great tribute to your Pops! I especially liked the part about your cousin taking a dump in front of everyone- well done my friend!

I don't know whether I should laugh or cry from this story. I'm confused.

That was a wonderful, touching, funny and sad tribute, BigWiper. Your Pops had a good death, and he got to say goodbye, which many do not.

If it's fiction, it's a rippin' good yarn and a fine read.

I cant believe this is fiction...it fits too well with all the other things Big Wiper has told us.

Your grandfather sounds amazing. And good for him that he died at home, and in his favorite (second favorite?) room in the house.

Gives 'Dying in the saddle' a whole new meaning!

I hope someone is collecting the family recipes--I bet the food was great at your grandfather's house..

Great story! Seems fitting that he would have died on the crapper after all I've heard about your family.

It also reminds me of one guy who almost died IN the outhouse. Apparently he fell through the outhouse floor and was stuck knee-deep in his own sludge for four days. He didn't die, but he sure had the scars to prove his experience.

I'm raising a cold one to Pops right now.

R.I.P. Pops

PN

Nice! sounds like my Grandfather, always talkin nasty. He had a good life.

Great story BigWiper...
May Pops rest in peace. I laughed hard at your breif description of visiting him as a kid. Its fitting: he died like Elvis did--on the pot. As Pooperscooper said- at least he died in his favorite (or second!) spot

Well this story is one that can bring tears to my eyes, but it has its redeeming side too..I laughed at the end....this truly a classic story TBW, & very well dictated.

I'd like to thank Stinky Peterson, Three Ply, Poopergal, Pooperscooper, The Shit Volcano, poonurse, Insane Wayne, JJJ1987 and Will for your comments on my tribute to my grandfather. I debated long and hard about whether I wanted to share this emotional episode in my life with my good friends on the site because it is a very private thing, as all death and grief is. My grandfather was very special to me--always smelling of Old Spice when I kissed him on the cheek, telling wonderful hunting and fishing stories, and regaling all of us with tales of his boyhood, a much simpler time that had all but disappeared by the time we all came along.

Pops's greatest moment came when the movie, 'The Horse Soliders' was being filmed in my hometown of Natchez, Miss. It starred John Wayne and William Holden, and The Duke, himself, wanted to know where he could possibly get in some deer hunting while on location all those weeks.

He was referred to Pops, who was legendary for his hunting prowess. So John Wayne visited Pops on his acreage, they had lunch together, had more than a few shots of Old Crow, and the next morning, they went into the swamps on the hunt, and John Wayne bagged himself a deer. My brother has a wonderful shot of John Wayne and Pops laughing after that successful hunt.

R.I.P, Pops. You, too, Duke.

Cool! Natchez! THE most haunted town in Mississippi. Pops is probably tromping around in the woods right now!

How long has that land been in your family? Is it still yours?

You need to give us some of the recipes, BW. It takes a hell of a lot of skill to hunt, and then you need to know what to do to hang wild game, cut it up, plus the right recipes.

Ive never tasted venison, but Mom was lucky enough to dine on elk meat at someone's house. She said it was fantastic.

Did Pops have dogs? If so, what kind?

I live in Northern California, in a very dog-friendly neighbhorhood.

It is very rare for people to have Southern hound-dogs out here. In 20 years, I can count on the fingers of one hand, the times Ive seen Blue Tick hounds (twice), Catahoula (once), or Fox hounds (twice).

Yes, TSV, Natchez is indeed full of ghosts. Founded in 1716, it is a hard-drinking, historical, rocking river port with lots of Spanish moss hanging on the trees, lacework balconies, columned mansions and all sorts of eccentric people--some of which I count among my relatives--haha!

Pooperscooper, unfortunately, when my grandfather died, his acreage was sold off, except for a small tract he left to his beloved cook. I have visited her several times over the years to go fishing with her and to talk over good times. She always has a slice of applesauce pie for me when I drop in.

Yes, my grandfather had about six hunting dogs--I think they were Catahoulas. Different ones over the years as they died off, of course. He bagged at least one big buck a season and sent us in some venison for the holidays. It has to be soaked and tenderized quite a bit, but on my last visit home in the fall, one of my many first cousins who I hunted with over the years, had soaked his latest kill in milk and then fried it. Yes, fried venison. I liked it okay--still a bit chewy, though.

I think I'll get that applesauce pie recipe next time I go home.

Pops and the Duke?! Awesome! I bet if Pops were alive today, he'd write his own PoopReport entitled, "True Shit."

Good tribute TBW.

Someone wrote this on the bathroom wall in the ladies room at our VA hospital:

'In what way is the toilet paper here like John Wayne?

'Its rough, tough and don't take shit off no one.'

Pooperscooper,

My comment about "fiction" was a response to another person's post that had postulated that it was a fictious tale. Looks like Dave removed the offending post, though, which leaves my second post standing out like a turd in the holiday eggnog. :(

I never doubted the veracity of TBW's essay, and think it is a touching, warm, humorous and deeply personal tribute for someone he obviously had lots of respect for.

I

Dying on the toilet is strange.

There was something in the story about climbing into deer blinds in the freezing cold and there were mosquitoes???

All part of November weather in the Deep South. Chilly in the mornings, then warms up quickly some days. We don't get killing frosts sometimes until after Thanksgiving. That finally does the mosquitoes in, but up until then, they can still buzz around swamplands (which is where we hunted). Also, gnats were present when mosquitoes weren't.

that is gross - the sheer size of that stink pickle would have choked a donkey and comatized an army

Yeah that sure was the most holarious story i have hear. Along with the fact that he died really was a let down. But what the hell a 24 pack for pops. O ya add me from msn messanger pepole im 14. give me a hell yeah for pops.

This is not fiction...my husband is a veteran police officer and says that he's taken many a dead person off the throne...it's a common cause of death, especially among the elderly.

General George Patton rose from his death bed, adorned his uniform for the last time and died a soldier standing up. Your Pops must have been cut from the same cloth, to die the way he enjoyed living. May St. Peter give Pops keys to the Heavenly Executive Washroom above.

He couldn't have been that great a hunter if he encouraged you to poop while you were hunting deer. Whitetails will give human poop a wide berth.

Stinky, if you will read the story carefully, you will see that I said we "ended up" squatting out in the open when we didn't see anything, much less kill anything. After the hunt had been called off as unsuccessful, some of us had to download. It was then that we chose to squat, rather than hold it in until we got back to the house, which was more than an hour away from the swamps where we hunted. We did not poop while the hunt was still on.

Wonder if the deer were scared away by the smell of farts you guys may have produced while suppressing poop during the hunt. Whatever the reason for the absence of deer on that partcular excursion, I'm sure that your grandfather had many successful, poop-free hunts. May he have a golden "throne" in heaven and an eternal supply of good magazines to read when he's sitting on it.

LOL, Poopergal! His favorite mag was 'Field And Stream.' But he had stacks and stacks of the old 'Saturday Evening Post' and 'Readers Digest' when we visited for Sunday dinners. He didn't throw away anything!

This is really weird...it's a poop version of "East of Eden" by John Steinbeck. It has kind of the same theme and the housekeeper even has the same name.

Dude!! Glory to the man how died on the Pot! I wish i could have met the man. He reminds me much of my Grandfather and a good portion of my family. Where poop humor isn't just funny and casual, but its expected. This story touched me in a kinda weird/funny way. Much Love to ya Pops. R.I.P.

Hey Von Wiper: No wonder ya'll never shot any deer what with all that crappin' in the woods. TH

Omg what did the shit look like???he poop out an organ had to ne a logical explinasion y he died!

I didn't get the story. the title didn't match. But since yuor pops died, i'll give you a good grade. C--.

P.S= Rest in Peice Pops

Whoa! Time Warp!!

This story made my poo-hole cry tears of joy.

Okay, first of all, "Dear Slayer" is not "TH" in spite of the fact that the poser used my customary salutation "Von Wiper" when addressing TBW. So, Dear Slayer, whoever you are, get real.

Secondly, there does seem to be some inconsistencies regarding this story, but then I always am a proponent of literary license anyway, so whatever license Von Wiper exercised with regard to embellishing his story is alright with me. It's well written and entertaining, which is all we ask of front pagers, right?

Inconsistencies? Yep: "Working plantations" in Mississippi are never paltry, little "spreads" of "354 acres." Okay, maybe pops had a huntin' camp that clocked in at just over 1/2 square mile of swamp land. Remember, Von Wiper said it was a full hour's drive from Pop's house, right. Still, the "climb up into the deer stands in the freezing cold, fight off the mosquitoes and wait for something to show up" remains an inconsistent statement regardless of its later explanation. Mosquitoes do not stir about in the "freezing cold." Besides, if Pop had "Catahoula" hounds, one would not have to wait around long for them to drive the deer through the gauntlet customarily set up in Mississippi or Louisianna deer hunts using hounds.

Now, for TBW to say "I debated long and hard about whether I wanted to share this emotional episode in my life with my good friends on the site" is totally out of character since he has already told a version of this Elvis/Steinbeck saga earlier on PoopReport. I think it was on the forums, but I haven't time to verify that.

However, I don't think Von Wiper (or any other PoopReporter) should feel obligated to make endless excuses for every nitpickin' criticism forwarded by non-contributory naysayers who fail to enjoy the wonderfully amusing tales (whether 100% accurate or largely fictional) provided by our talented cadre of contributing authors.

TH. Did ya notice that this story is a reprint from a year ago? Maybe this is why it sounds a tad familiar. Too, I'll bet the TH of a year ago was the author of the "Deer Slayer" comment; it has that certain ping characteristic of your acerbic wit.

LogJam: Hey, I just now noticed that. What a hoot! And, yes, you're right, Deer Slayer is in fact an AKA I used to needle Von Wiper last year when this story was originally posted (avoiding lookin' in the mirror and seeing a flushed red face right now). Ha! It would pay to "open eyes before inserting foot in mouth" huh?

Hey Logjam: If you check out the comments under "Chris Rockwell: Guest Editor" on the "New Crap" page - he says he's reprinting some old archive stories. I guess there's nothing new coming in this week.

Poopster39 - You are correct :) Dave only had six submissions when he left. Instead of having PR sit stagnant, I decided to bring back a few of the stories that I enjoy. But don't worry, Dave will return soon with brand-spanking new content!

Hey, Chris, Mr. DJ. Are you taking requests? If so, how about "The Best Poo Story Ever Told." Haven't heard that in a while.

I am taking requests. I am trying to catch-up on all the content in the archives... so if you have a story you like, feel free to drop me a note at chris@apeboymonkeygirl.com and I will check it out.

oh, hugegrunt. you're such a silly goose. this is why you should always look at dates! i bet you've consumed a swallow or two of spoiled milk because you failed to read the expiration date, huh? am i right??

and maybe we shouldn't use fake names if we can't remember them, should we now? very silly indeed.

God speeds Pops. May you squat gently in the great pooper in the sky.

Wonderpance: Your lecture to Hugegrunt, the silly goose, reads like it came right out of Winnie the Pooh. Have you considered writing children's books. I'm sure that if I read what you have there to my grandchildren, they'd be clamoring for more -- "Have you got a picture of Hugegrunt? Did he really drink spoiled milk? Is Hugegrunt his real name or his fake name?

well, thanks for the compliment, logjam! i actually think i would be pretty good at writing kid's books. most of my writing has a sillyness to it, and for some reason i relate well to kids. i've never really thought about it, though. but you never know, if my other plans fall through, maybe i'll take your advice and become the next j.k. rowling, or, even better, the next lewis carroll! oh man. how great would that be??

Chris, if you are taking requests I enjoyed "Lady and the Cramp".

Chuck - You read my mind. I love that story.

*sniff* That was beautiful!

Sorry Chuck. Patton didn't die like that. He was killed in a car wreck.

TBW-- Damn, but you know how to tell a story! I need a Kleenex.

_______
"You polished up my low-flow, and I dirtied up your bowl!"

Thanks, GGG! My grandfather was one of a kind!