Uh, nice Mom dude.

I was only a baby back in those days, and my mom was driving a Nissan Maxima, 1985 Vintage. Somehow, she was able to fix most of the screwups i did to the car.

However, the biggest screwup was the car itself, the engineers didn't do a good job of quility control, so lots of stuff screwed up, especially the A/C. That really taught me that even if it is Japan built, it isn't automatically better.

Still, I loved that thing, it was like the starship enterprise to me, having all kinds of cool ligts and instruments.

Anyway, this car didn't hold its resale value, because mom let the timing belt snap. Snapped timing belt on VG30E=Serious damage to expensive internal parts.

That really sucks

now THAT wasn't very nice on your mom's part. she made things worse on the cleanup front. *or should I say back*

Shamefullness gets you nowhere. *I think this is first post, so it rules*

This is great, spackled your ass shut? Next time caulk it before you blow dirt, then there is less to explain and the 86 merc will retain all of its after-sale value

This story feels a little by-the-numbers (of course, I'm sure it didn't feel that way sitting in your own mudpies in the back of the Merc), but vivid and entertaining nonetheless. Good imagery. I just wonder what the hell is up with parents who flip out like this? They usually only make a bad situation worse, and things like this can and DO affect kids adversely later in life, I would imagine. Thanks for sharing your trauma.

this story is awesome !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For your next family function save up a couple day's worth bathroom trips. As your mom regales family members with the story, take a huge dump, invite family members to take a look at your creation, then proclaim,"Look Mom, I took a big boy's dump. Your son is now a man." That should end all embarrassing talk.

I would have been furious if I had a kid, and they opted for their pants and my backseat instead of a gas station. Bunt under no circumstances would I start yelling about it in the flippin' driveway, much less compound the situation with a smack on the ass, that's humiliating. I Feel for ya though.

bunt=but :)

Though(provided this story is true) your mother and father's behaviour was insensitive and less than empathetic in response to your (needlessly) shameful gaffe, I would like to point out that cultural conditioning creates analagous situations to this one all too often, and, therefore, blame ought not immediately be defaulted to your ignorant parents, as they too are victims of what I call "posthuman behavioural etiquette syndrome" or PBES. PBES is a pathological side-effect of post-modernity and industrialization, which unlike other tenets of post-modernity, had its beginnings during the height of modernity, particularly in the United States. During the early 1900s, ideologies of "good manners" and "reasonable etiquette" began to shift towards increasingly unrealistic expectations of the individual to suppress (within the scope of this conversation) typical human function and needs, which include, but are certainly not restricted to, bowel function. These expectations were first, though indirectly, indicated by Freud as a means of psychoanalysis; it was unknown to him that the terminology of "anal retentive" versus "anal fixative" or alternately "anal expulsatory" would become so mainstream in years following, with general acceptance of anal retentitiveness becoming the vogue, and anal fixation frowned-upon by "modern civil society".

Anal retentitiveness is a learned trait, and wholly environmental. Children, before full development of the frontal lobe, are distinctly vulnerable to parental modelling and posthuman eminence, eventually personifying and edifying this unrealistic view of seperateness of body and mind, of id and ego, which leads to pathologies including shame of normal, everyday necessities (like defecation, sneezing, vomiting, et. al.)

Without going entirely too far beyond the scope of this post's intent, my intent was to make clear that you (along with your shame) and your parents (along with their prejudice) have been co-opted by an increasingly hardline movement to make what was once human, animal, in order to intellectually elevate culture to a new level of appropriated Narcissism and allegedly more efficient civility.

In my belief, this is in error, because while the posthumanist movement is natural and appropriate, its sanctioning of the physical necessity along with a call for heightened intellectual maturity is not necessary and not realistic. In other words, no matter how intelligent the status quo becomes, the need to shit will remain until biotechnology usurps the need.

Incedentally, I hope your mom's hand stank like your shit for days after that spiteful blow to your hindquarters.

er, "incidentally". Need an edit button...oh wait, who gives a fuck?

Yeeeeeah, Offal. The last part of your last post = My sentiments exactly.

Well, I already knew you wouldn't give a damn, I spelled all that out for the mixed lots of intellectuals out there that might want to disagree.

I wish kids would have done stuff like this on Art linkletter's show... I can just see some poor little saucer-eyed, 8 yr. old with a quarter-pounder dropping out of his shorts, watching Art say the Darndest Things!

piece,

G Ras

I don't know how ignorant this sounds, but: didn't we all know that?

"Our culture has developed to supress our natural urges like shitting"? Brilliant observation! I'm glad you brought that to light for all of us here at PoopReport with such clarity.

Of course, even the daftest suburbanite could recognize a dissociative anomaly in "acceptable" etiquette, however, my post was not to blow the whistle on an obvious tenet, but to explore possibilities of causation. Moreover, it attempted to apply said tenets (now in lieu of postulation) to the situation above, uncovering a greater understanding of the phenomenon (or problem).

I apologize if that intent was not evident.

Butt Stuffers.

About 5-6 years ago when my little brother was at the age of 4-5, he had not quite mastered the art of wiping. Instead he had a somewhat primitive way of keeping his undies skid-free. He would roll up a wad up toliet paper and somehow cram it up between his cheeks. Some call it bravery others call it being a jackass. Anyway one day I was hanging around playing my N64 on the couch (before i was aware of his stuffings)minding my own business, when my dog came downstairs looking for a scratch. As she walked her way over her ears sort fo perked up and she began sniffing around insanly untill her gaze focused upon the very couch I was sitting on. She began sniffing and sniffing and sniffing untill she jammed her head between the coushins and came back with an off-white sovineer. SHe pranced around for awhile untill she dropped it. I got up to expect it and to my shock and horror recieve a big stiff oval of mud paper. I shrieked and dropped it running upstairs to wash off the streak on my hand. Over the next few weeks more and more of these ovals appeared in strange places around the house. Behind the microwave in the toy chest under the matress. I never really acussed my brother of such a crime untill the day i caught him pulling out a fresh one. I was coming into our room looking for my other sock but only to find my brother with donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) hanging around his ankles and twisting around tuggin at something. The look on his face was priceless. Him with his hand in his ass, pants down, was too much. I almost fell over. He looked liek a deer caugth in the headlights. About 5 mintues later a ran off to tell my mom and sister that the case has been closed and what-not my sister and I came up with a name for these....stuffers. Butt Crackers. So my brother was usually the butt of the joke that evening and for the next month or so. Over all it was a none to pleasing discovery or a clean one.

That was frickin' hilarious!

As, naturally, I don't know your name, as anomity is important here, all I can say is I TOTALLY sympathise with you, as I had a simular scenario while living in Pacific Palisades at the time. I was twelve years iof age, and M stepfather had taken meout to an expensive restaurant at the Santa Ynez Inn (that no longer exists, by the way) and as we were waiting for our table, I haad a stomach ach like there was no tomorrow. I wolffed down two Roy Rogers (simular to Shirly Temples) wgen we got our table. It only got worse. being a total arse my stepdad was (as well as being a severe alcoholic) he practically forced me to eat all my dinner that I had since ordering lost my appetite.

To make this an abreviated account, when we headed home in his '63 Mercury Comet, I got sick. I shotthe cat (threw up) and then I had a bowel accident of diarrhoea right in the car! Though I was far from being silent like yourself about it, I was quite vocal and demanded that he pull over. The bloody bastard refused and told me that I was okay, and carried on. Well, the pressure and accomplying pain only grew, to when I had as well wound up letting loose in the car. I never heard the end of it fromthis creep, But it was something I most indeed could not help!

So I share your experience and you certainly have my sincere szmpathies. It was a bad move upon your mum to have treated you like you have indicated. That was terrible upon her part. (After two days of having the runny shits, I was sent too ur family physician and had been diagnosed with a severe case of food poisoning).

Re: the above entry, please be advised that as I have a European keyboard, the possibility of making errors is high. Please excuse the gross mispellings! Thanks for your understanding.
David

jeez that butt cracker story was frickin sick!! lmao i wish i coulda seen the guys face.
As for the story, i feel for you. I am also shameful.And its not as easy to be shameless as others claim, so you know. Your mom is a bitch, whacking your ass in the street, and shouting that you shit your pants?! Thats harsh.

Your Mother's a demon

"To shit or not to shit". . . . .sometimes there just isn't an option. . . . .