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 Friend Of The DevilPosted 04.14.2003 by David (34)
I was still in high school when I was living in the Big Apple, in Brooklyn. I had a friend who is now an ex-friend: this is why.
We were eating dinner at a Mexican restaurant somewhere in Manhattan, and I had ordered a Mexican chocolate. It's not what you are thinking -- there was nothing wrong with the chocolate drink itself. No, as I visited the loo at one point, my friend secretly dumped two vials of a bowel evacuant (the kind designed to empty the colon before a colonoscopy) in my drink. Of course I was not aware of this, since each of these $18 vials was chocolate flavored. We concluded dinner, and drove out to the West Side to walk along the Hudson. We walked out onto one of the piers to appreciate the view, and as we walked back my gut suddenly began to quake and quiver, and I experienced great abdominal pains. I had no idea what was wrong, but I suddenly felt quite sick -- I almost doubled over on the spot, writhing in pain. Then it got worse. My gut rumbled and I had a sudden urge to defecate on the spot. I was scared. I began to think that my digestive system had begun to collapse, and that I was going to die very quickly. I told my friend that this was a medical emergency and that I needed to get to hospital immediately. Then my worst fear materialized. I had to defecate so bad and with such unimaginable force... it put me so off guard that I wound up shitting in my shorts. My own dirty Hudson River began rolling down my legs. Stinky gooey rancid mush collected in a lake around me... right in public! I had never been so goddammed embarrassed in my entire 17 years on the planet. (For those who wish the gory details, the stuff was a light tannish-yellow in color and like the consistency of melted ice cream, or chili con carne, if you know what I mean.) I begged my friend to take me to the E.R. Then, to my total surprise, he began to laugh out loud. I asked him what the hell was so damn funny (it was a pretty serious matter to me), and he whipped out one of the empty vials. He began to divulge the details of the prank. You have no idea the rage I experienced. Of all the downright mean spirited tricks...! Needless to say, that was the end of our relationship. What a dirty, disgusting, horrible prank to pull on someone! Especially a friend! He ain't my friend no more, but his memory lives on. Today I have a chronic condition called Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I don't know whether the stress on my system had anything to do with it... but it's very possible that the effects of his horrible prank live on. That bastard. -- David Post new comment
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