Hehehe. "This story is fake!!!" Just kidding, Doniker.
Hey man, sorry about your bung, but, I'm glad that your labors this spring (installing that pool all by your lonesome) have resulted in you having the biggest sitz bath in America!

If stepson is now a veggie, then your dilemma of disappearing food is over. Take it from a grass grazer myself, add meat to every dish you like, and it should be safe in the fridge, for a little while at least.
Second post governs!

I would not want to go swimming in there!
Good story.

First Post Rules... Bitches!

Two words, Doniker: butt sink. We know you have one in your garage. Take it out, hook it up, and bathe your ass in sweet sweet water every time the urge hits -- regardless of the weather.

According to recent studies, we've determined "The Holy Shitter" to be a troll. It's quite obvious to us that he's simply skimmed the story so he could write a vague useless response in order to achieve "First Post".

Unfortunately for him, other studies currently underway at the institute have determined that "First Post" does not rule, thus he has actually wasted his time. While we do not mean to imply that his time is valuable, perhaps he could have used it to clean the CEO's office as is his job.

Doniker, I can certainly sympathize with your hot buns, however, there may be some things you could do to "rectal"fy the situation.
1. Lose weight. Obesity causes numerous gastro-intestinal problems.
2. Kick your worthless stepson out of the house. Stress levels also cause problems for the plumbing.
3. Eat less spicy foods, you're far too weak to handle such things I'm afraid.

Until next time, may your poops be peaceful and your life be fruitful.

-Dr. Jughead

I think when you start feeling heat in your manhood, that's when you know its some hot fuckin' chili. Doniker, have you ever considered entering a chili cookoff? You could call your's something like, Doniker's Cocksmokin' Chili.

Remind me never to swim in Doniker's pool. Shit Slick!

ThreePly: was "cocksmokin'" really the metaphor you were trying for? (Is that anything like polesmokin'?)
Dr J.: Good line ("While we do not mean to imply that his time is valuable...")
Daphne: 7th post links the 6th and 8th.
Doniker: Go easy on the jalapenis peppers, bud. You have to learn not to burn.

Fudge, that was all a part of the double entendre.

Every time I go to Cracker Barrel, I see this stuff called Hot Bone Sucking Sauce. Its supposed to be a barbecue sauce, but it holds a whole other meaning to me.

Got it, ThreePly. Feel the Heat!

10th post owns. Man, your lucky your asshole didn't spout fire and burn itself off.

"Daphne: 7th post links the 6th and 8th."

For some reason, this is funny to me. Good one.

Cool, Doniker.

Now when you lose a bunch and then all of a sudden you hit a plateau and can't seem to drop anymore for a few weeks, don't get discouraged. It happens to everybody. You gotta stick with it through that plateau. It's usually the same weight at which you plateaued on the way up to your maximum weight the last time you gained. Remember hitting a weight that you maintained for a while even though you continued to overeat? Then all of a sudden you started zooming upward again to your max weight? The same thing happens on the way back down. Keep up the good work. It will extend your life.

Peace in Poundage. TH.

Man,,, Cheech & Chong did even better... "come on ice cream"

11 12 13 14 15 16 post rules.... all this is "rules" is pissing me off... all the posts rule... extra good when you talk about hemorroids or diahreah !! (misspled) hah hah hah

please dont eat poo

Dave: I understand you deleting the moron's repost of Dr. Jughead's entire post, but you could have retained the mutant's one liner saying how "cool" it is to repost. At least my "parallel universe" reply would have had SOME context...

Commode-OH! I'm so happy to see your name up here! Where the heck have you been? I'm still waiting for story number three from you.

In what parallel universe might that be true? Unless "cool" refers to absolute zero; the cessation of all atomic motion and, as a consequence, all brain activity.

Nice story Doniker, the thought of spiced colon heat spreading to the "pecker" makes me hurt, but I can sympathize.

Oh yeah ... I almost forgot:

This post is connected to that post
and that post is connected to the last post
and the next post is connected to the rest of the posts
That's what it's all about.

la dee da

Doniker said, "that night, the wife brought home takeout from Chipotle. I got three beef tacos and three chicken tacos, all with their extra hot salsa. Honestly, that salsa was hotter than my chili!"

Deeuuuuuuuuuuuuud, I thought you said you were on a diet?!?!?

"Deeuuuuuuuuuuuuud, I thought you said you were on a diet?!?!?"

This happened during the first week of August. dave sits on these stories for awhile.
I started the diet on August 24th, as of this morning I have lost 7 pounds.

I do believe Dave fell into the toilet and that's why there's no new story up yet. Someone go check on him!

24th post rules!

25 RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

26th post is FAR superior to any post, b/c it is the 26th post and no other post is the 26th post so it must rule!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, no, no....

TWENTY SEVENTH post rules ALL!!!

WHAT WAS I THINING?!

I don' know, babaloo - what was you thinnin'?

Vente y nueve post rules!!!

THIRTY ETH POST ETH.

"Commode-O-Dragon" - Now that's the best name I've seen yet. Had me laughing out loud.

Doniker, you either need to eat lots of hot stuff all of the time to keep your resistance built up or you have to go easy on the peppers. I used to have a colon and rectum of steel. But now, since my favorite local lunch spot lost the chef who made the best green chile on earth, I suffer from flaming asshole syndrome if I overdo things.

The guys from work and I used to eat at least a cup of this chile every other day. Now the place isn't worth going to. As a result, I've lost my immunity to capsaicin.

You have my most sincere sympathies on that account.

This post does not rule, I'm afraid.

Commode-Oh's name may be cool, but his stories are by far cooler.
Check out his name in the poopreport roster and read the two he submitted.
I wish HE WOULD COME BACK.................

The knuckle-dragger hasn't found you here yet, Daphne. I guess typing seven words and spelling one of them wrong was just too exhausting.

Make that six words.

why are we talking 'bout commod -oh instead of what we should be talking bout.
hey doniker my father and you should gettogether and have a seven alarm chili contest. but make sure your outside in the middle of a parking lot. my dad's chili is the stuff that causes wildfires and dragon turds.

I've used a hot tub as a poo wash once. It's the only thing to massage away the burns when they come. Didn't get a chance at my sister's house, though. Damn Hurricane Frances blew all her roofing shingles into the hot tub!

good poo

I'll will try to top myself this coming Tuesday...I have a ton of hot peppers in the garden ready for picking and 3 pounds of ground sirloin fresh from the butcher chillin in the fridge....let the chili cook off begin.

Doniker you like to live dangerously close to the edge dont you? Savor the adventure if you will. I think you ought to make some chili with a habanero pepper thrown in OR held in for at least a few minutes to make it extra hot. Now THAT POOP will definitely BURN BURN BURN BURN the ring of fire.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I have used habanero a few times in chili but in small quantities.

I once made habanero chicken wings. I swear I saw smoke rising from the toilet after that dump.
My mouth, throat, and colon were numb for days after that adventure....especially after eating the leftovers for lunch the next day.

Good stuff.

A former boss (read backwards, a Double-S.O.B.) at my restaurant was portioning sliced Jalepenos when he was hit with the 'urge to purge'. He went to the restroom and came back looking refreshed and happy.
Within minutes he had to leave the building.
We found out later that he had washed his hands after peeing, but not before!
Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I have gotten hot pepper "juice" on my genitals and in my eye.....I'll choose genitals anyday.