I smell your ass and your shit wormy

Well written! Bravo!

Nice birthing, dude! The really big ones do give you a feeling of accomplishment. Too bad we guys can't send out announcements!

Jeez, I feel your pain dude. I once birthed what felt like a turd covered with glass shards. It really did tear me a new ass, and the blood had trickled into all the little crevices as it came out to give it an almost organic "alive" look. That was quite a proud moment for me and my unique turd. I just wish I had a camera handy.

Dude, I've said it before on a different topic - but - you can't know what its like to give birth by crapping. You can feel pain, but immagine trying to fit a watermelon through a lemon.

Dave!!!

A new idea for this site:

Create an announcement form and that way we can print it and fill in the necessary data and mail it to PR and post it in the Statistics Section (Great ball players have been immortalized by their statistics, why cant the same be done for Great Poopers?)

Include things like

Density

Mass

Did Toilet overflow

Was it necessary to slice the turd to make it flushable?

Special characteristics:

Color

Shape

Inclusions

Alien life forms?

Circumstances--in toilet or in other situations like one's skivvies, outdoors, in private

Excellent tale (or should I say "tail") my friend. I'm currently two days behind and the four cups of coffee I had for breakfast are telling me to head to the delivery room. I hope that I, too may experience the brown eye of the tiger!

This has to be one of the best descriptions of a crap I've read in a long time. I think you have quite a brown future ahead of you on PoopReport.com

There once was a man from Nepal

Whose Turds were exceedingly small

He'd sit in his room

And shit on a spoon

And flick his turds down the hall

Yes!! This was definitely one of the most well-written descriptive stories we've had here on PR. Next time this happens, I suggest you call for an episiotomy to avoid the chance of rippage and an epidural the ease the pain. I had both for my kids and my labour was painless!! ;-)

hmmmmmm. i am in the mood to gripe, but cannot. this was actually a bit funny. i do think that milk chocolate should change her name to "media quoter".

I think we've all had this experience. Very well written. I felt your pain AND pride.

I like Poopers idea! Although, without proof it would be hard to distinguish between the true tellers and the fabricators. Are pictures out of the question?

I know I wish I had had a camera handy for certain bathroom results (just for shear belief).

Hey, we could market chocolate cigars for us male PR's to hand out at such an occasion as this! The band around the cigar could say, "It's A Turd!"

-AP

That story was great yea i think milk chocolate is right but pooping is the closest guys will ever come to giving birth.

I haved lived this story only a few times in life, but what a lasting experience those times were. Excellent work in keeping the humor in PoopReport such as a "plaintive bellow of pure suffering that came from the most primal labyrinths of my pain-wracked body" that made my otherwise boring day.

Flash! Actually, the closest a male can come to the pain a woman experiences when giving birth is to have a kidney stone blocking his urinary tract. Trust me. Don't go there, guys! Have had it happen to me just once, and all I got for my trouble was a beebee-sized pebble. But it felt like a boulder trying to get out.

Thank you all, and howdy from Houston, Texas. I am glad that my first tale of fecal woe was so well received by all of you.

Poopreport = Best web site ever.

Wow! Don't ever let any woman tell you that you don't know what giving birth feels like. I never have had a child but I can empathize with the sheer birthing pangs of an enourmous sized turd. So Bravo to you! You have lived through one of the toughest trials any human can go through, Shit labor!

Next time, I'm gonna try some rhythmic breathing to help ease things along. Poop labor is a truly agonizing ordeal. I like the idea of shit statistics, and maybe even a Pooperstown...although I am not sure if I am a lead-off shitter, or a power shitter.

hmm.i dont know what birfin no babies is like, either.

however, i liked the granola bar the size of a brick part. Like a forearm knuckles first!

Well i dont know about the birth thing but good if not awesome story!

It sounds really dramatic, I'll give you that. But I wonder how big it could have really been, if you were able to flush? My best friend used to play Mortal Kombat and Killer Instinct for days on end (he would keep from crapping by folding his leg under his ass), to the point that when he shit one time, his mom had to take the turd out of the toilet because it would not flush. She had to throw that shit away! Now that is awesome. Then, another time, he came over to my house, and clogged up the toilet so bad he had to "fork" the turd to pieces, to get it to flush. Can you say you've ever done battle with one of your turds? What a sick piece of shit that crazy dumbass is.

As a sidenote, I love the ones that stick up out of the toilet, because they're stuck in the hole. Something admirable about a turd that doesn't go down easy.

i agree with milk chocolate on the water melon through a lemon thingy. it is impossible for guys to feel the true pangs of a messy baby birth. i myself have never given birth and i don't plan to, but i have had a very large poo. and i asked my mother and she says that they feel nothing alike.

One time I released a turd that resembled an iceberg. Staring at it proudly I found one of the few downsides of being single: no one to summon to share this truly epic moment, giving birth to the behemoth. Very good story you have.

Truly a magnificent piece of writing. I wish I could have seen your face when that thing came out. I myself was once constipated for nearly a week, and the monster that was unleashed slammed out with the force of a volcano, all in half a second. 15+ inches and a good inch or so round. Nonetheless, I salute you!

There wasn't much of plot, but the way you wrote it made it totally worth it. And to all you guys: You don't know what women go through. You have no idea, and you never will. So have some respect for us. Having a period is much much more painful than going through the worst poop imaginable. And even though I haven't had the experience of giving birth yet, I know that it's far more painful than a period.

nice

this is truly a magnificent piece of writing - i was riveted to the page and bedazzled by the fervor with which Carlos relayed his tale. a modern American masterpiece!

Beautifully written!! The carp mouth reference was a gem of literary skill. Bravo, Sir.

Never given birth myself so I have to do with the turd thing too guys. At least for now. When I was eleven I went through a bout a lot like this and it took me three days to pass one turd. Each time I was kept home from school and spent my days sitting on the toilet and eating stewed prunes. Boy was a glad when the monsters were out!

Okay, that sounded weird. This happened to me more than once. Now it makes more sense.

you are all experineced sihter. If you dont poop for like 3-5 dos the shit smell really bad??? Allso I it acconpanisd by lots of farts. or you farts almoost constantly for day untal you shit

Wha?

I've given birth without pain meds.

And the feeling of taking a huge ass dump vs bearing down and pushing a baby out is nothing alike. Same muscles..but man. different feeling altogether. Oh yeah, no episiotomy either, just had a little bitty tear that needed two stitches, healed beautifully in like 3 days.

Speaking of stinky shit...I think my toddler has a little surprise in her diaper. Smells nasty, It's gonna be all riddled with little black things since she had a kiwi fruit yesterday.

My shits aren't cool enough to really report, but my toddler's shits are really a work of art. *sometimes in a literal sense, cleaning poo finger paint off walls is fun!*

Yeah, good work though!

Oh yeah, when a woman has a baby, some nice wonderful butt bunnies escape at the same time. I know some butt bunnies escaped when I was pushing out my daughter.

Good, funny story. Its late and the phrase "poked out of my cornhole." made me laugh for 5 minutes.

so...i happened to stumble upon this site! its bookmarked, and in contension for my homepage! i must report ive been blessed with being able to do some of the alphabet, both upper and lower case as well as dotting the I's, crossing my T's, and slashing my Q's. im workin on numbers now. I ususally take my cell phone in with me to share the exciting news immediately if in fact i do produce part of the english language for proof. thank you all for this site, its nice to know people still appreciate this art.

Too funny....manwomb....good one.
Producing waste since 1967

Good story. Nice detail. Ouch!

Great story Carlos

THat turd is now the log ness monster. Glad to hear that your rear end remained intact after birthing that thing.
_______
"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."