I also love the ending. Good job. "Tumble Bunnies". Har!

You're lucky. If I were in her shoes, I would not have let you in the door. You say you have to shit? Too bad. If we're on a first date, and I don't know you that well, and you're acting like a lunatic, you're not coming into my house. I'm sure you, Don Juan, are a nice, honest guy, but one never knows.

Good story, though! Funny twist at the end.

Poorly written. Where's the climax?

Poorly written? I thought it was great. You're just being contrarian.

This story did leave me wanting a bit more, but a
female shameless is a rare breed in my experience.
That made it worth the read.

Contrarian? I think not. I would never go "against the flow" simply for the sake of going "against the flow". It's just that many times, my opinions diverge from the commony held opinions and beliefs.

Part of the unique recipe that is me.

Please tell me there was a second date after that. A woman who will accept you and your shitting behavior is a keeper. I kept mine.

Great analogy with the cave miners. You had me laughing pretty hard with the vision of pick axes chipping away at a huge log to send down the mine shafts. Awesome story.

this made me think of the time i was performing manual stimulation on a girl i dated in college. i was reaching over her rear end to her woman parts, and she silently shat all over my hand without even knowing it. In what i thought was a tender gesture i went to touch her cheek with my hand, and she said, "why do you have dirt all over your hand?" Not knowing what had happened i took a good close look at the brown stuff on my fingers and caught a whiff by default. "That's not dirt" i said. She ran up the stairs and began crying. After a pitstop in her bathroom to scrub off i called up the stairs "I think i'm going to leave". She replied "i think you should". I walked out the door to the sounds of her quiet sobs and never spoke to her again. *sigh*

haha shit on the first date

What a double standard! You're allowed to mention taking a shit, and even take a shit in her bathroom on the first date, but you refuse to date her again because she mentions she has to shit??

She probably wouldn't have even mentioned that she needed to take a dump if you hadn't first. You brought the topic up, you raised her comfort level on the situation, then you reject her for rising to your level.

If you didn't eat anything, and took 3 dumps that day, then where did all these feces come from during your date?

This is mostly directed toward shitty cake. The reason I said what i did was because, I did know her a little bit beforehand, we had casual conversations at the bowling alley, so saying what I did , albeit gross, wasn't quite as direct as it may have seemed. It would never in my right mind, say something quite so direct to ssay a blind date or something like that.

And everyone who commented thank you for reading the story! and to the Holy Shitter, I absolutely appreciate your criticism, because it can help me along the way be a better story teller, not everyone can like everything.

and yes we are still friends..

Commode o Dragon..It's not a double standard, I would never be that shallow, it's intended to be ironic, exactly in that way. I am extremely self deprecating, and believe me I would truly never be shallow like that. The three dumps I took that day, were early in the day, from the night before.

Not bad, and she sounds cool.

I feel it was lacking something. But Don Juan De Fece, I thought it was a good story anyways. A girl who is open about having to take dumps, and letting you shit in her abode? Fantastic, you sound like you've got yourself a future relationship. Harhar.

double standard, rude behavior.....young man, that is no way to treat a lady

I hope that you at least had the common courtesy to leave your dirt snake in the bowl for her to inspect

What is the deal with your asshole? It sounds like your entire life revolves around your anus and not being able to control it. How old are you, 3?

I must be the most crudely-educated person on this website. I swear it. The whole story was kind of funny, but what made me wonder was an Ethiopian restaurant.
I mean it. I need to educate myself. I wondered, what did you eat? Rice? What else do they have in Ethiopian besides Ethiopians?

I don't mean to sound awful. It is just that I pictured this horribly-stereotypical starving Africa thing, and well, I felt ashamed for not knowing what type of cuisine a starving country sported.

Please don't flame me.

Ethiopian Food is great, It is extremely spicy, and most of what we get is lamb based. Yebeg alicha is so good, and most ethiopian places ive been to, all serve their food is this bread called injera which you tear, and put the lamb stuff inside,and eat like a taco and you rarely ever see silverware there. It is really really good. Not 100% of ethipians are starving...On 97%

don't feel bad daph, cuz i'm right there with you. when i read that, i was all, "ethiopian food? i thought they didn't have food there..." and i'm a college graduate! but i'm also a couch potato, so there you have it.

Ethiopian food is awesome. It's hard to describe. Meats and stews and lentils and vegetables that you eat not with utensils but with bread -- they have this thin, tart, kinda lemony bread. You use it to grab the food and toss it in your mouth. The main spice is something called "berbere". Don't know how to describe it. Ethiopian food rocks.

Ethiopia had a famine in the 80s. But before then, they had food, and Ethiopian food is what they ate.

I thought your story was fun! You remind me of my fiance's friend Mike. He always has to take a shit after everything he eats too.

Maybe she only said she had to take a shit to make you feel more comfortable. I would have loved it if I had been in your situation. It would have made me feel a lot less embarrassed about the whole situation. I think she may have been a keeper.

I guess I wasn't quite finished. My man is a shameless shitter (which I am the complete opposite of) and on one of our first dates we were driving way out in the sticks and he had that sudden urge that could not be ignored so he pulled over and ran for the woods. I thought it was absolutly hilarious and since then have never worried about my own pooping shenanigans around him. I guess it just set the perfect tone as far as pooping went for us and it was nice to get it out of the way at the begining. The way i look at it there's enough uncomfortable things in a new relationship why let something as normal and everyday as shitting be one of them. Right?

Oh, and one last thing I guess it's pretty normal to be clueless as far as the ethiopian food goes because I didn't have a clue either.

Jenna baby, you've got it all wrong there. THere are too many uncomfortable things in a new relationship. WHy take a shit on someone who loves you? shitting is fun and wonderful when you're alone. Shitting is like love to me, but only in my private moments., so i know exactly what you're saying, but don't make the shit on this man. He loves you too much for that kind of feces explosion to ruin everything even if he is in love with you, and his own fart canoes already.

no no, I meant it was cool to be able to shit like in each others presence like when we are on dates or what not to be able to be homest with one another about having to go. without the embarrassment. I thin u really missunderstood my point.

Oh... i am all wrong. and you are most likely a nice woman afterall. I am stupid in this situation. but usually i'm right.

Haha! Most original handle in years: St. Francis Of Afeces! Brilliant, whoever you are!

that's ok tronald dump, if u want we can still pretend ur right.

Hey man,

Maybe her turd was the best part of the date for her... BWAHAHAHA!!! Did you ever think that it was her way of ensuring a second date doesnt take place???

that's so funny

thanks for explanation, dave. ethiopian food sounds like it might be good. but i'm a pretty picky eater, so if this "berbere" stuff is too weird, i probably wouldn't like it. but i don't think there are any ethiopian restaurants here, so i may never get a chance to try it. how sad.

People need to understand that sarcasm is not easily deciphered on the internet.

When the author writes that he would not take a girl out who shits on the first date, how else am I to read that except at face value?

I can, of course, assume that there may be some other meaning to it, but since its the last line of the story, there is no further context on which to base my decision; either I choose face value, or I go for sarcasm. Either way, the nature of the statement makes it difficult to decipher the meaning of the phrase, particularly without further contextual information.

Secondly, when I was wondering where all the shit was coming from, I was talking abuot the shit during dinner. If you had 3 dumps earlier in the day and had evacuated your bowels of the previous day's food, then I was curious as to where the major shits during dinner came from? The food from dinner obviously didn't have enough time to digest. Thats all I was wondering about.

I have not been on this site or written anything for 14 months because I was spending way too much time here. It's nice to come back and still be able to read some great stories!

this wasnt the greatest story but it was ok.

There's an easy way to prevent pooping during a first date - you just take a few Immodium A-D's before you leave. Works for me every time.

Good story. My fiancee and I have been dating for almost two years now, and we've never talked about poop (let alone talk about needing to go) the entire time. I wonder if she actually does...

Sounds to me like you may have irritable bowel syndrome! I tell ya, after I eat a big meal, a toilet better be near...that's why I don't eat much till suppertime...then all hell breaks loose! Morning time and then after supper, yikes! Getting nervous just makes it worse....some days you just have to plan around the throne! Funny story tho!!

Absoloutely Smashing! I can feel the old helmet head pushing as I type. Brilliant imagery and just a well sculpted Shite!

Fantastic, and very original story. This girl sounds like a keeper to me.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

ALWAYS follow up a relationship with a girl who takes a dump on the first date. She's the real deal and they all shit eventually, unless theyre constipated or have an anatomical anomaly.