. Many guys don´t care women seeing them in urinals, like in bars, or when cleaning ladies are in the restroom, since they don´t see anything private. In Amsterdam, urinals are even in public display in the middle of the street. The concept behind this is: As long as you have the basic privacy, there´s nothing wrong with people knowing you are having a bodily function.

Stu's picture
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In college, the Student Union building had a men's room whose door opened into a busy hallway and anyone outside could see the feet of the guy in the first stall. I always used to avoid that stall. I didn't like anyone to know that I was crapping. If I had to use that stall, I'd keep my pants and underwear up high and exit when I knew the outside door was closed.
After a few months of living with roomates in my fraternity house who had an open bathroom door policy, I didn't mind if anyone saw me go into or come out of the stall. I would even pull my pants and underwear all the way down to my ankles, which I find is a more comfortable crapping position. In this position, it was also quite easy for the people out in the hallway to see what color briefs I wore that day, especially the bright colors.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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I don't know what to say on this one. On one hand, I can see your point. I guess it is human nature to have some degree of shame when in the toilet.

But on the other hand, what's the big secret, everyone shits. Male or Female, Homely or Beautiful, Young or Old, Rich or Poor, Wise or Ignorant. Nobody is immune from from the tyrany of the bowels. The president poops, movie stars poop (and even bronze their kid's poop), but I digress.

The bottom line is: even though it is human nature to have some sense of shame, there really is nothing to be ashamed of.
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Stu's picture
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I don't know if it's actually human nature to have a sense of shame when pooping. I think that our culture/society decides what is shameful. Pooping is something that everyone does. We don't crap out in the open or wherever we feel like it more for sanitary reasons rather than shame. I'm sure we've all seen the little boy who will whip it out and pee whenever and wherever he is. His nature isn't to be ashamed. He's taught it.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
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The "bathroom" noise maker referenced in the entry from mookystinks must have been the guy that thought up the special effects on the TV show Batman..... Biff, Pow, Zowie, Crash, etc.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I am always surprised by the lack of privacy in the stalls in US Restrooms. Low doors - or wide gaps seem to be normal - yet many urinals have substantial privacy dividers.
In the UK the stalls are completely private - yet most urinals are unscreened.

fernando's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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A shameless shitter can poo in doorless stalls (literally and figuratively). So there's no room for situational shamefullness as long as he (or she) poops in any place with a working toilet.

However, from my personal point of view, there are certain etiquette nuances, which dictate that in three particular situations, it would be very advisable to hold it in (unless an emergency of course):

1- At someone else's house at a black tie event

2- If the bathroom is next to the living room and everyone can hear your farts and plops (not even your family wants to hear them). Those living in a small apartment are forgiven, however, it would be wise to have sound proof walls in this case.

3- In any event where you are either the host, the main focus of attention, or a defining moment of your life, like your first date, your wedding party. If you are giving a lecture or performing a piano concert. Or if you are entertaining guests at your place.

Pooping is natural and there's no need to be ashamed of the fact that we poop but in these particular situations it can make some persons extremely uncomfortable. Everything has its culturally determined place, and pooping in these situations is simply out of place. It would be like having sex in your living room with your family watching.

Shameful shitting arises from ambiguity. That is when the boundary of a bathroom is not clear cut between public and private. And shameless shitting means that it is fine to poop in a bathroom even if others see you, hear you, and smell you. This makes sense mainly in a public bathroom because any person entering it should accept (and expect) other persons relieving themselves. It's socially acceptable, no matter who notices you pooping. But shameless shitting only distinguishes between public and private bathrooms. It assumes that people only take into account this factor when deciding whether to poop somewhere. But there is another factor which is more difficult to pin point which is "the social ocassion". Unlike the first factor (which is irrelevant for shameless shitters), this one can play an important role in determining whether you should poop or not in a particular bathroom. It's not just about the place and the people around but the occasion as well.