Great story cracked me up

that was hilarious! brought me to mind of my first day of driver's ed. My mom had driven me about halfway there when the Olympic Shits hit me full force. We promptly pulled over at a fast food chain where I layed a reek that rose to the heavens. Six years later, I drove my younger brother to the same place, and damned if he didn't have to stop and shit at the same place! good times, good times :D

Hey, jaxx-laxx, I really think it comes with the territory. I've even thought 'dumping before the driver's license test' ought to be an event in the Shit-O-Lympics, broadcast as X-treme programming by ESPN-2.

BTW, for any of you wanting to view a hilarious demonstration of the penguin walk on film, rent the movie, "Airborne," which is archived in our very own Movie Poop scenes. Good times, indeed!

Great story TBW. I see you posted the "Airborne" penguin walk. I can proudly say that I posted that movie into the poop movie database. What's even greater about that movie is that it was filmed in my home town. For the curious, you too can penguin walk through the same school next time you're in Cincinnati. It was filmed in the Greater Cincinnati's School for Performing Arts (GCPA). I actually work with one of the extras from that movie.

There are extensive archives to this site and I'm sure someone has asked this before, but:

Was it the type of toilet paper dispenser that leaves the cardboard roll in the middle and did you think of or consider ripping that up and using it at the time (strictly as a 'pre-penguin walk still have to find some TP and wipe my ass' measure)? I've done this once - you know how the roll is mayed of layered cardboard wrapped diagonally and if you tear at the end of one layer you can basically peel it off. Just curious to see if others have done this or if it was an option in this situation.

Cyberpoop, I've done that before, for peeing and pooping. I prefer to use toilet seat covers for emergancy wiping before I get to the empty toilet paper roll, though.

Great story, BW!

Yo, ThreePly! Yeah, I noticed that you were the one that reviewed "Airborne" for PR. Congrats on your personal connection to the flick. It's a surprisingly funny little movie with Mitch Goosen, the California surfer dude and the guy who does the penguin walk, going up against the jarhead bullies of the school. I love the stretches where he keeps calling Jack Black and his cronies--'bra'--and they think he is talking about underwear.

As I recall, 3P, all the toilet paper rolls are locked onto a pipe positioned above all the stalls so it's easy for the bullies to soak each one to prevent Mitch from wiping his ass.

And if we ever get this PR Convention we keep tossing about off the ground, I think a Penguin Walk Event should be one of our planned activities! LOL!

Cyberpoop, I forgot about your TP roll question. Sorry. Uh, there was nothing in my stall at all--not even a cardboard core. 'Look Before You Dump,' is a motto that should be easy enough to remember, but sometimes in these emergency situations, the ole brain seems to move South on ya.

Must've been a damn good penguin walk. A lesser man would have gotten hella skidmarks. I hate it when you are so nervous about something that it literally scares the shit out of you.

Yo, 'Los! Ain't it the truth? Nuthin' worse than an

ANTICI-POOP!

Re: that penguin walk I did. I remember that I was wearing particularly baggy pants that day. Helped a lot.

You remember the pants you wore on a day 26 or 27 years ago? Come on now.

Thomas, why is that so strange? I know exactly what I was wearing 27 years ago. Pampers.

Matter of fact, Thomas, I do, mainly because of the vivid nature of the circumstances. Just as I remember what the guy from the Selective Service office down the hall said to me when he came into the bathroom; just as I remember the sequence of events from discovering I had no TP to the walk I did around the hallway to acquire some. I remember a lot of the details of incidents like this because I am a poop reporter, and I have usually enjoyed my bathroom experiences.

I am also in sales in addition to being a writer, and I pay attention in business to names, family details, what people are wearing, what they like to eat and drink and memorable convos. Pays off when I'm looking for dialogue and narrative in my writing and also in better sales.

In addition to those baggy pants that day, I was wearing sneakers, no socks, no belt and a polo shirt.

Any more questions?

Yeah, i got a question: Is that 3,000 $ bounty on the shark in cash or check?

So then there is such a thing as "poopergraphic memory." I'm (pleasantly) shocked.

Haha! Good one, Thomas!

That reminds me of when I had no TP at the grocery store. I had extra jalepeno induced shits that day. I penguin walked to the one stall that worked, blasted the toilet, and and discovered an empty roll. I pulled up my pants slowly, and I walked to the non-functioning stall. NO TP! I snuck in the ladies' room for TP. I got the TP, but it was too late. I left a skid in my boxers and my ass burned with all the jalepenos I ate earlier.

Okay, guys, I don't get it. All these "no T.P." stories. What the hell? Especially in public shithouses where the toilets are oversized and blow a fuckin' gusher when you hit the flusher.

Drop trau, hang them on the hook on back of the door, raise the toilet lid, and carefully lower your shitty ass down into the toilet bowl until you feel the cold tingle of water. Now FLUSH ... instant bidet! Not clean enough yet ... FLUSH AGAIN.

Oh, and Slim, this technique works really well for those flaming asshole episodes, too.

Great story, TBW... I was waiting for the punch line that goes something like... the guy from the stall next to you turned out the be your examiner. Now THAT would have been cool as it is documented fact that shitting together bonds us as human beings. I guess you were a good enough driver that you didn't need a biased examiner, but wouldn't it have been cool?

Yeah, JustaGirl, it would've been a neat touch, but he was just the Selective Service guy. However, we did have a congenial convo and did shit next to each other and have a nice bonding session anyway. Judging from his laughter when I told him I was nervous about the driving test, I'm pretty sure he saw the humor in my situation. Perhaps he was thinking back to the effect his test decades earlier had had on his bowels.

Commodian: back when I was fifteen, I had never even heard of the concept of a bidet. I didn't know what they were until I worked and travelled in Europe for a year after college graduation. Interesting emergency thought you propose, though.

wow TBW...I'm speechless.Awesome story

Funny story... reminds me of the first and only time I didn't check for tp back in the 3rd grade. I had to shuffle to 2 more stalls before I found some. Unfortunatly, a classmate saw me and told the teacher that i was going from stall to stall with my pants down. So like any 3rd-grader would do, I lied and said it must've been my twin brother (which I don't have).

trhs

If we all pooped more the world would be a happier, smellier place... Hear my words and wisen... Commodian... I thankyou... you saved my anal follicles and my boxers from heavy skidding...

that story sucked. nothing interesting happened

My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. Solomon 5:4

i always get the i-gotta-poop feeling when i'm really nervous. the worst was when i was sitting on the examination table wearing only a paper gown waiting to have my first pap smear done!

I know that feeling nunyabizz. On the day of my driving test I had to shit really bad, but instead of doing it I just held it in through the whole test. That was agony. Right after I got my picture taken for the license I ran into the bathroom and dumped a massive load.

I love reading these old stories.
TSV, You should have taken a picture after taking a dump. Then you'd have before and after photos to compare.

Compare facial expressions, I mean.

Thank you, TBW, for a well told tale.