Is your "Mum" your wife or mother?

I have read some of your stuff on the forums, including the fact that you say that you are a real doctor. I highly doubt a professional person who went to medical school would stick a garden hose up there "arse". Would you tell a patient to do that?

No way. This has got to be fake.

1) I would have given up way before 20 minutes. 2) I wouldn't want your mother if she nags about everything. Why accept that abuse? Most mothers would have some compassion about her son having such intestinal pains. 3) Why the home made enema and not ask your my to drop by the chemist/drug store? 4) What's the diameter of a water hose in Austrailia? Hopefully less than in the US. 4) Why did you leave your brown stinkwater in the tub and not run the water to clean it up.. ESPECIALLY when you share it with other people. 5) Where you able to clean up the tub before Wilson used it for his shower?

faker.

Doniker- Bear in mind (if this story is true at all, which I doubt, for reasons below) that this happend to the "doctor" when he was still just a kid; no med school yet. However, as anyone who has washed a car or watered the lawn knows, a kinked hose builds up quite a bit of pressure...release the kink, even just a little, and quite a lot of that pressure is releived. A little kid with a hose up his butt with that kind of pressure behind it would probably have ruptured his colon, leading to sepsis, and died within a week. Entertaining story tho.

hey soopirV, the first line in the story reads:

"One day about a year ago, I was at the shopping center with Mum."

I don't think he actually exploded the hose into his ass... nobody would do that. I'm sure he was smart enough to let it go gently.

To address Steve's comments.

1) Just because you wouldn't have waited 20 minutes doesn't mean he wouldn't.

2) Some mothers can be pretty bad. My mother would always turn everything bad that happened to me to be my fault somehow.

3) He didn't want to tell his mum about the constipation. And maybe he didn't have a car to go to the store after he left.

4) I don't think a hose is much wider than a nice big shit or some cocks... and both those fit in and out of people's asses all the time.

4 (your second 4)) He didn't think anyone would be home to discover it. He wanted to take a quick poo, then worry about cleaning it.

5) uh, read closer.

Just because something sounds improbable doens't mean its fake. And just because something doesn't jive with your experience of mothers, or hoses, or whatever, doesn't mean its fake.

There's this movie called "Caca Doo Doo Pee Pee" that features a horrific enema scene. This is even worse. And yet, at the same time, I find myself wondering, "Gee, are enemas a good technique for uncramping a stuck bung?" In any case, I will keep all hoses of every kind out of my chute, thank you very much.

are you guys gay

because you seem to like things up your ass...thats kinda gay.

Sorry fellow poopreporters but I've been away from the web page for a while cause of the holidays. Anyway, I have a story to tell of what happend tonight.

I was out with 3 of my best friends from high school (we've been out of there nearly 6 years) and we go to this buffet. I sampled all of the cusine and liked it a lot. Don't get me wrong. I'm a pretty average guy.....like 5'11" and 160 pounds. My waist is 32-33 inches so I don't like eat up half the food usually.

We got all of the rice types, the BBQ chicken, fried chicken, BBQ ribs, beef, etc you name it. Other things were egg rolls, pasta, fish, a burrito, cheese, etc...too much to name. Dinner sweets consisted of ice cream, cheesecake, jello, and custard pudding.

We were full to the gills and as the place was closing we head out to the lot and stand and talk near our cars for a few minutes. That is when General Tsoa decided to wage a war in my instestines.

The rumble and pressure building was immense and I carried on conversation with my best frineds in life in agony. These were the guys that stuck by me through it all........when I was dumped by someone they would take me out to forget my troubles, they helped me when I was down, etc......but the poop thing was too much info to give anyone, ya know?

BTW it was like 30 degrees outside and I was very cold. This weather added to my agony becuase my lower abdominal muscles were involuntarily contracting and holding a pressure to generate heat and keep my body warm. My body was very confused about how to deal with such conflicting things. I guess in the end it decided keeping warm with a risk of crapping my pants was more imortant that freezing and holding the communist army at bay in my GI tract.

We talked a few more minutes and 2 of the guys took off. The thrid guy lives in my part of town so he said he'd tail me home until he got to his exit. I was okay with that and figured he'd not think it was funny if I was doing 80 on the freeway at night cause after all we are still in our early 20's.

He gets behind my car in his and we do fine for a few miles. I was pushing 80 and moving right along. I adjusted the heat in my car to a perfect vent temperature and allowed fresh air to enter to keep the humidity balanced and the air crisp. At one point I felt so much comfort that I turned the radio on and tried to relax some more to this Celine Dion album that I pciked up at a used album place.

His exit came and he flashed his lights to say bye and exited. I mashed the gas and got the car up to 95. No one was out that late so there was no danger of a crash. I get a mile from my exit when General Tsao used artilery to break through my lines of defense. I was in such pain. The pressure in my lower instestines was what I can describe to you as what Cool Hand Luke felt when he had that egg eating contest. I was a baloon ready to burst. Sweat was forming at my forehead so I lowered the vent temp in my car. When the cooler air hit the cramps were a litte better but I then felt like I'd piss my pants.

My exit finally comes! I take it and make a right turn at 50 mph. I'm driving like a mad man. I'm holding gears like crazy. I pull 60 mph in second gear. Then slam it into third, mash the gas, release the clutch.....tires squeel. A red light! Noooooooooooooooooooo!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! I'm praying to not crap my pants and subsequently my leather upolstery. Light changes....I peel out like a drag racer. All of the toughts of being gentile with my car go out the window. I don't care if I ruin a clutch or wear out my tires.........I just want to reach my porceline thrown. A few blocks down the road and near my neighborhood....another red light. I stop at it, look 360 degrees......all clear........I rip through it. I pull into my driveway, garage door takes an eternity to open, race into the garage, jump out of the car, trip over all sorts of junk, push the garage close button, and start ripping my belt off as I enter the house. Thank God it was late and everyone was already in bed......I must have looked like I had rabies. I run into the restroom and see the most beautiful sight I have every seen (at that moment). It was more preciuos than a first kiss.....cold, clean, smooth, Kohler. I set down and unleashed the communist army in small battalions. The bastards used a slash and burn tactic as they exited my border. War reparations woudl be in order but it was still a fun night.

My advice to any poopreported is to have pepto in the car when you go to these things. I would have done anything for a bottle of pepto in that parking lot that the restaraunt.

Dude, very good story! I was almost as excited and totally living your story as I usually am when reading Stephen King's new book.... Made me feel like going to have a dump.

One time I had an enema... I shat gallons of hershey squirts.

Firstly, this story was an excerpt from a letter I wrote a friend several years ago, when I was still in high School, or possibly my first year at UNI.

Ofcourse If I had known the correct procedure for enema's, do you think Id have used the bloody HOSE!

Also, I made sure to only have the hose on gently, and released the clamp BEFORE I inserted it. I dont remember what I wrote exactly, but I defenately released the clamp before penetration.

The diameter of the hose nozzle would be about 3cm or so, give or take.

I left the stink water in the tub becasue I just had to drop everything and sprint to the toilet to let the rest out. I didnt know anybody was home, otherwise ofcourse I wouldnt have left it there.

Bloody hell, why so critical people!

Also, adude, this is MY STORY!

Write your Goddamn story somewhere else!

Hey people , just your friendly shitman stopping by to wish all you wonder fecal friends a feces filled new year. I have gone exactly 4 days with out so much as one fecaling on a wall. I plan to write my life story centered around what makes some one like me tick, I know I have to keep it under 1500 words or less. I will be submiting it to the friendly webmaster here.

Have fun people and remember its the feces that binds us in this world.

To adude: Good Story but

Sticking hoses up your ass is one thing but Celine Dion? Not that theres anything wrong with that.

Why did you not go to the drug store and purchase a regular enema bag instead of using the garden hose. The garden hose has much pressure and can damage your colon. The enema syringe held up correctly uses gravity force and has less pressure when the water is entering the rectum and the colon. Also you should have done this near a toilet so you can move your bowels properly instead of making a mess in the bathtub. A conventional enema syringe has a rubber tube and a rubber bag 2 to 4 quarts and that is the proper way to take a good enema.

hahaha. i dont care if it was true or false....it entertained me and thats all that counts.

Wow. You have issues, sir!

Wow, this is disgusting!

Fake as hell. Go buy an enema, they aren't hard to find.

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Hey crew... ya'all need to lighten up on the hose users. I can tell you from many years of expert use of this garden implement that it is most irreplaceable. Always there, always ready. With a volume squeeze handle on the end of the hose,....entry of same need not even be attained. Just direct placement of it up against the backdoor is more than adequate. With light pressure against the trigger handle, a light stream will be emitted and when held against that wondermuscle, the stream will find its way home. Its best in the summer, when the sun beats down on the hose to warm the water though. But be careful, and run some of the hottest water out first... do the baby milk bottle squeeze test against the inside of your wrist for an appropriate temp. Easy to pull the hose handle away when your full....release and refire away. Have fun kids, practice makes perfect... I do recommend, many short fills and releases, over the standard big fill and hold. If you are doing this to have a clean backdoor toybox, you should be able to partake after just a few squirt&shoots. If you find later that another trip to the hose is warranted, than you dont have to haul the bag back out of the closet and spend precious time setting up just to spend more time in cleaning up all over again. Simply test the temp., press and squeeze, squirt and release a few more times, and dry off once more. Enjoy....

I use a homemade enema and I had the same reaction--as soon as I take it out (I use a reusable squeeze condimet bottle) I cannot hold, so I do this sitting on the toilet (kind of tilt to one side)
I believe this story

Thanks for the bathroom/toilet explanation. When I was a little kid, our family had the shitter in a different room than the bath, and we used the same terminology as you...in Nevada.

The enema is one of the most perverse of human inventions.

Ok, a garden hose up the is a little too far out there for me.

Wouldn't a Fleet Enema be easier, less messy, and have accomplished the same thing?
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

i know the garden hose story is true.
i have done it many times. although i do admit, the first time i didnt realize it would just run out....i figured i could hold it in, i mean, we've all held in poop before. but nonetheless, it worked.

since i am older,i had a lot of build up. i actually dropped quite a few pounds. you wont believe what comes out of you. it looked like i swallowed a baby.

my stomach is much flatter. :)