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oxypowder

Go, Team, Go!

Posted 09.08.2004 by The Big Wiper (2242)
A few decades ago, back when in I was at LSU for grad school, the NCAA still allowed college sports programs to maintain athletic dorms for their teams. All the players were housed and fed in the same building so the coaches could keep an eye on them and enforce curfews when necessary. This was thought to be especially helpful in maintaining cohesion, discipline and camaraderie among the football players. This practice has since been disallowed, but during the time such facilities were extant, they produced at least one interesting anomaly in pooping behavior.

I became friends that year with one particular guy -- I'll call him Ray -- who was on the swim team. I was working with him on a special class lab project, and on one occasion I visited him in the athletic dorm. When we were through shooting the breeze, I had to take a piss, so I made my way to the bathroom on his floor -- where, I would soon discover, many of the football players lived.

I walked into a large facility with many urinals, showers and closed stalls. But there was one stall on the very end of the row that attracted my immediate attention. Taped to the door was a large posterboard inscribed in magic marker with the following sentiment: "SHIT ON THE AGGIES ALL WEEK RIGHT HERE!" A large arrow pointed to the handle on the right.

My curiosity got the better of me, and I postponed my piss long enough to inspect the stall. Inside, someone had lined the seat with one of those ass-gaskets and taped it down with these further comments scribbled on it: "DROP YOUR AGGIE, THEN FLUSH HIM AWAY!"

When I peered into the pot itself, I saw that someone had left his rather impressive Aggie to fester all by its lonesome. I decided to put him out of his misery and did the belated flushing myself.

After I'd finished pissing, I just had to go back to Ray's room to relate what I'd seen in the bathroom. He brought me up to speed.

"Yeah, the football players do that every time during game week. This week it's Texas A&M. They pick one of the stalls, and every team member on the floor is supposed to take a crap there at least once during the week. Some of them only use that particular stall until the game is played."

"Actually," he added, "some of us in the other sports join in and shit there, too. That one toilet gets a workout during football season."

For the record, LSU blew the Aggies away that weekend; but I don't think they ever knew that practically the entire team had already dumped on them for a solid (or runny) week. Little did those poor guys from College Station realize that they had already been wiped away many times over before they had even taken the field.

Guess there's strength in numbers. Particularly #2.

-- The Big Wiper

Dave (11563) -- 09.08.2004

Whoops, Fudgepump... thought you were referring to the story itself.

There is a danger to commenting on moronic comments!

fudgepump (not verified) -- 09.08.2004

above refers to post deleted by the Uberpooper

fudgepump (not verified) -- 09.08.2004

well conceived...well thought out...well executed

Tydirium (516) -- 09.08.2004

They're such tough, macho guys -- and yet they needed an ass gasket? poor football players are scared of getting butt cooties... awwwwwww

fudgepump (not verified) -- 09.08.2004

A taped-in-place ass gasket would have been a cootie condo, not a cootie interceptor. Especially after a week of hosting sweaty football player ass. Picture a locker room full of jocks all sporting bright red "athlete's ass" fungus rings.

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 09.08.2004

I won't say anything smart.

Not much of a football fan and yes, I did read the story. I read fast...

fudgepump (not verified) -- 09.08.2004

Dave; I realized that when I saw that you had deleted the brain fart (thus my disclaimer). BTW, that could also be read as me complimenting myself for the wittiness of my initial response. Wow - three for the price of one! I will try to restrain myself in the future, but some of these asshats just BEG for it!

Jack Scat (81) -- 09.08.2004

That was tame. When I saw it was about football players I was expecting a repugnant account of some degenerate ritual or some such thing. This situation failed to meet expectation, to live up to potential. Imagine going to your favourite rocker's concert and you get backstage after the show only to find him in P.J.'s, drinking Greens+ or some bullshit and getting ready for bed. I wanted to be appalled but not this way.

The Shit Pistol (29) -- 09.08.2004

Nice story

daphne (3495) -- 09.08.2004

Hey Shit Pistol, nice name. You and the Malicious Pooper need to get together and do some drive by's.

Funny story. College jocks (I was one, volleyball) are an odd bunch. I did stupid ritualistic things, like always wear the same bra and socks (but I did wash them), too, but I never went this far.

a young friend (not verified) -- 09.08.2004

Man...that poor toilet. That's a lot of use. Whew....the whole football team..plus other guys from other sports. That's demeaning torture for that that for sure.

pig (not verified) -- 09.08.2004

i like that story

Turdmatic 6000 (not verified) -- 09.08.2004

What, no urinal cakes? How can you have an excremental bashing of the enemy without putting him on a urinal cake?!

The Shit Volcano (3732) -- 09.08.2004

*groan*

Only in college!

bookworm (not verified) -- 09.08.2004

Awesome story! Although i'm not an LSU fan (VT and A&M are more my style) I really like the image of the whole team shitting on the opposing team. "The team that shits together stays together" or something corny like that, i guess :)

Someone else.... (not verified) -- 09.09.2004

great story, dont get it, but funny
(im 12)
first post of the day rules!

The Big Wiper (2242) -- 09.09.2004

Ty, the ass gasket was strictly to have something to write a message on that could be easily removed. The management frowned on marking up the actual toilet seat.

will (not verified) -- 09.10.2004

Reading more of these great posts makes me realize how much I missed!!

As usual, great story TBW!!

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 09.12.2004

Will!

Great post!!! I forgot what I was missing on the front page!!! I forgot that i could come out here and watch you shamelessly kiss TBW's Mississippi Ass!!!

LOL!!!

The Shit Volcano (3732) -- 09.12.2004

THS, You asked what you ever did to me in that e-mail? You made me sick with this kind of lame commentary!
Knock it off! No one gives a fuck!

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 09.13.2004

If you don't care about it, why respond?

The Shit Volcano (3732) -- 09.28.2004

Eh. I needed something to do.

Natalie (not verified) -- 10.05.2004

LOL! Great story!

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