poopreport : Stories About Poop :

i poop and i vote

Adventures in Babyshitting

Posted 09.21.2003 by Roxanne (10)
I used to baby-sit for four kids, ages seven to fourteen. It was such an ordeal that the parents gave me TWICE the going rate. I enjoyed it for one reason: once I got the kids to bed, it was pig out/TV remote time. There was a hidden stash of junk food that I liked to help myself of.

One night the kids had been taken to the Dairy Queen for dinner. Apparently they'd all eaten the brownie surprise because they all had the poopers. The most awful aspect of this is that they all picked the same toilet and didn't flush -- so by the time the little angels were all tucked in bed and I stumbled across the loo, it was packed with Dairy Queen's revenge.

I tried flushing but it was like The Blues Traveler guy trying to pull off a pair of spandex shorts. Heavy equipment and a blowtorch to be required.

I worried that the parents would come home and discover this situation. I went out to the garage and got a bucket and a plastic shovel, and got the grunge out of that bowl. Then the flushing worked -- although the toilet was still more grumpy than J Lo at a Mates For Life conference.

I didn't know what to do. I was the owner of a bucket full of sewage in a Home Alone type neighborhood. It wasn't every day someone walked out on their pristine lawns and hurled a load of grunt. I made the decision to put the stuff into the trunk of my Dodge Dart.

On the way home (about three in the morning) I stopped off at my old boyfriend's house. I had a key to his car trunk which had accidentally been left in my car and that I had not returned. It was a big deal at school that he was going out with the most stuck up girl who I'll call "Sadie Braindead." She actually wore Versace to school.

I put the incriminating stench into his trunk.

The next night we spotted his car at the movies and let the air out of a tire. We waited from a parking spot hidden in the darkness.

Out they strutted after Phone Booth. But their evening had only just begun.

He saw the tire, so they both went unlatch the trunk. They opened it and jumped back quicker than Hillary Clinton at a Liar's Convention.

Word at school was that Sadie was shocked by the sight that she decided to go back to her old boyfriend. I did my old boyfriend a favor.

-- Roxanne



email this page | printer friendly version
PJbrownstuff (60) -- 09.21.2003

This story is as fake as a pair of Pamela Anderson's breasts.

Similies are your friend!

never happened (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

enough said

CyberPoop (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

I am inclined to agree with PJ

Sadie (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

Never happened. The biach is just jealous. The only bucket of turds she ever loaded into or out of her car or her ex-boyfriend's car was in the ass end of her natty stretch pants.

Sadie

poopmagick (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

Give Dave a break! You heard him, he's been waiting three years to use that title. I'd have used the first babysitting story that came along to use that title, too.

crappercritic (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

dave is a shitgoose

doniker (1535) -- 09.21.2003

This post was so bad and fake........................................................ok for once i'm speechless.

Insane Wayne (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

Good plot, however its better to pack the poop directly under the doorhandle. That way the victim has to reach for the nail brush

Kung Poo (91) -- 09.21.2003

THIS STORY FUCKING SUCKED! It's pretty pathetic when you have to make up a story for poopreport.

crappercritic (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

you tell em derrell!

crapmonkey (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

i think it was good, call me what you want the bitch sadie is just pissed that it happened to her.. nuff said

never happened (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

I still say it never happened.

If the kids were really that bad, the lady still wouldn't have paid double, she probably would have just found someone that was cheaper, or sold a couple or drowned the worst one to teach the others a lesson.

Nobody hires a sitter for a 14 year old.

She would've left the "grunt" for the parents to find.

NOBODY watched Phone Booth. that sank faster than Donikers' logs

Icould go on, but I have drugs to do.

boca-cuda (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

This site bans your IP if you use the N-word -- BEWARE!

the_brown_word (not verified) -- 09.21.2003

yeah, pretty much. I never bag on stories or call them bullshit, but this one was really lame.

point 1: making fun of the blues traveller guy. low.

point 2: "I used to baby sit..." like its past tense, but then they saw phonebooth, which is a totally recent release. get your stroy telling tense straught.

point 3: the j-lo and hillary clinton comments were gay too.

taco taco, burrito burrito.

so there. you have my take on it. put that in your smipe and poke it.

Sniper Wiper (not verified) -- 09.22.2003

BOCA CUDA: Good. That word has absolutely no place here. If that's the kind of shit your into, you are not, and would never be missed.

ThreePly (not verified) -- 09.22.2003

Let me jump on the FAKE bandwagon here. How the hell did you know they went to see Phone Booth and not Gigli? You stored poop in the back of your car instead of flushing it down one load at a time? Your J-Lo analogy sucked, and when was the last time you heard of a woman babysitting in an uppity neighborhood, driving a friggin' Dodge Dart? Dodge Neon maybe. I could go on, but I think TBW and others already pointed out the obvious continuity flaws in this piece of crap.

Dave (11578) -- 09.22.2003

ok, you guys are probably right. Sorry.

Captain Crap (not verified) -- 09.22.2003

Yarrr...it blows.

crappercritic (not verified) -- 09.22.2003

so you are a shitgoose???

The Big Wiper (2244) -- 09.22.2003

Actually, ThreePly, I had no comment on this story, but I defer to the judgment of my compadres here.

Sniper Wiper (not verified) -- 09.22.2003

He's talking about "The Brown Word."

Thats ok though, because .. well... it just is!

What the fuck is a shitgoose?

Hahaha shitgoose.... that's funny.

Roxanne SUCKS!!!

She didn't even bother to make up a funny name!

How about reverse the order of the silables in her name? Roxanne=Canrocks

That works.

Dave, youll have a chance to use that name again soon enough. Trust me:)

Ass Phlegm (314) -- 09.23.2003

This story should have been titled, "Poor Attempt At Baby Fibbing.

-AP

Carlos (69) -- 09.23.2003

This story holds about as much water as a contact lens.

Similie's Suck (not verified) -- 09.25.2003

Your punchlines were about as funny as a funeral.

Alex (not verified) -- 09.29.2003

yea there were two many similies and they werent funny!

Wenton Chan (not verified) -- 10.01.2003

And thus we see the wrath of the poopreport community, scorned by a diamond-in-the-rough post.

I don't care of these things are real or not; everyone here is surfing on the web's premiere site for poo and poo related stories. I'm looking for entertainment, not factual accuracy. I just don't want people to be scared off from contributing just because some malcontents don't fancy one particular story or another.

poopcheesy (not verified) -- 10.04.2003

wether poop did or didn't happen... We are gathered here today to read about poop... true or false, poop is poop... My D&D character is called Nam-Huong... Let us all be happy that the community can read freely the happenings of thy great poop, not hinder it by constipation and angry people such as are most of you...

nunyabizz (not verified) -- 11.06.2003

i agree with wenton. and poopcheesy too (i think)

The Shit Volcano (3737) -- 12.29.2003

Why didn't you flush the toilet between kiddie dumps? Duh!

A chick (not verified) -- 01.27.2004

Your a stupid idiot!
No one believed it you only made yourself look dumb!
Even me a 15 year old mum knows that one aint true!

freakazoid (not verified) -- 02.05.2004

Shitgoose! Ha ha ha!

Anonymous visitor (not verified) -- 10.07.2005

what N-word? i am not good on slang...

Fart Poopie (1254) -- 10.07.2005

How could these kids be crapping all night without you noticing that they weren't flushing the toilet? Who the hell PAYS a babysitter when they have a 14 year old?! Most of our babysitters were between 13 and 18.

Fart Poopie (1254) -- 10.07.2005

P.S. I say "were" because our oldest is old enough to watch the rest. Our kids have never made a babysitter go insane. No, really... they haven't...

DungDaddy (1369) -- 11.16.2006

I would have woke up the oldest of the kids and made him eat that toilet clean. Little fuckers not flushing the toilet! That would piss me off.

Post new comment



Prove you're not a spambot: what bodily function is this site about? Four letters, begins with p...

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

*

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
More information about formatting options
20,000 character limit / Flood control: 60 seconds between comments and no more than 10 comments per hour
RETURN TO INDEX:
Stories About Poop

i poop and i vote
 


About PoopReport | Advertise! | The PoopReport Press Room | Report Your Poop | Contact Dave | Copyright 2000-2008 PoopReport.com