The A55 . . . kinda squint at it and it looks like ass . . . what a miraculous coincidence.

That was a miraculous turd also, but dude, why didn't you just let it go outside?

Browners, this was some very descriptive and amusing writing, and I enjoyed the UK perspective very much. I had two questions basically, however. 1) Why, indeed, didn't you give your turd its freedom, as AB2K has posed? and 2) How in the world did you avoid a mess? 'John Wayne in a spaghetti Western' was a great image, but I'm still trying to work out in my head the physics of your immaculate drop. Not so much the standing and walking, but the sitting.

At first, I thought you were going somewhere else with the story. I thought you were going to tell us that when you got to your destination and done your inspection, the damned thing had disappeared on you. That might have entailed the canonization of a crap!

Anyhoo, some nice new scatological terms you coined in there. And welcome to PR, chum!

Damn dude, you shat yourself, then with turd in pants finished your drive to the fiance's nan's? You're a stronger man than I. I still don't find the logic behind shitting yourself and traveling with the log nestled in your briefs. As the owner of a 5-speed pickup, I can't possibly fathom how uncomfortable shifting had to be. How you kept the smear factor down to nothing should be investigated by the late Robert Stack as a truly Unsolved Mystery.

Hi all, the reason I didn't give the freedom of the welsh valleys to my Close Encounter of The Turd Kind was it was an unexpected visitor while having a pee. It all seemed to happen in Slow motion and I was that relieved to finally have a pee that I showed no regard to what was happening to my nether regions and was powerless to stop it.

As far as the lack of mess concerned, i can only assume that it was because I had taken 2 imodium before my Sunday Lunch making my stools as solid as a rock in the words of Tina Turner (think it was her anyway) with a very dry consistency resulting in no smear factor! Also I had my briefs on and it seemed to nestle comfortably underneath my sack without being disturbed from its slumber. I'd have given anything for an automatic car that day, suffice to say the gear changes were painfully slow!

Like the others, I'm baffled as to why you didn't just dump the poop out of your tightie whities, or indeed, just poop on the ground and give yourself a wipe with the aforementioned underwear. An amusing piece of writing but I'm afraid you've confused us a bit. You didn't mention the "smell factor", which is something I'm curious about as well. Your fiance didn't smell a thing even though you had a load in your pants? Sneakiest poop ever!

Probably in hindsight I should have dumped the poop out of my undies but it's a bit like being in a car accident you lose control of the ability to think laterally. The poop bizarrely was one of those that only had a slight odour of baked beans about it. This coupled with the smell of fertilizer from the various sheep farms in Wales, the odours of which were too powerful for even my air conditioning, resulted in my load being barely detectable!

Great story Browner. Your story was truly a masterpiece in shit writing. I can't image a hot log under my scrotum while I drive a stick shift auto. You are lucky in curled under your hairy beanbag and not taken a northern turn. Also, did you continue to wear your undies because they sustained this ordeal unscathed?

Yo, Browners! You are just as amusing in your replies as you were in the story. You're a winner, and I hope you will continue to contribute to PR.

Also: your G.I. tract could prolly work wonders in Third World countries. Imagine someone whose crap only smells like baked beans. You'd be in high demand somewhere in the world. LOL!

You are a funny, funny guy!

Dang, instead of air conditioning, you should have opted for an automatic.

it hasn't been that long ago since i found PR and i haven't read all the poop stories posted here, but of the stories i have read i think this one is probably my favorite! fine literature indeed! i was wondering what you do for a living, browners, because you would make a great comedien! or even a writer of some sort. you're hilarious. thank you for the highly amusing turd tale!

Wow! That is amazing! I have never been on hte A55 motorway, but I have been on the Cessna 172 'Skyway'! As I was doing my solo flights, close to completing my requiste for a private pilot licence, in Canada, as all Cessna 152s were all rented out, I was stuck with a bigger 172 'Centurion', a single engine Cessna with a retractable undercarriage. En route from Victoria, in BC, to Seattle in the States, I had run into a rather nasty position of having to go while nearly 1200m up in the air! I wound up shitting in my pants, well, sort of, as I worked them down and got a nav-map that I didn't n eed any more and wound up pooping in them and (as I was over the Juan de Fuca Strait, or the Puget Sound) I had shat on this old map, and tossed the shitbomb out the small openable window! (I just hoped that there was no poor soul on some boat that might have intercepted this brown 'bomb' below)! It was astinky -- and stingy mess in the cab of this plane, and upon landing at Boeing Field in Seattle, I had another load coming, and had to make a mad dash to the loo at the FSS! (Flight Service Station) But unlike you, I was a stinky and soggy mess!

Great story! But it's a wonder that it was so clean. The last time I shit myself it left this brown smear all over my panties. Sort of looked like one of those ink blot tests that shrinks use.

Very well written story. I found it both amusing and heart warming. Premature Defication about made me choke I was giggling so hard. It would be my pleasure to hear more from you in the future.

Hey Dave, I think we have another great poop storyteller here; one of the best stories I have heard in a long time.
This guy belongs in a league up there with Mastercrapper and G Ras.

"There is a time when you go past the point of no returd when it comes to shitting yourself, and I had just reached it. When I tried to fart, my anus, to my complete horror, opened, smiled, and slowly unleashed a long thick firm log. Disaster: premature defecation.

It was not one of those liquid shits that travel at 100 MPH; it was more like a slow motion replay -- a slug-like log oozing out with all the time in the world to spare. I tried to deploy my emergency brakes, but the brown warning sign was flashing, indicating that the brakes weren't working and that the passengers in the turd class compartment were going to come down to earth with a bump."

That's great fucking work. Bravo.

Thanks for all your comments, starting to blush now!!! Rest assured the next time I have any pooping problems I will refer it to poopreport.

Sorry, forgot to say but in reply to nunyabizz i work in electricity and gas. I certainly pass plenty of the latter!

Franco deserved better.

Even I take huge shats before my concerts. Nice story enjoyed ver much!!

2 years ago, for christmas, i got my sister a bag of marshmallows and it had a little poem on it, it said: "you've been naughty, so heres the scoop, nothing for u, but snowman poop!"

I LOVED IT!!!! you have such a way with words.

Im from Holyhead, I know your perents dude. Im gona tell them all about this site!! by the way, next time stop at LLangefni, there's a public toilet there you arse master.

Browners. Ha ha. Good story. With an amazingly clean turd. Perhaps they were made for each other.

Why didn't you just dump your unexpected gift a-log-side the raod?

Luck was on your side to have a clean turd that day.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

Bravo Browners!! One of the best pieces of shit lit on the PR. Thank you.
Producing waste since 1967