My major was in geology. One of my classes decided to take a field trip to the Rocky Mountains over Spring Break. It was a graduate class, so there were not very many students in it; only about six of us were going on the trip. I had become good friends with the only girl in the class, as we had had many classes together in our undergraduate studies. We were both married, so we were not romantically involved; but we had become quite close through the years, and we could discuss just about anything.
The trip started around six AM. We were in a van large enough to seat about twelve, so there was plenty of room. The morning was uneventful. We stopped for lunch around noon. While we were stopped, everyone went to the bathroom and then sat down to eat. After we were done, we started out to the van when my friend said she better go to the bathroom again before we leave. Unfortunately, a bus tour had just stopped to eat and there was a long line at the women's; so she decided she would be fine to skip it.
We loaded in the van. I sat with her in the back. It was a rather warm day for early spring and, being college kids, everyone started falling asleep. There was plenty of room in the van for everyone to almost lie down, so within an hour everyone was asleep except for me and my friend.
About this time we hit a stretch of highway that's about 180 miles of nothing but ranches -- and no towns or trees. Just as we entered this stretch, my friend made the comment that she really should have used the facilities before we left. I think she had seen the road sign warning that there were no gas stations for the next 179 miles.
As we drove on, I could tell she was getting more uncomfortable, and I finally suggested that I could ask them to stop so she could go by the side of the road. She said there was no place to go and that she would be too embarrassed with a van full of guys. I had gotten a drink to go when we left the cafe so I suggested she could use the cup, as everyone was asleep except for the professor who was driving. The seat backs were quite high so she could remain hidden in the back. She thanked me for the offer, but said the problem wasn't that she had to pee. I had no solution for that, so I just tried to talk with her to help keep her mind off of her dilemma. This worked for a while but soon she was squirming around a lot, and pretty soon after that she was holding her bottom.
I offered again to have the driver stop, but she said no. In fact, she was sure if she stood up it would start coming out. She leaned over against my shoulder, and I could tell she was softly crying. I felt really bad for her, but didn't know what to do. We were still a good hour-and-a-half away from any facility, and the terrain was completely flat with no trees.
She remained on my shoulder for about thirty minutes when suddenly she sat upright and said, "It's coming!" She quickly sat forward on the seat and pulled her sweatpants and panties to mid-thigh in one quick motion.
I saw a tremendous log about two-and-a-half inches in diameter slowly growing underneath her bare bottom. It nearly hit the floor before it broke off and another emerged, this one about half the length. Then, about the time this one broke free, I saw the pee start to come. I had thought about trying to catch the log in the cup but decided quickly that it would not work. But when I saw the pee, I quickly held the cup underneath her. When she saw that I was catching it she let go and peed a large stream that nearly filled the cup. When she was almost done, another smaller log glanced off my hand on its way to the floor.
When she was finished, she quickly pulled up her pants and curled up in the corner, crying. When I finally got her to take her hands away from her face I will never forget the look. I don't think I have ever seen anyone that embarrassed before or since; but I could also see a little look of relief on her face. The poor girl had been in serious distress!
She calmed down a bit. She kept saying she was glad it was in front of me and not someone else. I told her not to feel bad, as there was nothing she could have done. We looked around. Everyone was still asleep, so it was time to figure out a way to dispose of it.
For the first time, I really looked at the mess. I couldn't believe what I saw. There was about twenty-four inches of poo lying on the floor in three chunks; plus I was holding a cup full of pee. All this from a girl who didn't weigh a hundred pounds. Luckily, it all looked pretty solid, except for the last five-inch log, which looked a little soft. The smell was not very bad, but a little noticeable.
I was wearing a bandana around my head. I took it off and handed it to her as I slid across the seat to open the window and throw out the cup of pee. She slid her pants down a little and cleaned herself, then slid across the seat to throw out the bandana. I stopped her and told her we might need it. About this time the guy sleeping in front of us woke up from the window opening. He kind of just sat there for a while, but pretty soon I could see him sniffing the air. Eventually he turned around and said something to me about the smell; I guess he was thinking I had farted. He could not see the poo on the floor. I told him "it was a pretty good lunch," and that was why I opened the window. He turned to my friend and said, "You sure picked a ripe one to sit by." She just kind of smiled and said she had contributed some herself. He laughed and, luckily, went back to sleep.
I then reached down with the bandana and picked up the largest of the pile -- a good twelve to fourteen inches, but solid as a rock. I threw it out the window and went after the medium log, which was six inches and still pretty solid. I disposed of it the same way. Then I picked up the smaller, softer one. It required a little mopping up, but I managed to get up all noticeable traces. I threw it and the bandana out the window.
To this day, I am sure no one in the van ever knew what happened, much to the relief of my friend. Although she continually thanked me for at least an hour for helping her out, not much was mentioned about the incident after that. However, when we were loading up to come home from the trip she asked me if I would sit with her. Then she looked at me, smiled, and said, "Don't worry, I unloaded good last night. And I usually only go every three days or so."
I just laughed and sat with her on the way home. I was glad she mentioned the "every three days," as I couldn't figure out how that much poop could be in her at one time!
-- Renbo
