Old lady shit is the worse. One time I was following an old woman and she cut a 5 minute fart on me and a co worker. It was like a world record wind. The whole time she continued to talk to us in a raised voice like nothing was happening. She was a truly shameless shitter from the 1800's. BTW I was told my truck smells like farts and french fries. I swear I never eat fries in there.

funny as hell...I laughed my fucking ass off!!

I know it is a sad story ot have an old lady puking and shitting herself, but I envision the mentla picture of some "cool dude" and his stump jumpin' 4 wheeler out for a good time and trying to impress his babe just KNOWING that taking the granny was going to be trouble, somehow! I can just see the look on his face with granny shittin and puking and then the girlfriend starts in on him. Roll the eyes and "OOOhhhh MAaannnn"! Wishin he had brought his Non-Pukin Buds or even his dog instead!!

For a minute I thought I had logged onto PukeReport!

Funny Fucking Story Man! Go dig up some more funny shit!! Smelled like a buried GOAT! HArHArHAr!!!!

It sucks that you had that happend to your new truck. This is the precise reason my family has always had a "shit car". You see, the good cars have leather interior or wood grain dash and they are immaculately clean. We take them out and clean them weekly with a wash and vac supplimented by a comprehensive waxing. The oil is religiously changed.

Now the shit car goes to grocery stores, work, bad neighborhoods, it gets parked outside under a tree where the birds shit on it, we wash it when we feel like it, and we pretty much let small children and people not in our immediate family ride in it. If there is a big shit or puke accident in the shit car it will be disposed of pronto cause there is no love between man and machine.

I suggest you get a shit truck in the future. The easy answer would be not to take old folks on fun trips like off roading. However, I disagree with such a remedy cause they are people too and we will all become old people so don't throw em out and ignore that they exist. A shit car is easy to replace; an old lady's feelings are more important.

Besides, you can get rid of your pickup and get another one. You probably scored big points with your girlfriend so it wasn't a total loss.

I'm wondering what the steam cleaner folks asked you when you wanted puke and shit smell to be removed from the truck. What expression did the cleaner's face have on it? Describe in detail please.

Reminds me of when me and my trusted mexican companion Smegma were stuck on a tour bus to Branson Missouri.
The lawdogs were onto us and it seemed a good notion to slip away incognito by signing up for one of those senior citizen tours to the hillbilly graham cracker magic kingdom.
Smegma and me were prepped and medicated for a journey into the unexplored realms with some excellent blotter and a half gallon of home made absinthe. Old habits learned when we still terrorized John Wayne High made us find a seat in the back of this monster bus crammed full of animated corpses who gawked and muttered like they hadnever seen two sluts in paisley spandex before.
When the acid kicked in good and the wormwood started to twist the little roots through our cortexes we realized we were right next to the shitter.
Old people despite being slow and stuffy shit a lot. The conga line back to fill this rolling port-a-potty went on for hours while the golden agers compared notes about doody, incontinence, and other discharges. Between the foulness roiling out of the crapper, denture gas, and geriatric flatulence a palpable funk with claws and tentacles stalked the bus causing Smegma to kick out the window and begin raving about Rock Hudson's wristwatch or some such demented shit.
When the bus finally arrived at some roadside grubstop we stagger crawled to the front anxious to escape this coprophebic nightmare ride. Once inside the pecan roll palace an inspiration hit me - old people, fireworks, shit, and The Osmonds, a combination made for serious hilarity.
We maxed out two of the credit cards we had stolen from our undead cotravellers at the fireworks stand and surrepticiously packed the bus crapper with enough pyrotechnics to insure armageddon.
As the bus rolled away the seniors momentarily relieved to see us still in the parking lot were suddenly engulfed in a titanic brown wave filled with the fires of hell as our timed shit bomb blew. The bus slewed to a stop as shit smeared gerries clawed over each other to escape.
This was the most fun we had until our fabled Sumatran transvestite/US senator caper.

Hey, cars are replaceable.

I know not all of the stories on poopreport are real but of the ones i know arent real this is some great shit

scotch bonnet sphincter- That's the best (and only) shit gonzo I've ever read. Consider submitting a longer story, even if it isn't completely true.

eeeeeeeeeew!!!! how could she crap and puke at once???? dude, thats just gross!!!!

yah, I agree! You'd think she'd like, blow up or something.

Man that story brought back some bad memories in my life. Once i made a doodoo pie. One time I dookeyed so much that pipeing hot diarhea sprayed on my nuts. One time I put my hand under my anus and caught a doodoo log as it plumited towards certain doom. As I pulled my hand out of the toilet, the greasy turd-log slipped out of my hand and on to my mother's Persian Rug.

I agree with Mr. Tinsley's remark about bringing back bad memories. Once, last year I ate some foreign material that my body rejected at an alarming pace. I found myself "watering" and sicking up bile on the toilet until 5AM. I have spoken with many Vietman vets and they all agree that my experience ranks as the closest a live person has ever been to Hell. Also, one time in the weightroom, I spotted a guy who was pushing so hard that he "pancaked" all over the bench he was on. It was a devilishly stinky delight for all to see!

A classic puke-o-rama!

boring

This is the kind of story that puts people in therapy for years. I wonder how Naomi dealt with it...

Another car damaged by poo. Sad.