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The Domino's Effect

Posted 10.13.2003 by CrapperJohn, MD (10)
I used to have a personal rule to not crap after showering before a date, but what a mistake that rule was...

I was working the overnight shift as a security guard in the middle of a Pennsylvania winter, alone that night out in a little guard-shack. I wouldn't be able to leave for lunch, so I ordered a pizza and Buffalo wings from Domino's before midnight. I ate it as soon as it arrived and figured I'd save half the food for the daytime. Since the pizza box wouldn't fit into the dorm-sized fridge, and it was a cold night, I stored my leftovers by the window. I got off work in the morning and took the rest of my grub home. I figured I'd eat it after getting some sleep.

Later that night I had a date lined up, so I got up in the late afternoon, ate some wings, and did the ol' shit, shower and shave in preparation for my hot date. As I was heading out the door, I felt a slight urge to crap, but dismissed it because I wouldn't be fresh for my date if I pooped and didn't take another shower.

I drove over to pick up my date for some dinner and drinks with my guts still acting up. As my guts got worse I started considering using the hopper at the chick's house, but then I thought to myself, "I can't just go stinking up her hopper before a date. That would turn her off. I'm a grown man. I can hold it until I get to the restaurant." So, off we went.

As soon as we sat down at dinner, I excused myself, telling her I wanted to go wash my hands for dinner. Eager to bust loose, I sat on the throne, but all the came out was a big, long fart, and my urge to crap was suddenly gone. I thought this was good news and that the whole ordeal was a false alarm.

After dinner we went over to a crowded bar with a live band. I was drinking a beer when that funny feeling started through my intestines again. So I downed my beer and headed into the bathroom.

It was a filthy, crowded bathroom. As I stood at the urinal, I figured I'd squeeze out another one of those farts that felt so good earlier. But this time, the fart was really hot and drippy -- and was working its way towards my sack. Shocked, I went into the dirty, pissed-on shitter and pulled down my pants... holy crap, I had just diarrhead on myself. I sat down and wiped my ass and inner thighs. I couldn't believe what had just happened.

My boxers were full of black, drippy crap, so I had to get them off. The door was broken and I needed to get my undies off, which meant I had to take off my shoes and jeans first. What if someone pushes the door open and sees me with no shoes, pants or underwear? Will they think I was some weirdo? Will they know I shit myself? I finally got my boxers off and threw them to the corner of the stall. I washed my hands and went back out to the bar. I got another beer and told her how crowded the bathroom was -- but something didn't feel right. I wondered if she could smell the shit on me.

Later, we went back to her place, but I wasn't gonna get lucky. If I still had my boxers, I could've gotten into her bed in my boxers and made some moves on her... but how do I just go from jeans to bare-ass without the boxers in-between? That would be a bold move. So I just took off my belt and slept on the couch with my jeans on.

-- CrapperJohn, MD



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Jimbo (41) -- 10.13.2003

You never know, she may have been a poop freak. Se might play the rusty trombone real good.

Mudd (64) -- 10.13.2003

Good story. I've ditched my underwear on several occasions. Trying to let out a "buy me some time" fart is the cause of most accidents. I hoped you learned your lesson CrapperJohn.

Di Uhreea (409) -- 10.13.2003

My advice there would have been to keep your jeans on and sexily bite her clothes off and nibble her all over then by the time she's all hot and horny - Voila! You just take your jeans off.

Sniper Wiper (not verified) -- 10.13.2003

So did you ever get any?? update!!!!

CrapperJohn MD (not verified) -- 10.13.2003

Sniper... no such luck. I think I went out with her one more time after that, and tried to get some, but I think it was one of them "limited time offer" deals. I think if I had got on her that night, I could've gotten more later, but missing my window of opportunity set me back too far.

ThreePly (not verified) -- 10.13.2003

This is why I never trust a fart. I've read countless stories on this site in which people decide to release a bit of pressure by letting out some pre-shit farts, only to fertilize their pants. Anytime I have to shit, I focus on that. A fart is only one bad grunt away from a pair of soiled pants.

doniker (1535) -- 10.13.2003

Great story.

I am sure the stress of dating someone new, Domino's leftovers, and the fact that you held that load against it's will fucked you over.

You should have just told her the truth. If she was a bitch about it and didn't understand then who needs her??

Insane Wayne (not verified) -- 10.13.2003

Thal almost happened to me once, almost. I caught it before it made a mess. I got "lucky" that time

funnysmell (not verified) -- 10.14.2003

that happened to me once also. I felt like i had to shit and i knew it was gonna be a nasty one. I was at my girlfriends house. i only lived a couple of blocks away so i told her i had to run home for a minute and id be right back. i took her car and when i sat down i let go a fart to relieve the pressure. It wasnt a fart, you got it, nasty runny explosion. I was wearing a pair of "work-out" shorts with no skivvies. I shat all over her seat.

I cleaned it up and told her the seat was wet cause i spilled water on it.

that sucked

Jimbo (41) -- 10.14.2003

Gee, a story Doniker liked. CrapperJohn, consider yourself lucky.

skaterboy (not verified) -- 10.14.2003

yeah i had a bad experience like that where i was at a party with my girlfriend and i needed to poop so badly, the bathroom there was full and noone could get in, so at first i held it for like an hour! then i couldnt take it anymore, i told my girlfriend i was about to crap in my drawers. she didnt believe me. about another 5 mintues then i just ran to the bathroom and opened the damn door only to find that inside the bathroom were to gay guys!!! kissing!!! taking up that damn bathroom!!!!! i said please get out, they didnt !!! next thing i knew i crapped in my drawers! really bad too. so thanks to gay guys i ruined a pair of perfectly fine leather pants

fecal fanatic (not verified) -- 10.16.2003

Wow. What a courageous story. I don't think that you would really have a problem if you got the girl to bed and she found out that you were free balling. It'll always be a surprise the first time the pants come off, but excessive urine or fecal residue is almost always a no-no (unless you're in east europe).

I'm sorry, but I honestly think that shitting yourself while anticipating a dry fart is your error here, not your lack of under-apparel foresight. Once you were clean of all traces of fecality, you were in the clear to make The Move.

Cheers to your story, though. Dry Farts and Caviar Dreams, my friend.

Skid Marky Mark (not verified) -- 10.16.2003

Just for your info, the fart you described is known as a "G and L": gambled and lost.

stray scats (not verified) -- 10.17.2003

oy gevalt, thats just not a gamble you usually want to take.

Chris (56) -- 10.17.2003

I always used to have a golden rule: that if you needed to take a dump you could just "fart it off" for a while. Like five farts was the equivalent to one dump, and you'd be safe for another couple hours. But it doesn't always work out that way!

Novice Pooper (not verified) -- 10.17.2003

My girlfriend inherited the greatest habit from her mother. She keeps baby wipes next to the toilet, so that she'll always have a sparkling clean bunghole. If I ever have that "not so fresh" feeling after crapping, I'll use one, thus illiminating the need for another shower.

Matthew Mitchell (not verified) -- 10.28.2003

Recently I was exposed to the pleasures of being defecated on (by accident) and I am having a hard time getting over it and coping with my feelings - I am looking for others out there who are going thru the same issues

nunyabizz (not verified) -- 11.06.2003

ok, first of all nice story. second, a lot of guys never wear underwear! when i first got with my old man he never did. you could have just told her you were a free baller by habit and didnt like the constriction or sumthin! jeez, you didn't have to just give up like that!

The Other David (123) -- 11.07.2003

Well...don't feel bad. I had a simular incident. It had happen to me as well. Now, as I am a gay man, it was a HE that had invited me to his bedroom for the night. Boy was he a good fuck! But tha is beside the point. During the night, and this demonstrates as just why I will not drink alcohol upon dating, I was abruptly awakened by my partner as i was shaken out of a good dream. He told me 'David! Wake up! Come on man, you shit all over my bed! Come now, go to the bathroom and get cleaned up! You've made a mess all over the place!' Yep! I could smell it! I had indeed let loose my diarrhoeal stool all over his bed -- and HIM as well! Quite embarrassing indeed. I was a sticky mess dripping this foul mess en route to the loo. In fact I had another round brewing and eventually shooting out of me. His bed linen was quite obviously soild if not ruined, and I hadleft his place in a mess! I felt so bad, that it was there I had vowed never to drink alcohol upon dating! Nie wieder! So, please don't take it so hard with your girlfriend. I have been to make amends since this incident myself, I would imagine that you can do the same (if not already doing so) So cheer up!
The other David

nunyabizz (not verified) -- 11.10.2003

so the guy let you back in his bed after you shit on him?

The Shit Volcano (3737) -- 11.19.2003

Hey, guys! I like my men to be honest. Just tell me you took a humungous shit and had to ditch your undies. big deal! Like Doniker said, if she's (or he's, David) a bitch about it then you don't want anything to do with her anyway. Anyway, if I want to screw I could care less whether you're with or without your boxers.

richard (not verified) -- 12.29.2003

sometimes you pee before shitting. And then when the plop comes out, it goes into the toilet water with the peee-peeee and it sometimes goes up yer butt.

poopie mcturd (not verified) -- 01.27.2004

ha ha, u shit urself on a date. that had to be the shittiest (pun meant) thing ever. hope on future dates that u dont turn back into a 5 year old and drop dueces in your pants anymore

DungDaddy (1369) -- 11.18.2006

Crapper John: Cursed by the poop/fart Gods. No nooky for you.

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